I would remove the objective section, I don't think it adds much. Also you need to be more specific on what you achieved, e.g. 'participated in commodity, options and foreign exchange currencytrading'. How much did you trade, give a specific range of figure if it is impressive, to take this further, if you 'participated' did you gain an understanding of how to price options? If you go through each of your points and add a tangible accomplishment I think it will be a massive improvement.
As for quantifying the internships - it is not something that I can do in an impressive fashion. We traded a a mil here, a mil there (in Euros). Eastern Europe isn't exactly the hub of finance/markets.
How's the formatting ? I'm pretty sure that I used the format in a Lehman Bros booklet that I got somewhere. Bigger font & smaller margins to better fill out the white space?
Remove the objective section, don't include your ACT score.
I personally am not a fan of your formatting either. If I were you I'd redo the entire thing and make sure to add in results that were achieved from your work.
The internship still needs to be quantified, also just to check, you have written 'participated in... trading', does that mean you traded or what? From my perspective that implies you were trading yourself, is this correct? If so even a small figure would be impressive as an intern, as an alternative you could refer to the returns you generated etc. If you weren't actually trading then I would change participated (I would change it anyway, it is very passive, not proactive and you don't wan't it on your CV). I would go with something more like this:
Traded over $500,000 ( Insert Options, Forex etc. as appropriate) based on technical analysis generating an ROI of 5%.
or
Generated an ROI of 6% trading options based on technical analysis.
Without doubt the objective needs to go, people know what type of position you are seeking, people know you are entry level and they know you want 'practical knowledge, real world experience and opportunities for personal and professional growth', it is generic drivel that doesn't add anything.
It has been mentioned but each point should have a tangible where possible, it is okay if you don't know exactly, you can be creative as long as you don't put anything stupidly exaggerated. The tangible should be where you have added value, so on the Forex for instance, the positions were worth 2m whether you did the analysis or not so this isnt the tangible you need to quantify the value you added.
Other points:
Created a model for identifying Florida prospects... Give me a number of firms that you targeted and your pitching lead to business or potential business, if you don't know make something up, 3 or 4 should be reasonable. The other two points are okay aside from participated (I mention this below).
Sofia Job:
Bring the trading to the top, I would say this is possibly the most impressive although it depends if you are going for IBD or trading. I don't like what you have added, it is more vagueness. Invent an ROI, be conservative, does the fund have a publicly declared CAGR that you can say you contributed to, if not just guestimate. Get rid of participated, it is a horrible passive word, remember you are trying to show that you are proactive, just participating isn't enough. You also have participate in the first job entry, get rid of it there too. The FOREX ive already mentioned, what TA did you do? give me some specifics, who did you present it to? it needs to be more along the lines of:
Conducted Average Directional Index technical analysis on $2m Forex positions, presented findings to VP European Currencies which contributed toward an increase in the ROI of c. 4%.
Be conservative with the numbers and use real ones if you can remember.
Marketing and PR
Get rid of utilized, it is a horrible word once again. The action word in this point should be developed.
LOL, that's what I get for following a guide from a company that went under (Lehman Bros). Most of the stuff that's been listed as inadequate would have been deemed fine by the booklet that I used.
revision looks better but you still need to get rid of the objective. Also, I'd focus on putting more results for your primary (most recent internship). Also, if you're going looking to get into i banking get rid of skills relating to Microsoft office, word, excel, ppt, etc. that is a prerequisite to any type of position in finance and it is assumed you know the basics.
"• Performed economic, industry, and firm-specific research and analysis to created a portfolio consisting of 6 equities, 6 bonds, and 6 mutual funds in order to produce a profitable portfolio
• Quantified individual security and portfolio results through the use of benchmarks, and Excel graphs and tables
• Realized a net weighted average return of 4.84% over a 10 week holding period, equaling a total dollar return $49,113.20 over $1 M initial investment; the S&P 500 Index benchmark achieved a 3.09% return over the same period"
I like this (above) that you have written a lot better in style to the other job points, and yes the weather is shite.
What were the brochures targeted towards? Results of campaign?
No dates for your project? Was this for a class?
GPA - Deleted minor/major gpa, but I figured that it would be beneficial since it is closer to 3.5
Provost's Roll - changed
Relevant course work - I'm a finance major... What would be appropriate for this course? All finance, econ, accounting classes? Just "advanced" finance/econ classes that not all students in the major have to take?
Created model to identify - changed
over 900 - changed
the use of - deleted
sole representative- I was the only one seeking out and keeping in touch with prospects in Florida.
"gain experience" - you're saying that everything after this should be deleted?
ROI - fixed
Results of campaign - unknown. my responsibilities with that organization after the campaign.
Project - Yes, it was a project for a class. I left the dates out for the sake of saving space, and because I have it mentioned that it was over a 10 week period in the description.
Thanks for taking the time to make these suggestions.
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Don't be lame, leave out high school.
Put personal interest...
I would remove the objective section, I don't think it adds much. Also you need to be more specific on what you achieved, e.g. 'participated in commodity, options and foreign exchange currency trading'. How much did you trade, give a specific range of figure if it is impressive, to take this further, if you 'participated' did you gain an understanding of how to price options? If you go through each of your points and add a tangible accomplishment I think it will be a massive improvement.
Do not include your act score. Not sure I'd include anything below a 34.
Thanks for the feedback, please keep it coming.
As for quantifying the internships - it is not something that I can do in an impressive fashion. We traded a a mil here, a mil there (in Euros). Eastern Europe isn't exactly the hub of finance/markets.
How's the formatting ? I'm pretty sure that I used the format in a Lehman Bros booklet that I got somewhere. Bigger font & smaller margins to better fill out the white space?
Remove the objective section, don't include your ACT score.
I personally am not a fan of your formatting either. If I were you I'd redo the entire thing and make sure to add in results that were achieved from your work.
And make sure to submit it in PDF format.
In that case, which address would I be better off using - local campus or permanent home address?
Ditto on PDF.
Thanks.
It's not all that important, I'd just use the one where you receive your mail.
The internship still needs to be quantified, also just to check, you have written 'participated in... trading', does that mean you traded or what? From my perspective that implies you were trading yourself, is this correct? If so even a small figure would be impressive as an intern, as an alternative you could refer to the returns you generated etc. If you weren't actually trading then I would change participated (I would change it anyway, it is very passive, not proactive and you don't wan't it on your CV). I would go with something more like this:
Traded over $500,000 ( Insert Options, Forex etc. as appropriate) based on technical analysis generating an ROI of 5%.
or
Generated an ROI of 6% trading options based on technical analysis.
...
Without doubt the objective needs to go, people know what type of position you are seeking, people know you are entry level and they know you want 'practical knowledge, real world experience and opportunities for personal and professional growth', it is generic drivel that doesn't add anything.
It has been mentioned but each point should have a tangible where possible, it is okay if you don't know exactly, you can be creative as long as you don't put anything stupidly exaggerated. The tangible should be where you have added value, so on the Forex for instance, the positions were worth 2m whether you did the analysis or not so this isnt the tangible you need to quantify the value you added.
Other points:
Created a model for identifying Florida prospects... Give me a number of firms that you targeted and your pitching lead to business or potential business, if you don't know make something up, 3 or 4 should be reasonable. The other two points are okay aside from participated (I mention this below).
Sofia Job:
Bring the trading to the top, I would say this is possibly the most impressive although it depends if you are going for IBD or trading. I don't like what you have added, it is more vagueness. Invent an ROI, be conservative, does the fund have a publicly declared CAGR that you can say you contributed to, if not just guestimate. Get rid of participated, it is a horrible passive word, remember you are trying to show that you are proactive, just participating isn't enough. You also have participate in the first job entry, get rid of it there too. The FOREX ive already mentioned, what TA did you do? give me some specifics, who did you present it to? it needs to be more along the lines of:
Conducted Average Directional Index technical analysis on $2m Forex positions, presented findings to VP European Currencies which contributed toward an increase in the ROI of c. 4%.
Be conservative with the numbers and use real ones if you can remember.
Marketing and PR
Get rid of utilized, it is a horrible word once again. The action word in this point should be developed.
Good luck.
LOL, that's what I get for following a guide from a company that went under (Lehman Bros). Most of the stuff that's been listed as inadequate would have been deemed fine by the booklet that I used.
Don't worry about it, it takes a few goes to get it right.
Also bear in mind those comments are just my opinion, others may disagree. (Also I am in the UK, so we may do things a little different over here)
When you have a final version re-upload and I will be happy to review.
revision looks better but you still need to get rid of the objective. Also, I'd focus on putting more results for your primary (most recent internship). Also, if you're going looking to get into i banking get rid of skills relating to Microsoft office, word, excel, ppt, etc. that is a prerequisite to any type of position in finance and it is assumed you know the basics.
...
"• Performed economic, industry, and firm-specific research and analysis to created a portfolio consisting of 6 equities, 6 bonds, and 6 mutual funds in order to produce a profitable portfolio • Quantified individual security and portfolio results through the use of benchmarks, and Excel graphs and tables • Realized a net weighted average return of 4.84% over a 10 week holding period, equaling a total dollar return $49,113.20 over $1 M initial investment; the S&P 500 Index benchmark achieved a 3.09% return over the same period"
I like this (above) that you have written a lot better in style to the other job points, and yes the weather is shite.
...
looks much better than the original, I personally like the one w/o project.
Going off your most recent version:
Change "Graduation in" to "Expected"
I don't know why you have your Major GPA on your resume if it's .1 higher.
I'd take out "The" before Provost's
Relevant Coursework?
"Created a model to identify"
Change "over 900" to "more than 900"
Take "the use of" out
What does you being the sole representative mean? What does that entail?
Everything after "gain experience" in your Bulgaria bullet #1 should be off.
May just be razume but looks like you have an extra space in bullet #2 between provided and knowledge.
"resulting in average ROI of"
What were the brochures targeted towards? Results of campaign?
No dates for your project? Was this for a class?
GPA - Deleted minor/major gpa, but I figured that it would be beneficial since it is closer to 3.5 Provost's Roll - changed Relevant course work - I'm a finance major... What would be appropriate for this course? All finance, econ, accounting classes? Just "advanced" finance/econ classes that not all students in the major have to take? Created model to identify - changed over 900 - changed the use of - deleted sole representative- I was the only one seeking out and keeping in touch with prospects in Florida. "gain experience" - you're saying that everything after this should be deleted? ROI - fixed Results of campaign - unknown. my responsibilities with that organization after the campaign. Project - Yes, it was a project for a class. I left the dates out for the sake of saving space, and because I have it mentioned that it was over a 10 week period in the description.
Thanks for taking the time to make these suggestions.
Go with bigger font but shrink the margins a bit
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