Tinder journal entry 1: Wow this app sucks, I met this 25yr old girl, we smoked together and she's in my bed, we start making out, my shirt comes off, I slow the pace cuz I always set rules before anything goes down,
So I ask her if she wants to watch a movie, she says yes, we start cuddling and watching the movie, she starts rubbing my body hard and telling me how much she likes it, good emotions and vibes are being felt up to this point,
I ask her if she's okay with talking about sex, she says yes she is okay with talking bout sex, still really into me at this point,
She then goes on to tell me she had a threesome on her b-day and has fucked over 100 guys and she usually doesn't do this for free,
HOLY FUCK, FML
AUDIBLE AUDIBLE!! (switching to first person)
Me: So when was the last time you had sex?
Tinder Girl: About a week ago, you know I gotta get it in.
Me: (HOLY FUCK THIS GIRL IS DIRTY) Okay so do you know you are clean?
Tinder Girl: Yes, I get tested all the time, still on my dad's insurance for another year.
Me: (HOLY FUCK THIS GIRL IS A LEGIT WHORE BUT IS CLEAN?)
Me: Could you kindly furnish proof of your cleanliness?
Tinder Girl: (Legit whoops out phone and shows me her last test which was 3 weeks ago). Here is the last test.
Me: (HOLY FUCK HOW DID WE GET HERE?) Okay as long as we know you are clean. I know I'm clean, I've only been fucking 2 girls and they've only been fucking me and both know they are clean.
Tinder Girl: We aren't having sex though.
Tinder Girl: Okay I'm tapping out.
Switch out of first person
Tinder Girl starts getting her stuff together and about to leave. I just ask her what happened? She tells me she's offended that I told her about the girl from work.
"I ASKED YOU IF YOU WERE OKAY WITH TALKING ABOUT SEX!"
I politely walk her down and wish her well on her ways...
TINDER IS DOG SHIT