The Midas Workout for Monkeys

Guys, today is Monday so I am going to give you cubicle junkies and Excel flunkies something more valuable than insider info. Yes, monkeys I want to pump you up, so you can dump your worries and bad vibes.

Whether you're in school or on the job, time's precious. So here's a quick workout that will help keep you energized, plus throw on some muscle mass.

A few months back I decided to get back in shape. I had been coasting along on the genetic memory of an active youth. One day my metabolism said "enough". Time to do your own leg work, I'm retiring.

The other day, I hit my goal of a 300 score on the PFT scale after several months of hard work.

You can do the same, if not better, faster, more.

I have enjoyed life a lot more in life since getting back into shape, you will too.

Here's your regime, chimps. It can fit into your schedule, no matter how busy you are.
I want status reports starting 0600 hours next Monday.

The Prep

Needs: 12 lb medicine ball, something in the 20-60 lb. range that you can curl with one hand (barbell or anorexic girlfriend are preferred) and a door frame pull-up bar.

Routine: Every 2 to 3 days you will work out for 30-45 minutes. You will bust your monkey ass until the point of exhaustion.

The Workout

Warm-up: 15 minutes. Jog in place, shadow box, kick the invisible man. 3 minutes light, 1 minute hard. Break a sweat. Move on to...

Super-set#1. Weighted squat, tail as close to floor without touching, very slow on way down upon locking knees lift weight above head into shoulder press. Again, very slow on way down.

Super-set#2. Bicep curls, again focusing on slow negative motion. Jump immediately into overhead tricep extension, keep focusing on negative slow on the way down as you can handle.

Super-set#3. Pull up bar. Lift self up, lower self slowly. 5-10 seconds back to dead hang. Pull self back up and repeat. Focus on negative rep. If you can't pull yourself back up, jump up. Immediately after, take medicine ball or aforementioned girlfriend, lift above head twist hips to left and bend until at 90 degree bodily angle, lift back to top repeat to opposite side. Focus on negative rep.

Each super-set should be 6-8 reps for each exercise. Do this three times in a row, with a minute rest in between. Follow with 50 grams of whey protein and an egg white omelette if time allows you to cook.

Oh and for God's sake wash yourself reek by now.

Don't ask me why, don't ask me how...all of this stuff's easily available online. Don't hurt yourself and don't blame or thank Midas for the results. You'll get out what you put in.

At ease monkeys! Have a great week!

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