Unsure what to do about GF - Need Advice.

Sorry for another post from someone about their dating life but I am in need of advice.

Been dating my girlfriend for roughly 2 and a half years and she is great. We are both 25 and live in a major city in the United States. We have the same outlook on life, marriage, religion, kids, etc. However, I have been feeling that I am ready to be single again and have been losing some feelings for her. I am sure most people have been through this, but any advice on what I should do? I feel like breaking up with her would make her extremely depressed, but I just don't feel as strongly as I did before. 

Thanks as always for your help. 

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Comments (56)

Sep 17, 2021 - 4:09pm

Take a vacation with her. Your relationship will either get increasingly better or remarkably worse.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Sep 19, 2021 - 7:09pm

I took a trip to Italy with two chicks. We had a great time. I gave them both bare back massages in Cinque Terre. We went to Pisa and Lucca as well as Venice. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Sep 23, 2021 - 10:54am

this is really solid advice actually. Traveling together tells you a lot about the relationship in question -- people call it the 'airport test' for a reason

Big4 Audit --> TMT L/S

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Controversial
Sep 17, 2021 - 5:04pm

I dated someone for the past 8 years (EIGHT. FUCKING. YEARS.) that I felt similarly about. "He's pretty great. Attractive, good job, same outlook on life/marriage/religion, etc."  Had no reason to break up so I didn't... until I realized that that is no way to live your life. In mediocrity. We were going through the motions for a very long time before we finally broke it off. If you're feeling like this, just end it. Don't drag it on. It doesn't get any better.

Currently: future psychiatrist (med school =P) Previously: investor relations (top consulting firm), M&A consulting (Big 4), M&A banking (MM)
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  • Associate 2 in Consulting
Sep 17, 2021 - 5:43pm

Terrible attitude and the reason why more and more people are hopping from relationship to relationship, never finding long-term meaningful happiness.

Relationships change over time. The new and exciting passion dies down. A different kind of love develops.

Sure, sometimes people fall out of love and it's right to end it. But too many people are going to conflict the feeling of a relationship maturing with your post's suggestion of "the passion's gone so it's completely over" and they're going to end up making some irreversible decisions that they'll regret.

Sep 17, 2021 - 9:18pm

I apologize, I was definitely simplifying things in my initial post. The point I meant to say is, if you suspect that things are over between you two, then that might actually be a darn accurate sign that it's over (it's not just in your head, don't let people convince you to stay if you don't feel like it's going to work out!)

Don't drag it out in hopes that things will "maybe things will get better". Yes, relationships change over time. But falling out of love, feeling like you're going through the motions, living like roommates instead of like partners... you can't ignore those warning signs. It is much better to leave than to drag it on for years.

Currently: future psychiatrist (med school =P) Previously: investor relations (top consulting firm), M&A consulting (Big 4), M&A banking (MM)
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Sep 17, 2021 - 10:59pm

I know ill be different than the majority on this but I find it completely normal for a relationship to get to the "boring" phase. Almost everyone criticizes it but I feel that it shows strength in the relationship. That doesn't mean to keep a relationship boring, you should always try to make things exciting for each other like going on trips, nice dinners, spending really good time with one another, etc. But sometimes that boring phase is whats makes a relationship strong. Might catch some hate for this opinion but relationships shouldn't only be sex & drugs - they should definitely be involved but there has to be some time in between where your relationship is boring. If you think of it, some of the most genuine relationships in your life are boring as fuck like with a parent, cousin, friend, etc. 

My suggestion would be to stick it out for at least a couple of weeks and think about it hard to see if breaking up is really something you want to do. After that, definitely make a decision, maybe talk to your partner and be super open about it all. But you are only 25 so you're young and I wouldn't really worry about the never finding another partner thing. You never know also, you might break up and then come back and have an incredible relationship after that - sometimes people juss need to change/adapt

Sep 18, 2021 - 1:33am

Dont come to this forum for relationship advice.

Literally nobody here knows anything about the real world besides finance and exit opps; youre seeking advice from people who value money over anything else in the world.

If you find someone that you actually like, don't let them go and just work on being better to them and they'll reciprocate. 

The grass is always greener on the other side. But when you get there, you realize that people are actually all annoying and crazy. 

Sep 23, 2021 - 11:13am

Let's all discuss OP's exit opps for relationships.

- Could possibly lateral to late 40's first-divorce cougar. Pros - solid comp as alimony kicks in with high net worth from settlement. Much of asset depreciation has already occurred due to age and will allow you to inspect and underwrite the asset accordingly.  Cons - Possible kids.

- 22/23 year old fem who just graduated college from semi target (think Notre Dame, Boston College, etc). Pros - still parties and has fun with friends. Cons - Doesn't understand "real world" and major transition often leading to depression.

Sep 19, 2021 - 5:06am

Before you end it, try some super freaky shit in bed. If she's game, it might change the way you feel about her. Eventually you might talk her into letting you have another girlfriend or sugar baby. But if she's a prude, end it.

Women are actually really resilient when it comes to getting dumped. They usually just wanted to get married so they can show other girls that they can trap a man. It's worse for guys getting dumped because consistent pussy can be very calming and allow plenty of time for achieving career goals instead of having to spend hours a day pipelining ass. 

Sep 19, 2021 - 12:31pm

Is amazing how horrified most people would be if instead of dumping a girl this post would be about dumping a dog, but hey who cares is only a human being....This post itself and most of the comments are a perfect portrait about how our "modern" society is becoming a pile of shit composed by selfish pricks without the slightest moral compass, empathy or principles. Is clear that most of you guys have the same mental process of a parasite that is only interested in taking as much as possible from its entourage making the lesser effort in the process.There was a time where people looked to support each other in a relationship to grow and build something together instead of trying to live in a permanent amusement park 24/7 and leave at the first sight of ending of the mating season aka "magic".I think that magic is having a partner that has gone through highs and lows with you meanwhile supporting each other in the process even when you couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel and saying together we made it while raising a family.I don't know who raised you guys, you kill yourselves for money in endless hours of stressful and competitive study and work and all of sudden you kick a person out of your life who is ready to build something special with you just because you aren't entertained no more. People is not a mean of entertainment guys.Funny enough most of those bs comments will be coming from guys that in their majority will be facing depression issues (most likely covered with substances abuse or addictive behavior problems) as soon as they realize how they have been wasting their lives being self centered selfish pieces of shit.Do whatever you want to do with your life as long as you are ready to pay the price,

Sep 21, 2021 - 2:44pm

Jesus Christ dude it's a few month relationship with someone still in college. "Pay the price"? of what? Being young, single, wealthy, in an A-tier American city? Oh heavens what will he do! 

Just because you date someone for a few weeks or months does not mean you owe it to them to keep that relationship going. In fact protecting their feelings and keeping the relationship afloat despite losing attraction is the exact wrong thing to do and will just cause resentment. Breaking up with someone isn't 'abandoning' them. No matter what decision is made he will be ok, she will be ok. 

If we were saying ghost her that would be different. If they were married or engaged that would be different. If she was recovering from some injury that would be different. But this is just dating. Get off your high horse

Sep 21, 2021 - 3:05pm

Dude, the guy literally said two years and a half and that they coincide in the most important topics, work a little on those comprehensive skills before writing a nonsense.

Only idiot children in adult bodies look for a permanent fun in a relationship that's the reality that's my point.

Yes, pay the price of being a coward and an idiot, everything in this life comes with a price. Regrets aren't cheap.

Sep 20, 2021 - 11:57am

This is the best, most nuanced perspective on this thread.  OP wants to break up because he's out of the infatuation stage, but he's with someone where everything that really matters long term works.  He may be too young to settle down, and that's a fair reason to break up.  However, as JunkyardDawg said, finding someone who you match with on all of these characteristics is super, super rare - much harder than finding someone who you're briefly infatuated with.  

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  • Incoming Analyst in IB - Cov
Sep 19, 2021 - 6:57pm

A girl I dated for years started being physically and emotionally abusive. It completely killed the thread of romance we had. Once you shift perspective on a girl, leave immediately. She will not improve. 

  • Incoming Analyst in IB - Cov
Sep 19, 2021 - 7:10pm

Wouldn't say she was evil, but she had a lot of issues centering on being adopted. I went to college very far away from her and she moved to Europe so there was no way it was gonna work out anyway. The straw that broke it was her slapping me in the face while I was driving. I drive a 1992 Mustang that I love. She put it at risk and you can't come back from that in my eyes. Have since been very vigilant to avoid clingy, needy, insecure type girls. 

  • Managing Director in PE - Other
Sep 20, 2021 - 10:29am

Imagine a friend of yours or a random was smashing her.  Would it make you upset?  If yes, you have some thinking to do. If you truly are like eh not worried about it, then you have an answer.  
 

Remember, the grass isn't always greener, but if she is just lame then that's another story. 
 

Sep 20, 2021 - 11:08am

Just cheat,  if you feel really bad after then you really care for her and should stay with her, if you don't feel bad after then break up because you don't care for her enough to feel bad about cheating.    

Sep 20, 2021 - 12:15pm

I'd say, and you don't have to put this here online, whats the real reason you want to break up with her. Every relationship you're in, personal or business, you will always see the other side as attractive. 

Its one thing to grow with someone and understand who they are, but we can as a grew, and its only 2 years, but 25 in a lot of ways is way older than 23. Its okay to think, we're not a fit long term but we don't hate each other. It just worked for that time. The person you are in five years might look back and think that was exactly the right decision. You might think its bad to break up after 2.5 years, but the only thing worse would be breaking up after 4 years or so. You say you have the same outlook on life, but you do talk about that stuff. Its one thing to say you want to get married and another to say get marriage to the person you're with. 

On the flip side, I'd say, being bored with anything is more on you than her. Meaning, if you really like her, maybe you need to find other outlines, or take more time for yourself. Don't think she's holding you back (obviously prob from dating other people), but if you want to learn something (hiking, skiing, cooking) go do that.  Or be more vocal, "hey, I really don't want to do that", express more what you want. 

Last point, I'd say think about what kind of relationship you want to have. Some people are what I call "check the box", basically more hands off and just happy to be with someone, less concerned about who that person really is. On the flip side, you can be someone whose really in-tuned with your partner, and form a true partnership. I know people win relationships who are both of those, and everywhere inbetween, some not what I would want, but it works for them. 

Sep 20, 2021 - 2:13pm

It sounds like you're not getting enough alone time. You need your own hobbies, own trips, own friends (including platonic female ones) own life. One of the best things I did with my ex was go on a vacation where we spent the days apart. He went deepsea fishing while I went rock climbing, and that way we had our own memories but were able to share them with each other over dinner. By the end of the week we had our own versions of the vacation that we created together. 

Most important is communication. Tell her your concerns and don't leave the conversation or even the room until you both have made a concrete plan to improve the relationship. Hope it works out! 

Sep 29, 2021 - 10:53am

Better now at 25 then at 30..it's sad but go ..better for you both

DC
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Oct 15, 2021 - 5:12pm

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"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • Intern in IB - CB
Oct 15, 2021 - 5:29pm

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