Social circle vs job

Investment Analyst in PE - Other

If you had two job offers, one in a city where your entire social circle is situated but isn't a great job and another that's your ideal job but don't know anyone where it is located would you make the geographic move? Both major US cities.

Comments (12)

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  • Intern in IB-M&A
May 6, 2020

You can always make new friends but you can't always get the new job.

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    • 1
May 7, 2020

there is something to be said for having friends in multiple cities too

May 6, 2020

Probably the job, you'll make new friends and lose a lot of old ones. I only hang out with a handful of my college friends these days.

    • 1
May 7, 2020

Out of curiosity, how old are you and at what point after grad did you notice yourself drifting away from most of your college friends?

And where did the bulk of your new friends come from? Work / sports after wok / meetups / etc?

May 7, 2020

5 years out. Don't get me wrong, I still hangout with a number of my friends and stay in close contact with others around the country, but for the ones that I no longer see, we started drifting almost instantly.

I would say it started happening when I, and the friends I still see, got more serious about our careers, while the ones I don't see anymore wanted to keep living like we were in a fraternity (drinking 8 days a week).

The second time I noticed we all started distancing was when people started getting into serious relationships.

I think all my new friends came through work, some I worked with, some I met through the professional real estate clubs I am a part of (NAIOP, ULI etc).

As you get older you'll notice you start hanging out less with people who are just around (like class mates and neighbors), and more with people who have similar interests to you.

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  • Investment Analyst in PE - Other
May 7, 2020

bump, hoping for some more opinions

May 7, 2020

Real friends don't vanish just because you don't live in the same city

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May 7, 2020

True to that, I talk to friends almost daily that I haven't seen in years

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May 7, 2020

Facts

    • 1
May 7, 2020

Depending how willing you are to go out of your comfort zone, i would say go with the better job in the new city. Not knowing a single soul is tough, but be a "yes" man for a few months and before you know it you should be able to build up a group of friends.

However, not sure when this move is taking place, COVID will make things harder.

May 7, 2020

The correct answer is probably that the premise is flawed and that you should just work harder and find something better than "isn't a great job" in your primary city.

However, if I grant your specific premise for the sake of discussion, I would say that age plays a pretty critical part in finding the right answer:

If you're still in your 20s or early 30s, take the job. Everyone worth staying close to will understand that front-loading a bunch of hard work in order to set yourself up professionally and financially is the right thing to do, plus honestly it's not so hard to stay in touch with people digitally and still make it to important weddings and stuff.

If you are mid-30s+ (especially if you are deep into the plus) at some point you've got to start to thinking about what makes life meaningful outside of work (significant other, family, great friends, community). It might still make sense to take the job for a bit (who knows, maybe the place you will move to will surprise you and be great for you), but you should have a better understanding that this social cost will be higher in general the older you get.

"Millionaires don't use astrology, billionaires do"

    • 2
May 7, 2020
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