The Street Before Christmas 2013

Merry Christmas Monkeys!

The Street Before Christmas 2013

by Eddie Braverman

'Twas the Street Before Christmas 2013
Just two days before the Wolf hits the screen
Spinning the tales of sex, drugs, and bucks
of a penny stock hustler who gave zero f*cks

It's been a slow year, all things being equal
No Bernie Madoffs; No Wall Street sequels
What we had plenty of was insider trading
and a Justice Department hell-bent on raiding

They went after Stevie with unrestrained glee
They harried, harrassed; they extracted a plea
They seemed bound and determined to make him a beggar
And bust up his firm like a high school kegger

But SAC was just a small part of the scoop
We also had BitCoin, and Musk's Hyperloop
Twitter came public and Teslas caught fire
SnapChat said no to Facebook's acquire

Mickie Siebert passed, and so did Ed Koch
the NSA was exposed, as was Miley's crotch (repeatedly, ugh)
Detroit went BK, we hit the debt ceiling
the haircut in Cyprus sent oligarchs reeling

Breuer and Geithner landed on their feet
and cashed in on years of regulating the Street
Yellen's taking over for Helicopter Ben
quantitative easing is reaching its end

We had a big year here at WSO
as our tribe of monkeys continues to grow (200,000+ baby!)
All the cool new stuff kept our developers buried
while I wrote a book and Patrick got married

And so we've survived for yet another year
in this crazy game of air auctioneers
Who knows what's in store for the year ahead?
Who will get rich? Who will get dead? (*GULP*)

One thing's for certain when it comes to this life
There be will joy and tragedy, triumph and strife
So conquer your fears and hone your skill
Own your ambitions and eat what you kill

When it's all said and done and the truth is revealed
You won't have excuses...

Mod Note (Andy): Throwback Thursday, this originally went up Christmas 2013. Also here are links to Eddie's past "The Street Before Christmas" posts for those who haven't seen them: 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012.

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