It’s that time of the year again. In a couple of weeks, roughly two thousand of the world’s (arguably) best and brightest douchebags will descend upon the world’s most hallowed halls. I congratulate you. As you undoubtedly know, the next two years will take your douchebaggery to a whole new level and ensure your access to cash flow and top-notch pussy for life. Here’s my salute to you.
Things MBA students like:
- Abusing Career Services privileges. (“Hey guys... one shot of Jaeger every 60 seconds; first man down has to sign up for the AOL interview and post a public pic to Facebook of himself shaking hands with the recruiter.”)
- Taking an $18 cab to go someplace where the beers are fifty cents cheaper.
- Ridiculous costumes. Double points if worn in class when no one else is wearing one.
- Facebook status updates from the tops of prestigious mountains. (“I can’t believe I’ve got coverage at the summit of Mt. Everest! I
- Giving fond nicknames to prestigious mountains. (“Kili, I miss you already! See you again in only ten months. Oh, and total props to all the sherpas. You guys rock!”)
- If white: insinuating, but never actually stating, that their background is middle-class or lower.
- If not white: insinuating, but never actually stating, that their family is filthy rich.
- Not buying any textbooks or course packs. Ever.
- Buying multiple copies of Case in Point.
- Getting hammered, en masse, the night before a major final exam.
- Clubs with lots of vice president titles. (“I was VP of second-round admissions for the India club!” Translation: he organized a night out for six people.)
- Carrying their school supplies in a laptop bag.
- Leaving their laptops at home for team meetings. (“Sorry, guys... my laptop’s broken; I’ll just chime in with my suggestions instead of being the one to actually do the work.”)
- Pastel polo shirts. Anywhere a regular guy would wear a t-shirt, the MBA student wears a polo shirt.
- Being overdressed. For females, this includes wearing sequins in non-sequin environments.
- Corny eighties music (bonus points if it’s two straight guys crooning ballads to each other at karaoke.)
- Leaving witty insults on event signup sheets in Google Docs.
- Bringing rollaboards to class so they can go (ostentatiously) straight to the airport afterwards.
- Charity projects.
- Oktoberfest.
- Undergrads.
- Group photos.
- Going to Vietnam, Thailand, or India on the weekend.
- Cheating, but just a little bit.
- Racist humor. Extra points if it's racist penis humor.
Sounds like 9th grade all over again.
Who would have thought?
YOU'RE SO FUNNY
oh god...
i've been dead set on going to business school since my junior year in college back in 08'. this is literally the first time i've reconsidered.
Different strokes for different folks right?
Bankerella: I love you.
Q: What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner? A: He smashed his his nose.
(Im kidding Im kidding)
Sigh , it's not a nose joke. Think again
Going to business school sounds a lot like moving to Murray Hill (only more expensive).
I like the "top-notch pussy for life" comment.
You guys say what you want, but bankerella gives me a woody.
Laughed at, "...first man down has to sign up for the AOL interview."
What is wrong with interviewing for the position of CEO and Chairman of the board at AOL?
FAIL
b-school is for people who can't hack it in the workforce...if you are truly a strong employee you don't need a bullshit degree to move up in the world.
I love it when we get a new crop of freshly hired MBAs who think they are hot shit and think they can run the world and then they realize that despite the fact that they are 2-4 years older than me and out $200K that I am more senior than them despite the fact that I didn't go to b-school and only have 4 years of experience post undergrad.
Hey, Harvardgrad08, where'd you do your undergrad?
Pretty obvious by my username...but that's besides the point. If you are good at what you do you don't need to go to b-school. I have a buddy from h.s. that went to a no name school and ended up at MS where he made VP at 27 without having to go to b-school. We have guys on my team that went to no name schools that are really strong and have moved up the ranks quickly b/c they have what it takes. The MBAs we've hired from top school are entitled assholes that generally aren't very good...must be pretty demoralizing though for those guys to join our team only to realize that they are less senior, less respected (although this is probably more industry specific as I work in tech and MBAs are seen in a pretty negative light), and lower compensated that guys that are younger than them that didn't have to go get a scam of a degree just to signal that they are halfway decent.
nerd status
Your first sentence reeks of ignorance. If an MBA is so useless why do top consulting firms, banks, private equity firms, send their associates to top b-schools en masse? Also, why do top firms hire so many MBAs if as you put it, "b-school is for people who can't hack it in the workforce?" I suppose McKinsey is a totally irrational actor who hires losers, right?
I think bankerella's posts are getting a lot of undeserved hate. Her rhetoric and tone may be a bit over the top, but her core argument is totally accurate: attending a top b-school is a truly transformational fun experience. Now, whether that's worth $200K+ is a personal decision. But don't deride some of the best and brightest who choose to attend these programs. It just makes you sound petty and envious.
Shh! Are you crazy? You can't diss this guy; didn't you know he went to Harvard?
These firms hire MBAs because they are sales companies at heart. It's easier to tell a story to a client that you are pitching when you can say "oh all of my employees are Ivy, etc." Despite the fact that a guy who is top 10% at Michigan or Texas, etc. is probably better than the average guy at HYP undergrad. At the end of the day, finance and consulting are nothing more than glorified sales jobs. A banker is no better than a residential real estate broker except the thing they are selling is on a larger scale. It's not that a firm like McK is irrational...it's just hiring from these schools helps their sales pitch.
While I agree with your point that an MBA is a fun experience it is definitely not transformational...in most fields if you go and spend those two years doing an MBA or if you don't go and just keep getting promoted for those two years at the end of the day you are probably going to end up in the same place.
Ella ella ella some bullshit once again from bankerella, ella, ella, eh eh eh eh eheh
Finally have enough credits to throw monkey feces at you, bankerella. Resistance is futile.
Harvard dropout checking in, sup bros.
@Brady -- the comment about only the top 10% of undergrads comparing to Booth/Wharton MBAs is completely ridiculous.
Sup bro. Are you struggling with reading comprehension? I explicitly compared the AVERAGE Booth/Wharton MBA to the AVERAGE Harvard undergrad and said that the former is smarter and more impressive. I admit that the top 10% at harvard undergrad is pretty fucking solid.
They're very tough to compare I guess.
I'd still argue that the average H undergrad student interested in finance is more impressive than your average student at Booth.
Shit, Brady. Blood's in the water now; there's more than one of them here. I gotta ditch you, dude. I know you'll understand. Just play dead, it'll hurt less.
-
This school dick measuring horseshit is beyond ridiculous. Brady you are like 30 still pissing in the wind about grad v undergrad quality. Grow up.
People who say that dick measuring contests are immature are 100% correct.
They also tend to be the ones with small dicks.
I completely agree with you, by the way.
Brady youre a 30-year old dreamweaver bro. Grow the F up!
Skillfully executed, sir.
As soon as I read the harvard dudes 1st post I knew he was gonna get gang-banged. Sigh. People on here are pretty smart and can pick up on insecurity, immaturity and pretentiousness pretty quickly. Please harvarddouche08, just stop.
came into thread expecting an irrelevant shit-show
left satisfied
LOL !
at the end of the day, we will all eventually die and nothing will matter
.
How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the bulb and the other one to hold the penis, ER - ladder!
Bankerella is so hot right now.
Bankerella, is this you?
http://www.youtube.com/embed/B05BrLhYoU8?feature=player_detailpage
God, no. I started as an analyst; you don't survive that experience without getting shit on at least once.
Will you be that guy?
Guys, I've said it before: if that chick truly has never been shit on, then she's never been a junior banker. Hell, up until about a year ago I was still getting shit on regularly. It's part of the gig.
So good luck finding any female banker to be a virgin venue for your steamers. She'll be like, "9.1 technique, 8.8 artistic component. I feel like you phoned it in this time. Next time, let's see you bring the heat."
Exactly how much pussy (in kilograms) will I get if I attend a prefteejus MBA business schools ">M7 business school? And subsequently, how many utils (in thousands) will I acquire during my 730 days of b-school?
Did you ever end up writing that post in which you bash b-schools? It was supposed to be a mix of truth and sarcasm.
And it was!
Ha, I was looking forward to that as well.
Just curious, but are you applying early/round1 anywhere this year? (@Brady)
Kilos? Fuck that, get your analyst to run that model. I don't speak European.
But utility in thousands obviously depends on your performance ratios, risk tolerance, and the curvature of your personal utility function (remember, all utility functions are logarithmic). Including the whole MBA business schools ">M7 will dilute average NPV of utility bump from b-school. Taking it down a couple notches, because there are some really crappy schools in the MBA business schools ">M7, my model says mean net utility bump would be $2,573,460.24 at a 7% discount rate. 10x return, not shabby.
I have a feeling if I got two Four Lokos in you and bought you a slice from Pinnochio's I could have you gawking at the curvature of my personal utility function within the hour.
This is a quality start. Pls provide support for disc rate. Mult of util seems a bit high, pls dbl check.
Also would like to see side by side comp vs. other M7s. Pls. action and leave copy for my chair. Will revert any add'l comments AM. Many thx.
Yep, European. Mocking the language of global science... one needs to wisely choose his battles Ms.
fuck
i got in too late
this thread has been trolled clean
Bankerella is en route to have a worse SB/MS ratio than me.
That says alot. lol
Worked with a lot of Booth MBA guys, all but one were terrible at their job... very smart but put more effort into doing nothing and were very slimy...just one man's opinion.
looks like someones been watchin suits...or just a happy coincidence
Bankerella is a pretty cool guy.
....every single thread Bankerella creates 50+ comments of all bullshit. CNBC will probable find a way to make this an article also.
In my experience, people who talk incessantly about where they went to school usually haven't accomplished much since they left.
OP received 29 MS's in this thread.
It is 4:54 pm.
Keep 'em coming, you still have time!
I concur. I know you guys can squeeze a few more out. Put your backs into it. Couple more would pay for the cup of coffee.
http://www.fijilive.com/ecards/cards/2006/04/03/go_get_em_tiger_large.j…
have one on me honey
WOW i've counted 29 monkey shits thrown at bankerella on this post, net of any silver bannanas she may have recieved, of course. this has to be some sort of record.
I think jerome marrow beat that record w/ his pakistani girl thread.
I thought I would learn something about people with an MBA, but when I looked at the person who posted it I went directly to read comments about it because it was not worth my time to read this nonsense.
This must be the filthiest ganger since the internet was invented.
She's been dumped on over 40 times.
Hot towel anyone?
I discovered this site recently and can already tell Bankerella is the worst.
I thought your relationship/sex article made it clear you have no free time. How are you able to spend all day in this comment section?
Don't you know that she paid $250k for her b-school? They teach them multi-tasking.
While she's typing comments, she's banging a trader, shorting facebook, manipulating LIBOR and eating her tuna sandwich while fixing some model on excel.
http://assets.diylol.com/hfs/d52/08f/2c6/resized/butthurt-dweller-meme-generator-oh-no-you-didn-t-it-s-on-nauw-cb01c5.jpg
The advice I give to early-career people working long hours is pretty different from what I do in my own life right now. I'm pretty much free to do as I please at this point, as long as we keep making money.
Will Bankerella find love or menopause first?
You don't find menopause. Menopause finds you.
Funniest thread I've read on WSO since "Congrats to the Round 1 Admits." This had me laughing out loud at work, to the point where people sitting next to me thought I was crazy. Well done guys.
IM ANALYZING BOTH QUALITATIVE AND QUANTITATIVE RESEARCH
+1 SB
hypothetical scenario, you get into the joint, but you still can't buy bottles with STAR-WOOD-POINTS!
Free on nights and weekends, with no discernable skill--not sure if you're a consultant or MY CELL PHONE BILL.
I cain't believe Tony Perkis did not participate to this thread.
I know your just joking around and writing nonsense for the sake of it bankerella, but stop pretending you and your MBA buddies are anything other than fat, over-worked, and unhealthy pieces of shit.
As someone more involved in the outdoor world, I can tell you the conditions on any mountain worth climbing don't allow for fucking status updates every five minutes, and real climbers don't say "You guys rock!" to Sherpas.
And thinking about it a bit deeper, no-one climbing Kilimanjaro would use the word "Sherpa" anyway, if they're not from Nepal/Tibet you call them "porters".
My friend, I don't need to make shit up when the truth is this fucking funny.
A personal friend of mine has referred to them as "sherpas" upon returning from her fave summit, "Kili". I have also seen numerous updates from summits, as well as less frequent updates from the path up. And I have seen people using social media to try to give shout-outs to people who will never own a smartphone or have a Facebook account. I am utterly serious. This happens.
These are the people you will go to b-school with, if you go.
This can't be what people who go to top business schools are really like, is it? Maybe I don't want to do this after all! Are there normal people too?
Yes, there are. They tend to fly under the radar, but if you flash them the sign, they'll flash it back.
Being half-drunk and reading through this thread gave me the same feeling in my gut that I get when I'm at a party and a fight is about to break out. And this is the internet.
To say that MBAs from top schools are generally assholes is a little unnecessary considering the fact that it is implied by everything bankerella has posted about them on WSO. In fact, I think that she is trying to capitalize on the disparity between what kind of assholes these assholes actually are, and the kind of assholes that the uninitiated assume these assholes to be. Perhaps she is simply trying to embrace these fucking assholes and celebrate the confounding lack of maturity in some otherwise serious individuals. Either way, bankerella (if I may address you personally--I was talking to the group but then I turned my head in your direction and you are looking up at me with those eyes, eager and captivating, yet soft and surrendering, hanging on every word I say) . . . . Either way, you are doubtless one of these assholes. So regardless of your intent, whether you meant to communicate irony or to brag or whatever, you cannot escape who you are: an MBA asshole, which is fine by me.
I concur ;) How do I drop a SB on your chest?
I also concur. But it's boring when people agree, don't you find?
I disagree.
HEY GUYS WAT DAH HAP WHAT KIND OF CRAYONSSHOULD I GET FOR BUISNESS SCHOOL IM THINKING OF GETTING BEFORE I TAKE MY NAP AND END MY RAP AND HOPEFULLY END BANKERELLAS CRAP
Melissa & Doug Triangular Crayons - 24 pack
DOES IT HAVE ANYTHING ON
CRAYOLA
THANKS MANE
Wow , I turn this off to do a few hours of actual work and this is what I find!
pastel polos is a given... can't remember one night in the last month where there haven't been at least a dozen... shit, i have on a pastel green one now
Enjoyed this thread. Gave bankrella some SBs especially the comment about culture. BH and the four lokos was the best too.
The reception thing in an exotic location is so tru, my facebook is full of people like "shitt I got reception in XYZ yes".
We all know black guys have a big anaconda in his pants, but I bet you'll be pleasantly surprised to experience my lightening quick Chinese cobra.
I wouldn't advertise quick if I were you
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