Shittiest time of my life, here to vent

As titled,

Lost my job due to COVID-19 back in May. Tried so hard to land another offer at a different firm, literally fought tooth and nail to have a different job. Now the new firm went into liquidation and I was made redudant again. 

Plus, girlfriend of two years just left me. And dated another guy immediately, flaunting her new love all over the social media. I was even thinking about the ring a couple a months ago. 

Tried so hard to go off meds since 2016 (I suffered depression then), but my mental illness seems to creep back up right now.

Also my glaucoma (a disease in which it will deteriorate your vision, could potentially make you go blind) seems like getting worse as well, eyesight ain't improving at all. 

I'm tired. 

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Comments (60)

Most Helpful
  • Intern in PE - Other
Jan 31, 2021 - 4:36am

We are with you brother. Life is hard and it is legitimate to cry sometimes. Try to go and enjoy little things in life, and keep fighting. Regarding your girlfriend, it was surely not meant to be and for sure she didn't deserve you. It is now time to reset yourself, take a deep breath and enter the ring again. 💪. Courage!

Jan 31, 2021 - 12:42pm

Yes, intentional crying can be of help. I recommend going to a high location that is relatively deserted and scream crying. Nothing like a good scream cry. 😁😭

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 4
Jan 31, 2021 - 7:41am

pick up old or new hobbies

make sure music is with you when you need it

exercise

keep in touch with family and friends

and Don't give up.

the next job and the next gf is out there, you'll be fine!

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  1-800-273-8255

  • 6
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  • Incoming Analyst in IB - Cov
Jan 31, 2021 - 7:12pm

Went to the batting cage to take a few swings and was probably the most refreshing thing I've done in months 

Jan 31, 2021 - 8:46am

Get off social media, spend time with friends, focus on re-organizing your life, starting with the job. Life is a fight, filled with tough moments like this.

Never discuss with idiots, first they drag you at their level, then they beat you with experience.

  • 2
  • Intern in S&T - FI
Feb 1, 2021 - 4:39am

the mental health gains will more than make up for the couple social events etc you will miss.. also the real ones will always contact you by phone/message

  • Analyst 3+ in PE - Other
Jan 31, 2021 - 10:40am

If you were in the SE I'd offer you a courtesy bump and a finger of whiskey. It's fucking rough out there man, and I'm sorry you're having such a rough go of it. Hang in there.

Jan 31, 2021 - 12:45pm

Associate 1 in AM - Other

As titled,

Lost my job due to COVID-19 back in May. Tried so hard to land another offer at a different firm, literally fought tooth and nail to have a different job. Now the new firm went into liquidation and I was made redudant again. 

Plus, girlfriend of two years just left me. And dated another guy immediately, flaunting her new love all over the social media. I was even thinking about the ring a couple a months ago. 

Tried so hard to go off meds since 2016 (I suffered depression then), but my mental illness seems to creep back up right now.

Also my glaucoma (a disease in which it will deteriorate your vision, could potentially make you go blind) seems like getting worse as well, eyesight ain't improving at all. 

I'm tired. 

Maybe get into THC ✨✨🥂 😏

Also, see a psychiatrist and get some meds and therapy.

Get in some good workouts - in fact see how hard you can push yourself.

Also, start a routine of working out eating healthy and applying to places - you'll get there. Good luck.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 5
  • Analyst 3+ in PE - Other
Jan 31, 2021 - 1:00pm

I'm a big THC guy and even I still wouldn't recommend trying it out to start as a way to deal with depression. Just seems like a bad habit to start forming regardless of the circumstances. Working out is definitely a great way to go, endorphins get you going. 

Jan 31, 2021 - 1:14pm

Yeah I mean everyone is different and it's not legal everywhere. It helps me with depression/anxiety. I talk to my psychiatrist about its use - he says it's fine for me, but his biggest concern is my caffeine use as I go through a ton each day so scaling back a little on the caffeine.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Jan 31, 2021 - 1:17pm

Also, you could check out CBDs - they might chill you out a little bit. Although I've found the effect to be very light.

https://www.lazarusnaturals.com/products/tinctures/classic-cbd-tincture…

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • Analyst 1 in AM - Equities
Jan 31, 2021 - 1:37pm

man chill...I just spent 10 months growing out my hair to get the federer look - went to a salon and the bitch just chopped my hair short as fuck...happened so fast couldn't make it stop :(

Jan 31, 2021 - 1:41pm

oh no, oh no, oh no no no no no

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Jan 31, 2021 - 1:45pm

meditation can be very helpful. Sam Harris has a great app, and The Mind Illuminated is an incredible book on building the skills to make you a great meditator (although you could say some of the book is "out there". just keep moving forward and try to not focus on things that are out of control and get you down (meditation gives you the skills to do this, easier said than done though obviously)

  • Intern in IB-M&A
Jan 31, 2021 - 2:06pm

Second this. Sam has set up a great program with different meditation styles for beginners and intermediates that helps in all situations. It has definitely helped me reduce stress and anxiety and see the world more holistically.

Feb 1, 2021 - 9:47pm

I'd also recommend Jordan Peterson. 

This is not a financial advice

“The markets can remain irrational longer than you can remain solvent."

  • 1
Jan 31, 2021 - 1:56pm

Hang in there man. Things will get better and you will come out stronger after all is done. Life has a very funny way of working, sometimes shitty things have to happen before the good ones can come. You aren't alone, feel free to pm if you want to just rant or anything. Hopefully someone from the forum can assist you in your job search.

Jan 31, 2021 - 2:11pm

You got this bro! Power through it, one day at a time champ. It's also winter - usually colder and darker which can be tough. One thing that's gotten me through seasonal depression has been plenty of exercise and outdoor time. Trail running and running in general has been great for my mental health during the winter. Also I recommend more time with family/friends and keeping a journal. Overpower overcome.

  • 2
  • Intern in IB-M&A
Jan 31, 2021 - 2:16pm

We are with you buddy. As someone else said Sam Harris has a great meditation app called Waking Up that you can request a free membership for if you're financially tight right now. What has helped me especially when I was in a bad place was reading stoic philosophy and meditating. An easy introduction is "A Guide to the Good Life" by William Irvine since it's current and gives specific practical suggestions for everyday life. Stoicism is not for everyone but it could help you especially in your current situation to get back up.

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Jan 31, 2021 - 2:39pm

As others have pointed out, working out and meditating and getting better at hobbies you enjoy is incredibly therapeutic and will make you feel and look better. It's ok to chill as well, just grab some drinks with your friends and listen to some music. Keep your head up man I hope you feel better soon.

Jan 31, 2021 - 3:55pm

Brutal. Sorry to hear that. It's okay to cry, especially under your extenuating circumstances. 

Things that I have done whenever I am depressed: 

1) start working out again. Any kind of excercise, it could even be trying to do 100 pushups if you are overweight. Will instantly lift your spirits. 

2) Reach out to friends. If you don't have any, pick-up a hobby and bond with people from doing that. 

3) pick-up a hobby. I learned the Piano after my brother picked up the violin. Long-term, totally worth the investment, but if you don't think you'll have the time, learn guitar. You will find fulfillment from these if you are having a bad-day. I promise you that. 

4) Start meditating. This is one that I can't really nail down consistently, but when I have, it has been beneficial for my mental health. 

5) eat healthy, get enough sleep. 

None of these things are going to cure your totally legitimate depression. However, I think if you integrate a combination of these, your mental health will improve substantially, and you will be more able to take on the world. 

Keep your chin up king. 

Jan 31, 2021 - 6:28pm

Hang in there bruh, as those are temporary setbacks.  I did not realize Glaucoma could affect younger people.  

  • 1
Jan 31, 2021 - 6:44pm

Sorry to hear this, man. Good on you for trying to reach out. Sometimes the best thing to do is to let others know that you're struggling so you don't feel alone. Time is legit your best antidote. Until then, internalize these feelings you have, let it take you over and at some point, these feelings will start dissipating. It's best not to fight it or suppress how you feel as those feelings will come around much more agitated. Also, if you have a really close friend or family member, reach out to them - you're important to someone.

Jan 31, 2021 - 6:52pm

I was thinking about this post and just wanted to reach out and let you know i've been through the depths of despair and struggled with depression and anxiety and more. I deal with it fairly well and I am pretty much my psychiatrist's star patient. I know how to cope with life, but unfortunately everyone doesn't. 

Right now I just got hit with the feeling of a person I knew slightly who was a CFA charterholder and somewhat accomplished in life, but he hit a rough spot and was low on funds and decided to put a bag over his head in a rental car in NYC and commit suicide. In retrospect, I wish I talked to him more about his follys and ways to improve and although you may not be this severe, I feel that I need to just reach out and let you know that you can DM me if you have issues unresolved and I can try to help if I can. Life really blows sometimes, but its not about what we accomplish in life that is the big thing, the most important thing is how we treat people on a day to day basis. It doesn't matter what you do or how much you make, if you treat people like shit and your server like shit and the grocery store cashier like shit, you've accomplished nothing. So what do you have to gain? If you make an effort to be there for others in your life and in each encounter, you should gradually see a shift in your worldview that encompasses positivity. 

But, just to let you know you can reach out if needed and if you feel complete despair, just call 911 to go to a hospital for treatment, help, and possibly immediate medication. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 17
Jan 31, 2021 - 8:46pm

I don't post on here, usually just observing, but hang in there! You'll get through this!

The toughest circumstances are the ones you'll look back on with pride that you got through, it will make you stronger and even the more resilient!

My thoughts are with you, I also struggle with depression and social anxiety as well, sometimes it feels all so overwhelming.

Jan 31, 2021 - 10:54pm

If it helps even a little bit -- my dad has had glaucoma since he was in his early 20s in the 1980s. Now in his mid-50s and still just uses drops to control it. No vision issues whatsoever. As long as you use the drops they prescribe you, it's usually not a big deal at all (especially nowadays).

Feb 1, 2021 - 3:47am

You'll make it through, brother! Just keep pushing on. Downturns/slumps are weird in that you never know how long they last (or how low they get), but all of a sudden, something may unexpectedly happen that gets you out of it and headed back up! Life's cyclical and that's ok! You win some, you lose some, and times will pass eventually, the good and the bad, while paving way for the new ones. Focus on the big picture/long run. Push through, man. We're rooting for you.

Feb 1, 2021 - 4:38am

It´s okay to feel like dying, it´s okay to cry. But never give up! Keep on fighting king, we´re all gonna make it!

...and the Truth shall set you free
  • 2
Feb 1, 2021 - 10:39am

if your gf left you and did all of that after you broke up with her and its sucks right now but you know she wasn't the one 

be happy that you know this now and not after your married

i know it sucks right now but just keep your head down and grind 

easier said than done, but trust me - this experience will only make you stronger

one thing is no matter how hard the world may be against you, just keep pushing and giving your all 

good luck my guty 

  • Prospect in IB - Gen
Feb 1, 2021 - 3:38pm

Hey man I know we are just strangers but few weeks ago I was also crying alot due to personal circumstances. I always like the motto "the darkest hour is just before the dawn" because it signifies that no matter how much shitty situation you are in, if you fight just a bit more, the sun will rise again. Just hold out until dawn brother, and may the sun give you a new life you deserve.

Feb 1, 2021 - 3:51pm

Christ thats a tough stretch. Couple things I will add, some have already been touched on.

1. Forget the girlfriend, it hurts now but trust me, you will be a lot better off with someone who clearly isn't for you in the low times. The rallying cry of women hyping themselves up everywhere, "if you dont love me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best" does in fact go both ways.

2. Get off social media or limit use. I feel like for the overwhelming majority of people, social media has jumped the shark and become a net negative on society as a whole. Realize social media is a highlight reel, you only see what they want you to see, and dont fall into the trap of constantly comparing yourself to others via social media. Less your usage or drop it entirely, you will be a lot better off.

3. Like others said, and I cannot stress this enough, exercise. As you exercise your physical health obviously improves, you look and feel better. As you look and feel better, you start to gain confidence and mental clarity. As a result, your mental health improves. Its a wonderful, positive cycle. It doesnt even matter how small, just start, even 15-20 mins a day will have untold benefits.

4. Lean on your friends. Reach out to your good friends, reconnect with old friends, keep up with friends out of town, hell, if you dont have any friends, look to make new ones (hobbies will help with this). Everyone needs a healthy social network that they can also rely on as a support system. I cant tell you how much even something as small as an active group chat has helped me, especially during this pandemic.

5. Focus on your hobbies, whether it be going back to some hobbies you havent stayed with for various reasons or trying out and discovering some new ones. These hobbies are most likely something you are not only passionate about, but enjoy doing, they will also help you to make some new friends and further your social network. This will inevitably increase your happiness and further your mental health.

6. Finally, do not lose focus on your career development. What you have done (twice now) in getting those jobs, especially during a pandemic is no easy feat. You need to stay positive and remember its just a bad stretch of luck and something you will overcome. Keep your focus and continue applying, networking, and improving skillset and you will land that next job you want sooner than you think.

If you need anything and this goes for anyone on this site, send me a direct message. I am happy to help with anything anyone needs, just reach out.

  • 9
  • Associate 1 in AM - Other
Feb 2, 2021 - 9:26am

Thanks everyone. It's heartwarming to see the support from you guys. Gives me a lot of strength moving forward now. 

I have started hitting the gym back and hunting for a new job. Looking to improve.

Wish everyone luck! 

  • Prospect in IB - Gen
Feb 2, 2021 - 4:27pm

Pay attention to the workouts you do. Some of them can increase the pressure in your eye. I say it as one who may have your condition as well (borderline rn). 

  • VP in RE - Comm
Feb 3, 2021 - 9:53am

We all have our ups and downs in life. Not one single person in the world has a completely happy life with no issues. This was a really bad week for me as well. I kept asking myself "Why is this happening to me?" or "Why am I being punished". However, just a couple days ago, I found out one of my friends was burned alive in a car as she was parked in a parking spot at a grocery store. Her seat belt got stuck and the car caught on fire. Her young son was in the back and was able to make it out. Unfortunately, she did not and passed away. He saw her mom die in front of his eyes. She died in one of the least likely places, a grocery store parking lot.

When something negative happens to us, we are in pain and feel nobody can know our struggles. The reality is your life is great. You ever think you have it bad, then I encourage you to take a walk through a pediatrics wing of an oncology department or go to a senior home and look at the pain many of those people are feeling.

Feb 4, 2021 - 9:17am

Hi - seems like u r going through a ketu mahadasha period. Get your birth details and horoscope consulted by a good Vedic astrologer. This may help.

I am telling you from my own personal experience. My condition was absolutely same as you, a couple of years ago.

Feb 4, 2021 - 8:02pm

I recently went blind for a day. It sucks but I managed to know my way around the house pretty well regardless. Mental health has been the real killer. I was working for covid tech startup the cause that blinded me and am not blogging about it. Forced me to get my life together. Was super passionate about this project but if they wont have me fuck em. I'm ready to start dialing VCSs and going into competition. Time for me to not being a stay at home son looking to his parents to engage as major investors. Cut them out, sue a sitting judge to get my equity back since my employment contracts been breached and then show everyone up. Always wanted a job on Wall street one of my neighbors back in Cali is a MD at a fund based out of Cypress. Gave me the confidence to believe in myself. Believe in yourself, you can get through this. Idk what pills you were on but you can't really on pills in replace of skills. My parents forced me on fuck tons of amphetamines when I was a kid, been trying to feed me new pills ever since. I went through some really gawd awful insomnia broke some records I think wasnt sure I'd ever recover. Literally took me years my testosterone levels were crushed. But back at it now on my way to the top. Wish I could help you out but if want to talk - I would really like a bit of peer advice on my resume and breaking into IB or ER or something interesting well suited for my creativity and investment interests

Feb 4, 2021 - 11:20pm

Start by deleting Instagram/Snapchat/Facebook; by delete I mean profile not just uninstalling on your phone. These are time wasters and very influential on your mental health. You can keep your LinkedIn account. Start to practice mindful meditation even if it is for less than 20 minutes a day, it will definitely help. If you have a mental health disorder take the required medication, there is a reason you are prescribed to it. Start reading books you have always wanted to get to or start a new show. 

You have to remember that moments of sadness and heartbreak are simply part of life. Just like your first trip to Disney World or your graduation from college it is part of life. For the good things to feel truly good, you have to have bad things too. When you can accept that feeling sad is uniquely your experience you should embrace it and enjoy the emotion you are feeling.

(In my past, I have been in some very dark places and was a danger to myself for about 2 months) It takes time, but at the end of the storm you have to figure out what you want to do with your life and jump in head first with passion and unbreakable will to get what you want out of life. 

Feb 5, 2021 - 7:54pm

Keep your head up my guy and do whatever you have to not sink into depression. Life is tough but it repeats itself in ups and downs. This your down. Don't let it get worse and weather the storm. 

 

  • 1
Feb 5, 2021 - 10:42pm

Sorry to hear that. If you ever wanna switch to tech just PM me. My buddies make decent pay. I'm 25 so we're all roughly the same age, they make between $105k - 250k. Higher end is less reasonable to assume right after switching but still possible in a couple years. Happy to help out if I can. 

“The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.” - Nassim Taleb
  • 2
Feb 9, 2021 - 4:52pm

Sorry to hear you're going through it, king. I went through a similar experience with an ex-girlfriend, shitty job experience (classic ops escape situation), and death of a close friend/roommate around the same time. I kept it mostly bottled up at the time but I was literally at rock bottom from a variety of factors. Things somehow compound that way.  It was a brutal year that has had a profound, lasting impact. Use this as an opportunity to reset and to re-evaluate what and WHO matters. Develop good habits, nurture your relationships, keep yourself busy, and make yourself interesting (volunteering or something idk).

You are YOUNG and this is TEMPORARY. The job and partner you want will come as a byproduct and nobody likes a sad, mopey person. It is a SKILL to be happy. 

For some advice from my experience, my liver started to fall apart from the antidepressants plus booze. I'd advise to keep that under control. 

Feb 9, 2021 - 7:20pm

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