Should I pay back my Friend?

Hockeyboy1923's picture
Rank: Chimp | 6

I realize that this is not a finance related question, but I figured I would trust the advice here rather than on some random message board. Normally I am fairly good at this type of thing, but considering the gravity of the situation I wanted to get some insight from others.

One of my friends from college invited me to visit and live with him in a developing country because we had not seen each other for awhile. Overall it was pretty fun, and I was pretty generous towards him because I was thankful he invited me (I bought bottle service for us twice, hotel rooms at a beach resort, etc. spending about $300 dollars in excess of what he spent - he bought a few things).

However, admittedly, I got a little drunk two nights which I think upset my friend and his roommate. One night I both got a bit belligerent with some people at the bar and brought some chick back to the hotel room and we could have been more courteous. Secondly, after moving back to his apartment I got into an argument with his roommate. I was drunk and the guy was a prick (I know a lot of pricks - this guy takes the cake), I called him out on it and obviously it made a pretty uncomfortable environment at his apartment. My friend and his roommate pushed me rather forcibly to do a two day tour to get out of the apartment that I really did not want to do (and did not do it) so it got even more untenable although I did avoid both of them for the most part. Although I feel bad that these things happened, his roommate was an asshole and he knew I was not a light drinker.

Now here is where the question comes in. The Friday before I left though they invited me out with them. It was a decent night, but later in the evening they wanted to get bottle service at an expensive club and asked me if I wanted to do it. At first I said no, I was tired, had a flight the next day etc. However when they convinced me to do it, they then asked if I would pay for it. I said we should split it. Then they went into some tirade about how I was visiting, they let me stay at the apartment, showed me a good time, and that the least I could do was pay for the bottle service. Finally I agreed to pay $x price for it (that's what they said it would cost) and I would pay back my friend (I forgot my cc). When we finally get to the club it was more expensive than they claimed so I was already mad. To top it off, as soon as they bought it, they said they were tired and wanted to go (they checked the bottle). At this point I got into an argument with them saying I was not going to pay for the bottle anymore because I would not get to drink it. Then, his roommate and I went at it again and he threatened to do stuff to my belongings (I think he threatened to throw them out his window). Needless to say I am pretty pissed about the experience.

At this point I am strongly considering not paying back my friend. I have enough friends so burning this bridge is not an issue (and I am pretty pissed with him anyways). I am more concerned about the moral/cultural implications (I do not want to take the low-road in this situation).

1) Do you think they were right that I should pay for the bottle because they let me stay in their apartment?
2)When someone INVITES you to visit them (I never expressed interest in going), how much obligation do I have to them?
3)I do feel I maybe could have been more thoughtful with my drinking two of the nights. However, do you think I owe him because those events occurred?
4)I am a recent college graduate but I have more money than most my age due to a safety net from my parents. My friend knows this and I feel like he is just trying to use me for my money which I do not appreciate (right now he has no job). Further, it's not enough money that I can give it away readily.

Other monkeys, what would you do in my situation?

Comments (29)

Mar 6, 2012

Answers based on my opinions...
1) No you should not have to pay to stay. They invited you.
2) You have an obligation to support yourself fully, but not extra activities done with them.
3)Alcohol is a nasty beast. Your overindulgence is solely the root of strife, and that makes you responsible for those actions, but as with any "drunkenness" a simple sorry should suffice-unless someone was hurt physically.
4) Rich kids always played with their own kind when I was growing up. Follow suite and stay in your class financially. You wont run into the feeling where you feel persuaded to DONATE to your friends because of their lack-of...

HTTP://UNGOOGLE.ORG

Mar 6, 2012
ungoogle:

4) Rich kids always played with their own kind when I was growing up. Follow suite and stay in your class financially. You wont run into the feeling where you feel persuaded to DONATE to your friends because of their lack-of...

whoa... i wouldn't go that far. just make sure you have the brains to not to be taken advantage of... don't pay them back.

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

Mar 6, 2012

if you arent drinking it why should you pay for it? seems like theyre trying to take advantage of you

I say fuck change, I don't chase dimes

Mar 6, 2012

No, I wouldn't pay for that in a million years. In fact I'd take the bottle with me and still let them pay for it. Sound like dbags. I would never even expect compensation from a friend for letting him stay.

Mar 6, 2012

Don't pay shit.

Mar 6, 2012

the only reason they invited you was because they knew you were a dumb, drunk rich kid who they could exploit. You proved them correct.
One day, when each of you is more sober and mature, your paths will cross again. You will wish you had made good on your promise. So go ahead and pay it and apologize for all your child-like behavior. It puts your on the moral high ground, and he will remember it when you meet again...and at that time he will buy your drinks.

Mar 6, 2012

Fuck that. I wouldn't pay shit. These kids sound like whiny douchebags...and so do you.

Mar 6, 2012

yeah fuck that guy

Mar 6, 2012
  1. Are you a cast member of Jersey Shore? WTF??? Who the fuck gets bottle service??? Go to a bar.
  2. Never owe people money, it's just bad. If you hate the guy, throw a few hundies in his face and walk away.
  3. Fuck you for letting other people know about family wealth. Never do this until you know people very well.
Mar 6, 2012

Don't pay but learn a lesson from all of that.

The whole story sounds just damn immature. Don't get drunk hard among people you can't trust and don't surround yourself with douchebags. Finally, grow some balls, man.

Mar 6, 2012

Goddamn your friend sounds douchey as hell.

Mar 6, 2012

It has always been my general rule that when some INVITES you somewhere to go hang out with them that they would be more expected to treat you not the other way around. I would offer to buy them a drink or something for letting me stay, but it was their choice to invite you over, should be treated as a guest not a fucking tenant. Sort of like dating but with your bro's.

Mar 6, 2012

As far as the money goes there is no way i would pay them back, sounds like you'll be better off without them.

Mar 6, 2012

You dont have to get your friends bottle service you did it several times for them. They grew to expect it. If your friends get mad when you say no they aren't true friends. I have friends are similar

Mar 6, 2012

HockeyBoy....uh, you still play?

Mar 8, 2012
UFOinsider:

HockeyBoy....uh, you still play?

Haha I wish, I quit club level in college to focus on getting a job in banking.

Thanks guys for all the help, he emailed me today so I have some pondering to do next week - I do not want to think about something like this during my birthday this weekend.

Either way I have definitely learned a lot from this unfortunate scenario. So despite what has happened, I will be a better and undoubtedly more mature individual because of it. It is amazing how superficial some people really can be, even if you think they are your friends. In hindsight, I am shocked it took me this wrong to really break out of my "bubble". However, I did just graduate from college, so I guess this is the perfect time.

Mar 8, 2012
Hockeyboy1923:
UFOinsider:

HockeyBoy....uh, you still play?

Haha I wish, I quit club level in college to focus on getting a job in banking.

Same here, but pre-med at the time. Had I known then what I know now hahahaha. I do miss the club thing though, high level of play, minimal dickishness.

Mar 6, 2012

Its pretty much paying for him to get our of your life. Id do it

Mar 6, 2012
Bobb:

Its pretty much paying for him to get our of your life. Id do it

A Bronx Tale?

Mar 6, 2012
UFOinsider:
Bobb:

Its pretty much paying for him to get our of your life. Id do it

A Bronx Tale?

good movie.

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

Mar 6, 2012
UFOinsider:
Bobb:

Its pretty much paying for him to get our of your life. Id do it

A Bronx Tale?

I knew that was from somewhere

Mar 6, 2012
Hockeyboy1923:

I realize that this is not a finance related question, but I figured I would trust the advice here rather than on some random message board.

Now that you've seen some responses, OP, I'm curious: what did you learn from all of this?

Mar 6, 2012

Don't bother...

Mar 6, 2012

Don't pay him back.

Mar 6, 2012

I didn't get rich by giving people money, always have an end game.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

Mar 7, 2012

I would say it is a bit embarrassment for me to ask the guests to pay the tab. Better to share it if it's too much for me.

Mar 7, 2012

"Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law." Romans 13:8

Based strictly on the situation, I don't think you should HAVE to pay anything. It sounds like those guys were being real jerks and morons about it. However, I'd say pay what you "owe", forgive, and move on with your life. If you agreed to pay $xxx dollars then pay that amount. Shake off the dust from your sandals and move on. Moving on means forgiving them, never bringing the topic up ever again except as a teaching lesson to someone else, and it perhaps even means moving on from that friendship. It doesn't seem like an uplifting friendship.

Mar 7, 2012
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Mar 8, 2012