What do you do if you have a thing for your director

sadsoul90's picture
Rank: Senior Baboon | 180

Associate in my mid-late twenties, my director is amazing - I just really like her. Maybe I'm telling you all because I can't tell anyone else.

Comments (77)

Mar 20, 2019

Two options:

  1. Do nothing and think with your head rather than thinking with other parts of your anatomy.
  2. Ask her out under the assumption you will be turned down, and either your career destroyed/ fired.

Really, go look elsewhere

    • 8
Mar 20, 2019

great assessment.

I'm really interested in the self-sabotaging part of subconscious that is still down to take the risk.

Apr 7, 2019

Fuck it dude YOLO

    • 6
Mar 20, 2019

This is like falling in love with a stripper. Going for her is not going to end well for you emotionally or financially.

    • 12
Mar 20, 2019

What kind of thing are we talking about? A "#1 boss mug" , or a file someone handed you to give to her?

    • 3
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Mar 20, 2019

think more along the lines of the mug but instead of a mug an expensive ring haha

Mar 20, 2019

Wow! This escalated real fast!

    • 1
Mar 20, 2019

you can flirt, but never using overtly sexual language. if you don't know how to do that, then stay away...you are not ready for the big leagues.

just google it...you're welcome

    • 5
Mar 20, 2019

yeah whats the play then, just develop a good platonic work relationship and hope some day it goes somewhere? haha fml.

Mar 20, 2019

if you know how to flirt...you don't need to use overtly sexual language. Just the tone of your voice and basic body language can communicate everything you desire (but only if you know what you are doing...if this is your first time, then go practice on other people where there is no risk to your career). This flirting with very subtle sexual tension is what girls want anyway. After a few weeks of sexual tension,when you are at a bar grabbing drinks (its bound to happen) then you can put her in the position with the opportunity to give the green light. But, never put yourself in a position to get fired.

just google it...you're welcome

    • 3
Apr 8, 2019

Facts!!!

Mar 20, 2019

OPs user name checks out

thots and prayers

    • 4
Mar 20, 2019

sure does

    • 2
Mar 20, 2019

I never had a female director or manager so I really like this topic. Please keep us posted!

I think it is difficult to get this right. You don't want to burn the professional relationship you have. But you need some feedback from her whether she feels the same. You can use the not-overtly-sexual-flirting from above. If you both feel the same you could then decide to move to another firm to date her without restrictions. However, if your flirting attempts go wrong you might need to look for another job or another department inside the company anyway. All in all, if you decide to turn thoughts into actions it quickly turns into a question of where you want to work. My two cents.

    • 1
Mar 20, 2019

Isn't she way older than you? I've dated chicks older than me a few times and it doesn't really work because they are on a clock. There's no real winning for you in this case though.

Mar 20, 2019

She is relatively young for her position, she is about 8 years older than me. Yeah there is no right move, anything remotely direct will get me fired if it's not on.

    • 1
Apr 8, 2019

this is stupid. if you are late 20s and she is 8y older, she has only a couple of years max before she needs to seriously think about kids if she wants them

Offshore liffe

    • 1
Mar 21, 2019

username checks out

Most Helpful
Mar 21, 2019

Rub one out and reassess

    • 107
Mar 25, 2019

Post nut clarity, best time to make a decision.

    • 13
Mar 25, 2019

If you're still into her after this... RIP my friend you are in love

"If you ain't first, you're last!" - GOAT

    • 2
Mar 28, 2019

I like how this is "most helpful" as opposed to "funniest"

    • 13
Apr 8, 2019
CRE:

Rub one out and reassess

This might be my highest rated post ever

Edit: Got to +100

    • 4
Apr 8, 2019

Well your advice is spot on actually--often times men conflate horniness with love when they're with a girl....better to rub one out and THEN see if it is love in fact

    • 1
Apr 15, 2019
CRE:
CRE:

Rub one out and reassess

This might be my highest rated post ever

Honesty pays off.

May 2, 2019

well deserved

Apr 8, 2019

You should honestly dod that before 80% of big life decisions lol

Apr 8, 2019

+1 SB. Not actually giving you a SB tho bc I don't want to be responsible for knocking it out of 69

Mar 23, 2019

.

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Mar 24, 2019

What do you have to offer her that she cant get from a thousand older, richer dudes?

    • 3
Mar 24, 2019

why would the richer dudes be chasing someone on the wrong end of 30 when they could be going for mid twenties etc?

    • 2
Mar 24, 2019

nothing

Apr 8, 2019

youth. she will be a middle aged woman with a guy in his early thirties

    • 1
Apr 11, 2019

What he has to offer that she can't get from a thousand older:
1st: younger scooby (his genitals)
2nd: brains if he can seduce her
3rd: she won't throw up every time after having sex with him

Oh ... this counts more than monies :)

Mar 25, 2019

Dude grow a pair of nuts and just leave em hanging. If she bites, you know what to do. Otherwise, this is just sad.

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Mar 25, 2019

what?

under no circumstances should you ask out your superior, ever. no only will she most likely say no, she could be fired if she pursues anything, and unless you look like david beckham with an eggplant appendage, you're not worth it.

if she gets assigned to a new group where you're not subordinate to her, yeah see how it goes at a work happy hour, but otherwise forget it dude.

    • 10
Mar 25, 2019

This is the right answer. Not only is she unlikely to be interested, but she would almost definitely get fired for hooking up with a direct report. At the very least one of you would have to switch groups

Apr 8, 2019

Yeah, imo someone else here nailed it.

Continue to talk to her in a somewhat flirty way, if you ever decide to move jobs thats your chance to move forward with it

Mar 28, 2019

You know, when i first got into industry, I thought... hell, no big deal but after years gone by, I've realized how small the industry was and the last thing I've ever wanted to do was burn bridges even when I was in back ops at the time. Yeah it was back ops, no big deal, right? No way... if an MD doesn't like you, you're fucked. But, I can't say I haven't. Well, she was a VP for JPM in Jersey City. I knew i would never work with her so hell, I went for it and I was an analyst at the time lol.

    • 2
Mar 28, 2019

Whatever you do, make sure you start visiting hr and document that a superior is making advances and you feel it might get uncomfortable. Don't mention specifics.

Slowly work her up to a crescendo and if she really lays the hammer down go to HR and say it's retribution for spurning her advances.

This my friend is what we call a win-win-win.

If the glove don't fit, you must acquit!

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Mar 28, 2019

Daaang

Apr 5, 2019

Cold as ice Charlie Murphy

    • 2
Oct 8, 2019

Hahaha funny as fuck

Mar 28, 2019

If you pursuit her , prepare to say goodbye to your career in banking. Also since when did WSO become a romance consultation center?Thats what the app hinge and website eharmony are made for.

    • 1
Apr 8, 2019

maybe the reason why everybody wants to go into private equity is so they aren't in banking anymore and can date their bosses

    • 2
Mar 29, 2019

ask her out via text message

Apr 2, 2019

It is absolutely OK to express your feelings for her. After all, if you have a thang for someone, that someone needs to know right?

Does she have kids? In that case be prepared to be a father. I truly believe it is a plus if you manage to hook up with her - reviews gonna be positive from here on.

Apr 2, 2019

If she hired you, probably you have a chance. (Hey, she liked you so you got the green light)
If not, don't bother. Too much downside and too much risk. (You are on this site, no need to explain that further right?)
Upside? Knowing that she's in the late 30s and still single. You go figure. (Yeah, the rare gem you say)

Loving someone is easy, staying faithful and not getting tired is hard. Let the passion sink in a bit and design a game plan before you make the stupid move without a plan.

Apr 3, 2019

I feel like the answer is so simple...exit to PE/HF asap to get the money/drugs/girls...and lose the HR liability..., then tell her you love her...

Apr 5, 2019

The methodology to approaching this should be the same as it would be with any girl you're truly interested in, though the outcome may be different.

  1. What am I looking to get out of this?
  2. Is the risk of rejection worth the reward of a possible relationship?
  3. Are there other relationships between friends/colleagues I need to consider?
  4. If I do succeed what will I do?
  5. If I do fail what will I do?

Based on these questions it's easy to see that your situation makes this a risky play, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's not worth it to you. Size it up - make a call.

    • 1
Apr 5, 2019

Question no one is asking... does she like you?

    • 1
Apr 6, 2019

It all depends on the relationship between you. If you are just working together, then go find someone else. If you have some kind of friendship, you can try, but be careful

    • 1
Apr 6, 2019

Don't shit where you eat

    • 3
Apr 15, 2019

Oldie but goodie. OP did not say much but it's likely that he is making a fantasy out of this director he finds attractive, professional, etc.

Apr 7, 2019

Are you sure it's not a symptom of decent looks + proximity? Or are are you a lazy fuck that doesn't like approaching real women outside of your immediate obligations like work/school?

Work hard, work clean, & most of all do not give up.

    • 2
Apr 7, 2019

First find a job eslewhere.
Then tell her you've always liked her but didn't want to make it weird while working with her. You'll score a lot of points.

However not sure if you like her to the point of changing your job...

    • 1
Apr 8, 2019

Just get Tinder/Bumble/Happn/The Inner Circle and your problems are solved. There really is no excuse to be a dateless wonder these days when finding someone is literally at your fingertips.

Apr 8, 2019

Honestly, I'm a 4/10 and tinder gets me 5+ dates a week. Just click some buttons on your phone and bam now you have a girl

    • 2
Apr 8, 2019

If you could get with a girl worth 10x plus your net worth, you wouldn't be fantasizing about a woman 8 years older than you.

Move on man.

Apr 8, 2019

This is interesting. Do you think you two have some chemistry in the works? What's her body language like around you? I know of two associates at MM bank in the same group, that started dating secretly then actually ended up getting married. Still work together last I heard.

Conversely, have a close friend who had a fling with his boss/direct report (non-finance); when he ultimately broke it off with her, his work life became a total nightmare and had to switch jobs over it and to get out of the toxic situation. Just food for thought.

    • 1
Apr 9, 2019

Flirt VERY conservatively (like barely even flirting) so as to not risk your position, wait until you exit, keep in touch under professional pretenses, and eventually make the move if you get positive feedback

Apr 12, 2019

It is suggested to stay.

Source from Nihofun com

Apr 12, 2019

Oh MD you. You got what I neeeed! But you say I'm just an associate, but you say I'm jut an associate!

    • 4
Apr 15, 2019

+SB for Biz Markie, the relationship rapper. :)

    • 1
Apr 27, 2019

This is awesome. Well deserved SB

Array

Apr 25, 2019

She's a Banker Chick.

Just Say No.

Currently: future psychiatrist (med school =P)
Previously: investor relations (top consulting firm), M&A consulting (Big 4), M&A banking (MM)

Apr 28, 2019

Good things come those who wait

thots and prayers

    • 1
Apr 29, 2019

It largely depends on the sort of person she is, you'd want to be careful not to do anything implicating.

Apr 30, 2019

any updates?

Apr 30, 2019

@sadsoul90 please give us an update? did u smash?

May 3, 2019
Comment
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Oct 8, 2019
Oct 9, 2019
Comment

If the glove don't fit, you must acquit!