I just started college. I'm what someone would call socially awkward; I tend to mix up my words a lot when I'm talking, avoid talking to others, and I talk too fast just to get a conversation over with. Fortunately, it has gotten better over the years for me as I'm improving. I need some advice that could help improve my social life.
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Exercise
You just have to be around others more often. Force yourself to be go out. Everything will become more natural and less awkward over time. Pay attention to what others are doing and you'll be able to discern what's socially acceptable and what's not. It's a slow process, but a necessary one if you don't want to be a hermit for the rest of your life.
alcohol
If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right. Do the opposite.
that only works for Co-stan-ja.
try buying a new sweater
Force yourself to go out and stop caring about the little stuff
Read sale carnegies book, how to wi. Friends and influence people. Pick up some basically psychology and sociology books.
Reality is most college kids are retarded and laugh at funny bears and people with shoe laces tied incorrectly. Basically shit that would get you put on the short bus if you couldn't master the SAT.
Make people talk about themselves. Know what's going on in your little world. Don't stand out from the norm. Shit like that. Get contacts. Get a haircut. Drink. Whatever.
Sometimes I wanna have bro babies with you. It's fleeting, but it's there. No homo.
The simplest yet most long-lasting piece of advice: immerse yourself in the process of engaging with people. You will screw up to no end but with each little interaction, you will learn something. Rinse and repeat a billion times. You will eventually understand every piece of advice others can give you here.
Before trying anything, you should ask yourself why you are socially awkward.
There can be tons of reasons why you don't enjoy spending time with others. Suppose your immediate surroundings are occupied by Neanderthals, I'd say blindly forcing yourself to social with them would only lead to a bad start thus a stronger social avoidance tendency in the future
Maybe first focus your efforts on people who you would consider like-minded?
Social awkwardness is nothing but low experience. How many times do you talk to a stranger during the day? How many activities that require talking do you do? How many times do you leave your comfort zone? If you're not doing all three every day you will never get better.
There are no "tricks" you just practice practice practice.
Just like this site suggests, we are all apes, all the above things will improve your social skills. If you're looking for a way to improve your social skills without going and practicing yourself... Well not happening my man.
Play on player.
I fucking swear to god you're like a wannabe David DeAngelo for Wall Street. I kind of want to shoot myself in the face right now.
Edit: I was going to apologize for being a little harsh, but then I went to your website, so I'm sticking with my previous statement.
No worries my man sounds like it is a useless website for you. Good luck out there.
Literally I don't understand how the fuck one could write the retarded shit on that website and then advertise it. I'm halfway convinced it's just one big troll operation. Either that or some Asian kid in his freshman year imagining what his life will be when he finally graduates with an IB offer.
Ha! Fair enough.
That's kinda the point though most finance sites are boring as f**k.
I agree, but god damnit you can do better mother fucker
Sure feel free to shoot over suggestions. It's just a fun hobby.
Note I don't know s*** about website design. So the same theme needs to be chicks/money/motivation.
That's about it, thanks bro.
For fucks sake why don't you two get a room already, bro.
Why bother with a room?
how to become more social? (Originally Posted: 10/11/2010)
Hi, I'm a freshman at a target in a major city. I want to get into IB, but I want to work on my soft skills before i become a junior.
Any way to do so?
cell phone conversations with people you only meet on a forum :)
go to parties and meet strangers, helped me a ton
You have to be born with it but practice always makes perfect, good luck!
Go read The Game by Strauss. Just go to parties and hit on women. Best practice in the world. You will have to think on your feet, deal with rejection and show value.
Maybe get a PWM internship when you are a freshman and do a lot of cold calling. Familiarity on the phone is a huge asset.
Can't believe you recommended this book. I literally just got done reading this book this afternoon. It's so bad it's not even funny. Honestly some of that shit may work, but applying their hair brained pseudo science to your interpersonal relation ships seems like a horrible idea. I will admit that there's a couple good points in there:
I was going to suggest the same thing.
The general theme of the "pickup" community in my opinion is about relating to people, and it works equally well on men and women - it's only that the outcomes are different. When a woman sees you as a high-value guy who's got his shit in order, she wants to sleep with you. When another guy notices that, it cultivates friendship and respect. That lesson has helped my career more than anything I learned in a classroom.
Although you may strike out a few times, you may get lucky a few times. Hit on woman at parties. Make it your goal to once a day meet someone new. It helps a lot. You will make new friends and eventually through experience, you will earn your social skills.
Become more social? I don't know, join a frat possibly, go out and get drunk and hit on girls. Being social is not really a sill that is learned, I feel like it is something that comes natural. In the context of networking, I would definitely hit up some alums and talk to them on the phone and meet some for coffee. Networking becomes easier and easier the more you do it.
Start drinking. Heavily.
^^^ best advise
There are two types of socially inept person. The first is the most common: they're just scared of making a fool of themselves and so avoid the situation all together. They act very conservatively and are afraid of putting themselves out there. They would never stand up and make a speech or even tell a joke. The second are people with actual personality problems. And there's a plethora of types. Helping them become more sociable is extremely difficult and sometimes even impossible (even with therapy and/or medical treatment - e.g. xanax).
So you have to decide what branch you're in. Mosty likely the first. If that's the case I agree with those above. Go to campus parties, industry conferences, school club meetings, etc and try to engage strangers in conversation. (Don't use alcohol as a crutch) And remember that you're just a young guy- it's okay to make a fool of yourself. In fact it may even be good for you. Making social mistakes now and realizing that it's not a big deal will make you more confident in your adult life.
Thanks CaptK.
Key thing is this. No one wants to be around someone who sucks. Even people who suck themselves don't want to be around other people who suck. Don't suck, that is the goal.
Haha, quote of the year..
My advice to the OP:
Step 1-Get off WSO and stop worrying so much about your career. You're a freshman in college. Enjoy it. Come back in 1-2 years. If you need to, just tell yourself you're "networking" at the frat house.
Step 2-Get drunk. Everyone else is right-It helps.
Step 3-Talk to people. Meet new ones. Especially talk to girls-you'll be more nervous and get better practice. Plus, they might reward you with a nice "bonus" at the end.
Step 4-Do all this NOW. Freshman year is the best time to start. People haven't formed groups yet and are looking to meet as many people as possible.
Look people in the eye, be yourself and don't worry about what people think. I've heard good things about that "How to win friends..." book mentioned above, but haven't read it.
drink heavily. get a pwm internship cold calling. hit on chicks at parties. get laid by hot girls. (this works the best)
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
Great book with lasting life lessons. Definitely could be a great help to someone trying to improve their social skills.
Drink. Go out. Repeat using less alcohol each time.
Tequila Some X might help you as well
Go Greek.
Just forced my roommate here in BA to read The Game. Let's just say since I've been here (10 days) as his wingman, his "success" has accelerated to say the least. He was kind of shocked 2 nights ago when he went up to one of the hottest girls in the club and took the advice in the book. Within 5 minutes, her friends were asking him, "do you want to kiss her? ...what are you waiting for?"
A lot of people will blow it off as BS, but then you go out and 90% of the guys stand there trying to look tough and do nothing. They hold their beers up to their chest for protection and hope they get drunk enough to approach that one girl they've been eying all night. It's actually kind of sad.
Some of my best looking guy friends with great jobs have significantly LESS success with women than some of my other buddies that are average looking at best but have the right attitude. Like CaptK said, the book is really about learning how to put your best self forward and developing a deeper understanding of social dynamics.
I agree with just about everyone above. The biggest mistake I see kids in school make is to completely focus on the GPA and miss out on social time with friends. College is the only time you will have complete discretion to chill with friends whenever you want and the soft skills that you gain from bull shitting with friends and hitting on girls are huge. Getting into IBD is largely based on the interviewer's ability to see himself grabbing a beer with you and enjoying himself.
I would look into the short book called "attraction formula" by a guy name Paul Janka. He was on all sorts of talk shows for being a modern day Casanova. Good stuff. Teaches you to sell yourself in 1 minute
Don't let class get in the way of your education dude. There is a shit ton of other stuff out there. I think everyone has pretty much said what you need to do here but I think the best advice was to stop spending so much time on WSO and worrying about your career. Go have fun, get drunk, do shit you have to bribe people not to talk about. In short, sack up and enjoy college. The social stuff will improve in time.
spring for a couple pro's
host orgy
converse with new friends
"I've often discussed how glad I am that I got exposure to alcohol in high school"
Hilariously true
Join a final club. They are exclusive and fun.
Be the guy that gets everyone together...once you meet a few new people, plan a night out and get everyone on board.
Also, a good tactic I've picked up is to go up to girls and introduce yourself. After a few minutes introduce them to your guy friend. Your buddy appreciates the introduction and the girl sees you as non-threatening, friendly and the guy who knows people. She'll probably come back and want to find out more too. Win-win.
Wait, was this not a troll?
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