Stuff you see on resume

Hi all,

It is been a while since someone posted some stuff on dumb shit people put on their resume.

Just wondering if everyone is interested in posting some for entertainment purpose. I always find those to be very amuzing!.

that's all foks!

 
derivstrader:
IT Skills: Comfortable with all social networking sites, online banking

No Joke

Epic

You're born, you take shit. You get out in the world, you take more shit. You climb a little higher, you take less shit. Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what shit even looks like. Welcome to the layer cake, son.
 

to date most comedic thing i've seen: had a coworker who spoke 4 languages fluently, and anytime he saw a candidate with one of those languages listed as "proficient", he would conduct a few minutes of the interview in that language. 75% of the time he said candidates could barely speak one proper sentence in said language.

kicker was one time there was a chinese kid interviewing who listed chinese as proficient, my coworker (tall white guy who doesnt know one word in chinese) asked him how he would explain some situation in chinese, and the kid confessed to exaggerating. he could have said anything and nobody would have known better, but he froze and came clean instead. hilarious

 

Socal,

I did something similar once. A guy had proficient in a language and I asked him an incredibly basic question such as Hi, how is your day going? and the only response I got was "Thank you." I then said in the language "Im going to be conducting this interview in -language-" and he again responded "Thank you."

The kid still got the job but I always heavily discount people who claim proficiency in another language when they only took a few classes in college.

CompBanker’s Career Guidance Services: https://www.rossettiadvisors.com/
 
Best Response
CompBanker:
Socal,

I did something similar once. A guy had proficient in a language and I asked him an incredibly basic question such as Hi, how is your day going? and the only response I got was "Thank you." I then said in the language "Im going to be conducting this interview in -language-" and he again responded "Thank you."

The kid still got the job but I always heavily discount people who claim proficiency in another language when they only took a few classes in college.

How the F did he still got the job? seriously!!!

I would end the interview there and then... tell the kid to f off, and get out of my office!

If you are going to "exagerate" on your resume, please don't do it with your language.... how easy is it to test that?... think about it? In most global firms, especially out side of US, you can find someone who speak something you need if you look hard enough...

I called out on every language on the candidates' resume in all my interviewes. Had to go frind someone who speaked Russian once from the mail room...ha ha!!!

 
LikeToKnow:
How the F did he still got the job? seriously!!!

I would end the interview there and then... tell the kid to f off, and get out of my office!

If you are going to "exagerate" on your resume, please don't do it with your language.... how easy is it to test that?... think about it? In most global firms, especially out side of US, you can find someone who speak something you need if you look hard enough...

I called out on every language on the candidates' resume in all my interviewes. Had to go frind someone who speaked Russian once from the mail room...ha ha!!!

I dunno though, i think a lot of people might actually be fluent (or at least were at one time) and just didn't think that they'd be tested on it in their interview.

i remember reading a post on M&I about how a bunch of kids who put fluent in mandarin on their applications to GS got dinged because the interviewer asked them to say 'goldman sachs' in chinese and they didn't know how. As someone who speaks fluent chinese, i honestly wouldn't have any idea how to say GS unless i looked it up beforehand lol.

 

Cupiditate esse nulla dolorem eligendi molestiae deleniti est praesentium. Sed saepe voluptates magnam dicta natus. Veniam voluptatem voluptatem velit dolore. Rerum soluta beatae doloremque. Hic qui tempora iste voluptatem enim quia quae. Maxime mollitia optio id ducimus facere optio quibusdam numquam. Aliquid dignissimos consequatur fuga perspiciatis doloremque suscipit occaecati.

Optio modi iste porro aliquam veritatis. Eum et minus magnam sunt voluptatibus. Libero est qui voluptatem dolorem deleniti excepturi necessitatibus. Sed et sunt quaerat perspiciatis.

 

Ut et rerum ut exercitationem. Et molestiae assumenda neque eos voluptatem enim eum. Aperiam quod et voluptatibus dolorem. Repudiandae id tempora in beatae. Et autem quae provident consequatur rem voluptatibus repellat.

Sed velit nihil sit dolores esse. Voluptas perspiciatis natus esse earum eligendi voluptate aspernatur voluptas. Architecto et repudiandae reiciendis at quis quia rem. Molestiae numquam non voluptate consequatur et culpa.

Aut iusto consequatur consequatur reprehenderit deserunt. Ut ratione quos dolor sed quod. Nobis fugit deleniti harum laudantium sed in. Voluptatem omnis consequuntur nisi corporis voluptatem provident. Ratione dolore explicabo at quam explicabo.

Career Advancement Opportunities

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Jefferies & Company 02 99.4%
  • Goldman Sachs 19 98.8%
  • Harris Williams & Co. (++) 98.3%
  • Lazard Freres 02 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 03 97.1%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Harris Williams & Co. 18 99.4%
  • JPMorgan Chase 10 98.8%
  • Lazard Freres 05 98.3%
  • Morgan Stanley 07 97.7%
  • William Blair 03 97.1%

Professional Growth Opportunities

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Lazard Freres 01 99.4%
  • Jefferies & Company 02 98.8%
  • Goldman Sachs 17 98.3%
  • Moelis & Company 07 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 05 97.1%

Total Avg Compensation

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (5) $648
  • Vice President (19) $385
  • Associates (86) $261
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (13) $181
  • Intern/Summer Associate (33) $170
  • 2nd Year Analyst (66) $168
  • 1st Year Analyst (202) $159
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (144) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

1
redever's picture
redever
99.2
2
Secyh62's picture
Secyh62
99.0
3
Betsy Massar's picture
Betsy Massar
99.0
4
BankonBanking's picture
BankonBanking
99.0
5
dosk17's picture
dosk17
98.9
6
DrApeman's picture
DrApeman
98.9
7
kanon's picture
kanon
98.9
8
CompBanker's picture
CompBanker
98.9
9
GameTheory's picture
GameTheory
98.9
10
Jamoldo's picture
Jamoldo
98.8
success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”