Thank You WSO for Mentoring Me How to Communicate in Banking as an Elite Candidate

Topic: BB

GS/MS/JPM: Symbols of Wall Street and absolute glory of America. We roc, we fuc, we have sex without protec.

BAML: Verified BB, but don't you dare to put "top" before it.

Citi/CS/Barclays: Same different and boring. Will subtly remind you our superiority if meet on the street.

UBS/DB: Did anyone inform you it's 2021 already and you people are CANCELLED. less talking and more packing, back to Europe and 2006.

WF/RBC: We recognize your growth and efforts, but will forever condemn anyone who mentions BB after your names.

Topic: Boutique

Evercore: Look at that subtle coloring,the tasteful thickness, oh my God, it even has a watermark. impressive, very nice.

PJT/Centerview: Fairy tales of finance world. Names alone represent pedigree and elitism. Though didn't get an interview from you guys, but we will stick to "we wanted a bigger platform".

PWP/Lazard: Will call you EB since other boutique guys are okay with it. But remember, you are on a very thin ice.

Greenhill/Gugg/Liontree: I don't care how much you pay, as long as you keep taking those non-target kids, I refuse to call you EB. And get your sh*t together Greenhill, you used to be good at RX.

Other Hot Topics

1. Culture: Moelis/Jefferies/Houlihan: I spoke with only one analyst at each of these banks but they didn't show the proper excitement that I personally took the time to chat with you peasants. So I'll call you sweat shops since many others do.

2. PE:

  a. IB associate: PE sucks and is overrated. (I missed the on-cycle and now new analysts must pay!)

  b. PE associate: admits pros and cons in PE and casually throws in a few PE buzz words in every conversation to showcase how intellectually stimulating their job is. (I may never gonna make principle, if I get on my knees and beg, will my old bank take me back?)

3. Diversity:

  a. College virgin: It's unfair and we want it changed!

  b. Chad: I guess they are right about the "hire more girls" part. I wonder if Maddie will make out with me in the bathroom if I tell her I've already secured an UMM offer.

4. RE: Accidentally clicked into a RE topic on WSO since I didn't pay much attention. I know nothing about the space but these guys are talking some good stuff. I wonder why there aren't more people like RE guys, always stay within their circle and don't voice on things they have no knowledge about.