Please critique my cold email

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Hi guys,

I'm a freshman at a non-target currently interning at PWM. However, it is extremely unfulfilling as all I do is cold call so now I am trying to obtain a new internship for this summer. I'm targeting investment banking boutiques and hedge funds. Below is what I include in my email.

Hello Mr/ Mrs. ...

I hope all is well.

My name is (name) and I am currently a first year student at (non target) studying finance. I am seeking an Investment Banking internship for this summer and would like to speak to you about any opportunities (insert boutique) may have. Do you have time for a quick call this week?

For more context on my background, I have attached my resume below.

Thank you for your time and I hope to speak to you soon.

I try to get straight to the point when sending my emails because they probably know I want something. Would appreciate any constructive criticism.

Thanks!

Comments (10)

 
Mar 5, 2018 - 4:37pm

Add a sentence about how you received their contact info and some kind of personal touch for why they may be especially helpful (i.e. alumni, also from a non-target, also came from PWM etc.). If you can find any kind of similarities/connections people are much more responsive. I would also give them more than a week to have a call. Best of luck.

 
Best Response
Mar 5, 2018 - 5:00pm

Mr./Mrs. is overly formal - go ahead and use the person's first name in the email (regardless of seniority). I would also recommend asking for their availability "in the next week or two" instead of requesting a call "this week." While I think your directness is generally a good thing, I would soften it a bit by saying that you're interested in speaking about their experience as well as any potential internship opportunities at their firm.

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