When Did You Have the Hardest Time Staying Professional?

We have all been there, some d**k just pushes our buttons to the level where we consider knocking this dude out cold or just being a complete douche and making him regret his entire existence. What did you guys do? When were the times when some bumblefuck gave you the hardest time staying professional?

Comments (38)

Sep 17, 2018

I never really, really lost it. But I went to an interview once and made some other guy lose it. Most epic berating I was ever subject to past the age of 17 (I was 24 when this happened).

On a snowy Sunday morning in December 2013 I'm in a coffee shop with the principal of a private equity research company. Guy runs a 3-person office in midtown NYC, posted an ad looking for an unpaid intern. In the ad, the guy says "make sure you read the full version of Barron's and the WSJ." No sweat - I log in to the WSJ site and Barrons.com and read up. Nice, some good articles to go while I head downtown. I get in, turns out the guy owns the coffee shop and he gets me a free chocolate something or other.

So we sit down, he asks what's on a specific section of Barron's, and my response: "ah, I read the online version! Barron's is impossible to find in my neighborhood, uptown."

Cue prolonged, awkward silence.

Him: "Okay, I get that. What did you find interesting in the WSJ Markets section?"

Me: "I see, I didn't really get that you wanted me to read the pri - "

Absolute top of his lungs: "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR GENERATION!?"

Epic speech ensues. I sit at the coffee shop, humiliated at what this guy is telling me, slowly sipping at my chocolate something as I contemplate what to even do once he's done.

Eventually he slows down, calms himself, and tells me to leave him in peace so he can try to enjoy the rest of his Sunday unencumbered. Needless to say, I got subs to WSJ and Barron's, read them both page-to-page, and emailed him an apology and asked for a round 2. Surprisingly, he acquiesced, and brought me into his office to observe a call with the CFO of some random company. I took notes, he promptly told me I sucked and would never work in the industry, and I left.

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Sep 18, 2018

Haha what even.

Where's his company now?

Sep 17, 2018

Still a tiny 3-person shop with no coverage. The guy has a couple million in his pocket though so it doesn't matter to him. This is probably his "legacy" or some shit. He's one of those tall, lean, bald dudes you imagine runs 5 miles every morning at 4AM.

    • 15
Sep 18, 2018

What is wrong with this guy lol. He literally hasn't gotten his dick wet in years I'm guessing. Who even asks, "What's on page 13 line 2 of WSJ".

Also, why did he invite you into the office to listen in on the phone call just to tell you that you suck? This dude is seriously sad, hope you can shove it in his face sometime in the future lol

    • 1
Sep 18, 2018

haha angry guy must be angry because he isn't having sex haha

    • 1
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Sep 17, 2018

Well, I did make it into the industry, so that's something.

    • 2
Sep 18, 2018

I always think this is one of those cycle things that are tough to break. MDs berate analysts because when the MD was an analyst, their MD berated them. Tough cycle to break

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Most Helpful
Sep 18, 2018
ironman32:

I always think this is one of those cycle things that are tough to break. MDs berate analysts because when the MD was an analyst, their MD berated them. Tough cycle to break

Not really. I am older than most on here. I was berated by a variety of athletic coaches all the way through college. I was berated on a trading desk, and I was berated as an IB analyst. I have no desire to blow up on subordinates. I yell at my business partner all the time, but that's different and we're like brothers.

Sep 18, 2018
Kassad:

I never really, really lost it. But I went to an interview once and made some other guy lose it. Most epic berating I was ever subject to past the age of 17 (I was 24 when this happened).

On a snowy Sunday morning in December 2013 I'm in a coffee shop with the principal of a private equity research company. Guy runs a 3-person office in midtown NYC, posted an ad looking for an unpaid intern. In the ad, the guy says "make sure you read the full version of Barron's and the WSJ." No sweat - I log in to the WSJ site and Barrons.com and read up. Nice, some good articles to go while I head downtown. I get in, turns out the guy owns the coffee shop and he gets me a free chocolate something or other.

So we sit down, he asks what's on a specific section of Barron's, and my response: "ah, I read the online version! Barron's is impossible to find in my neighborhood, uptown."

Cue prolonged, awkward silence.

Him: "Okay, I get that. What did you find interesting in the WSJ Markets section?"

Me: "I see, I didn't really get that you wanted me to read the pri - "

Absolute top of his lungs: "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR GENERATION!?"

Epic speech ensues. I sit at the coffee shop, humiliated at what this guy is telling me, slowly sipping at my chocolate something as I contemplate what to even do once he's done.

Eventually he slows down, calms himself, and tells me to leave him in peace so he can try to enjoy the rest of his Sunday unencumbered. Needless to say, I got subs to WSJ and Barron's, read them both page-to-page, and emailed him an apology and asked for a round 2. Surprisingly, he acquiesced, and brought me into his office to observe a call with the CFO of some random company. I took notes, he promptly told me I sucked and would never work in the industry, and I left.

You should have said "what the fuck is wrong with your generation, killing trees and global warming! Who reads print anymore?"

Sep 18, 2018

He was hiring an unpaid intern. UNPAID. You should have told him to suck your cock and walked out.

Never let someone talk to you that way. No one has any right to pull that shit on someone else. I'm big and wrestled in college, so no one ever speaks to me that way, but if they did, they'd be lucky if I didn't assault them.

    • 4
Sep 19, 2018

Ahem, any chance his name is Howard Rosencrans?

Sep 17, 2018

It depends on whether or not your name is Howard.

    • 5
Oct 3, 2018

A few years ago, I emailed Howard Rosencrans right after I had graduated. I asked about doing an unpaid internship (economy was tough) and attached some research report I had written to show interest in the markets. He responded by saying the report was terrible, insulted me and said that he had no time for someone like me. I wasn't even offended. It was obvious that he had some superiority complex, and clearly enjoyed belittling aspiring analysts to overcompensate for his tiny firm. I actually felt sorry for him.

    • 2
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Sep 18, 2018

I almost went to blows in the office one time with a dude who was a raging dick and a time waster.

Most importantly and more often, I was unprofessional when encountered with revealing outfits on big tits and ass.

    • 3
Sep 18, 2018
DickFuld:

I almost went to blows in the office one time with a dude who was a raging dick and a time waster.

I saw two nerdy 1st year IB associates back in the day at Citi get into a pushing fight just outside the print shop. It was honestly one of the funniest and most pathetic things I've seen in my life.

Neither of them could have hurt a fly...part of the argument literally was about if HBS or Wharton was a better b-school as a supporting point to their bigger argument. They were in different groups on the same deal (one industry group and a product group), and they somehow were wound up about who was more right on assumptions and what was getting printed in the books. I think one of them replaced pages after the other sent the books to print. Sad and funny all at the same time.

Sep 19, 2018

Unreal

Sep 17, 2018

Hilarious. I went to a catholic high school. This is the kind of thing timeless, epic laughs are made of. I'd kill to witness that at my office.

    • 1
Sep 18, 2018

itachi

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

    • 1
Sep 18, 2018

You're a god

    • 1
Sep 19, 2018

hey is that a fidget spinner

    • 1
Sep 18, 2018

We have this VP that is like a fucking black hole when it comes to deals. Literally, any time you put a deal in front of him he takes credit for it and immediately schedules a meeting so he can domineer the DD process. I get the fact that Analysts don't get credit for the deals they source, but what makes it infuriating is that once he starts leading the DD process he's so god damn meticulous, slow and OCD that the deal NEVER gets done. Last week I was in a meeting he was leading (about an acquisition I sourced) and he was breaking down his completely ridiculous one month work plan and I was very close to losing it because 60% of the items on his work plan were completely superfluous and also guaranteed to hold up the process by at least a month and a half.

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Sep 19, 2018

Consider the following scenario:

You are buying out one-quarter of a company's shareholders for $5mm (implying a $20mm enterprise value). In addition, you will be investing an additional $5mm of growth equity into the business at the same valuation (assume cash-free debt-free; this implies a post-money valuation of $25mm).

In other words, you now own $5mm + $5mm = $10mm out of a $25mm company, or 40%.

I argued with a partner for an hour (LITERALLY AN HOUR) to try to convince him that no, we would not own 45% of the company, because summing 25% (the stock purchase, 5 / 20) and 20% (the equity investment, 5 / 25) was not the correct calculation.

I tried everything. I used simplified examples. I drew it out on a whiteboard with different colors, step by step. To this day, he thinks I did it wrong. I wanted to strangle him and shove whiteboard markers through his ears.

To those saying "no way does someone make partner in PE being that bad at math," the thing is, there are a lot of ways it can happen. There are many, many skillsets in PE, some of them with very little overlap; if you're good at some of them, and you are a smooth talker, or you have great structure around you, you can cover up shockingly severe deficiencies. For a while, at least. And if you bounce around from firm to firm, it turns out this is a small industry - if you do things for people and you make powerful friends, it's unlikely someone will ever pipe up to say "oh, that guy? yeah, he's a moron."

    • 9
Sep 19, 2018

We had this awful, condescending associate who was incompetent and very insecure. She had no idea what she was doing, so she made us waste a tremendous amount of time printing out all of the documents, etc. that we sourced numbers from for every internal meeting. I'm not talking about the numbers for the company we were meeting; I'm talking about support for peers' historical dividend actions and nonsense like that. I wound up working 100 hours one week primarily on account of a return of capital conversation.

I orchestrated a campaign of passive resistance against her because I knew I had more political capital in the group. She got fired about a year in after receiving only stub bonus, and I thrived. Other analysts in the group felt the same way I did, but I think what did it was really that the MDs didn't respect her. I think she wound up going from BB IB to MM corporate banking to go torment some other poor souls.

    • 1
Sep 19, 2018

every time i see @theaccountingmajor 's mom in the hall

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

    • 5
Sep 19, 2018

When I was an intern in Corp Dev, the exec on the team had a "paper clip size" policy, and i think i used a medium sized paper clip when his policy called for a small sized paper clip. So he flicked it off in front of me, yelled at me, and told me "if this is the only thing you learn here, it's going to be what paper clip size to use." And that was on my last day as an intern. Needless to say, I've never adhered to his paper clipping policy.

    • 3
Sep 19, 2018

Wtf

Sep 19, 2018

During my first year of employment I went on a four day drinking/adventure binge and ended up hanging out with some people who had jobs that don't require professionalism to nearly the same degree as an office job- think construction, managing a ski resort, rafting tour guide, ski bums, etc. A lot of them came in sideways through connections and were hardly educated past high school but still pretty brilliant. I get back to Cubeworld on Monday kinda drunk still, but also completely in the mindset of the weekend and the people I met. Luckily I ran into some of the bros first who told me I wasn't in the mountains anymore and had to drop the language/attitude if I wanted to keep my office job. The mountain life sounded tempting, but I wanted to make $$ first so I sharpened up. I'm still unsure if I made the right choice.

If you're looking for some exciting rage story, I don't have one. To be honest I've never lost my temper at any dumbass in a white collar because I just haven't been able to care enough about anything that takes place in a cube farm. All these stories about people flipping shit over someone hogging the printer make me think these people seriously need to get laid and go outside.

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Sep 19, 2018

Had a VP one time waste my time on a pitch for some BS valuation meeting with a private company because he didn't think about anything until the last minute. Literally stood over my computer telling me little tiny assumptions to change in the DCF we had that made absolutely no difference. At 3am I send the books to print and as he walks out of the office he stops and says, "I want PIBs included on all of the public companies that we used. I want the 10K, most recent 10Q, the last 4 quarters of earnings transcripts, credit rating overview and articles, as well as 5-10 recent analyst reports, please include at least one initiation of coverage report as well. I am leaving for the airport at 7am." We had about 30 different public comps and so I just started printing different things to like 3 different printers on the floor as well as sending stuff to the BO printing guys to print off as large PDF files as quickly as I could. At 6:30 I sent a duffel bag weighing approximately 5 pounds with the actual pitch books in it, as well as two other duffel bags, each weighing approximately 40 pounds each half filled with stapled PIBs and the other half just blank paper mixed in between research reports. I know for a fact that he did not even bother to take the bags due to the weight and he never said anything about the blank papers. Guy was a complete asshole and is lucky I did not go completely ape shit on him for asking for such ridiculous stuff...he was not going to read a few thousand pages of info on the 2 hour plane ride to wherever the hell this company was located. And it sure as hell was not going to win us the deal if he knew that one-off piece of info from some company's random earnings call 9 months ago to justify it as a comp or some shit like that.

He got fired like 2 months later, so fuck him.

Funniest
Sep 19, 2018

Couple years ago, I was interviewing for a summer internship at a bond rating agency. The subway fucked me over and I couldn't make it to my interview at 9am. I've tried emailing and calling the hiring manager to inform him, however to no avail.

As soon as I got off the subway, I ran my balls off to the office. After checking in at the lobby, I heard the person in front of me was meeting the same hiring manager as I am. So during our elevator ride, we chatted a bit and got to know a bit about each other (e.g. university, major, and etc). After knowing that I was late for my interview, he said "Damn buddy, sucks to be you. Not only you're not from Wharton but also you're late to the interview. I hope you got other interviews lined up".

Long story short, the hiring manager still interviewed me after that arrogant mofo was done. A week later, I got the role and he didn't. I found him on LinkedIn and dropped a message "Damn buddy. I hope you got other interviews lined up".

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Sep 23, 2018

What a loser

Sep 21, 2018

Had a guy semi lost it in email. When I was in university two years ago, I did a lot of networking trying to get an internship. I emailed a lot of PE shops just to try my luck. One guy came back and said they don't hire interns. Then I thought I'd try harder and emailed back "may I ask why you don't hire interns?" Guy semi lost it and basically said who the fuck do you think you're even our most junior analysts are qualified accountants.

He later on added me on LinkedIn ... I didn't realise who it was at the time. Just some guy with a title "managing director". I thought oh sweet. Later on found out it was him and he unfriended me on LinkedIn.

Sep 21, 2018
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Oct 4, 2018
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