Oh.Ma.God.

MARKETS

• U.S. markets: Not terrible, but not great. Some humdrum bank earnings (read on) put a chill on investors and ended a three-day winning streak.
• IPOs: If you can believe it, there are eight on tap in the three trading days before the Easter holiday weekend.

BANKING

Goldman Sachs Earnings: 1.8 Stars

Goldman Sachs (-3.81%) reported mixed Q1 financials yesterday—profit of $2.25 billion topped expectations but fell 21% from a year ago thanks to a trading hush across Wall Street. Revenue totaled $8.81 billion, down 13% and just below forecasts.

What worked

Six months into the job, CEO David Solomon has proven to be as skilled at cutting costs as he is cutting records. Goldman’s operating expenses fell 11% YoY with help from smaller fees and a 20% cut in pay and benefits.

What didn’t work

An 18% dip in trading revenue. But the slump isn’t unique to Goldman—Citigroup’s overall trading fell 5% and JPMorgan’s 17% last quarter.

• But that may not be a fair comparison. During Q1 of last year, a resurgence of volatility meant trading desks went into overdrive—big banks have had trouble recapturing that magic in today’s even-keeled market.

Plus, Goldman (for now) lacks the major consumer banking unit that lifted JPM’s earnings, leaving it more exposed to Wall Street. It’s working on changing that by pouring money into projects like its Marcus consumer finance arm and its joint credit card with Apple.

But change can take time. Soon after taking over as CEO, Solomon promised a “front to back review” of Goldman’s businesses with an update in spring 2019.

• Well, it’s spring 2019...but we’re still waiting on the review. Solomon said investors should mark their calendars for a “comprehensive strategic update” in Q1 2020.
• When that update does happen, look for details on Goldman’s three-year turnaround plan from trading titan to all-purpose bank.

One last thing

We believe that humans landed on the moon and that the Earth is a sphere. But if there's one conspiracy theory we can get on board with, it's Goldman's creepily consistent Q1 numbers:

• Investment banking revenue: $1.8 billion.
• Fixed-income trading revenue: $1.8 billion.
• Equities trading revenue: $1.8
• Investment and lending revenue: $1.8

Freaking out yet? Just wait.

ARCHITECTURE

A Building You Can't Put a Price On

Yesterday evening, Paris’s Notre Dame Cathedral became engulfed in flames, which downed the famed building's central spire and caused its roof to collapse. The good news: Officials said the Cathedral was saved from "total destruction."

This is a devastating hit for Paris, which has revered Notre Dame as a symbol of the city for more than 800 years. Over 12 million people visit the Cathedral annually, nearly doubling the traffic at the Eiffel Tower and earning Notre Dame the title of Paris’s most-visited monument.

Perhaps French author Victor Hugo (who wrote The Hunchback of Notre-Dame and Les Misérables) best encapsulated Notre Dame’s splendor: “...There are surely few such wonderful pages in the book of Architecture as the façades of the Cathedral.”

RETAIL

It's Barry's Best Buy Now

Not a bad way to celebrate your birthday week, Corie Barry. She’ll take charge of Best Buy (-0.45%) in June and in doing so make history: Not only will she become one of the few female CEOs leading S&P 500 companies, she'll also become one of the youngest...period.

Her bday wish? If we had to guess, it’d be to continue the momentum of outgoing CEO Hubert Joly. He's implemented a no-frills turnaround to keep Best Buy alive and thriving despite all threats of a retail apocalypse. Barry, who's celebrating the big 4-4 this week, has been at Best Buy since 1999...so she knows a thing or two about adapting to changing tech trends.

While it’s no Clay Aiken-level career pivot, Barry’s path to CEO is unique, Bloomberg points out. She’ll be promoted to CEO from her current position as finance chief.

• Only about 7% of CEOs come directly from the CFO post, per Crist Kolder data.
• Roughly 75% of CEOs come instead from general management positions (like COO or division president).

Female finance chiefs are watching Barry’s promotion closely. The number of women CFOs among S&P 500 and Fortune 500 companies last year rose to an all-time high of...84.

TECH

For Jack Ma, You’re Either Working Hard...or Just Not Working

When it comes to work-life balance, Alibaba cofounder Jack Ma doesn’t think you should leave your work at the office. Actually, he thinks you should rarely leave the office at all.

In a Sunday blog post, Ma (China’s richest man) reiterated his support for 996, the grueling work schedule infamously used in China’s tech scene: 9am to 9pm, 6 days a week.

• Ma wrote, “I personally think that 996 is a huge blessing...how do you achieve the success you want without paying extra effort and time?”
• If you don’t want to work 12-hour days, don’t waste your time applying to Alibaba. “We don't lack those who work eight hours comfortably,” he said.

Zoom out: Ma’s a popular guy, but this isn’t his most popular take. China’s tech sector has blown up in recent decades thanks to entrepreneurs like him, but there’s growing backlash against the unrelenting pace of work and its effects on mental and physical health.

MEDIA

We Were All Couch Potatoes Sunday

You could use that permanent indentation on your couch as evidence of TV’s historic Sunday. Or you could look at the data.

Game of Thrones

HBO said a record 17.4 million viewers tuned in to the Season 8 premiere across all platforms Sunday night (HBO NOW, HBOGO, and linear). HBO NOW’s stats are especially impressive: The direct-to-consumer service had 50% more viewers relative to the Season 7 finale and 97% more compared to the Season 7 premiere.

The Masters

When Tiger Woods wins, CBS wins. It said the 2019 Masters was its highest-rated morning golf broadcast in 34 years...but that “morning” is key. CBS probably lost some viewers because the tournament was pushed to the AM to avoid bad weather. We can’t all be like Tiger and get up at 3:45am.

So how much does Tiger boost ratings? Based on a FiveThirtyEight analysis, high finishes by Woods and other legendary golfer Jack Nicklaus were the “only variables” that had a statistically significant effect on Sunday ratings.

WHAT ELSE IS BREWING

• AT&T (+0.12% after hours) is selling its 9.5% stake in Hulu back to the streamer for $1.43 billion—valuing Hulu at $15 billion.
• Martin Winterkorn, the former head of VW, has been charged with fraud by German prosecutors over the company’s diesel emissions scandal.
• SpaceX is raising another $500 million, reports the WSJ.
• Microsoft (+0.08%) announced plans to overhaul its HR policies. Never underestimate the power of an email thread about workers being mistreated.
• Waste Management (+2.43%) will buy Advanced Disposal Services (+17.87%) for $3 billion in cash. It’s
• WM’s largest-ever acquisition, not counting the day after Tanner’s post-prom party.
• American Airlines (-2.71%) is cooking up extra flight simulator training for pilots flying the Boeing 737 Max plane, per officials.

BREAKROOM

Reader Trivia
Patrick from Langhorne, PA, thinks he can stump you with this one: What is the longest word in the English language that only uses one vowel one time?

Breakroom Answers