Comments (104)

Oct 17, 2019

bump

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  • Associate 2 in CorpDev
Oct 17, 2019

Final year chick asking me for my number at a career fair instead of my name card. Big difference

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Oct 20, 2019

Not sure why that offended you----assuming it's cause she wasn't hot?

thots and prayers

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Oct 21, 2019

If you can't join them, marry them

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  • Associate 2 in CorpDev
Oct 22, 2019

She was, which is what made it inappropriate - I know bait when I see it

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Oct 17, 2019

Non-IB Intern: "oh you work with ppl in securities?"
Friend: "yes..."
Intern: "awesome! every social interaction is a networking opportunity, maybe we could talk more!"

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Oct 18, 2019

Haha I love it. Any time networking is openly called out as networking it defeats the purpose. Even when I'm at a conference and the agenda says "networking break" I cringe.

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Oct 21, 2019

Fellow humans! It's a pleasure to intercourse with you socially.

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Funniest
Oct 17, 2019

i don't know if this counts as networking but i was once at an event where they hosted a panel of investment bankers from jpm, evercore, moelis, gs, and this one kid gets up to ask them this (verbatim) brainbuster of a question:

"so what's your guys favorite valuation model? do you guys like ev/ebitda or do you go with classic ol' p/e"

this is not a joke

"Most people don't know shit about investment banking."
- Roger Mayweather, Managing Director at Evercore

    • 68
Oct 17, 2019

lmao

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  • Associate 2 in CorpDev
Oct 17, 2019

This definitely counts as networking

Oct 18, 2019

"Classic ol p/e"

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Oct 18, 2019

I'm "cringing" right now reading this lol

Oct 18, 2019

'Kid' like not a clue bout banking, im here so you recognize my face young kid or IB kid cuz IB kid would be even funnier...

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Controversial
Oct 19, 2019

I was actually 1 table over from the guy who asked this. For context, it was at NIBC 2019 and the room was filled with +200 grad students, as well as a fuck ton of BB & Megafund PE people.

There's a few panels back-to-back, which all have an open question period either as a panel or being built into the presentation.

I forget which panel / person was asked this, but it was either to RBC's Global Head of Investment Banking, a panel of Blackstone people ranging from Director & VPs to associates for various groups, or to the panel of a bunch of BB analysts (GS TMT, JPM and one other) + a Blackstone associate.

I'm leaning towards it being the RBC Head of IB guy, but regardless you can just imagine the reactions

Edit: Sorry for sharing?

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Oct 19, 2019

ok??? wtf did they say

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Oct 22, 2019

shall we out him on here and give him a nice tag?

Oct 28, 2019

lol wtf I was there but couldn't remember??

Oct 25, 2019

I don't get it. Am I autistic?

Oct 17, 2019

Some kid that attended a recruiting/networking at the bank I used to work BBG chat me the next day with some very random info he read on BBG like "Oh I just read about that bond your bank issued for XYZ firm, would you have some time to what about the transaction process?" New issue was not even my group and it's really annoying to have that BBG pop up on your screen when you're super focused on something.
Guys - most people networked to get here, and I like to help people to get what they want but please never use your school BBG to reach out, stick to Linkedin

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Oct 17, 2019

I am stupid what does BBG mean?

Item 4 - Mine Safety Disclosures. Not applicable.

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Most Helpful
Oct 17, 2019

bloomberg

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Oct 17, 2019

Bloomberg, you can "ping" people and a message pops up on your screen when you're working. You can't ignore it and can be annoying if you're focused on work related stuff.

Also most of the time BBG chat in my group was just used to talk BS with people from other groups/firms

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Oct 19, 2019

Big booty girls

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Oct 19, 2019

One of my friends actually used one of my school's terminals to ping Bill Ackman since he was online for once. Bill messaged back to set up a call, so sometimes it can work. I highly doubt there was any potential to translate that into a job though

Edit: Apparently consensus is that this didn't happen. His intro message was posted on a FinMeme account a few months back (Which was a month or two after the fact), I don't really know what else to say. Sorry for sharing I guess

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Oct 19, 2019

yeah this never happened

"Most people don't know shit about investment banking."
- Roger Mayweather, Managing Director at Evercore

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Oct 17, 2019

Not sure if this counts but back in undergrad, this girl would not stop trying to "network" with me before I even had an internship offer.

She'd ask me to send her my contact spreadsheet, ask me to introduce her to the person I just spoke to last week, or "put in a good word for her/hand in her resume" at the on campus networking event that she can't attend due to a "sorority related conflict".

Classic case of the princess syndrome if I ever saw one. I don't usually ghost people but it felt good ghosting her.

Array

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  • Analyst 2 in IB - Ind
Oct 18, 2019

I cringe any time I get asked / overhear enthusiastic undergrads (usually females) start off a conversation by asking about the "company culture" or "work life balance".

What do you think the difference in "company culture" between JP Morgan and Morgan Stanley is? I'd like to know myself. What am I supposed to tell you about "work life balance"? Do you know anything at all about what you are "applying" for? Am I supposed to assure you that work won't interfere with your wedding szn calendar or spa appointments?

I swear I get or hear these 2 questions almost every other day and it physically pains me. But maybe I'm a grinch idk.

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  • Analyst 2 in IB - Ind
Oct 18, 2019

Asking about work-life balance doesn't really look good when applying for IB. It gives the impression that you value it to a good extent and are not really aware that IB will take up a significant amount of your time.

Company culture though can definitely differ between firms and especially between groups. Though usually even if the culture sucks, analysts will present it in a great way, which isn't really helpful for potential candidates.

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  • Analyst 2 in IB - Ind
Oct 18, 2019

I just think it's such a worthless question because below are a few of the most common things you will hear from any randomly selected banker - scratch that, any randomly selected person in IB/Consulting/PE/any generally demanding industry:

  • great mobility and access to seniors
  • friendly people willing to help
  • close tight knit group
  • incredible learning opp
  • they might even slide in a joke about free dinner, flight miles, or something unfunny like that

Sound about right?

    • 9
Nov 3, 2019

"Work life balance" is a no no

  • Subtly bullish -
Oct 18, 2019

Was at a networking session with a Credit Suisse MD and this one kid wanted to stand out SO hard, he kept asking questions for the sake of it. He ran out of bullshit questions to ask so ended up asking him "What does your son think about becoming an Investment Banker like you?".

  • Dr.Mikey Boi
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  • Prospect in Other
Oct 18, 2019

this made me crack up for some reason

Oct 18, 2019

Edit: I felt bad because my instance was way too specific and the person was black balled really really badly to the point it was mean. It is probably the same people who do these things and also sit on WSO all day, everyone messes up sometimes and I am sure they are still cringing too.

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  • Analyst 1 in CorpDev
Oct 19, 2019

Aw come on you're no fun, can't you change a few small details and share? If it was THAT cringe it'd be a perfect addition to the thread!

    • 1
Oct 18, 2019

My own, actually.

I was 20 years old, super ambitious, and had just managed to sneak into a night club where all the local hot shots were partying.

While at a table, a friend of mine casually mentioned that some important dude (trust-fund kid) just walked by us. Apparently he was worth a couple of hundred millions, and was 100% living the playboy life, but also actively investing in local startups.

I thought "This is it, it's now or never", and walked straight to his table, (cold) introducing myself, and starting pitching straight away.

It should be mentioned that he was chilling out with two model-tier ladies, one in each arm.

I started with my rapid-fire pitch, and he looked confused as fuck. It ended with his dates asking who the fuck I was, and him shooing me away "Yeah, ok buddy, not interested". While waving in the bouncers.

I still cringe.

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Oct 20, 2019

Was it Donald Trump?

Array

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Nov 3, 2019

Total fail, but at least you had the guts to even approach someone like that.

Oct 18, 2019

I am Indian and started in the BO and made it to MO at a BB, so Im sympathetic to people with goals.

But Indians who are interested in working in data science at my firm, don't bother to read my profile, then ask if I work in data science at my firm (hint: I work in small data at best, aka excel) then ask if I know recruiters in data science, what data science interviews are like, data science, data science, data science...

Alternatively, you are currently customer service representative but attended my my semi-target university and you are interested in an open rec for VP of Special Situations at my firm. Like seriously if I could get you that job I would just apply for it myself

Repeat cringe, I get these messages every week on linkedin

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Oct 19, 2019
imsurance:

I am Indian and started in the BO and made it to MO at a BB, so Im sympathetic to people with goals.

But Indians who are interested in working in data science at my firm, don't bother to read my profile, then ask if I work in data science at my firm (hint: I work in small data at best, aka excel) then ask if I know recruiters in data science, what data science interviews are like, data science, data science, data science...

Alternatively, you are currently customer service representative but attended my my semi-target university and you are interested in an open rec for VP of Special Situations at my firm. Like seriously if I could get you that job I would just apply for it myself

Repeat cringe, I get these messages every week on linkedin

I am from a smaller country in Asia as well and my peeps ALWAYS manage to make me cringe. I really want to help, but some of them are just socially not fit for corporate America.

Oct 19, 2019

not so much networking but a really bad first interview. I asked the candidate why he wanted to work in i-banking. "So that I can find out about deals before they happen, and then trade on that knowledge." I was speechless for an awkward 30 seconds, and then rerouted the conversation towards meaningless chit-chat and then got him the F- out of the office before the SEC came fastroping down the side of the building.

    • 41
Oct 20, 2019

Do you think they knew that that is illegal?

Oct 20, 2019
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Oct 23, 2019

I don't get it

Oct 19, 2019

I was helping out at a recruitment presentation and networking event a couple years back for a consulting firm. We literally had people bringing their resumes and trying to pass them to some of the junior analysts and ex-interns there, hoping that we would help them bypass HR and land them an interview with the team leads.

There was no real networking by those few people either, they literally just asked dumb questions and threw their resumes at us the first chance they got before leaving. It was weird AF and cringy as hell since I was from the same school as them @@

Oct 19, 2019

Nothing egregious, but I'll get LinkedIn messages from some people who have no idea what my firm even does. I don't reply to those.

Oct 20, 2019

I went to a total non-target. A kid from Penn (I forgot if Wharton) reached out to me, looking for an internship and general recruiting advice. I asked him what he'd been doing so far as far as networking goes, and he said he'd been reaching out to people here and there.

Given that he goes to Penn, I asked him if he had reached out to his alumni network or gone to his school's on-campus recruiting events (remember, he's at Penn). He said he hadn't even considered that.

I was shocked and kind of insulted. Ended the call about a minute later.

"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn
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  • Analyst 2 in IB-M&A
Oct 20, 2019

I simply never called / emailed the BB MDs who gave me their (unsolicited) name cards and told me I should call them.

But given that one incident happened in a club and another happened during an interview during which he spoke extensively about how much he loved people of my ethnicity, I don't think too badly about it. One of them did manage to find me on Linkedin and added me.

However, I have also had a really bad interview where, back in my 2nd year as an undergraduate, I was gunning for Markets and had zero intention of going into IBD (really funny now that I've ended up in it). Went for a BB networking event that had both IBD and Markets speakers, told HR I wanted Markets. They somehow managed to schedule me for an IBD phone interview and I pissed off two real estate VPs for 5 minutes by telling them I thought the growth rate for their model should be just the country's LT growth rate

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Oct 28, 2019

"he spoke extensively about how much he loved people of my ethnicity"

where are you from?

  • Analyst 2 in IB-M&A
Oct 28, 2019

Asia in general.

Oct 20, 2019

Flip the question - what are some GREAT networking that you've done / seen done?

I generally have had better luck networking when I bring some content or thing of value. If I"m trying to network in to get a job, I bring deals in hand. When I was a recent grad interviewing, I brought portfolio of job-related school projects (models I'd built in finance, regressions I put together for strategy class) etc. I generally now don't apply in cold, and instead only focus on building relationships with connected people, and seeing which jobs pop up out of that. I also always save my Friday for networking.

What's worked for you guys?

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  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Oct 21, 2019

Dude you're so cool. Like really bro. You are so amazing and the best networker on the planet.

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Oct 21, 2019

WTF dude. I'm trying to learn and gather info. Trying to lift each other up. In addition to asking what tips others have, I shared a couple things that worked for me. You know, so I'm not just a "taker". You come of as a real hardo and "taker" who doesn't contribute a damn thing. Try being helpful.

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Oct 21, 2019

@prospect in IB M&A

Want to know the worst mistake I've ever seen anyone make in networking? THIS. You took the chance to exchange ideas about how one can network effectively, and vomited all over it. Well done! You win!

  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Oct 21, 2019

The connection doesn't really make sense here. You are kidding yourself if you think this is how I would talk to an ED irl when trying to network lol.

Oct 22, 2019

I just hope both sides of this thread fight have fun. Fwiw I thought your comment would've been better served as a separate thread, but I don't see the point in trolling you over it.

JUST DO IT. Don't let your memes be dreams.

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Oct 22, 2019

I just hope both sides of this thread fight have fun. Fwiw I thought your comment would've been better served as a separate thread, but I don't see the point in trolling you over it.

JUST DO IT. Don't let your memes be dreams.

    • 1
Oct 20, 2019

Friend of mine told that at a London BB a BRITISH intern asked the head of the UK team of they only hired British people (note that it is UK coverage, filled with Brits, just like the German coverage in Frankfurt is full of german folks) after working with the team for more than two weeks.

  • Kid didn't get a return offer.
    • 1
Oct 20, 2019

Not sure what networking category this falls into...? I was summer interning at a Top Tier advisory house. CEO of a boutique IB I'd kept in touch with reached-out and requested a partner hook-up in the distressed debt/ special sit. team I was hustling in (GFC time). Made the hook-up, interrupted the partner, he was late, the boutique's CEO starts spinning shit about, like, IMF... WTO... ASEAN (WTF did I know). I'm like, sitting in the meeting, feeling like a baller... Big T closes the meeting... time passes... and... then... he totally publicly fucked me for wasting his time... he fucked me so hard, I think I copied and pasted same part of the model, for, like 3 hours. Lesson, just chill. Know your network.

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Oct 22, 2019

"I have you on LinkedIn! Congrats on your new role at XYZ Capital. So Uh do you think you can go on my page and endorse these 4 skills".

I KID YOU NOT. Never even met the guy before,

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Oct 22, 2019

saw this on ur ig story the other day and i nearly fell out of my chair.

i got the same exact message - thinking it was from the same guy 
funny

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Oct 22, 2019

I'd HOPE so otherwise that means there are TWO people out there doing this to themselves hahah

Oct 22, 2019

Not exactly networking, but courtesy first round phone interview for potential SA with connections to firm management:

"Okay, so, can you walk me through the three financial statements?"

"The what?"

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Oct 23, 2019

This dude at a conference just handed out his business card to everyone who walked by him. Without saying a word. Or looking.

Handing them out like flyers for a restaurant.

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Oct 23, 2019

At b-school info/meet & greets, these guys would get this big circle formed around them, everyone jockeying to be right in front and ask a question. I remember this one dude, every event, every question was something along the lines of "Don't you think it is really important for people to have quantitative backgrounds like engineering and to have taken financial statement analysis, like I have?" Then he would get more narrow, like, "Don't you think it is really good for people to have taken 6 accounting courses and 5 finances courses and gotten at least a B+?" Just got really uncomfortable . . . .

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Oct 25, 2019
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Oct 25, 2019
Nov 4, 2019
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Omnia facit Voluntas - Will alone suceeds