Social depression

Hey monkies, I wanted to get some advice from you all since it's apparent you have had to experience (or are currently experiencing) the grind. As of late, I've been feeling pretty burnt out. I'm a junior in college with a good GPA and I've managed to land an internship at a hedge fund for the fall semester; it feels like my life is school and work though. It's felt like this for the past year. Although I'm making steps in the right direction with regards to my career goals, I feel I really don't look forward to anything anymore. I'm graduating a year and a semester late cause I fucked up a while back, and all my friends have graduated and moved on with their lives. The few that do keep in touch are in serious relationships and never want to do anything or can hang out once in a blue moon. I have zero plans for the weekends, I haven't dated in about 10 months, and I'm sleeping on my parents couch. This really eats at me, and it fucks up my self esteem. I hate moping around though ( I know, ironic) and I was wondering if any monkeys could offer advice as to how to start making friends again and regaining my social life.

**EDIT: **Thanks to everybody giving input! I am amazed at how supportive the WSO community is. I have taken all of your advice to heart and have started making some changes. I will undoubtedly make many more in the upcoming weeks and months. If anybody reading this is going through the same thing, there is no shortage of advice in the comments below.

Comments (24)

Sep 6, 2019

I cant offer you any advice, but hopefully I can make you feel a little better by saying you're not alone in your situation.

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Sep 6, 2019

Everyone has to start somewhere.

If you want to re-invigorate your life, you may have to step outside your comfort zone. Join a boxing / kickboxing / MMA gym, or start hitting up your gym hardcore. Start looking good and feeling more confident. Keep working hard and you'll get there.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Sep 6, 2019

This rings true man, I've noticed I have been eating like shit lately. I'm definitely going to clean up like right now.

Sep 6, 2019

Bro, go on Tinder and start hooking up; so easy to get hot horny chicks who are at the prime of their appearance while in college

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Sep 6, 2019

Shit It would be easier if I wasn't sleeping on my mother's couch haha

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Sep 6, 2019

Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid.....goto the gym and get in shape..eat healthy...and start dating...a few new girls every week...get back into the swing of flirting with people...life in the US is amazing..imagine if you were living in Yemen, Iran, Syria...in the middle of a civil war.

can't imagine it?...go volunteer for a month in a war zone....you'll be begging to come home.

just google it...you're welcome

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Sep 6, 2019

Thanks for the perspective man. I guess it's just hard to see the forest when you have your head down

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Sep 6, 2019
  1. Go to the gym and lift heavy things. At least 3 times per week.
  2. Spend more time outside. Go hike by yourself.
  3. Read more and watch less tv. Pick up Thinking Fast and Slow if you need a starting point.
  4. Spend less time on social media.
  5. Go join a club or intramural sport, preferably one where you don't know anyone.
  6. Start casually networking around. Half to set yourself up well and half just to have fun meeting interesting people.
  7. Volunteer once a week to gain some perspective. This shouldn't be hard to find on a college campus

This is something everyone deals with after college. Life changes, people move on. Get comfortable constantly making new friends and entertaining yourself. Relationships will develop naturally if you do things you enjoy. It doesn't really matter what you do as long as you're doing something.

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Sep 6, 2019

I'll definitely start doing more of all of this. Idk if I built up some kind of social anxiety , which I never used to have, or if I kind of just siloed myself from everybody trying to get shit done. But I definitely do have to get comfortable with talking to new people again. I appreciate the reply MaddCow

Sep 6, 2019

Dude, your not alone. But on a side note, your in the real world now and responsibilities is a major part of life now. The fact that you work and go to school at the same time means you already know that, probably more than your friends. The leopard doesn't put much thought into having to hunt everyday, he just knows he has to, he needs to eat. You got to do what you have to do so you can do what you want to do.

Not a lot of joy in life right now, I get that, find some. Find a hobby, make new friends from social meetup apps or school/work. Take chance maybe some risk, risk is hand to hand with return, in most things in life not just finance. Go to a different college (or the same!) and go hit on some girls, aka just make friends with them for the sensitive monkeys on this forum, you're a summer intern at a hedge fund, I know you have the confidence. Couch SHMouch, it'll just be that much sweeter when your balling and you know it was all you baby. Don't let this shit get you down, work out a little, get the endorphins going, go getchyoself a girl/date. If your not down, than look for a girl your attracted to enough to where you will be lol. Or a hobby or a task/friend event/ whatever. THERE'S A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE MAN!! Don't let the grind get you down, this is the WSO, I know your not alone. Hell if you really need it find a way to get an exscape somehow. We "never have the time." but happiness is important and when the grind gets too crazy even if its for a couple hours find a way to treat yourself. **Your doing great. **

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Sep 6, 2019

That's pretty damn inspirational haha I very much appreciate the reply. I'm always down for a date, it will just get weird when I have to explain my living situation. I just need to get out of my comfort zone I guess. I've been doing the same thing for the past year, I haven't "have time" for hobbies. I'll have to figure it out. You gave me a boost of confidence though ! Thanks for reminding me I'm not some loser shmuck

Sep 7, 2019

You're far from a loser schmuck bro. The previous posters told you everything you need to know/needed to hear, you'll be back feeling on top of your game in no time. Best to you, have great weekend.

Sep 7, 2019
dollachimp:

Dude, your not alone. But on a side note, your in the real world now and responsibilities is a major part of life now. The fact that you work and go to school at the same time means you already know that, probably more than your friends. The leopard doesn't put much thought into having to hunt everyday, he just knows he has to, he needs to eat. You got to do what you have to do so you can do what you want to do.

Not a lot of joy in life right now, I get that, find some. Find a hobby, make new friends from social meetup apps or school/work. Take chance maybe some risk, risk is hand to hand with return, in most things in life not just finance. Go to a different college (or the same!) and go hit on some girls, aka just make friends with them for the sensitive monkeys on this forum, you're a summer intern at a hedge fund, I know you have the confidence. Couch SHMouch, it'll just be that much sweeter when your balling and you know it was all you baby. Don't let this shit get you down, work out a little, get the endorphins going, go getchyoself a girl/date. If your not down, than look for a girl your attracted to enough to where you will be lol. Or a hobby or a task/friend event/ whatever. THERE'S A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE MAN!! Don't let the grind get you down, this is the WSO, I know your not alone. Hell if you really need it find a way to get an exscape somehow. We "never have the time." but happiness is important and when the grind gets too crazy even if its for a couple hours find a way to treat yourself. **Your doing great. **

This.

On a pessimistic note, OP, I will say that life does not change that much from where you are now re, job, time availability, friends falling off of the face of the Earth etc.

On an optimistic note it doesn't get that much worse (aside from personal disasters etc - but we can't control that). You are in college and interning. Living on a couch? Totally normal and cool. It's what young types, or boot-strappers, real go-getters do and are doing. Some women may not like that. Oh well. The ones that see you are hustling and working hard will appreciate it and they will be the keepers/worth your while. You are probably learning a lot. And not about trading/investing per se, but about you. If you are not excited about work and worn down, maybe this job/field is not for you. And guess what, THAT'S OK. It means you have narrowed down your potential job choices and are ahead of most people... There is a reason why people age in this industry have tons of health issues, self medicate regularly, have terrible personal/family relationships and in general, get churned out. The hours/grind/politics etc are huge. And that's a big reason why the pay is so potentially lucrative in proportion to the actual risk one is taking (ie playing with someone else's money rather than your own). I'm oversimplifying, I know.

All of this just means you need to push harder to make a change (and yes that can be mentally and physically taxing - welcome to adulthood), whether it's job, social circle, activities etc. Don't have a hobby? Try something new, like others have said. If you like it, stick with it to see how it goes. Not your thing? That's totally ok, move on and try something else. You will be surprised as to the number and variety of people you meet and activities you will appreciate (you don't have to like it or be good at it so appreciate it). If you are still in college, that means there is a plethora of stuff to do, clubs to join etc with little to no commitment. Embrace it.

Have you told any of your close friends or family? It may be well worth talking to them just to vent. That's what they are there for and just talking it out can be a huge boost. It's not about the good times with people, it is all about who will help/listen/stand by you when sh*t hits the fan and you are low. That's when you know who your true friends and family are.

Hang in there OP.

Good Luck

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Sep 7, 2019

I just read a spitting image of myself so i thought i would share my side as well in case anyone feels the same .

I've been feeling the same way man and my socio economic situation doesn't help at all :/. I constantly feel sleep deprived, paranoid and my insomnia has increased a lot since my first year of college to the point where 5 hours of sleep is a great night. I can't talk to anyone about my struggles so i just keep it to myself and deal with it on my own.

Luckily i play a sport for my college team and when i reach a point where I want to end it all by either drowning in a lake or popping pills i just vent out all my frustration by listening to rock music ( Metallica and Nirvana are god sent gifts) whilst practicing. Seriously , its generic but i found that exercising ( either working out , playing a sport or running ) when you're going through some shit is by far the best way to just get something off of your chest. Also even though yoga may be considered gay or weak shit, just do it once or twice it helps a lot with breathing techniques, stretching and you meet a lot of chicks so its a win win.

I really don't bother with chicks because of my course load and goals but I have had to meet new people because i literally had no friends for majority of life until now. It is painful and really cringey at first but in reality it has helped me a lot for personal growth and my horrible social anxiety. I would recommend joining intramurals, something like dodgeball is great because no one gives a fuck and the team is usually large enough where you can meet a lot of chill and outgoing people who just want to meet new people and if you have to miss it due to work or networking no one will care and just accept it.

Anyways thats just my two cents and if you ever want someone to vent to, just PM me because I have gone through some shit and constantly feel isolated within my social group but i recognize i am not alone in this battle and despite my inability to talk about my issues with anyone i just try to deal it with the best i can without going insane.

If a tall skinny kid from a poor background who has horrible social anxiety, can barely talk to girls without making myself look like a dumbass , only had one gf in my life for a month, only lost my virginity last year at the age of 18 and is studying 24/7 can somehow be able to meet new people and develop some social skills and feel slightly better about my life.

I KNOW you can meet a ton of chill people, be able to do some fun shit and pull some hoes you just gotta hit the gym , work on yourself and have "mamba mentality" or whatever you wanna call it. Just go with everything you got and have no regrets

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Sep 8, 2019

Alright, so:
-the semester wasted is completely irrelevant. You get experience and contacts with your internships, who the fuck cares about the 6 months?
-everything else is related to the fact you don't seem to have particular interests or hobbies outside career making (which is very important nonetheless).

How to fix it? Well, get hobbies. You said your weekends are boring. Guess what? Fill your time. Isaiah is WSO's resident bro and he's not wrong. Hit the gym or to the very least do some sports. That will make you meet people and go out. You also need a bit of variety in terms of hobbies, so sports are definitely not enough.

The point of hobbies is to do things that you enjoy, so that your overall life isn't sad and boring. No shit your life is like that... you don't do anything. That should also help you meeting girls, something that would also improve your life and mood significantly as well.

Good luck.

Sep 8, 2019

When I was in college, I was in a similar situation. I naively chose a school from the East Coast and moved to the West Coast. The first semester, I didn't go out nor did I have many friends since everyone was from in-state. I would first start talking to people in your classes, whether it about how was the weekend or questions with homework. Slowly but surely, they will acknowledge you and you start developing friends. It amazing how just meeting one person can greatly expand your social circle. The person you first met then introduces you to all their friends. Remember, no one wants to be a negative person, they want to be with positive people. Just say a simple hello, how are you to the people you meet in class and join different groups such as clubs or organizations. You got to put yourself out even if it means making a few socially awkward mistakes. Practice makes perfect.

"It's okay, I'll see you on the other side"

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Sep 8, 2019

Join a gym and some clubs. I was in a similar boat to you a few years ago (my first year or two out of college) and just decided to get really involved in a lot of different things. I've noticed the more I put myself out there, the more good things come my way.

Early 20s are a really tough time to be a guy, but it gets so much better as you 'grow into yourself.'

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Sep 9, 2019

Read this - it is a wonderful step by step guide to put yourself back on track.

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Sep 9, 2019

When I first graduated, I felt much the same way. Started working - lived at home - saw my friends moving on, moving to bigger cities, living their 'dream' jobs (FYI - titles don't mean anything in retrospect - Vice principal of strategic solutions = sales guy in most cases). I felt anxious, awful and more importantly similar to how you felt. I stopped really working out, struggled to adapt socially and simply ended up in a rut for a bit. Even though I had moved, theoretically, back home I had to resurrect my entire social group.

How? Well the good news was - I majored in socializing in college which allowed me to find friends by going out (i.e. drinking too much). Work helped as well, as you have somewhat of a built in social network depending on the age, etc. While I know you are still in college - you have much the same circumstance. Start going out, finding groups or activities you enjoy - they don't have to involve alcohol, they could be anything. Just get out there and start doing it. If you aren't working out - do that as well. Exercise is a huge, huge factor. In a crazy way, if you are in good shape half the time socializing simply happens to you.

Also, shift your viewpoint. Focus on what YOU have, what YOUR goals are and how you are moving against those. Turn off social media, avoid linkedin, etc. - if you have any confidence issues they will add gasoline to the fire.

I recently have been trying to shift my viewpoint to see anxiety as something to embrace instead of dread (thank you, therapy). Your depression is simply your body saying 'you can't do this, you need to make a change' - it's helping you! Let that push you to make the changes you need, slowly but surely.

Finally - as I drone on here - I moved to a new city about a year ago. Unfortunately, I had become very complacent socially in my bubble where I previously lived. To the point where I totally reverted back to a 2 year old in my ability to go out and do anything, make friends and build a life. It's Fucking ludicrous, actually, but it happened. The good news is that if you can get past the anxiety and the self doubt, turn it into something motivating and useful, you will be just fine.

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Most Helpful
Sep 9, 2019

First of all, you are definitely not alone! I have a story that might make u feel better!

I had to move out from my parents home because they have NO money (for themselves let alone me). I started living isolated in another state while paying my own college, rent, insurance etc. That pretty much guarantees weekends alone.

I had a long distance boyfriend plus social media basically killed me! (Seeing my friends move on from school, be supported by their parents living comfortably, or even seeing my boyfriend have a life while I was ball and chain to full time school AND work. At the time I was also living in the ghetto so I couldn't go for walks at night (which usually helps me) and my job in finance was accounting which was not in line with my goals.

That year was so so tough and one year later I feel so much better. I moved in with my boyfriend, blocked every "show off/hardo" on social media, saved some money to visit friends, and finally got the job I wanted. These things are a process!!

Maybe it's just bc I am a girl- but I would NOT follow the tinder hook up advice. That seems like drama.. and will drain you among other things you are alreadydealing with. If your friends can't hang out try not to take it personally and see if you can spend time with family and enjoy it. My sister who I was very close with moved up north to work for a large company and now I regret not being able to see her as much bc school and work. Even my parents.

I also like the advice about the gym. Screw the social media, get on a healthy positive life motion and try and keep that momentum. You are too young to burn out. I am assuming we are the same age and trust me the stress is not worth it! (Sorry for the novel lol)

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Sep 9, 2019

I've definitely been in this boat before. Hope things pick up for you man!

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Sep 9, 2019

Many people want to live longer but their lives have been a given a date for death. But you who are still well should take advantage of the hours and days you have. Because we all come the day will die too. Be grateful for everything even sometimes it's hard but still thankful because God sometimes allowed it in our lives so you can understand why you are living and what you are worth. ^_^

Sep 10, 2019
Comment

You killed the Greece spread goes up, spread goes down, from Wall Street they all play like a freak, Goldman Sachs 'o beat.

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Sep 10, 2019