Show me your gun.....

What?

Highest rating of customer satisfaction at every appointment? Were you surveying clients after every meeting?

Examining and verifying submitted financials? Are you an auditor? What makes you an authority on examining and verifying a companys financials?

This is obviously chock full of bullshit.

You need to trash this and start all over. Try truly representing your actual experiences.

Also, no education? If thats the case you were not an associate anywhere. Wait, I just saw this. 2 years of finance and business courses. Um... this resume is obviously complete bullshit.

Thanks for wasting 5 minutes of my time.

I'm making it up as I go along.

I hope this is a joke... worst resume I think I have ever seen posted on WSO.

NEVER lose your BlackBerry www.conveniencesoftware.com

What's a compan

You should apply to Goldman with that resume. heck, you should sent it to the managing director.

Dude.... you speak Farsi, Arabic and Hebrew!!! YOu could be some kind of superspy!! Id go for that rather then this finance junk for sure.

If you are jewish you could work for Mossad, watch the movie Munich, seems pretty cool.

If you aren't you can work for the CIA or FBI or something. And if you are in the UK, maybe give the MI5 or MI6 a crack. YOu are a shoe in for these jobs especially with your high customer satisfaction rating. THe secret services could do with that kind of service on terrorists so they dont complain so much like whats happened at Guantanamo

Santa Monica College is target for so many corporations, like Hot Dog on a Stick, and they boast the single highest placement of baristas in Southern California Starbucks.

Fucking solid. You're hired.

http://www.smc.edu/homex.asp?Q=Homepage

The WSO Guide to Understanding TARP

I was hoping to have constructive reviews my resume not a bunch of losers with too much time on their hand whom would feel better try to bit down others. Marcus(Senior Gorilla), I appreciate your thoughts but you are WRONG....

King Kong, here is yours:

Construction: Solar contractor,Prison developer Health Care: Cancer research & development institute Government: Air Force security network contractor,Foreign defense contractor, Marine IT contractor,Navy satellite contractor
Technology: Bio-fuel company,Fuel cell company,International wi-fi provider

Obviously a joke. OP can find solace in the fact that I thought it was funny. SMC just reminds me of the movie Knocked Up

National Investment Banking Association? Lol.

aside: badass avatar, banker88. sub-zero is the man.

All you little pikers, except for the OP, are pissing all over yourselves. Great stuff, keep wanking it like you are... at least someone is trying to improve.

OP, which types of positions are you applying to? Do you have more background you can put on there: further education, or detail about a specific deal you've worked on with the IB? Right now, I think it needs to be fleshed out a lot more.

Post an update when you can.

Take it easy, Zohan.

I help the members on this forum who exhibit some intelligence. And I typically bash the ones wasting people's time, such as yourself.

My advice to you, is to go back to your community college finish your associates degree and go to WalMartManagerOasis.com for career advice.

What does "shader" mean?

Fireballa is a senior editor for the WSJ online.

I'm beginning to think this guy is serious now. And I'm not sure if this makes me happy or sad, haha!

Associate Investment Banker? Good Title.

Shit.

Dude you worked in IB and you didn't learn how to properly format a 1pg. word document?? Even your bullets dont properly line up. Your margins are off, you seem to have tourettes when clicking "bold"... wtf.

OP,

While it may look like bashing in your view, most of the comments here are to the contrary. Look beneath the surface and try to understand why they made those comments.

You should be thanking Marcus and others for taking time to review and comment on your resume. Better it be one of them rather than a potential employer, good luck.

I don't understand why every time someone like marcus points out obvious major flaws, some psychologist has to start an investigation and come up with skyscraper analogies. What the shit is that?

Nothing hits your more than brutal honesty. If I ever did something to make me look like a complete dumbass, I'd rather be told so, especially on a forum of anonymous people.

The fact that the OP has been nothing but defensive about his resume clearly shows he didn't come for improvement but for reaffirmation, and anyone giving him that is not helping.

I can't stress enough how much you need people like marcus, yuntsucks and the rest to pull prospies like myself from the clouds, smack them in the face and throw 'em back to earth head first.

Did you really manage to misspell the name of your university? Jesus christ man, I know it is embarrassing, but there are probably better ways of hiding your stupidity. Such as spellchecking.

WTF, why not.

Lets start with your medical business: - decreased cost of inventory 18%? That is a stupid way of putting it, especially since most people attribute inventory to a BS item. Its should be decreasign COGS 18%, or better yet... increasing Gross Margin X% - quarterly financial reporting with investors? this doesnt even make sense.

Anyone and everyone can put a business that they founded on a resume, and no one takes it seriously unless its something very unique and interetsing, or unless you put up some major numbers. How about putting sales, growth, profitability... did you sell it, close it down? what was your return.

Also, it would help if the Founder & Managing Partner of the Medical Supply company knew how to spell the word "company"

Next, Associate Investment Banker? This is complete horseshit. No investment bank hires someone without a college degree to do anything other than sweep the floor. Stop trying to bullshit and be serious. Your descriptions of your experience exemplify how full of shit you are, if someone had any doubt to begin with. What exactly is an INVESTMENT BANKING CONFERENCE? Why would potential clients go to an investment banking conference? This makes no sense. This isnt the beverage industry, where you set up a stall at a trade show and convince people how innovative and ground breaking your new product is.

There is no city/state for any of your experiences, except for the illustrious Santa Monica prop trading shop you worked at.

Ok, although I dont have much to do today, this is really a waste of time. Your biggest issue is that you're a fucking liar. Reality is that only one of 2 things can be true: 1- you're a fucking liar 2- this is the truth, and you've been working at "investment banks" and "prop trading" shops which are willing to hire people without college degrees, without any concept of spoken/written English, and pay them to do stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with the real world of finance. AKA a complete hack chop shop. Even if you had some experience cold calling at some pump and dump piece of shit company which you left when everyone but you got indicted, it would be better than this horse shit. So if someone took a few tabs of acid, and somehow believes this is true, the implication that you're willing to work for these types of rotting fecal matter companies is enough to make someone vomit all over your resume.

There you go, constructive comments. About as much as I could muster up without vomiting myself.

Also, PLEASE learn to spell and speak English, or don't apply for English speaking positions. I wouldn't hire someone with your spelling/grammar lack of motivation to scrap gum off the bottom of the toilet seats at Penn Station. Perhaps you could apply for a finance position where you would speak Hebrew/Farsi/Arabic.

If you want to get into finance, my advice to you is to get a college degree. Or start working at a bank as a teller. Work there for a few years, transition into a financial adviser position... you know, selling CDs to grandmothers. Then MAYBE, eventually you could transition into a PWM role and a real company. Or you could keep running the falafel and gyro stand.

Lol, even kids from my HS can get a BB PWM internship. This kid obviously has the IQ of a middle schooler.

Fireballa- It seems like you have discovered what IB is relatively recently, and made what you think is a decent resume. By now you probably know though that its not that hard to tell what you wrote in there is made up.

Knowing Arabic, Farsi & Hebrew is solid. Set yourself a 2-3 year target. Read up on everything you can about the industry, transfer to UCLA, start off by trying to get an unpaid internship at some boutiqe (there are tons in LA) and go from there.

Fuck I wish I had went to a community college first and transferred to UCLA.

"traveled throughout the middle east, africa and europe"

wow, what an amazing qualification, you must be really unique with amazing insights about the world.

If only we could add english to your list of languages.

i don't know what you expected, you cannot honestly tell me anyone has ever given you an interview with that shitty resume. If i was considering you for anything over flipping burgers i would just toss it away