Been dating a new girl for about 6 months now and I'm running into the challenge of when and how to explain my financial situation to her. The challenge is that there is a large discrepancy between how much I actually make and how much I seem like I make based on my current lifestyle.
I budget and live my life like I make 100K a year compared to my very recent banking and private equity days where I was a much bigger spender. It's led to a lot of much healthier habits (cooking, getting outdoors to workout, etc.) but also means that my girlfriend and I have been splitting everything evenly and have not experienced more expensive things as I don't want to put a burden on her. The challenge is that we're planning to go to Coachella (her big vacation of the year) with a large group that includes some old banking friends and I don't want the facts to be sprung on her randomly.
So, WSO community, how far into your relationship did you explain to your girlfriend how much you actually make and how did you go about it? Also, how poorly do you think it will be received that we're splitting expenses evenly if it turns out I really do make significantly more than her? I don't know if it matters but my actual cash income per year is ~600K and then some options.
Wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure she probably knows how much you make based on some google searching.
I agree with the above comment. She can Google your role or firm and get an idea of how much you make. I would say this though; if she's someone you are dating casually with no long-term goal then perhaps don't tell her if that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you do see a long-term future, have a conversation about it further down the line (or if she directly asks) and mention you are living a comfortable life but planning to save/invest so you can build a sustainable future for the both of you. Nothing wrong with that. I agree that splitting things is fair provided you don't burden her with expensive things (as you mentioned) but at times you can splash out a little. Mention that the occasional splash out is something that you do because you want to do it for the both of you and that you don't expect/want her to contribute. Just make sure they understand these are special occasions and they don't become habits.
Great advice!
i wouldn't worry about it too much man - just because you're wealthier doesn't mean you owe her anything. i think its quite reasonable to split costs with her. plus, if you're splitting things evenly and you're functioning on c.$100k, is it fair to assume that she's on something similar? if she's comfortably well-off then surely it won't be as much of a shock to the system as you might expect.
TBH don't think she will be that surprised
Who cares? As long as she doesn't ask, don't say. And even if she does, tell her, it's not important, jokingly. I mean, don't be frugal and penny pinch everything. I make significantly more than this girl I was dating and she flat out asked me how much I make and I told her. Biggest mistake ever. If you're a sweet genuine guy who is kind of old school and wants to pay for everything because you want to be the man and you make significantly more than her and she knows it too... get ready for your bank account to blow up. I think as man, there are things you just keep to yourself unless you're planning to marry her.
Never tell a woman how much money you make. Even if you are a billionaire women do not give a fuck. No amount of money in your bank account is gonna make her pussy wet.
if you want womens affection focus on being the best man you can be beyond your bank balance. There's only one outcome if you tell them how much you make - they use it against you / at your expense in some way.
Woman speaking here. I am more turned on by a guy who is financially responsible than a guy who spends recklessly. And yes - women are better than FBI and we (or our friends) at some point have done a whole background check on you already. She is a keeper for splitting. Just keep treating her like an equal.
Not trying to hijack this thread, but how does one make ~600k as a first year associate? Post-mba senior associate at MF?
Assuming OP's job status just isn't updated.
Yeah I just looked at his only other post about running a corp dev team. I'm dumb.
You thought she was with you for your looks?!
That's some strong comp there.
Anyhow, you tell her when it affects her - once you move in together, combine finances, etc. Once the relationship is at that level, and you are truly a partnership/team/whatever, she deserves to know. Until it gets to that point, whatever point that is for the two of you, it's not particularly relevant.
As usual, agreed. I like to keep my savings account pretty low key until the relationship got very serious.
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