What is the most no f**ks given thing you've seen in a professional environment?

williamthesnake's picture
Rank: King Kong | 1,123

What is the most no f**ks given thing you've seen in a professional environment?

I was once working at a small corporate finance advisory firm that was setting up it's own fund/asset management arm. I was in a room with the CEO/majority shareholder (who for context was a person of....non-abundant social skills) and two other senior people. I was presenting my analysis of the fund's first big investment, (so obviously a very important thing for this firm) and in the middle of my sentence, the CEO just stood up and walked out without saying a word. For a couple of seconds the rest of us just sat there staring at each other, wondering WTF just happened but then I just continued with my presentation.

Comments (62)

  • Associate 2 in CorpDev
Dec 13, 2019

.

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Most Helpful
Dec 13, 2019

You must feel pretty cool for putting someone down.

You know what helps this website? People attempting to post interesting content.

You know what doesn't? Shitting on people.

Hilarious that you couldn't even do it from your own username. Keep hiding behind anonymous "buddy."

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Dec 14, 2019

You must feel pretty good for putting a bully in his place, old sport.

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Dec 13, 2019

Can we get rid of this dog shit anonymous function?

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Dec 16, 2019

he/she will still get the monkey shit notifications

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

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Funniest
  • Analyst 2 in PE - Other
Dec 13, 2019

Old boss tore his E-cig around the office. He'd always have the thing in his mouth and people never said anything about it, he was just one of those guys you didn't mess with if you didn't know him, and most in the office didn't. They just heard him cussing random people out on the phone (albeit these were people he was friendly with, and it was completely in a joking manor).

Sat in cube land and were surrounded by a bunch of groups that had no idea what we did at the firm. He would always rip the thing, literally never left his hand, and as you could imagine, had a pretty loud personality in general.

One day, someone must have called him out anonymously to HR. I guess he got an email about it and that was followed up by a call from his boss, who sat in a different office. I was listening in, cause I heard my boss continually say, "got it, got it, wont happen again." When I heard this, I though I had done something wrong and started to get nervous. I'm trying to look busy and pretend like I'm glued to my monitors running through something.

Finally the call ends, and it's pure, agonizing silence from his cube. Felt like a couple minutes, was likely 15 seconds. I hear his chair squeak and he just exclaims "Hey..hey, everyone?..". I turn and people all around pretty much look over. "if anyone has a f&cking problem with me, or this" (holding the little black nic stick in his hand) "come talk to me, don't go b$tch to Leslie". Leslie is HR, and sits in another office. Dead silence. Naturally, no one says anything to him.

Were headed to go get lunch later and I ask him what this was all about and he tells me he got and email and talked to Steve his boss. I asked him what he was gonna do or if he thought he'd get fired if he kept doing it. He turns to me in his car and says, "I don't have much else to live for if I can't get buzzed at work". Still rips that thing to this day I'm told.

    • 48
Dec 13, 2019

For whatever reason I imagine this boss looking and talking like Wooderson from Dazed & Confused.

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  • Analyst 2 in PE - Other
Dec 13, 2019

Unfortunately he doesn't... but it'd be a lot cooler if he did.

    • 11
Dec 19, 2019

Can you show me this Joking Manor, must be expensive real estate.

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Dec 13, 2019

Sitting in a meeting around this long, oval table. This is a negotiation over a dispute and a potential lawsuit. Everyone is tense and it's a stressful time. Voices start raising between this VP and another VP at the opposing company. They full on start yelling at each other. One VP steps behind his chair and is leaning on it. He looks calm. Suddenly that VP, a grown man, is picking up the chair and throwing it against the door. The door is cheap and the chair actually gets partially stuck in the door. It's his own office so whatever flies (pun intended).

The negotiation settled down and the chair thrower got his way.

"The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary." - Nassim Taleb

    • 10
Mar 12, 2020

Sick power move. Demonstrated his alpha status and got his way.

"Next time, chair is flying at your head"

Dec 13, 2019

This was from another thread. Apparently, one intern left 4 weeks earlier than his internship was supposed to end to go take a trip with his friends.

He got a return offer and they offered to pay for his MBA

    • 13
Dec 17, 2019

really? waouh

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Mar 13, 2020

Definitely the MD's son, Chad.

  • Intern in CorpFin
Dec 14, 2019

My firm had invited an intern to join the annual ski trip to make sure she/he didn't decide to go somewhere else after signing (there was a 1 year gap between signing and starting date)

Well, the intern joined the ski trip (fully paid by my firm) and after the ski trip informed my firm that he/she will go somewhere else

    • 11
Dec 14, 2019

wtf

Dec 15, 2019

he/she
definitely a she

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Dec 15, 2019

ask HARVEY WEINSTEIN

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Dec 15, 2019

Harvey Weinstein certainly gave a lot of fucks, and most say he actually made people TAKE THEM by force in some way

I'm a fun guy. Obviously I love the game of basketball. I mean there's more questions you have to ask me in order for me to tell you about myself. I'm not just gonna give you a whole spill... I mean, I don't even know where you're sitting at

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Mar 12, 2020

Harvey Weinstein will be TAKING a lot of fucks in his near future. He just got sentenced to 23 years in pound-you-in-the-ass-prison.

  • Intern in S&T - Equities
Dec 15, 2019

Not as crazy but a kid in my intern class had a constant "fuck it" mentality all internship. He would randomly grab his backpack and go to the gym in the middle of the day. Would be gone 1-2 hours like it was nothing.

Craziest thing I saw from him was he actually went on a date with a girl from tinder, middle of the day as well.

His staffer eventually took it up with HR. Safe to say he didn't get a return offer. Was surprised he wasn't let go prior to the internship ending.

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Dec 19, 2019

Chad Intern vs Virgin HR

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Dec 15, 2019

Co-intern packed their bags and flew back to their home country in the middle of the internship without telling anyone. This person snuck into conference rooms at the satellite office in their native city (no fucking idea how) and was able to pull off not being at their cubicle in NYC for 2 weeks before getting fired.

Sophomores man..

Array

    • 10
Dec 16, 2019

A guy 'missed' in the bathroom near the area you wash your hands.

Was not liquid.

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Dec 17, 2019

this kid belongs on the streets of SAN FRANCISCO

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Dec 17, 2019

My boss chain smokes cigars and walks around on cheap sandals while posting Instagram Stories on her IG.

She's the best VP the firm has so nobody would really question/judge her.

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Dec 17, 2019

cool. I wanna met her

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Mar 8, 2020
ASEANalyst:

My boss chain smokes cigars

I feel like this can't end well.

Dec 17, 2019

Heard from a fd of mine that there is an IBD intern walking into a night club with his seniors and shouting to the waitress "No Table!? We are from fxxkin XXXXX! (the IB name)" the waitress replied loudly with no hesitation "who fxxkin cares?" and the senior immediately apologised after an awkward silence...no return offer with no surprise, although no one knows if it is 100% because of this, because the guy self claiming his gf coming from one of the wealthiest families in town was later found out already breaking up with her right before he got his internship...

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Dec 17, 2019
marketbeater:

Heard from a fd of mine that there is an IBD intern walking into a night club with his seniors and shouting to the waitress "No Table!? We are from fxxkin XXXXX! (the IB name)" the waitress replied loudly with no hesitation "who fxxkin cares?" and the senior immediately apologised after an awkward silence...

cringe

Mar 6, 2020

Did this sort of thing ever work? I'd think 50 years ago, if you worked in the Mayor's office then maybe, but few hospitality staff are familiar with industry hierarchies or care. Plus, if we're talking NYC, most places you'd want to be in are already packed with people from good firms.

Dec 17, 2019

my former manager was out on an extended vacation and lots of guys in the office had been approached by a recruiter (the same recruiter) in sleezeball ways, coming into the office, dropping off gifts, talking shit about the office and how his was so much better, walking around like he owned the place. word got back to my boss, called the guy up and basically said "don't do that again if you know what's good for you." the recruiter called his bluff, came back to the office, my manager took him into the parking lot and kicked the shit out of him, talking UFC style ground and pound with a suit on in a concrete parking lot. no one pressed charges, all of us around the office threw in for a new suit (the other one had recruiters blood on it).

moral of the story - don't pick fights with someone who used to box and wrestle in college...unless you're khabib

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Dec 18, 2019

Khabib is an absolute monster

Gun rights activist
Dec 17, 2019

interned with a dude last summer who would blatantly do phone interviews with other banks at his desk. also said, in front of 2 female associates, that "the women's world cup is a huge joke". didn't get a return offer

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Dec 27, 2019
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Mar 13, 2020
thesteezeman:

would blatantly do phone interviews with other banks at his desk.

I'm going to try this at work. Some assholes keeps joking about how my interviews go when I do certain unusual thing - I think this joking can have serious repercussions for me. Nobody would suspect it if I joke about having an interview and doing one at my desk.

I tried.
Dec 18, 2019

First case ever in consulting. It is Monday morning at the client and I have to present a massive 50 page deck we created last minute over a long holiday weekend. Days off? Why not work 16 hour days instead? fun.

I am presenting to 3 members of the C-suite and 3 other Sr Execs of a multi-multi-billion dollar company. Why am I presenting? The Partner and the Sr Manager both decided at the last minute to call in. Thanks guys.

I'm in the room set up, 2 CXOs and the Sr Execs come in but not the main client, the Chief Strategy Officer. 10 mins go by, then 20... I am sweating bullets. The other CXOs are annoyed and start complaining, then start arguing....with each other. I am roasting in my suit at this point.

Finally, 30 minutes in, the Chief Strat Officer walks in and we get started. I am nervous to say the least.

After 3-4 slides in, he looks annoyed and starts feverishly flipping the rest of the deck and states, "what the fuck is all this? This isn't the right format...this isn't what I asked for" and tosses the deck across the table. Then spend 20 minutes lecturing us all on what he wants and walks out. The "deck format" was given to us in a template deck of their own making by the Sr Execs that directly reported to the guy. All he really wanted was 5-10 exec summary level slides on our incoming hypothesis.

Welcome to consulting.

Dec 19, 2019

imagine being so uptight that formatting causes you to blow a gasket

is there an options market for this guy's blood pressure?

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Dec 20, 2019

Ha, I imagine he was pissed bc his direct reports, who were all very senior directors with years of experience in general as well as working with him, seemed to have no idea what he wanted to see and wasted a lot of consulting dollars on volume of information generated that was not needed. Might not have been the first time that had happened to him either. As we got to know him during the case, he turned out to be an ok guy. Maybe it was a bad day, but defs freaked me out. :)

Dec 25, 2019

Yep, complete facts. 50 Page decks only to be launched to your direction along with few (sometimes condescending) words along the way in under 5 minutes of your presentation.

But it gives you the skill of calming your nerves inside a wolf's den, which are extremely valuable. Keeping your calm and cool during stressful situation makes you a stout leader and person

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Dec 27, 2019

What industry was this in?

Dec 18, 2019

One of the reps in the sales org closed a massive opportunity and blew out her yearly number way early.

She went on a (much deserved) trip, and when she got back, at the QBR meeting her VP pointed to her as an example of someone who "Goes the extra mile, even when they don't need to."

Without skipping a beat, the class clown of the group said:

"HUH?
....

"What are you talking about?"

VP: "Well she continued working hard, she didn't just phone it in"

Class Clown: "Haha yeah, it's not like she went on VACATION."

The VP gasped and turned away, a few seconds later half the room burst into laughter, the other half was stunned into silence, and the girl who was being praised just sighed and shook her head.

Dec 19, 2019

MD crushing the JUUL on a client call

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Dec 20, 2019

Got another....

First day at the client site for a new client to the firm. We are all in suits to be on the safe side. CEO and CFO walk in to greet us. They are in jeans and golf shirts. We all fell like WTF. But, it's better to be over-dressed than under-dressed.

Senior Partner on the other hand....

Sr. Partner: "wait, you guys are casual in this office?"

CEO: "yeah, we like to make everyone comfortable..." some other stuff along worker morale, etc.

Since we all just rolled in from the airport, we all had our luggage for the week. The Sr. Partner immediatley hops out of his seat and asks where the men's room is.

He diasappears for 10 or so minutes, so we kick off the meeting anyway to stay on schedule out of respect for the whole C-suite that showed up for the meeting.

After about 10 minutes, the door to the conference room flies open and it is the Sr. Partner, comes strolling back in while the meeting is in full swing, dressed in a track suit and sneakers.

He smiles, cracks a joke about being more comfortable, people laugh, I go back to presenting and in less than 10 seconds, he is locked in to the meeting and asking very good questions to the CEO.

Zero F's given and still crushes work like a boss.

Dec 23, 2019

Not sure if this is the right place, but does everyone else see the breast pumping room as the top tier location for conference calls on a juul schedule in a recliner you never knew could feel so good? Asking for a friend who has never caused an HR memo to be sent out because of pumpers who think they are the only ones entitled to luxury.

    • 3
Dec 26, 2019

Guy at my old bank got promoted A2A and no one told him about the 5 week sabbatical you're supposed to get along with that. He finds out about someone else getting it and goes into the COO's office and is basically like wtf? COO acts like it was some big mistake and gives him the 5 weeks. Guy goes on his 5 week vacation comes back and informs the bank he'll be heading to PE lmao

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Dec 27, 2019

So good

Dec 27, 2019

Is the forced vacation thing normal? What kind of bank?

Array

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Dec 28, 2019

I mean it's not forced, if you don't want 5 paid weeks off after 2-3 years of being an analyst though you're probably exactly who they're looking for to stay lol. Not sure if it's an industry wide thing or not, this was at a top MM

Dec 26, 2019

Executive came by for standard meet and greet after being promoted to new role, intern (who had a bad attitude and was bad at job, blaming it on being marginalized as a minority) condescendingly asked him how he plans to improve workplace experience for minorities. Was awkward but not the end of the world. A week later there is a 300 person call and at the end he buzzes in for a question and asks the exact same question to the same guy (who was leading it). He hangs up grabs his shit and bounces. They fired him and he sued for discrimination, and think they ended up settling

    • 3
Jan 8, 2020

The company I was working for moved into a new beautiful and expensive new building. A partner at the team I was working for used to smoke his cigars in his office while at the old building. He goes and has his smoke, bring careful not to trigger the smoke detectors and alarms at the new place. Finished his smoke and review of documents and called it for the day in the evening. Went home leaving us junior monkeys to order dinner and continue soldering on. Smoke spreads throughout the open floor,alarms and sprinklers go on. The guy forgot to completely extinguish his cigar and it started a fire in his paper waste. After the ordeal that evening, on next day, we were reminded not to open any flame or smoke in the building. The guy was a top producer with huge accounts on his on. Nothing happened to him. Best part, he kept smoking his cigars in the office after getting the closest smoke detector manipulated. With a great sense of humor, was a pleasure being staffed in any of his deals and go through some deal structures in the evening while he's having his smoke...

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Jan 11, 2020

We had an international intern last summer who took a nap on a couch in our office mid-day. Full on took his glasses off and folded his arms over his chest while he slept for almost an hour. Same intern sent an invite to our MD for a standing weekly meeting throughout the summer during his first week.

Mar 6, 2020

On a certain level, you gotta admire the chutzpah

Mar 6, 2020

The question is: did it pay off? (Almost certainly not)

Mar 6, 2020

Working at an investment bank in Hong Kong, the vice chair of the bank was a somewhat older tiny local woman, who had more money than God and deep running relationships to HK's big moneyed family offices. She would walk around the trading floor and come to the morning sales meetings in plastic flip flops and hand-me-down clothes.

Everyone else was in nice suits and ties per usual, but not her. You'd think she just walked out of her shower in those cheap plastic flipflops, and was running out to sign for an unexpected UPS parcel before scurrying back indoors, but nope, she's the vice chair of a multinational investment bank throwing her ladyballs about.

She'd regularly cut people off mid-pitch too, and be like "this is bullshit" or "that's a dumb idea, no one's going to trade on that," etc. Soon as she'd open her mouth, the room would go silent.

One of the other MDs pissed her off at a party, and next thing you know he was "reassigned" to sales in Jakarta, and had to leave his home in HK behind.

She had less than zero fucks to give.

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Mar 6, 2020
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  • VP in IB - Gen
Mar 8, 2020