Some MDs want me to see a therapist
I'm an As2 at a regional office of a well known bank. It's BB/EB/TopMM, but that's all I'll say.
When I was in college, I attempted suicide, but it failed. I'm eternally grateful that I'm alive today, and I like the life situation that I'm in right now. I confided in two MDs that I'm close with about what happened then. This summer, I had a bad panic attack after I fucked up a 3 statement model that went to a client. I was just careless, and I puked in the bathroom when I realized what happened. A VP was in there and heard me, and he saw I was kinda freaked out, and he told an MD. I just had a review, and they're all really pleased with me despite the mistake I made that day. I do struggle with a lot of anxiety, but now the MDs want me to see a therapist once a week to manage my stress. I really like these guys, and I believe they really like me too, but I don't want to see a therapist. I had so many bad experiences with them in college. Am I fucked? Can I push back against this? I know I can make VP here, and have hopes to one day go further than that, but do you guys think it would fuck me to reject their idea of seeing a therapist? They want me to take 2 hours a week for it (1hr session though).
I'm under a lot of stress right now so please be chill with my question.
First of all, I’m glad you’re here too. It sounds like you know how far you’ve come. I want you to bask in the pride of that. It’s all about growth and being the best you.
Your colleagues have suggested this because they care for you. They could easily have given you no time do this, and it’s sometimes tough to get time off during a time where a therapist would see you. We can talk about the self-serving motives here (which are readily apparent), but it’s most important here to realize that it sounds like these people truly want what’s best for you.
My advice (what do I know) is to meet with your MDs, thank them that they were thinking of you, thank them for the accommodations, and explain (with very little detail) that you’ve thought about seeing someone before, but had a difficult time with them sometimes. They’ll understand. If you’re open, then I would explore providers in your area, but you don’t have to do that if you don’t want to— you’ve come far on your own. If you go that route, some will probably work. Others will likely not. I’m proud of you and I wish you all the best.
When I was in college, I couldn't afford some great therapists, so one of the ones I spoke with called me a "drunk loser" at one point. None of the others were that bad, but I'm sure you can understand the problem. I feel like they think I'm gonna be Harvey Specter (who also fucking puked) with some sexy therapist who sees right through me and leads me to a better place myself, but idk. Look I'll be honest, I'm drunk right now because they gave us Halloween off, but I want to just do my God damn job without them trying to interfere in my life. I manage myself just fine. I wake up and deal with my shit and go to work without them interfering, so why the fuck can't they just leave me alone
Any person who calls you a “drunk loser” is several things. 1) a poor businessperson; this is a customer here and 2) an awful therapist. I think we can both agree that this is an aberration that wouldn’t be expected from subsequent visits to other people.
Your key concern is independence. You don’t want to feel beholden to your colleagues because they did you the “favor” of allowing you time off. This is completely understandable. Knowing my personality (I’m a stubborn little cuss), I would probably just take the time and go somewhere fun to eat or take a long bath if I really didn’t want to see someone. I think the name is cringy, but basically “self care.”
You’ve got lots of options. Have a good time and stay safe!
Maybe cause you whined to them you tried to kill yourself? Why the eff would you tell work colleagues that? And now you’re annoyed they want you to see a mental health specialist?
OP, for what its worth, I want my MDs to see therapists.......
In all seriousness, sounds like the leadership cares about you on a personal and mental health level. That's VERY hard to find in this career. Consider yourself lucky. Go to therapy and enjoy the cool MDs you work for.
Yeah exactly
Who rated this as "not helpful"?
Who rated this as "not helpful"?
I have been in the opposite situation where I have asked my employees to take some time off or see a therapist because there was clearly something wrong. I think you should do it, especially given they are supporting you and want to see you succeed.
The reality is that unstable personal life = unsuitable for senior roles
this is not compatible with what ive seen where most c-suite people or entrepreneurs have to put biz first ahead of everything (even family) to make it succeed. so which one is it
This is not as paradoxical as it seems. The goal (I’m not necessarily endorsing anything here) is that you can work long hours apart from your loved ones and still remain stable. Instability would be a problem and being so attached to loved ones that you don’t get a lot of work done would be problematic. You’re *supposed* to just be stable apart from them. Cheers
++++++++++++++
Take a vacation man
Dude honestly I feel your pain. Earlier this week I was sending a follow-up email to the CEO and founder of a prospect my firm's chasing and cc'd the founder of a different firm with a name very close to the founder's (same first name, diff last name but both were two syllables and end in -er) on accident. I legit wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I've made a few similar mistakes (name misspellings, missing words in sentences) since starting earlier this year that honestly make me wonder if I have brain damage or some other issue that just hasn't been diagnosed. Only saving grace is the managing partner and MD at my firm are both pleased with the other work I've been doing. I don't think you need to go and see a traditional therapist, go try and look up sports counselors or ask your MD if he has a recommendation. Professional success coaches are another option, I know it's cliché but think like Wendy Rhoades and how she counsels for the HF team in Billions (I have a friend at a MM and they keep a similar type of person on-staff in case traders fuck up and start seeing red, helps prevent them from stumbling and making it worse). I agree with you, fuck going and seeing a traditional therapist most of them are just reject psych majors but there are some professionals out there who I think are worth looking into.
If Wendy Rhoades was available for therapy I'd suddenly develop all sorts of mental health issues that needed close supervision and counseling.
Lol same with the suits therapist OP mentioned
1 - puking due to stress isnt a big deal, the betas in this comment section overly emphasize mental health, fuck them
2 - use the time off they give you to go on dates or get shitfaced
bro fuck off
Absolutely based
Firstly, thank you for coming to talk about sensitive and difficult issues. These are never easy to discuss and I applaud your confidence in bringing these to this forum. Secondly, I'm glad to hear that you are alive today and have secured a job at a well-known bank. This is also something that demands difficult work, and can at times can drive people into terrible madness. You should happy that you have received a great recent review and that your company is willing to support you. Many companies would genuinely not give a fuck about your mental health, so this is something to cherish.
It's ok to feel a bit uneasy about therapy. It is not for the faint hearted, and opening up about difficult issues is not an easy task for anyone, no matter how experienced they are with therapy. That said, I think you should give it a shot.
I myself have struggled with quality therapy and finding good therapists is not an easy task. I've even have therapists swear and scream at me (no joke). Treat finding a good therapist almost like dating. It's not easy and your first therapist may not be your best. Ask your MDs, friends, and others for advice on who to see. There are far more shitty therapists out there than good ones, so picking a good one matters.
If you make it back to therapy, I would absolutely begin by discussing your previous trouble with therapy. Additionally, if you know any friends who go to therapy, I think it would be worthwhile talking to them about potentially going. It's ok to be unhappy with your previous experience, and especially note that therapy alone will not be a panacea that improves your life. This isn't what therapy is at all about. It's about helping you figure out how to get to being your best self and allowing you to get in control of your mental health challenges.
DM or reply if you would like to discuss more or want some advice. You seem like someone who had a tough past with therapy and have been fortunate to overcome difficult previous circumstances. Talk to people about your struggles and find a comfortable place to open up. Have a great Halloween weekend and stay safe!
Because this post uses a great deal of my language, I’m treating it as a reply.
I’ll focus on the independence aspect again, because it seems to be the part most at contest here. Depending on personality type, loss of independence can be just as disfiguring as other types of emotional trauma, and I suspect that would be the way here as well. On the ledger of favors, an unbalanced entry on one side leads to a painful deficit on the other. The feeling that you’re beholden to someone and can offer them nothing of value but thanks. And you may say “people owe each other indefinitely all the time. Accept it. What goes around comes around, and some day you’ll help someone whose ledger will be unbalanced towards you.” I understand all this, but it makes it no less painful to a particular sort of person.
Accepting therapy may be good, but it can be a detriment as well. I’ve encouraged OP to seek help, but you have to empathize with the concerns as well. Cheers
Hey I agree with pretty much everything you say there. It can be pretty difficult to have your sense of independence taken away from you in a superior suggesting things in your personal life. Work is for work and one's personal life should be as private from that as they desire.
This "loss of independence" as we are putting it, can be debilitating. It sucks. It can even bring forth more trauma, which is not at all the goal here.
At the same time, I think that OP should seek some advice regarding the aforementioned mental health issues. Nobody should be puking in the bathroom or having a panic attack over a mistake made at work, period end of discussion.
Clearly, I didn't think through the potential issues of just listening to the MDs, and in my above comment, admittedly did attempt to dismiss the OPs (and your) concerns, and that was shortsighted of me in that response. At the same time, I don't think that this means that OP should do nothing about the mental health issues suffered. Just because one potential solution is not well liked or does not work doesn't mean that the core issue should be forgotten about.
I honestly, don't really know what else to add here. OP: I guess do what makes you feel most comfortable, really.
I'm just an intern, so I need every chance to prove myself. I know plenty of other interns who'd freak about a mistake like what OP is talking about. At what point do most people stop feeling like that?
Glad you're doing better and seeking some level of guidance (even if it is on WSO). You aren't "fucked," but I'm not sure it will be great if you end up not seeking help after your MDs were supportive of you getting help. You can start with once every other week. It seems like a very low bar to fulfill (especially now that you can do it virtually
Glad you're still here. Also, great that your team is so supportive of you. Keep your head up and keep fighting the good fight.
Ask your MD and VP about the options. Some firms have one of the best therapists/counsellor and I can assure you they are better than the ones in college/with college student budget.
Please check out Feeling Good my friend. There are certified Feeing Good and Beck Institute therapists who will be very good and not what you experienced before.
Don't have a ton of advice to offer here since I can't relate at all, but I think its pretty cool how supportive your MDs are being, and I'm happy to hear you're still with us and doing better.
I have a few friends that see therapists regularly and I've heard there is a bit of trial and error in finding the right fit. Maybe instead of writing off therapy completely you could try out a few different people (kind of like speed dating) with brief intro sessions and see if one of them might be a great fit and change your mind? Hope something works out for you.
Its good to hear that you are doing well so far. Everyone makes mistakes and it sucks but you have to learn from them and move on.
I went to a therapist at my university and he/she was really helpful because of her ties with the administration. I was able to get accommodations and, generally speaking, teachers and university staff were more likely to provide assistance. I bet that your team will see this in a similar way because they like you and I recommend that you do go to the therapist. In fact, I think that your team will be more willing to forgive you for your mistake if they see that you are trying to fix it.
TL;DR Go to the therapist and your team will be more willing to forgive your mistake.
Therapists are useless. Go to a GP and get a script for some anti depressants. I developed anxiety disorder and panic disorder in the lockdowns and the pills have helped
GP isn’t a specialist - it’s better to go to a psychiatrist.
Just go to therapy. I went to therapy for an irrational fear, and after 4 sessions I no longer terrible anxiety because of it. I can fully function now. DEFF do it. And I wasn’t medicated - I’m so glad I did it
I'm sorry this happened. One thing I try to instill in my coworkers is that we all mess up once in a while. But guess what? Life goes on. Try to focus on the future rather than the past. If you made it this far you have the caliber and smarts to be around. Worst comes to worst, you get a new job. Again, life goes on. This was just one mistake Hope you feel better and gain back your confidence.
Bro - just go see the therapist. More people should, if you get a good one they can actually help you sort through a lot of previous shit in your life.
It will probably make you better at your job and you already have the support to do it.
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