Networking - Value of networking
I understand the value of networking can't be underestimated esp. within banking. But I have found that quite often suggestions of coffee/lunch have little to do with professional relationship building, but usually mask ulterior motives.
When these offers come from more senior guys who clearly have no need whatsoever to get to know you/guys who work on your floor but you have never met or seen/guys who might have held a door open for you a month ago, as you left the building etc. it is more difficult to know how to respond.
Being outgoing, personable and friendly seems to give some guys the impression they can try their luck, yet at the same time these qualities are neccessary to survive, be likeable and get a job! On the other hand acting reserved, unwilling to get to know new colleagues etc. will give a very poor impression and won't pay off. Obviously the key is to always be professional, but when those around you are questionable-and you can't be blunt/rude (because you want a job!!) what would you do?
I'm having a hard time understanding what the question is here. What would I do if someone asked me to grab coffee or lunch? I would grab coffee or lunch.
I'm not sure what you think you have to lose or why this concerns you so much. Perhaps you could clarify?
My point was that it isn't always just an innocent coffee/lunch- I find that too frequently it will end with them asking for a mobile number/dinner/date etc. Or will be followed up with complimentary emails that are a bit too over the top and make you uncomfortable!! How do you let someone down when they have a say over whether you get hired or not..
Ah, now I understand.
I'm a guy and not currently in banking, so take this with a grain of salt, but I've seen women deal with this stuff effectively in two ways: 1) Shut it down early, fast, and confidently. Something like "You are a nice guy, but I don't like to mix business and pleasure" or more bluntly "I don't shit where I eat." If you employ this strategy, it would be bad form to be caught dating another co-worker, so keep that in mind. 2) Be a tease. Be as flirty as you want, but refuse to commit to any dates, don't give out your number, etc. If someone asks you out, say you need to check your calendar and you will get back to them. Never get back to them. Flake out on your next coffee for some trivial reason. You get the idea. Guys will still like you but they'll eventually stop trying to actually date you. This approach takes a bit more finesse/confidence.
sorry Alt ESV, but im going to have to digress from your point. unfortunately, for attractive girls in finance, whether this is banking or S&T (where this is even more pronounced) being hit on goes with the territory. i agree that your original post was weirdly vague, but based on your follow up, i definitely know what you are referring to - if you go out with an older finance guy and he pays for your drinks (or expenses them to the firm) and you're talking about things other than finance are you "networking" or are you on a quasi-date? i guess it can be construed as "networking" since your colleague is attempting to get to know you outside of the office, but it eerily resembles a date...
my advice? suck it up and get over the "ick" factor. don't feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to do, but realize that many of the most successful summer analysts frequently flirt their way into full time offers. unfortunately, it's just the way things are. i'd definitely avoid blowing any guys off/telling them you aren't interested etc. also don't mention a boyfriend (demur casually), respond to causal/light flirtation in kind and never acknowledge when a "networking" session ends up turning into a date. if the guy pushes for you to get hired because he thinks there's a chance you're going to sleep with him...the end result is that you get the job. i've seen really strong candidates for full time offers not receive offers just because they rejected a full timers overtures. be a tease, know where to draw the line and develop a strong stomach. being offended by this is fine, but don't for one minute think that you're above it/these de facto rules don't apply to you.
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