How do you brush off unfounded berating?

Lads we've all been there, worked at some shop or had someone join your shop that just made it their goal in life to find mistakes you made (you can always tell these folk by the amount of time they spend going through your work until they can find something wrong and by how they focus on these small mistakes instead of the key issues at hand that need attention) and berate you while clearly enjoying it.

Recently some have discussed harsh environments, Apollo etc and thought it would be interesting to see how you folk cope? Do you just suck it up, smile and agree, or something else? Also if you feel like sharing the worst berating "your Friend" got, go ahead, wonder how bad some places get...

 

I wonder this too. In consulting it was true meritocracy. I got away with talking over MDs and saying “No you’re wrong” directly with no thought given to soft messaging.

If I was right they’d recognize my contribution, and if I was wrong, then I would look like a fool which was plenty embarrassing and satisfactory punishment, but either way everyone understood it was because we all cared about delivering high quality work.

I worry about being in an environment dissimilar to this where I am not allowed to voice concerns frankly and may be overruled because of a hierarchical rather than meritocratic structure of business. It was easy to shake off in consulting because you could understand that your MDs really did consider what you said and if they ordered otherwise, it would be wise to pay attention because they have great experience to learn from.

However, what do I do if someone who won’t listen is my superior? Plato once said in the Republic “you can’t convince someone who won’t listen”. And also, what if someone just has a case of The Ass for me? I’ve never had that before. I think it would cause a breakdown in communication that would keep me from doing my job effectively and I have no idea how to deal with that. I’m also prone to a mite bit of disorganization - previously I had leeway to say “you and I both know that doesn’t matter” and when true it was well received. ‘What about the Apollo example’ indeed! I would be screwed. I am a bit nervous for my next role.

 

I've dealt with this previously, worked with a superior who just simply did not know how to talk to others normally or provide feedback in a respectful manner. Even for the smallest things, he would deliver his commentary with an excessively condescending, rude and snappy attitude. Over time, especially on live deals when you're dealing with this person 24/7, it can really wear on you.

I think all the juniors in the office just learned to suck it up and agree. Eventually you get desensitized to the way he treats you. And it was shown through conversation that he was unhappy with other areas in his life (family, relationships, etc.) so I chose to view the situation from the perspective that his attitude was probably a product of those factors vs. just wanting to be a straight up jerk, which made it easier to brush off. Even if the berating seems unfounded, I think it often roots from something deeper that's out of your control.

 

I’m currently in this situation. Was given an informal PIP a coupe weeks ago and some of it actually did have some good advice in general, but a lot of it was self-contradictory and was unfounded. Other managers generally like me and my work, but my immediate one has it out for me, it’s getting really frustrating so I’m looking at other options, though there’s some personal familial things that make that looking for a new job somewhere else not easy. My manager goes out of their way to berate me and belittle me every chance they get, and it’s always small things they blow out of proportion that makes me constantly second-guess myself.

 
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I’ve lucked out in that I have yet to have a colleague berate me or, honestly, even deliver feedback to me in a truly condescending tone. Told myself that if it ever happens that I’ll grab a conference room to stomp that behavior out early and discuss one-on-one before it becomes a trend. No level of compensation can make up for loss of dignity like that in my mind. Plenty of firms and even alternative paths are out there where folks out of high finance should be able to excel, so I don’t know why I would subject myself to being dogged.

Then again, everyone’s circumstances are different, and some are cuffed to the income / stability (e.g., having a family, high debt, sick loved ones you’re supporting). I also imagine I’d respond slightly differently if I was one month away from bonus season!

Still, though, if it’s a scenario I’d be embarrassed to let my family / friends / wife see me in live, I can’t help but feel I’d still stand on my heels to try and send the message that I’m not another punching bag.

 

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