Significant Other Drama at the Office

I was actually wondering.. is it alright to have a friend or bf/gf there in your office while you work at night? Not disturbing you obviously, but reading near you or whatever? I think if it were allowed it would make the analysts' lives much happier and the relationship not so tense etc. etc.

We're Italian, "WACC" means something else to us.

Jesus christ... ask your MD that.

"My gf is very um... emotional, and as I get closer to my start date, I'm afraid she'll do something dramatic when I start working crazy hours."

so then break up with her.

just let her know that work is more important than her. she'll understand.

I think there would be a wee few compliance issues if you had your gf tagging along in the office. Also, you're going to want to focus on getting your shit done, not entertaining your gf and keeping her from getting too bored.

Once, on the back of working 75 out of 80 odd hours, I had to call my gf who hadn't seen me for 4 odd days (we live together) and tell her I had to cancel our summer holiday to Sardinia. She went ballistic (bear in mind she works in research so it isn't like she 100% doesnt get the hours). I put the phone down as I was too tired to comprehend her shouting, and it was so loud through the phone my buddy who could see the pain I was in, walked by and hung it up. People could tell I was going through hell, but wasn't terribly embarassing.

And if she still doesn't understand, simply explain that work is much, much more profitable than her.

if she gets hysterical, just say, "work is a better opportunity." that'll end the conversation.

if she's a tenured gf who has put in your time and you are serious about, show some tact and explain it's a 2 yr commitment, try to plan small trips together etc. If she's relatively new and unproven - do as you see fit at the time.

In all honesty, it's just an issue that some people have to put up with, though it's not usually too embarrassing.

My gf works for MBB so she "gets" my work hours and hers aren't all that different; however, the associate in the office next to me has a control-freak of a gf who gets annoyingly upset with him when he works too much. It's actually pretty hilarious when they get into full blown arguments over the phone, because he's usually shouting and I can hear their entire argument from my office.

what happens if you sleep with the MD's daughter and he finds out?

But I am kind of hoping this job will be more than a two year commitment. I hope to be in IB, PE or some other well-paid, high stress job. I'm hoping my job in IB will establish a trend of earning lots of money over the next 20-30 yrs.

but depending what you choose it gets significantly easier. I'm at a debt fund now, much much more chilled. The first 2 years are the toughest.

I debated telling this story because it's somewhat personal, but I'll be somewhat vague, I guess.

An associate of mine in banking was constantly absent from the office, it was clear there were personal issues at play - either that, or he was looking for another job. One day, a fellow analyst was sitting at his computer fixing a model while the associate looked on. Well, through the preview boxes that pop up whenever you receive email, it was clear within that hour time frame that the associate was 1) having extreme marital problems, 2) having an affair and 3) looking for another job.

To the OP,

Break up with her. She's overly emotional, and you're going into investment banking...lol...good luck

this is why banks have security gates and keycard access

Isn't it pretty ignorant for a gf to yell something along the lines of "come home now or we're over" or get angry at you for working? It's pretty obvious that you're not given a choice, so I don't know how I'd feel about having a gf (or bf for the female bankers) to get mad you for something you didn't particularly choose.

I know someone whose boyfriend worked either in S&T or Cap Mkts..she said she did homework and sat next to him when he worked or interned on the trading floor.

By the way, I'm a girl and my first reaction to your post was "dump the bitch." :(

That happened to me the other day. A VP was asking me for some real time scenerios while standing behind me. At that moment, 4 of my friends decided it'd be a great time to discuss the prior weekends' festivities in full detail. Not only was the content inappropriate, but I received maybe 25 emails in the span of about 5 minutes. My Blackberry was on vibrate, too - which was kind of like an extra alert for my VP that the newest work-inappropriate email was on it's way to my screen.

sleepisfortheweak:

I know someone whose boyfriend worked either in S&T or Cap Mkts..she said she did homework and sat next to him when he worked or interned on the trading floor.

That is most ridiculous thing I have heard in a while

I had a GF who wasn't even emotional at all and it still failed to work. In fact it ended after a few months.

In terms of stories... hmm, amazingly I don't have too much here because most people in my office are pretty young so no crazy wife/affair type stuff.

We have a secretary who has been rumored to have slept with lots of the senior people, but no way to verify that... I would say there's probably some element of truth to it but also probably over-hyped.

When I started at MBB I recall hearing about a strange post-MBA consultant that used to stick around the office at night doing really random things (e.g., playing online video games). Apparently he was married and had a child, but would pretend his hours were longer than they actually were because he just didn't feel like going home.

He's currently a VP at Bain Capital, so no longer any need to pretend he has insane hours.

you'd think Id see/have more as a trader...maybe Im just desensitized tho...people breaking phones and get into p*ssing matches around here is not exactly infrequent. i was probably also more impressionable those first few years....anyway, so when i was an analyst in banking...

• i had this associate. total d-bag. hed make sht up like "i hung out w/ pamela anderson this weekend and she hit one me". or "i threw a booze cruise on my yacht this weekend, you guys should have come". Ridiculous. At first it was fine - we all thought it was a joke and we laughed. I mean seriously? But when he kept telling these stories like the truth - straight faced - it became uncomfortable. We were forced to do a background check (talked to some other people who knew him) to confirm if this was complete bullsht or what. Turns out the guy was a compulsive liar. I mean people use the term loosely, but this guy was legit. So anyway, on top of that every so often he would go missing for one or two days, with a lame phone call - "im sick", "personal reasons" or sometimes we'd have to track him down and leave messages for him to call back. Of course this meant a shtload of extra work for the rest of us to clean up or cover for him on. Plus worse of all, the dude had the nerve to be a prck. He talked to everyone with a title below him or at other firms like they were stupid and w/ such condescension for no good reason sometimes....Well, one particular friday he went missing. He called in, said he was really sick, so we covered for him. No biggie. But later on that evening as we were all in the office going for late again - partially from doing his work - I get a call from one of his friends that was now a mutual friend inviting me to come down to the bar for march madness organized by yours truly (my associate). I was stunned. I told the team, and everyone was fkg livid. We were all like, NO WAY. So we go over to the bar - and the dude has a place, reserved in his name, appetizers all set up, and fan paraphernalia to help everyone root for his team! We were all like you've got to be fkg kidding me, right?? We really wanted to lynch him, but we were peeons so of course we just ate and drank our misery and btched amongst ourselves instead. But somehow, our SVP got wind of this over the weekend (still no idea who told him) and he made us confirm on monday, what he heard about the bar. By midday, homeboy was told to pack up his sht at get. NO LIE. Then for one last parlor trick, he storms over to the bull pen and starts asking some of us heatedly who told our SVP where he was and what he was doing on friday and which one of us ratted him out. Of course theres blistering silence, and hes just standing there. At the end of it, I thought he was going to cry.....He was escorted out of the building with a box. That was the last I ever heard of him. TRUE STORY (well i changed some things around to try to maintain my anonymity...but if you were in my analyst bullpen, im so busted. SHH! ha ha).

i think ill hold off on that second story, that first one was a doozy! as you can tell, i can get pretty animated about these things...didnt mean for that to be a long post.

Some hostility from the gf should pretty much be standard if you're working 80-100 hr weeks, and canceling last minute every time... no? No matter how understanding.

If your gf/fiance/wife doesn't give a shit that she never sees you, its prob because shes busy blowing all your benjamins... or busy blowing Benjamin.

wintonheights--

great story, glad to know there is a little justice in the world, can't wait for the second story

Yea... You are only whipped if you go and do whatever your girl friend ask you to do. Having her at your side while you work on the week end, or late at night has nothing to do with that. It shows love and nothing more.

On another note, if your gf is unstable emotionally I wish you the best of luck. At the beggining of this year I moved 9000 miles away from my gf at the time. I was looking for jobs, interviewing, preparing for the CFA, and at the same time struggling with money, and working on my masters. Let's just say that I did not have a single minute to myself; when talking to her she would bitch me out until 4am, and if around 2 am I would tell her I was really sleepy, and needed to rest. She didn't care and proceeded to bitch about her life. I ended up telling her to f... off literally, and I have not come to regret that decision.

So long story short, emotional unstability is not good, if she bitches you out and does not respect your work or what you do then tell her to f... off. There are plenty of girls out there, and your work will be one of the hottest ones.

Remember, you will always be a salesman, no matter how fancy your title is. - My ex girlfriend

winton, what do you trade?

I'd rather not publically say more than: I trade a fixed income product.

pleaseeee the 2nd story.

its not nearly as good as the first...

• again, i was an analyst working with an associate (diff than before). Now, this guy was pretty sharp (esp, quantitatively) and was not a micro-manger, in short - a good assoc. Obviously, I had to communicate with him frequently as we were always working on live deals, but I also didn't mind shooting-the-sht with him about random stuff because he was actually pretty sociable with only the barest hint of awkward. And it was convenient because his glass office was right across from my cubicle. Anyway, very frequently, the conversation would steer towards our exploits w/ women - you know, boys will be boys (sorry ladies). Whatever, big deal. But every now and again he would say some really crazy sht...like "this girl Im dating (he was like mid 30s) is a freak and she let me go gr33k on her last weekend" and then he'd be like "you know what that is right"? And Id be like..."ahhh....ahhh well, all right then!". "Moving on!" It was awkward for a sec, but totally hilarious. Still no big deal. Id always dismiss the episodes like seriously, we're men w/ no women around, etc. Sometimes things get out of hand, right?....Anyway, so one week comes by and he hasn't been to work for a few days (he wasn't the only associate I worked w/ so I didn't inquire right away). I figured he was sick or on vacation or something, I don't know. Turns out the guy had resigned. I was like what? He was good. Did he jump? Why? No answer from anyone. No one knows. Come to find out when I fleshed out the details from a very credible source a week or two later - they made him resign because he was apparently accessing prn on his computer a couple times a day. I was like NO FKG WAY. Who does that? I can see this guys computer from my desk if I slide my chair back! How? Why? I mean, you cant wait until you get home? And on top of that apparently they also had details off him logging prn at the office on the weekends. So there was no mistake about it. I mean on the weekend too? From the office again? Come on bro!.....As you can imagine, in this new context our Dr Ruth fire side chats took on a whole new light! I honestly did feel bad for the guy cause I liked him, and could care less about that sh*t...I'm guessing he probably had a serious control problem or something ....but I just couldn't stop laughing and shaking my head. In fact, I'm doing it again right now. TRUE STORY.

My girlfriend has to get on a plane if she wants to see me, and typically only comes for a weekend once or twice a month. When I do have to go into the office, she will sit there next to me. No one says anything, and I've even brought her over and introduced her to one of the founders. Some of the others bring their girlfriends in on weekends as well and sit them in a spare cube.

We're very girlfriend friendly.

"I'd rather not publically say more than: I trade a fixed income product.

"

well given your background i'd put my money on some type of credit.

as for stories the stuff up till now has been tame. i've been shown hardcore pics and videos of colleagues filmed on camera phones...knew a guy who got his wife preggers and named the baby after his mistress (!).

not to mention the basicstuff like telling analysts on the commodities desk they need to meet the brinks truck downstairs to take physical delivery. and this is barely the beginning.

but prn in the office is nothing to bat an eye about. poor judgement maybe but not outlandish.

That would be a winning bet, Jimbo.

As to p*rn, I agree personally to people doing "whatever floats your boat" as they say, but professionally? A disaster.

well I can narrow it to high yield or investment grade perhaps. ha.

also been more of a macro guy myself

The analyst directly next to me on my desk begins his day, everyday, by a healthy dose of porn, Durden, and political blogs consistently without fail. I don't think his brain can function without a daily dose of morning porn. Luckily, we office is more of a frat house/gym locker than a corporate office so it is not a big issue. We are also tight with the IT guy so it would never be an issue.

Seriously though, porn every morning... seems a bit excessive.

Porn and relationship drama should be left at home.

Well, maybe my girlfriend would never show up at the office and scream "Come home now or we are OVER!". She's emotional, but not emotionally unstable.

I have a bigger concern, however. Marcus_Halberstram is right: some hostility is to be expected. No matter how understanding, she's going to get pissy every once and a while. When she calls, I need to sound concerned, and interested, and act like I WANT to come home to be with her. Any associate/VP/MD within an earshot will have to listen to me tell her how much I want to come home.

The key issue is, how do I say what she wants to hear without having it come across wrong to my associate/VP/MD? I could take the call outside of the bullpen, but I won't always be able to do that. And it may be worse if someone sees me standing around talking on my cell rather than at my cube talking on my cell. I will eventually have to learn how to sound like I want to come home to be with her while at the same time acknowledging that the people who determine my bonus are undoubtedly listening in to my side of the conversation. How do I do that? Do the VPs care if I tell my gf how much I want to go home?

Please let me know how so I can start practicing today! Thanks!

So on one end of the phone is the person who directly determines my sex life (or lack thereof)...sitting nearby on the other end of the phone are the people who directly determine my bonus, and indirectly determine my sex life.

zip, thanks for your feedback. so far she doesn't seemed too concerned, which is concerning, because I fear she may not think I'm serious/may not really understand that 90 hours per week means an average of 9am-11pm M-F and 9am-7pm S&S (although I know averages don't mean anything because it could really be 9am-4am some days, and other days not as bad).

Maybe I'm concerned for no reason, but prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

"When she calls, I need to sound concerned, and interested, and act like I WANT to come home to be with her."

dude, just find a new one.

The OP sounds majorly whipped. Grow a fuckin' pair and show her who the man is.

Here's what you do: The first time you come home late at night and she starts to give you shit, take your pants off, hand them to her and tell her to try them on. Insist on it. When she puts them on, tell her "They don't fit too well, do they? I'll wear those from now on. Goodnight."

In all seriousness, zip's answer was some of the most honest, levelheaded, straightforward, and intelligent advice I've seen on WSO. Ever. Read that again and you have your answer, F9.

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below: 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?' 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'

"'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, "

you just described last night. but at least i got in to work on time today.

aadpepsi - actually, you make a good point that new bankers should heed - DON"T GIVE YOUR BUSINESS CARD OUT IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS. 9/10 it's fine, but the 10th time ... when i was on the trading floor last summer, one analyst had give out his card to a girl he met at a bar. he didn't return her phone calls and showed up at the office and told the front desk she was there to see him, someone at his desk let her up assuming she was a legitimate person and she started screaming at him at the top of her lungs in front of everyone, colleagues, MDs, clients etc. to make matters worse, some of the big guys were having a meeting in a conf room on the floor. utter shitshow.

Haha great story pepsi; it reminds me that I should introduce myself with my name first and not what my job occupation will be.

Remember, you will always be a salesman, no matter how fancy your title is. - My ex girlfriend