Taking a number 2 at work

Bump for the bants

When I used to work at a trading desk, I used to always go to a different floor to poop. The trading floor bathrooms were disgusting. Imagine a swamp filled with piss. There would be a guy whose full time job was to stay in the bathroom and clean the floors with a mop, because that's how much piss there was. The stalls always had toilet paper and shit that was un-flushed. It was simply horrible.

Over time, I realized the executive floors had pristine bathrooms, the stalls even had their own sinks in them, so I would poop there all the time.

Worked at Societe Generale. 

Typically the rule is 3 minutes or less. Any more than that and you can kiss top bucket goodbye

Heard Moelis got rid of their bathrooms so analysts don't even get the chance

Why? Why would you be interested in people’s poop stories?

I usually always go to a different floor (alternate, with no particular order) to take the browns to the super bowl. This particular day, I just so happened to use the restroom on our floor. I was pounding red bulls after a protein shake and oatmeal breakfast, so you can imagine I was shredding it in there ...damn near sounded like an idling rotary Mazda 767B. I usually try to cover up noises by flushing, but I decided to be bold this day. I’m opening the stall door, and the stall next to me is opening up in suicide fashion simultaneously. At that moment, I realize I’m making eye contact with my PM. He nods and I (full cringe) pretend to make a stop at the urinal on the way to sink to avoid any further interaction. I was an intern with four weeks of work under my belt at this point, so you can imagine I wanted a black hole to open up under me so I could disappear.

work at a small shop and by the time your 6 months is up, you know people by their shoes..

Take the dump in the urinal to assert your dominance. 

My last internship was my first real “stay in 1 place and work” job and I think I went to the bathroom like 6-7 times a day during work, 4-5 times to take a shit. I thought it was totally normal since that what I always did, but I started to realize my bathroom breaks were a lot more frequent and “louder” than others because I’d notice that nobody went as much as I did.

Being with a small group of people for so many hours a day made me think about this a lot. I learned a lot in my first internship, but most importantly, I learned I have IBS lmao

Had spicy noodles at 3am after weekday drinking. Woke up the next morning at 8:15 with a sore stomach and had to rush to the office for a 9am meeting. Pulled up at 8:45, destroyed a toilet, and made it on time. Never again. So if the need calls, probably a minute.

Otherwise I destroy toilets on other floors.

I go to the bathrooms near the client meeting rooms. Those are always neat. Barthrooms at our floor are disgusting. Bathrooms during intern season are even more disgusting.

this one associate at BB broke the 5 min dump rule during intense live deal. MD wasn’t even trying to reach him at the time, but heard about it and was so pissed... fired him on the spot. told him “hardos hold it in, take that shit to the minor leagues”

Was interning at a small shop a few years back..spent the weekend at a lake and must have swallowed some nasty bacterium or something, because I was shitting straight water every hour from Mon - Wed.  Luckily my seat was pretty close to the bathroom.  0/10 would recommend.

One time I had to wake up a guy on the bowl because he was missing for 30+ minutes (COO made me). He later quit. 

I would usually go to the HR floor to take my dump. Taking a dump on the same floor can risk your peers recognizing your shoes.

If there isn't a bidet, I am not dropping my package. 

I genuinely shocked you guys even recall blowing up the bathroom, isn’t that any every day thing, or am I just fucked up?

Haha after one lunch of getting lenwich or something, my stomach went haywire and I sprinted to the restroom. However, upon reaching two of the three stalls were taken and when I reached the last stall, no joke at all, it was covered in actual shit including the seat cover and floor.

Hourly aka non-exempt employees are not allowed to poop for more than 5 minutes a day. My manager noted it on my report.

Used to intern a small boutique (circa 5-6 people). For some stupid reason our office only had 1 toilet. If you saw the light on from the toilet, you knew it was occupied. However, our MD didn't understand this. At least 10 times throughout the summer he would knock on the door whilst I was trying to back one out (even though it was obvious someone was in there). Every time I would be forced to utter a nervous "occupied". By the end of the summer I was waiting till I went out and bought lunch so I could use the restaurant/café toilets in peace.