What do you look for in your other half?

bb_monkey2018's picture
Rank: Orangutan | 281

I assume everyone here wants to build a successful career; I'm probably 10+ years away from having to do this myself, but curious on what you guys look for in your other half if you already know you want to build a highly intense and demanding career? What do you see successful people in the industry do?

Comments (54)

Nov 10, 2019

Just want to add - I've seen some of my MDs in highly unhappy/seemingly unstable family lives, so generally I just want to try to avoid that...

  • Prospect in Other
Nov 10, 2019

Honestly, someone that can handle my very demanding career goals and is willing to be flexible.

Rocky relationships built on a spouse's hope that you'll eventually cut back on work doesn't make sense when you always plan to work 50+ hour weeks. Even when I'm retired. I plan on working in some capacity

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Most Helpful
Nov 11, 2019

A stable, loving relationship based on mutual respect with defined roles and retreat spaces for both of us, good teamwork and a feeling of being completed by the other one. Ideally, my wife understands why I work so hard and likewise, so that we both can be at our best.
Never understood that trophy wife shit, don't know why it's so prevalent.

Omnia facit Voluntas - Will alone suceeds

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Nov 11, 2019

trophy wife sh*t never works out in the long run. Looks fade away.

    • 3
Nov 12, 2019

That look...on your face...when you know you're lying.

    • 1
Nov 13, 2019

This plus a prenup @earthwalker7

Funniest
Nov 11, 2019

a prenup

    • 30
Nov 11, 2019

Maturity, Kindness, and Passion for anything that keeps her engaged and happy.

    • 4
Nov 11, 2019

been in relationship with same woman over a decade, happily married

I thought the same way you did back then, that you can "target" exactly what you want and just like the love stories said, there's someone out there for everyone. no, fuck that. you just want to find someone with the genitalia you desire who shares the same values as you if you want to be happy. specific personality traits like political beliefs, interests and hobbies, intro/extrovert, you have no idea what you want because you as a person will grow over time as well. settle on the things that can't change (values & equipment), the rest is gravy.

apologies to trans people, a chopped off wee wee is still not a vee vee

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Nov 11, 2019

you should publish a book of your wso comments

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

    • 4
Nov 11, 2019

anyone who's curious and a little optimistic can learn all the shit I've ever said on here, I'm not special or unique

    • 1
Nov 13, 2019

i think chopping off your dick should be illegal

Nov 13, 2019
takenotes08:

i think chopping off your dick should be illegal

You're just generally not a fan of personal freedoms, or...?

    • 1
Nov 13, 2019

Nobody:

WSO Algorithm: Controversial

    • 9
Nov 11, 2019

People who are happy aren't in constant conflict -- with their careers, or their roles in their relationships, or with the way they spend their time. That prescription looks different for just about everyone, so the mistake is copying someone else's recipe and expecting it to work for you.

I see a lot of unhappy relationships come from conflict about respective roles. If a relationship has a "driver" and a "passenger," but the passenger demands to be treated like a driver, or a driver is expected to act like a passenger, then you have the makings of simmering resentment.

Big clarification, before I get roasted: ain't nothing wrong with being a passenger. Nor is there anything wrong with being a driver, nor is there anything wrong with having true co-pilots. Sharing the responsibilities of life requires a lot of mutual trust and respect in each others' capabilities. One partner may be more capable than the other in professional and financial capabilities, and if the other partner realizes that it's in his or her best interest to support that partner however they can, that can be a very happy and fulfilling relationship.

You sound like you intend to be a driver. Things can always change, but it's good to know as a starting point. Find someone who a) wants to be your passenger, b) you feel comfortable with as a co-pilot, or c) makes you want to be their passenger. I've seen a lot of high-achieving people, primarily men, try to turn drivers into passengers, and I think that's a pathway to frustration and resentment.

    • 9
Nov 11, 2019

/thread

Nov 11, 2019

my gf turned hella driver recently

Nov 12, 2019
poppinbottleS:

my gf turned hella driver recently

She got you drove huh?

-Juve

    • 2
Nov 11, 2019

Humility and shared long term goals. We both are grinders, humble, hard workers. Met each other in college, neither of us had a dime to our names. Everything we have in our lives is from our own effort and sacrifice. We share the same long term goals which we continually revisit, and use that principle to compromise on conflicting short term goals.

Part of life is strategic and part is opportunistic. If you share the same strategy as your partner, you can appropriately evaluate opportunities that come up for either one of you (job, pregnancy, location).

I also have 100% trust in her. It's a very Bobby Axelrod Billions Season 1 feeling. 100%, not 99%.

    • 2
Nov 11, 2019

This.

Honesty, trust and adaptability are all the characteristics I need in my woman.

Get Jiggy With It

    • 1
Nov 12, 2019

That sounds amazing, do you think it was luck, faith or both?

    • 1
Nov 12, 2019

Part of it luck. Part of it just the type of women I sought out (zero drama, humble, wholesome). Part of it working hard to earn / keep trust over the years.

    • 2
Nov 11, 2019

I would love to find someone who understands my passions and dreams. I also have mutual respect for her dreams. I don't think anyone should hold you back. I would also prefer to not get married because there will be marriage problems basically living in the office. Plus, I have had my broken many times in college and I would prefer for the situation to never happen again.

"It's okay, I'll see you on the other side"

Nov 11, 2019

Dear diary

    • 3
Nov 11, 2019

Huge....tracts of land

Nov 11, 2019

Women marry men they hope they can change, but they don't.
Men marry women they hope won't change, but they do.

So, try to find someone who can put up with your horseshit rather than who sees you as someone she can mold, because the things you do that irritate her a bit now will drive her batshit in a few years' time.

You meanwhile should find a woman who has fundamental values and qualities you want, because once those looks are gone and that sweet voice turns shrill, you're still happy because she cares about you, intellectually stimulates you, keeps you laughing at each others' idiocy. Find a woman who has your back and drives you forward too.

    • 4
Nov 11, 2019

"If it flies, floats or fornicates, always rent it. It's cheaper in the long run."

  • How to Get Rich, by Felix Dennis
    • 2
Nov 12, 2019

Literally one of my favorite books of all time.

Nov 11, 2019

The ability to take a good POUNDING

Nov 11, 2019

jump in a hole

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

    • 1
Nov 11, 2019

I wish I'd dated more, before getting married. Not saying my wife's not awesome, but it's good to make sure you've done the full market DD.

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  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Nov 13, 2019

Buddy it's clear from your posts you have some relationship issues. Quite unfortunate.

    • 3
Nov 11, 2019

I don't think two type A career driven individuals pair well together long-term. Maybe some people make this work, but I chose a wife who is excited to keep the house, raise children, and be the best support possible. She is also very loyal and is not materialistic, both of which are crucial IMO for a happy marriage.

    • 1
Nov 13, 2019

Agree here. I used to be in relationships with Type A super aggressive and driven women. What ends up happening is not seeing each other, arguing a lot, and spending more time getting back together than staying together. I found someone who is super supportive and sees this as a team effort.

Loyalty is always #1. Nothing else matters in a partner (even in business) if loyalty is not there. Lack of materialism allows you more freedom. When you're not buying luxuries, you're buying time.

"The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary." - Nassim Taleb

Nov 12, 2019

Agreed with some of the others regarding dating someone who is more comfortable playing a passenger/support role. I usually date girls that are "boring" because I get enough crazy shit happening during work. I don't really want to come back from one high stress situation and jump into another.

Current gf is awesome because she is drama-free, gets that I'm busy, is really into self improvement, has a real career, and does all the stuff im really sloppy at like paying bills on time and depositing cheques. She doesn't insist on dragging me to some shitty party full of room temp IQ people either.

Nov 13, 2019
m_1:

She doesn't insist on dragging me to some shitty party full of room temp IQ people either.

This is something I really appreciated when I found it. I hate parties as is. I was never the type to go out and party. My fiancee is introverted as well, so I've never "had to go to this party because all 67 of my bff's are going to be there". As a note- I'm not saying don't go to your wife's events. I've gone to family gatherings and stuff like that. But if someone constantly needs to do something every Friday night, make sure you're into that lifestyle as well.

"The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary." - Nassim Taleb

    • 2
Nov 27, 2019
m_1:

room temp IQ people

Room temperature IQ hahaha. That is absolute gold.

100% agree

Nov 12, 2019

Me

Nov 12, 2019

Good gag reflexes

    • 1
Nov 13, 2019

Right. You don't want her to die from choking on food.

    • 1
Nov 12, 2019
  • Mutual physical and intellectual attraction.
  • Enjoy spending extended periods of time together.
  • Loyalty.

Anything else is a bonus.

*Source: Single guy.

Nov 12, 2019

Someone who can put up with my goofy personality and likes to laugh. Also I would hope they do something they're passionate about. I hate my career path but will probably stick with it long term because I'm passionate about money, but if both of us have that wildly unhealthy attitude, then that could spell trouble down the road.

Nov 13, 2019

Good looks and from a wealthy family.

Also, big bonus if she has mild daddy issues.

Nov 13, 2019
QuiltEmerson:

Also, big bonus if she has mild daddy issues.

Hmm

Nov 13, 2019

I've been in a relationship for almost seven years, have a kid, and will be getting married soon. Beyond physical attraction, which is just the prerequisite to maintaining a relationship with someone, this is what has made me stay with my GF.

1.) Kindness/empathy: She genuinely cares about other people's problems and loves to help others. This is a trait that is almost a requirement for a good mother and she's a great mother.

2.) Humility/ lack of attention-seeking: Her humility balances out my ego and she doesn't look for validation via social media. I can't stress how important this is in today's world. I don't have any social media other than a LinkedIn and old FB that I rarely ever get on and the attention-seeking that occurs on social media these days is a bit sickening.

3.) A willingness to support my career goals, even if it means sacrificing hers in the short-term.

4.) An understanding that I am the man of the family. Period. There won't be any hyphenated last names on her part. I smoke and drink, she doesn't. She won't be stopping me. In short, I wear the pants in the family and she understands and respects that, although obviously I don't "control" her and there is an open dialogue on important decisions. I am generally hands off with what she wants around the apartment/for our son, for example.

5.) A devotion and commitment to our relationship and our family that, honestly, I simply won't/can't match.

I think that pretty much sums it up. She's probably too good for me.

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Nov 13, 2019

"An understanding that I am the man of the family. Period. There won't be any hyphenated last names on her part. I smoke and drink, she doesn't. She won't be stopping me. In short, I wear the pants in the family and she understands and respects that"

Glad to see the 1950s are alive and well. The pettiness and ego (and insecurity) required to put so much import into the about the above is amusing.

Nov 13, 2019
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