My favorite line from analysts:

ARX713's picture
ARX713 - Certified Professional
Rank: Senior Baboon | banana points 244

Gotta love it when you ask for an analysis and this is the response, "I didn't check my work, but here you go."

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Comments (26)

Jan 21, 2019

"I closed the deal for Project [insert project name]".

Most Helpful
Jan 21, 2019

My favorite comment from incompetent associate and VP / staffer "Are you done yet" when they know exactly what you're working on and randomly changed an internal deadline of their own. Then you say "No, I am done with the first pass, but I have to tie the numbers and check" and then they tell you they'll check and throw you under the bus in front of the MD.

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Jan 21, 2019

Oh so true

Jan 22, 2019

Sneaking suspicion this is the case in question.

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Jan 23, 2019

This. "I need a back-of-the-napkin number in 5 minutes"
later that day
"why doesn't this number tie exactly to this other detailed full-length analysis?"

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Jan 21, 2019

This is so real - I can't even. Then you're told that you don't take "ownership" of your work.

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Feb 1, 2019

"Yeah, you know, super high-level, 80,000 feet, give me the forest, not the trees."

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Jan 22, 2019

I normally hate that vineyard but their 2009 vintage was quite good.

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Feb 3, 2019
Marty Bishop:

I normally hate that vineyard but their 2009 vintage was quite good.

Severely underrated comment.
That's hilarious

Jan 22, 2019

MD to Company: "There is robust demand for this bond offering, we should consider upsizing."
Me to MD: "Do you think upsizing this bond offering on the fly will impact credit rating? Maybe we should ask our ratings agency guy what he thinks."
MD to Me: STFU

We upsize bond offering.

S&P Credit Analyst: "Credit outlook negative."

Funniest
Jan 22, 2019

Jan 22, 2019

Most accurate use of this lol

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Jan 27, 2019

lmao

Jan 22, 2019
  • Sponsor stoked because dividend increases.
Jan 22, 2019

Was a public company. Was not a good look for them actually.

Jan 29, 2019

Don't disagree with this... But we don't get paid on ratings.

Jan 22, 2019

For sure, but now in all future committee the probability of new business is lower. I can assure you that we did not win even more confidence of the management team.

Jan 28, 2019

MD of muted conference call with another MD at different bank: "This guy is a f***ing idiot"

plays candy crush on phone while other MD is talking

Other MD: [end with] "What do you think about that idea?"

MD: "ugh shit" unmutes "Yeah, sounds good why don't you have your team take first stab and send us what you got" mutes [to team] "What the f*** was he talking about? I was not paying attention at all"

Other MD: "alright, sound good we'll get that to you first thing tomorrow"

Poor analysts...

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Jan 28, 2019

VP: "Why did they fire that first-year analyst in your group?"

Associate: "We could not understand why none of his columns of numbers in Excel summed correctly until they checked and realized that he was inputting the amounts as labels and apparently even simple arithmetic was beyond his abilities."

Jan 21, 2019

Omg can't believe this actually happened. Was this a BB?

Feb 1, 2019

So are you hiring?

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Feb 1, 2019

I don't understand. How do you fuck up inputting values in excel? Like he didn't know how to use it at all?

Don't beat yourself up on this, Eric. Some people like taking the long way home. Who the fuck knows?

Feb 1, 2019

guessing he was making a financial statement dynamic or something of the sort. Pretty absurd

Feb 1, 2019

"Yup, got it. I understand"

.....

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Feb 1, 2019