What's the best way to fart discretely at work?
I'm really worried about this. I have pretty bad gas and if I don't "vent" as they say regularly then my stomach starts to seriously hurt. I've tried everything from diet changes to medicine and nothing really worked, so i've resigned myself to finding a way to fart at work in a quiet and stealthy manner. My plan so far is as follows (would appreciate any criticism or suggestions):
I will have a small desk fan set up to blow air up and away from me and ideally in a direction without other cubicles.
I'll have a small air freshener with a manual spray button that I will activate just prior to any flatulence. I'm thinking a nice oaky scent will smell good AND be relatively masculine
I've been spending two or three hours per day practicing silent farting techniques that date back to imperial China. In China, it was considered incredibly offensive to fart in the presence of the Emperor. The Chinese royal court were taught to fart silently using a technique called 台湾第一 . Roughly translated, this means "clenching ring, flowing wind".
Anyway, any help here is much appreciated. Thanks!