Think I'm about to get the axe. Help?

What did they say was wrong with your suggestion?

Any bank that would fire you for putting forth a well-intentioned idea after having explicitly solicited this sort of advice is a bullshit bank that you're better off not working at.

However, I seriously doubt that you'd get fired for your suggestion.

I take that back - I hadn't seen your post describing the idea. What you said is retarded, and you may well get canned.

That's unethical as hell. I am surprised that you are surprised at the response.

Hahaha this is hilariously fake.

That or you're pretty much fired.

Haha the more I think about it, the more I'm surprised they didn't fire you already. Seriously ethics are a huge deal, you don't fuck around about that stuff in any business, let alone Wall Street.

LOL

Something this ridiculous can only be fake. If not, best of luck to you. If you don't get fired, you can at least say goodbye to top bonus. That's for damn sure.

That may not be worth a firing, but it is definitely a horrible idea...and if I were your MD, I'd be watching you very closely to wait for you to slip up.

How did you even get a job in the first place if you think an idea like this is "fucking brilliant"?

The more I think about it, the more this must be a joke. That kind of idea proposed in good faith can only be the work of a deranged mind.

The idea I proposed is not that unethical. Consider and compare the following two transactions.

1. Person works for a bank for two years, producing work worth, say, $400k. (Let's be really generous.) He's paid $250k all-in over those two years, and support costs, office space, recruiting, and miscellaneous add up to $135k. The bank's margin is a pathetic $15k over two years. I'm making these numbers up, but they seem about right. The volatility here is very high, as well, since the person might be a total non-producer and a huge loss to the bank. Bank's up about $15k, with high variance, while the analyst walks away with two years' experience and the ability to claim a high bonus.

2. He pays the bank $25k (compare this to $15k, above) and gets all the benefits of analyst experience on his resume. The bank loses nothing and assumes no risk. If he's dedicated to finance, he can read some relevant books during his two years of being "off" from the burden of having to worry about his resume. Or, he can take an entirely different job and do that for two years, still having the same opportunities as a bona fide analyst at the end of it. He can travel. Et cetera.

Scenario 2 is better both for the "analyst", and also better for the bank.

As for "you can at least say goodbye to top bonus", I'm honestly not worried. A few thousand dollars is not significant for me, and when I apply for jobs I'll claim (of course) top bonus anyway, since that's what everyone does.

but in your senario 2, the bank is pretty much lying that someone worked there and got top bonus.

this has to be a joke.

This is fake. My bet is that it's this guy flaminary under a different name.

If not, you deserve to be fired for being such a moron.

Yes, but regarding scenario #2, banks always lie about bonuses they give analysts. If you say you got top bonus, the bank will support you even if you didn't. It (1) helps the analyst get a good job, but also (2) makes the bank look good to be so generous, and (3) benefits the bank in the long-term for the analyst to do well.

I don't dislike this form of "lying", because it will benefit me, and because it makes employment markets more efficient. I just thought I'd recommend taking it a full step further. Fact is, some bank is going to print a shitload of easy money by selling work experience for a fucking mint. Why not be on the bleeding edge?

I assume this is a joke. But, just in case it's not, what happens when this individual who has 2-years IB 'experience' can't do a damn thing your reference says he can at the place where he just got hired. I'm sure that's going to come across real well for your bank's reputation.

Most analysts at investment banks learn about as much under the current system as they would under my plan. Really, Excel hot-keys can be learned within a day or two. None of the skills learned in IBD couldn't be picked up in a weekend crash course, and we'd offer that, for an additional $8k or so. I wouldn't have put the idea forth if I hadn't figured the shit out.

The "analyst" under my plan would actually get to travel, or work dead-end but interesting blue-collar jobs, or perhaps try to write a novel. He'd come out of this being a much more interesting person than most analysts, and therefore hit harder and farther with clients.

Yep this is flaminary

OP doesn't work at any bank

It's only inflaminary because the idea is so new. The bleeding edge is always controversial.

I highly doubt anyone would suggest this kind of ludicrous idea. You realize how easy it would be for someone to expose this scheme ??

Noone is idiotic enough to suggest this idea, but if this is Flaminary....I gotta give you props for making this board a whole lot more interesting !

Clearly fake

Noone who busted his or hers ass to get an analyst position would make such an idiotic suggestion.

Additionally, even if I think I have a novel idea, I keep my suggestions to myself.

Analysts are to be seen, not heard.

Correction: Analysts are not be seen, nor heard.

Analysts should all be Milford men

Ban the OP.

And their other nick.

And their IP.

this is dumb

Kudos, if you actually suggested this, either you have big balls or you are seriously stupid!

If the latter, only an IB rookie analyst would do something like this, I love your earlier analysis by the way you try to economically rationalise your idea!

"He pays the bank $25k (compare this to $15k, above) and gets all the benefits of analyst experience on his resume. The bank loses nothing and assumes no risk"

LOL I can't believe it you have to be joking! No risk! What if it gets leaked to the press that a BB is selling its name to appear on some 24 year olds resume! Not only will it completely ruin the reputation of the firm and the firm's employees(ever heard of intrinsic value?) but also of all future employees! How many of you IBankers would be willing to do 100+ a week hours then when you can just pay $20 000 (or whatever) for it! The main reason people are willing to work such crazy hours as an analyst is because of the bank's brand stamp on your butt (in the long run $100 000 salary means shit). I mean surely you understand the concepts of supply and demand?

How the hell did you ever get into this industry anyway have you ever heard of ethics or were you masturbating over Gordan Gekko in that lecture?

PS. why don't you start your own firm Goldman Shacks (a la JT Marlin) and sell your name so that everyone can put it on their resume? You'll make a "ton of cash"! I'll even do the economics, pay a secretary $30 000 a year to answer phones and verify references, if only two people sign up, you will be making $20 000 before taxes and oppurtunity time lost in jail! If you sign 100, you will be making more than all the people in your meeting! It can't fail!

this is fake - no one is that stupid...

however if you are that stupid and somehow tricked the BB during interviews that you were smarter than you have shown here, then you should be as good as fired...

While this post may or may not be a joke, the OP does indirectly bring up one good point - why the hell are banks getting away with supporting analysts' false claims of getting the very top bonuses and deals? What if the bottom of the barrel analysts are exposed by their future PE employers as clearly not top bucket - doesn't this also risk trashing the bank's reputation, just as this scheme would!?

But yeah, I think this idea is pretty retarded, joke or not. I think banks get more out of their IB analysts than just what they pay them - all the pitchbooks, models, and comps that analysts do contribute to all the deals the banks wins, which yield millions and millions of profits in return. For 25k, which is absolutely nothing to a BB bank, they get nothing other than some pocket money, but risk their entire image of business integrity and ethical responsibility if even of these cases were exposed.

This is brilliant!!!! Can't beleive anyone hasn't thought of this before. I am going to approach Harvard BS to see if I can just buy the whole MBA experience rather than going to all the bother of actually attending.

Thanks for the tip!!