My Official 2020 Presidential Endorsement
I am endorsing SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS for President in 2020. Donald Trump is 73 years old, way too old to be president. Sanders will bring his youth and charisma and help turn this country around.
College should be free. Healthcare should be free. Internet should be free. Condoms should be free (the fact that you exist proves this).
We need a modern day Glass Seagull. Seagulls are disgusting and poop everywhere, just like Deutsche Bank employees. One time, when I was at the beach, a seagull stole my submarine sandwich. You can't steal my sandwich if you're made of glass can you now you dumb seagull bitch!
I think for too long, we've allowed the private equity industries to rape middle America for profit and scrap companies for parts. KKR? More like the KKK. When TOYS R US went bankrupt, Henry Kravis and Mitt Romney personally took turns sodomizing Toys R US mascot Geoffrey the Giraffe. #MeToo anyone?
We need single-payer healthcare. Who's going to pay for it? Joe!
For all of these reasons, and because Jeffrey Epstein did commit suicide, I am endorsing BERNIE SANDERS to become the 46th President of the United States