What would you say if an MD asked you to make him laugh?

Was on a networking call with an MD at a top tier bank (think MS/GS/JPM) and got asked this...I didn't know what to say so I said "I'm not really funny."

Honestly I was expecting (and was prepared for) industry questions or mental math so this really threw me off. Not sure I'll get an interview having answered like that. Would appreciate your help so I know how to handle it if it comes up again.

 

What kind of joke though? Think a joke that doesn't make him laugh is better than what I said? This just felt like a trap to say something inappropriate.

 

play it safe, man. go for something kinda funny that sounds clever. something like:

why did pavlov have such nice hair? he conditioned it.

Thank you for your interest in the 2020 Investment Banking Full-time Analyst Programme (London) at JPMorgan Chase. After a thorough review of your application, we regret to inform you that we are unable to move forward with your candidacy at this time.
 

JUSTINE TOBIN, ADOLF HITLER, and JOHN BOLTON walk into a bar.

Justine Tobin says to Hitler: “Thank you, I’ve learned a lot from your labor extraction methods, you truly are an inspiration.”

Hitler replies: “Tobin sounds like a Jewish name.”

John Bolton says: “OMG Adolf I love your mustache, let’s kill millions of civilians in Iran together!”

 

Smh. If you're not going to be helpful, don't comment.

 

This guy on LinkedIn: "I can't express how excited, honored and happy I am about receiving a full time offer from ____. This 'college' thing was tough but man was it worth it....etc."

He'll probably include salary as well.

Also, you type the way my mother would after texting her a joke that turns into a lesson.

TLDR: Classic Intern

 

MD: proceeds to have HR blacklist the candidate at all banks in the city

Thank you for your interest in the 2020 Investment Banking Full-time Analyst Programme (London) at JPMorgan Chase. After a thorough review of your application, we regret to inform you that we are unable to move forward with your candidacy at this time.
 

I was on the same boat when a Managing Partner said I just have a few seconds left, tell me a joke. I was caught off guard and couldn't come up with one but in the spur of the moment, I told him I can surprise him with a fun fact instead which he was happy to hear. Again, not the best response but I didn't wanna end the interview on a bad note. Going forward, I always keep a joke in the back of my mind whenever I go for an interview or a coffee chat. I did get the offer eventually and sent a joke in the thank you note to the Partner and he liked it. Not going to be a deciding factor but helps to start off on the right foot with a senior.

 

https://media3.giphy.com/media/wSCAy1zJbcUG4/giphy-downsized.gif" alt="over my head" />

 

Ah, yes, I see it now. Hypothetical interview outcome with this joke is up and to the right. Guaranteed offer. Bag secured.

 

Are you this man's fucking court jester? Walk out of that role immediately if you aspire to respect yourself. This is called a shit test. It's something petty women do to efficiently weed out unconfident and overeager men. A grown man just did it to you.

heister: Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad. https://arthuxtable.com/
 
earthwalker7:
I would have told him a joke. Does this mean I fail the shit test? I always suspected I was a beta cuck.

Everything exists on a spectrum, doesn't it?

heister: Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad. https://arthuxtable.com/
 

Good way to guarantee not getting an offer. This is a reasonable question because it (1) gives you the chance to show your sense of humor / prove that you might not be the worst person in the world to get stuck in an airport with, and (2) ensures they don't hire someone who would provide an inappropriate joke (racist, sexist, religion-bashing, etc.), as they'd be likely to do the same thing in front of a client.

 

An i-banker gets on a plane and sits in the aisle next to a lawyer, and a PE guy. He takes off his shoes and stretches out, to get comfy for the flight. The lawyer says "Can you let me get out. I want to get a Coke." Ibanker jumps up and says "No problem. I'll get if for you." And as soon as he trots off, the lawyer takes one of his shoes and spits in it with vigor. Ibanker comes back and the PE guy says "Hey mate, I'd also like one. Mind if I get past ya?" "Buddy, no worries, I'll get if for you," says the accommodating ibanker. Sure enough, soon as he leaves the PE guy hocks some major loogies right int the ibanker's other shoe. The banker comes back, the lawyer and PE guy enjoy their Cokes and the ibanker gets in a quick sleep. When they land, the ibanker puts on his shoes and immediately realizes what happened.
"Guys, why must there be so much animosity between our industries. All this spitting in shoes, and pissing in Cokes," says the ibanker.

 

The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I'll will make it so that you win every case. You will become wealthy and famous. Your partners will love you and your clients will always respect you In return you must give me your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, and the souls of all of your friends and neighbors." The lawyer thought for a moment, and asks, "But what's the catch?"

 

An MD, an associate, and an analyst are walking on the street and one of them trips over a magic lamp, releasing the genie. The genie says "I only grant 3 wishes, so I'll give each of you just one wish." The analyst says "I want to be in the Bahamas, riding a speedboat with a gorgeous supermodel on my arm." Poof, the analystdisappears. The associate says "Oh me next! I want to be in Europe with my fiance, on an eternal vacation." Poof, he disappears.

The MD says "I want those lazy fucks back at the desk right after lunch."

 

earth you're a great addition to this forum, i love you. on the other spectrum, you have me stirring up shit and getting everyone on board to attack the OP of any thread

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.
 

Also it's a way to see how the candidate will react to being challenged with the unexpected and think on their feet. He probably want to see if you'll get flustered / emotional, or if you'll sit back, pause, and come up with some joke under pressure, or at least play it off with a confident smile and say "at the moment, no joke comes to mind, but I've got a funny story I can share" or something like that.

 

Johnny, Joe, and Jack were all in sunday school. The nun asked them to explain what body part would go through the pearly gates first when they got to heaven.

Johnny replies that you must walk right in leading with your heat because god is in your heart.

Joe replies that you must dive in head first, because when you pray you thinking and using your brain.

Jack replies that you must go in feet first. The nun is a little confused and asks Jack "Why you would go in feet first?

Jack answers, "Well M'am I walked into my parents room last night and my moms feet were up in the air and she was screaming "Oh god I'm coming, I'm coming!"

 

From Norm McDonald: "So a moth walks into a podiatrists office. After walking in, the podiatrist looks at him for awhile and then says “What seems to be the problem, moth?” The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don’t know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there… at night I…I sometimes wake up and I turn to some old lady in my bed that’s on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don’t know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the…in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My other boy, Gregarro Ivinalititavitch… I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I… that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I’m a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. I’m not feeling good. And so the doctor says, “Moth, man, you’re troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?” And the moth says, “‘Cause the light was on.”

 
geology rocks

From Norm McDonald: "So a moth walks into a podiatrists office. After walking in, the podiatrist looks at him for awhile and then says "What seems to be the problem, moth?" The moth says "What's the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I don't even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don't know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there… at night I…I sometimes wake up and I turn to some old lady in my bed that's on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don't know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the…in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My other boy, Gregarro Ivinalititavitch… I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I… that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I'm a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. I'm not feeling good. And so the doctor says, "Moth, man, you're troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?" And the moth says, "'Cause the light was on."

Came here to post the moth joke. All time classic. He wasted an entire segment on Conan telling that joke once, it was brilliant. 

 

"I asked my friend in North Korea how he was doing. He said he couldn't complain."

 

I would tell him the cringe joke I made up when I was 13.

a manager gets promoted to become a senior manager at google. a few seconds after, he gets fired. why?

... because he yelled: "YAHOOOOO!".

gotta save the good ones for the partners.

 

Is this just me or does this seem fucked up to people?? “Make me laugh” lol might as well tell everyone to suck his dick

You on the other hand, try not to overthink this kinda stuff? I’d throw a sassy joke or, if you have the balls, tell him humor isn’t forged if he really needs to he’s gotta have to assess when you’re on the desk

 

My first reaction was, "There is nothing funnier than watching someone selling something incompetent. So if I walk you through my resume now, you'll have a good laugh." (But surely it's fucking not a wise response)

 

I agree with the others who advise to always have a few good jokes chambered, the best part is that in order to commit to memory, you have to practice. Here are my favorites (currently):

Family friendly: 1) Have you heard about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere 2) A buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "make me one with everything."

Not Family friendly: 1) A guy walks into his house with a duck underneath his arm and says "so this is the pig I've been fucking." His wife says "Uh honey... that's not a pig, it's a duck." He says, "I wasn't talking to you." 2) An 8 year old and a child molester and walking into the woods. As they continue walking, it gets darker and darker. The 8 year-old turns to the child molester and says "hey, it's getting dark and we keep going deeper into the woods, I'm getting kinda scared." The molester says, "you're scared? I'm the one who has to walk out of here alone."

 

Her: How come I always go down on you, but you never go down on me?

Him: My financial adviser told me not to.

Her: Your financial adviser told you not to lick my pussy?

Him: Yeah. He said if I keep eating out all the time, I'll always be broke

 

"Nothing comes to mind at the moment but if you really want a laugh I have a tee time scheduled for this Sunday."

This works best if you then go on to shoot 70 and humiliate them all.

Bonus points for wearing hard spikes and stomping on everyone's putting line to further assert your dominance. Double points for yelling "KOEPKA!!!!!" after all of your drives. Triple points for wearing a visor. Quad points if you wear visor upside down-backwards and refer to it as your rally cap before teeing off on at least 17/18 holes.

You should have an offer waiting for you monday morning.

 

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"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

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