shred my cover letter

Dear Monkeys,
Please check my cover letter when I apply to VC roles.
Your helpful advice would be greatly appreciated.
It's just a rough draft for now, and it certainly needs work.
But it would help to have WSO as a sounding board as I polish this turd.

Dear [recruiter name],

I am writing in application to the investing role at Firm, and in response to your posting to the Listserve.

My Qualifications:

• I have worked for some of the top growth capital investment groups in Asia, including as Sr. Director at company and as Sr. Investment Manager at Firm Capital ($xxbn AUM, and one of China’s top funds).
• I have operating experience - and previously stepped in as CFO in a US-listed tech company, where I helped grow the stock price from $4 to $23.
• I was part of the early founding team that built XXX Capital into what is now one of China’s largest and best respected growth capital PE funds. The CEO (an industry legend) is still my close reference.

From a deal standpoint there have been several notable investment and operating successes:

• I invested personally in [portfolo company] and advised the chairman; the company became the largest cryptocurrency exchange in the world and the investment grew more than 100x in 4 years
• I was seconded to XXX Solar, and helped build the company from 6 employees into top 10 solar player, which was listed on NASDAQ, and which generated very high (50%+) returns for our fund.

Thank you very much for your help in navigating the process.

Might you have time for us to discuss the role in the coming week?

[my name]