Hi all, 30 year old male here. Moved from a (very big) Midwestern city during my quarter life crisis. Since then my career has achieved escape velocity averaging $20K/year increases in base pay. My career path is relatively low stress (software), highly engaging (for me), and provides tons of growth. Been on over 100 dates using multiple apps. While it has been an educational experience, the dating scene in New York is very different. Finding it hard to get seriously attracted and starting to get the feeling that the environment here is too harsh. Falling in love with someone quickly was never in my wiring and while sex is nice it is not a core motivator. Starting to think that the problem is not me but NYC. Below are some complaints / observations:
1) Women are obsessed with their jobs. When I say obsessed I mean NYTimes readers with Trump obsessed. 95% of my dates will discuss the intricacies of their job in painstaking detail. Dont get me wrong, if you are a surgeon/cop or crushing it in real estate sales I want to hear about it. What I dont want to hear is how your manager at the PR firm you are interning for after taking a second masters degree does not fully recognize your achievements; its pathetic. What happened to trying to impress someone on a first date? and no putting some lipstick and foundation on does not count. Also, stop asking me about my job if A) you have no capacity/patience to listen to me explain it or B) you really dont care and just want to put me in a "bucket" or some sort. Nothing kills the mood like having to talk to someone who is just not listening.
2) People have little time. Between my job, exercise, basic life shit, and maintaining existing relationship with friends and family, I might have 2-3 hours available on a typical weekday and 6-8 hours on the weekends/holidays. Women who literally have no job/school/hobby will be very "busy" helping with their friends play that will totally go into production in a couple years. This is after 2 months of pursing/online texting.
3) Distances are vast. Living in Brooklyn and dating someone from long island/ new jersey is a no go. A lot of eligible women seem to live in these locales with their parents with little ambition to find a closer spot.
4) Initial expectations are crazy. The (strangely) high number of unemployed/unoccupied but seemingly cool men serve as a reference point for all other suitors. There is not way I am going to be able to have a 1-hour snapchat session with you at 11am on a Wednesday after one date.
5) Friends are a bad influence. Not only are they distracting them by monopolizing on time (see #2) but they encourage destructive practices (i.e. "a real man would do x") without suffering the consequences. This is not unique to NYC, but the harshness of suitor bashing is particularly notable.
6) Travel. For whatever reason NYC has a strong culture of paying expensive rent and then leaving to "Europe" for the weekend. How are you supposed to develop a relationship with someone if you are with friends/co-workers/enemies complaining about global warming in Nantucket?
7) Impatience. People want things NOW. You need to LOVE/FUCK/PAY FOR DINNER NOW. If the suitor does not deliver on said goods at the moment, dump him and move on.
Or maybe the problem is me? Looking forward to hearing about your experiences.