Tinder Journal Entry

Tinder journal entry 1: Wow this app sucks, I met this 25yr old girl, we smoked together and she's in my bed, we start making out, my shirt comes off, I slow the pace cuz I always set rules before anything goes down,

So I ask her if she wants to watch a movie, she says yes, we start cuddling and watching the movie, she starts rubbing my body hard and telling me how much she likes it, good emotions and vibes are being felt up to this point,

I ask her if she's okay with talking about sex, she says yes she is okay with talking bout sex, still really into me at this point,

She then goes on to tell me she had a threesome on her b-day and has fucked over 100 guys and she usually doesn't do this for free,

HOLY FUCK, FML

AUDIBLE AUDIBLE!! (switching to first person)

Me: So when was the last time you had sex?

Tinder Girl: About a week ago, you know I gotta get it in.

Me: (HOLY FUCK THIS GIRL IS DIRTY) Okay so do you know you are clean?

Tinder Girl: Yes, I get tested all the time, still on my dad's insurance for another year.

Me: (HOLY FUCK THIS GIRL IS A LEGIT WHORE BUT IS CLEAN?)

Me: Could you kindly furnish proof of your cleanliness?

Tinder Girl: (Legit whoops out phone and shows me her last test which was 3 weeks ago). Here is the last test.

Me: (HOLY FUCK HOW DID WE GET HERE?) Okay as long as we know you are clean. I know I'm clean, I've only been fucking 2 girls and they've only been fucking me and both know they are clean.

Tinder Girl: We aren't having sex though.

REDACTED

Tinder Girl: Okay I'm tapping out.

Switch out of first person

Tinder Girl starts getting her stuff together and about to leave. I just ask her what happened? She tells me she's offended that I told her about the girl from work.

I reply,

"I ASKED YOU IF YOU WERE OKAY WITH TALKING ABOUT SEX!"

I politely walk her down and wish her well on her ways...

TINDER IS DOG SHIT

Comments (29)

 
Nov 25, 2019 - 3:35am

salt in the wounds bruh

twitter: @StoicTrader1 instagram: @StoicTrader1
 
Nov 24, 2019 - 10:57pm

This sort of neurotic internal monologuing is pretty consistent with how it goes in the book.

"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn

  • 2
 
Nov 25, 2019 - 3:35am

edward peen-fingers

twitter: @StoicTrader1 instagram: @StoicTrader1
 
Nov 25, 2019 - 3:36am

fakers will claim everything is imaginary cuz they hate, they don't do, they nerd out to anime though

twitter: @StoicTrader1 instagram: @StoicTrader1
  • 1
 
Nov 25, 2019 - 3:37am

I'm in a hurry though. I tell every girl I see my tongue is my strength and they always take it sexual.

twitter: @StoicTrader1 instagram: @StoicTrader1
  • 1
 
Nov 25, 2019 - 10:01am

Says the nerd who can't get laid and jerks himself to anime. Are losers usually socially retarded or is that the other way around? Losers usually are fat with small amounts of muscle and little to no social lives. That doesn't sound like me... lmfao

twitter: @StoicTrader1 instagram: @StoicTrader1
  • 1
 
Nov 25, 2019 - 10:29am

Never Happened.

StoicTrader:

Tinder journal entry 1: Wow this app sucks, I met this 25yr old girl, we smoked together and she's in my bed, we start making out, my shirt comes off, I slow the pace cuz I always set rules before anything goes down,

So I ask her if she wants to watch a movie, she says yes, we start cuddling and watching the movie, she starts rubbing my body hard and telling me how much she likes it, good emotions and vibes are being felt up to this point,

she continues to rub me & touches my dick a couple times, I ask her if she's okay with talking about sex, she says yes she is okay with talking bout sex, still really into me at this point,

She then goes on to tell me she had a threesome on her b-day and has fucked over 100 guys and she usually doesn't do this for free,

HOLY FUCK, FML

AUDIBLE AUDIBLE!! (switching to first person)

Me: So when was the last time you had sex?

Tinder Girl: About a week ago, you know I gotta get it in.

Me: (HOLY FUCK THIS GIRL IS DIRTY) Okay so do you know you are clean?

Tinder Girl: Yes, I get tested all the time, still on my dad's insurance for another year.

Me: (HOLY FUCK THIS GIRL IS A LEGIT WHORE BUT IS CLEAN?)

Me: Could you kindly furnish proof of your cleanliness?

Tinder Girl: (Legit whoops out phone and shows me her last test which was 3 weeks ago). Here is the last test.

Me: (HOLY FUCK HOW DID WE GET HERE?) Okay as long as we know you are clean. I know I'm clean, I've only been fucking 2 girls and they've

only been fucking me and both know they are clean.

Tinder Girl: We aren't having sex though.

Me: Okay that's fine I just needed to know some information. So do you usually cum during sex?

Tinder Girl: No. I never cum during sex.

Me: I've only encountered one girl who I couldn't make cum. And it was because she was so de-sensitized from sex toys.

I feel like a loser when I can't make girls cum. Actually I've been fucking this girl from work. I make her cum multiple times AND there have been times where she didn't make me CUM!

One time I made her cum so much her juices were all over my comforter.

AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET OFF THAT TIME!

Tinder Girl: Okay I'm tapping out.

Switch out of first person

Tinder Girl starts getting her stuff together and about to leave. I just ask her what happened? She tells me she's offended that I told her about the girl from work.

I reply,

"I ASKED YOU IF YOU WERE OKAY WITH TALKING ABOUT SEX!"

I politely walk her down and wish her well on her ways...

TINDER IS DOG SHIT

Array

 
Nov 25, 2019 - 12:07pm

you lucked out, 80% of the sluts you meet on tinder you DONT want to fuck. 50% don't look like their pics (gained 50lbs overnight, acne ridden), 30% have an underlying problem like sagging tits, slutitus, or if you visit their place its an absolute fucking mess

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

  • 1
 
Most Helpful
Nov 25, 2019 - 1:47pm

Jamie_Diamond:

if you visit their place its an absolute fucking mess

more than sagging tits, acne, being fat, being a slut, this is the biggest red flag.

sagging tits - fix by pec exercises, surgery, or just hitting from the back, tits are whatever anyway, plus it's natural

acne - can be solved with better diet, less makeup

being fat - easiest problem in the world to solve

being a slut - would rather have a girl with experience as long as she's clean

messy apartment on a date? bro, this girl is a nightmare. you have something on the calendar and you don't take any precautions beforehand? you can hide clutter, mess, etc. (oh I don't really use that room, just for storage at the moment). this will only get worse, not better. these are the kinda girls who forget to take birth control, wreck your car cause they're terrible drivers, ask you for money because they have no clue how to budget, come home with a dog because it looked cute and they "happened" to stop by the shelter on the way home, have 3 fitness memberships simultaneously yet they're always too tired for the gym. run. run as fast as you can. this girl will ruin your life. not saying you need the female equivalent of jerry seinfeld, but if her place is a mess, wrap that shit up figuratively and literally

 
Nov 25, 2019 - 8:02pm

dude like 3 or 4 bumble dates the chick was 20 pounds heavier in person, it gets fucking old

but tinder just is another level of trash,

bumble is okay, much better to me at least....

twitter: @StoicTrader1 instagram: @StoicTrader1
 
Nov 25, 2019 - 9:41pm
twitter: @StoicTrader1 instagram: @StoicTrader1
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