Hi guys,
I have compiled a quick email, just wanted to see what you think. I want to really keep it short and sweet.
Please be rude as possible with your critique.
Hi XXX,
I hope you are keeping well today.
My name is XXX, I’m a XXX at XXX and a recent graduate with a Master’s degree in Finance.
I understand you are busy, I will get straight to the point. Your M&A experience in XXX and XXX really impressed me, I would really like to follow a similar path.
I would appreciate if I could take 5 minutes of your time to discuss your work experience and get some insight into the TMT sector.
Kind regards,
XXX
It sounds alarmingly generic..
I don't care to impress you or even want to hear that, nor do I need you to tell me what I do for a living.
Sorry to blow up a bit on your particular post, you're 1 of about 50 of these in the last few months and they're all the same. This cold template has to go... it oozes of robotic, non-interesting personality and borderline makes us recipients cringe. I know I'm not the only one.
Is it so hard to write an email that sounds like a natural conversation? I'll always hop on the phone or get coffee with someone who plays it casual, with an honest ask and none of this "impress" BS. Give it a shot and see your results.
Keep/modify: "I would appreciate 5 minutes of your time to learn about your work experience and get your insight into the TMT sector", that's it, rework everything else. No I don't have suggestions because you should be tailoring each one, no more copy pasting.
Appreciate your honest response. I feel It is never easy writing a cold email because there are just so many factors to consider when composing it.
The truth is, it is very difficult to judge if someone on the other end prefers a natural, informal style of conversation or the more formal and direct approach.
Back to the drawing board!.....again
Short, concise, non-template'ish with a little personality is the formula.
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