This might be old but it made me laugh my ass off.
To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )
I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you
demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and
my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and
earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to
apologize.
I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after
you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a
reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my
girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for
Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it
that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating
weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?
I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to
wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in
your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up
leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have
you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us
again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as
you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your
situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your
shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's,
along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet
itself in a dumpster.
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be
on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel
recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a
little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that.
I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about
to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it.
Oh well.
So, about your pants; I know that I was a little rough on you when
you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it
up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like
to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you
used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or
powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead
making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll
reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be
so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch
and laundry. Peace! - Alex
Classic and something I hope I get the chance to do someday. That and pistol whip someone.
+1
that is the most awesome story i've heard all year.
"Momma."
Typical.
Haha, wow.
Gold.
Ya this story is funny. That pic looks just like my Colt .45.
@ alex
-1 for not pulling trigger
Am I the only person who thinks this story is really creepy? Neither of the clowns in this story should be allowed to legally buy hand guns.
"Classic and something I hope I get the chance to do someday. That and pistol whip someone."
Wow, what is wrong with you? You should hope you are fortunate enough to never have a run in like this and stop dreaming you could pistol whip someone. You sound like a pencil neck geek trying to live out some John Wayne fantasy. In actuality, carrying a gun gives you a better chance of ending up dead or spending life in prison. You hand over your wallet and split the scene and there's nothing cowardly about it, and you did not do something stupid to jeopardize your life or the gf's.
You don't need a hand gun to stand up for someone in heroic fashion. If 1 of the roughly 100 witnesses had the balls to intervene, that father who was beaten outside the Dodgers Stadium by 2 thugs a few days ago might not be in a coma with brain damage.
Sorry for the rant but I hate to read moronic stuff like this.
So, are you against guns then?
Exclude all the John Wayne-ish heroism.
Adapt, being a concealed carry license holder, if someone pulls a knife on me and not within striking distance, you better believe I'm pulling my pistol.
Unlike you Adapty or Die, kind of an ironic name for you actually, we type A personalities dont roll over for others, we never had and never will. We would much rather put the situation in our own control. We are the masters of the universe and we dont take shit from some little thug who tries to rob us at knife point. Have you ever heard the expression "dont bring a knife to a gun fight" this situation is why this is a saying.
I believe it refers to his blood type.
I'll tell you, adapt or die (ironic), the same thing I tell everyone that asks me what you just did. If you pull a knife or something on me, you better be ready to kill be because I sure as shit won't stop until I do the same to you.
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