RIP my cold email apart


Hello ____, 

Greetings! My name is _____ and I found your contact information on LinkedIn, I am a finance sophomore at (non-target university) and will be interning at (MM bank) this summer in their IBD. Seeing you also went to a non-core school, I was hoping we could set up a time to speak briefly about your job, and experience at ____. I know you must be very busy, so I appreciate any time you can spare. Thank you in advance, and I hope to hear from you soon.


Sincerely,

(name)

(number)

 
Most Helpful

Remove the “Greetings!” Makes you seem weird. Do you have anything in common with these people besides going to a non core school? Because that’s the lamest reason ever and that gives nothing to build a conversation. Are you from the same state? Go to school in the same state? From the south?  Part of the same frat? Both attend/attended women’s colleges? Both worked at Walmart in high school? Interested in the same things/have similar hobbies? Both intern at said mm? You gotta find something better than “non-core” because that’s the weakest connection and your response rate is going to be incredibly low.

 
Funniest

As the poster above said, starting your email with "Hey!! You went to a shitty school too?!" is not the best approach

 

lol agree with above comments need to build off something

 

Absolutely drop the non-core school part of the email and also get that vocabulary and concept out of your head. Do not discuss it with people who have been working, it doesn’t matter to them. 

 

Fair enough but don't you think that somebody from a non-target is more inclined to help out another non-target kid?

 

Remove the belief that non targets are going to help you out. Some non targets are gatekeepers that only take calls from their finance club. 

Stick to the fundamentals - similarities in being a student athlete, being from the same city/state/suburb, interned at the similar boutique bank, won the same stock pitch competitions, joined the same business frat, president of a finance/energy/tech/credit/debate club, created a club to focus on specific industries and the list goes on. Emailing a rando that just happens to go to a non target who made it to banking is not enough, you have to be creative in your approach to win the guy or girl over. 

 
  1. To reiterate, no "greetings" or "non core school". Don't bring that up ever.

  2. Suggest a few times/your availability to facilitate times to speak. If someone hits me up and doesn't have times they want to talk, it's difficult and takes my time away if I'm interested in setting up a convo. Tell them these are the times I'm free to call and list your availability for the week

  3. Attach your resume.

 

Thank you! If I have nothing in common with them do I just write 

Hello ____, 

My name is _____ and I found your contact information on LinkedIn, I am a finance sophomore at (non-target university) and will be interning at (MM bank) this summer in their IBD.  I was hoping we could set up a time to speak briefly about your job, and experience at ____. I'm available Monday-Friday anytime after 2 pm.  I know you must be very busy, so I appreciate any time you can spare. Thank you in advance, and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

(name)

(number)

(Resume Attached)

 

Yeah that's a lot better, being brief like that is best imo

 

Why aren't you available on weekends? Why aren't you available at any time? You're the one asking randomly for time from someone not the other way around

You don't state what you want to talk with them about? Landing an offer? Moving to their firm/team/whatever? General tips? How to best live that models and bottles life virtually?

No offense but I wouldn't answer to your current version personally

 

Non-target guys can be very sensitive and embarrassed about the college they attended so be careful about mentioning it

 

1st year here from a non-target so I feel like I can give some solid advice here.

1. No "greetings", glad you got rid of that in your new version above.

2. Ignore the comment of "Why aren't you available anytime?" because you need to give some concrete times because you are a human with a life and won't actually be available anytime and giving a set of times you are available looks organized and avoids you having to come back saying you aren't available at a time if you just let them choose one out of the blue. No one wants to take networking calls on the weekends. I find 2pm-5pm Tuesday-Thursday are when I prefer to take these calls. 

3. Glad you also removed the non-target part. I agree that non-targets tend to help non-targets more but I wouldn't use that as your connection. You can mention on the phone that you're from one and want to figure out how to best get acclimated with your peers and up to speed as those at targets but don't mention that the banker is from a non-target, there are fragile egos. 

4. Since you are interning this coming summer, I would use something more than "I want to hear about your experience at xyz". Get a bit more specific as mentioned above. Ask about industry focus if you share industry groups (although at MM you may be generalist), ask about what makes an intern successful, ask how you can best prepare yourself etc. I would even just get a bit more specific and say "I would love to hear about the job and how interns have been successful in your experience at xyz". 

 

Thank you so much for 4) should I write that on the email or is that more of a talking point on the phone?

 

If the former something like this?

Hello ____, 

My name is _____ and I found your contact information on LinkedIn, I am a finance sophomore at (non-target university) and will be interning at (MM bank) this summer in their IBD.  I was hoping we could set up a time to speak briefly about your job, experience at ____ and what makes interns successful at your firm. I'm available Monday-Friday anytime after 2 pm.  I know you must be very busy, so I appreciate any time you can spare. Thank you in advance, and I hope to hear from you soon.

 

I think this looks good. A few tweaks - I would even make your time frame narrower, give them a real chance to pick a time that you pre-state. Say "Between 2pm and 5pm" or something like that and pick a block that you know you will be free. I like that you mentioned the intern success thing in the email so they know what to expect when you speak. Only other thing I would say is specify what group you'll be in if it isn't generalist but if it's generalist just say "and will be a summer analyst at "MM Bank" this summer". Other than that I think it looks good, good luck!

 

Get rid of all of the non-target/non-core drama. Say where you went and assuming you are networking with someone else from that school, you don't need to contextualize anything. 

If you are one of those guys that thinks just because he went to a state school he should get responses from another guy that went to a state school, that's stupid. Find a better angle.

 

Break this thing up into smaller paragraphs. I realize it's a five second read, but I'm way more likely to scan two half-paragraphs than one wall of text. I liked to do it this way-

1. Introduce yourself, and note what you have in common. (Other notes: no need to say how you found them unless u had an intro. Most of us have done the creepy LinkedIn / cold-email routine and I personally would prefer to gloss over how you found me.)

2. Hint at the quantum of your ask. Are you asking to chat about their experience overall, or is there a specific posting you have in mind? (None of this "speak briefly about your job" -- obviously that's why you're reaching out. Keep it vague -- I like "ask you a few questions about your experience" instead.)

Keep it short, keep it sweet. You've got a lot of overly wordy text there. "I was hoping we could set up a time to speak briefly about your job, and your experience at ___" can be "I was hoping you had five minutes sometime to answer a few questions". As that guy who makes the chili from the Office says -- "Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick".

Big4 Audit --> TMT L/S
 

Thank you! My ask is regarding SA 2022, how would you phrase that?

 

God I fucking hate these emails from randos that I have nothing in common with.

If you’re going to cold email ppl, at least find an angle to exploit. Otherwise, unless you’re a hot chick, you’re going to get no replies.

 

Ding ding ding... correct answer. Y'all need to miss me with that cookie cutter bull.

If you can't bother to take 10 minutes to research and personalize your email to something that is interesting/relevant for me, you're not going to make it far in this industry.

I know most of you have zero sales ability. Take my advice and learn it ASAP. This is a relationship driven business; better start learning how to sell.

 

Ding ding ding... correct answer. Y'all need to miss me with that cookie cutter bull.

If you can't bother to take 10 minutes to research and personalize your email to something that is interesting/relevant for me, you're not going to make it far in this industry.

I know most of you have zero sales ability. Take my advice and learn it ASAP. This is a relationship driven business; better start learning how to sell.

Yeah, I dont even know why the above ppl are even replying.

PLS FIX THX.

 

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