Should I let my parents access my college email?
Title says it all. I’ll be attending college this fall, and my parents want access to my college email account. They say they are worried for me and want to be immediately notified if I ever get I trouble, start failing/missing out on classes, etc. Essentially, they feel that I can’t be trusted to notify them in case I’m ever in a tough spot in college. I prefer to be left alone, and I insist that they wont have to worry about me because I will stay in touch with them, but they won’t accept that as an answer. So what do you guys think of this? Is it normal and beneficial for parents to have access to their son’s college email or are they being too overbearing? What was your experience?
Edit: To clarify, I consider myself a pretty responsible and conscientious person. I worked hard throughout high school and will be attending a target this fall. Despite this, my parents worry about me to this extent.
Edit 2: And yes, I am Asian.
Edit 3: Forgot to add an important detail. My parents are paying full tuition. Does that justify giving them access?
well well well....
what do we have here? A case of overbearing helicopter parents.
couple of things you could do:
1) give them access to the email system and ask the admin to change it on your end (make up a reason why, preferably technical or something else). I knew a guy from columbia who did this because he didn't have a laptop and his cheap android didn't work for the web email.
2) give them access and simply don't mess up
3) talk to your parents and tell them you won't lie to them
No
No, this is not normal. At some point your parents have to realize that you are an adult, that you will make mistakes, and that you will need to figure out life for yourself. They also need to learn to trust you. What are they going to do when you graduate? Check in with your employer?
The friends I had in college with overbearing parents tended to be the kids who tried to hide stuff from them and went a bit crazy. Clearly not a scientific study here, but there is something about being able to make mistakes in a protected environment (let’s face it, colleges are pretty safe spaces for kids). You risk ending up not knowing how to manage life on your own. As sad as it is, your parents won’t always be there, and you need to figure out how to take care of yourself
Hell no. If I had a kid going to college, I would never ask to have access to his or her email.
Why do you feel the need to identify yourself as Asian?
He was giving us more detail so some could understand why they are asking. I have a few asian friends and some of their parents can be ... overbearing.
White people will probably don't understand this because our parents will just let us do what we want. Which doesn't mean that either one of them is wrong or right. just different attitudes.
Yeah, I inferred that from the edit but I am just not sure if he wants people to factor in him being Asian when offering a reply ? May be he is trying to say, I know it is a little weird but here is why... Most people are just going answer based on his or her own preference, which would be NO.
I can see the over bearing issue. I am older than the average monkey...I know all cultures are different but when my son asked an Indian girl to the prom, the father would not allow it. I am not sure if it was because he did not want her going to the prom or because my son is not Indian. Then, my son asked another Indian girl to the prom and she went with him.
Why am I not surprised people on WSO have parents like this
I bet you're going to a target too
There is a very simple solution to this. Give them access to your college email, but never use it. Use your personal email (e.g. gmail) for everything. That way your parents are happy and none the wiser.
that is not how it works. He would have to discuss with the admin for his school whether they can change his email address. chances are, they can not or are not allowed to.
In times of a pandemic, frequent internal comms, greek life disruption and new rules, I don't think they will allow changes to your college inbox for official emails. I could be wrong, someone could clarify.
Yeah but can I use my personal email for networking? Isn’t it better to use my college email for that?
for professional uses I would indeed use the official inbox. it looks good.
but that isn't the question OP has, I think. his parents want to see the official grades and results and any infractions, I assume?
Generally @harvard.edu looks better for networking.
deleted
^this IMO
I feel like it's not even about hiding. OP's parents should really fuck off and learn to respect their child, especially now that said child is basically an adult and headed off to college, which are good, redeeming qualities.
Question I have, OP, what have you been doing to lead your parents to mistrust you?
Nothing really. They’re just like that. I’m guessing they’re worried because this is my first time leaving the house for a long time.
Short answer is no. You're becoming a grown adult and should have some liberty.
No is the correct answer, and it will benefit both you and your parents.
How can you expect to grow into an adult if they're constantly monitoring your every move? And in the same vein, how can they learn to give you space if they continue to micromanage everything you do at school?
Yes, and while you're at it, you should share your porn stash with them too--Just to be on the safe side.
.
Is it scatalogical? If not you're probably fine with anything short of two guys r**ing a dual-sided dildo while j***ing each other off.
On a more serious note, if you give in now, when will it end? In the US you are likely a legal adult. College emails are most likely just annoying or embarrassing. If you give in will they stop there though? Even in an internship you may be exposed to MNPI. I once even got read the riot act for forwarding an internal email that just included a half dozen positive links to public sources to my mom for a fund I'd been working on. No MNPI and not sanctioned, but the company didn't think it was cool.
people still have a stash? thought everything moved to streaming...
he could share his favorite bookmarks though, good point.
Meh I have tiger parents and can totally relate (not allowed to play video games, hang out with friends, etc). My parents didn’t monitor my grades once I started making all As in high school (and doing pretty good in college not a 4.0 though). Aim for a 4.0 your first year of college, and your parents will stop caring about you turning in assignments/doing well on exams.
same energy from my parents. shit like this makes me wish i were white. life would've been much better, especially mid lockdown
to answer your question, i'd say no. but knowing asian parents, doesn't really matter what you think
Fellow Asian here and understand you. My parents had my passcode and parental controls on everything till I was 16... I’d say no. If they can’t let go of you a bit in college, they’ll continue to do it into when you graduate and start work. By then, it’ll be awkward on so many respects, like navigating being an independent adult with overbearing parents. Not a good look for building your life/having privacy with significant others either. My boyfriend’s parents were like that initially and track him all the time.
Dude what the fuck no
Fuck to the no man, nothing good could possibly come of it
Tell them fuck off. If they say no keep saying it until they get it through their thick skulls
Definitely don’t, I’m Asian too same boat
Do your parents want to be in the room when you have sex too?
When you have kids, are they gonna tell you how to raise your children?
When you get your first check from your first job, are they gonna tell you how to spend it?
You're going to be an adult sooner or later. Tell your parents to F*** off.
Lel, OP is going to have to Zoom in to his parents when he’s with a chick
This is where I sit on this. College is partially about transitioning to becoming an adult that lives and operates on their own (obviously among other things). OP need to break that tie with their parents; otherwise, where does it stop?
Yeah. People need to live their own lives. Not their parents'.
Pretty sure you are breaking some IT agreement/misuse clause with your university so would highly advise against sharing it with your parents, not to mention their motives for this are ridiculous. (I'm asian too btw).
I'd tell em to pound sand
Are your parents paying for your college?
if yes, then they get access....if no, then they don't.
They are paying my full tuition.
if this is the case, then you should give them reasonable access to school related functions.
If you want privacy from your parents, then don't take their money.
Personally, I would fight hard for my right to privacy - both in my college email and in my mental space. Sounds like your parents are very focused on you and perhaps feel that they helped you to get to where you are. I doubt that they will withdraw their offer to pay for your college, even if they can't access your email. I don't recommend you do it, but personally I would stay tough and go as far as deferring my college admission by a year, but not give my email details to anyone. Good luck reaching a good compromise!
As someone with Asian parents do not underestimate them. They will absolutely refuse to pay and force OP to take student loans. At some point you have to run a cost/benefit analysis to see if this is the right time to have that independence or not.
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