When would you be comfortable having kids?

At what point in your life do you think you'll be ready to have kids and start a family? What are the things you need to check off in your life list before? 

For example, I know family members and friends who got married super early, had kids right away and are very happy and content despite not working especially meaningful well paying jobs. Then I've seen countless people who grinded for the career, partied into their 30s and thought they'd be able to find a girl and start a family but with no success. 

At what point would you be willing to have kids and what would hold you back?

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Comments (34)

Aug 13, 2021 - 2:11pm

This is my thinking as well. I told my wife I don't want kids unless we can afford to send them to a good school and pay for their tuition. I have seen too many people's lives get ruined by student loans that I don't want to bring a kid into this world where they system is broken unless I'm wealthy enough to help them out 

Aug 13, 2021 - 9:43am

I want a surrogate. I love children but I don't want a pregnancy ruining my body and my health. when the time feels right. I don't think there are any rules to that. Though I'd be perfectly happy unmarried and without children. I love being alone. I like having my own bed and no one disturbing me. Though maybe I'm just jaded. 

Most Helpful
Aug 13, 2021 - 2:24pm

jorbanana56

I want a surrogate. I love children but I don't want a pregnancy ruining my body and my health. when the time feels right. I don't think there are any rules to that. Though I'd be perfectly happy unmarried and without children. I love being alone. I like having my own bed and no one disturbing me. Though maybe I'm just jaded. 

I think you're forgetting the neural aspects of pregnancy and childbirth. The chemicals released in your mind during pregnancy and at childbirth strongly tie you mentally in a maternal way to the child. This also includes breastfeeding. I think you should strongly consider having children naturally as it will somewhat affect your future relationship and bond with the child.

If you don't want to have children naturally, it sounds like you might as well hire help to raise them and then send them to boarding school in Switzerland, whereby your only relation to the child will be genetically and through nature, whereby your nurture to the child when raising it might be affected due to the lack of chemicals in your brain. You will have a maternal sense, but it will be a different bond neurochemically if you don't carry the child physically from day 1 of pregnancy.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Aug 17, 2021 - 11:05pm

It's utter nonsense to suggest that you need the biological chemical release to love the child. I know quite a few families who adopted and absolutely love and take care of the child like it's a natural born. You're also not at all bringing up the physical effects that child-bearing has on a woman that some reasonably don't want to go through including stretch marks and weight gain that isn't  easy to reverse post-pregnancy. Those things at a minimum would cause many to feel self-conscious, not to mention that the guy may not want her to go through the natural pregnancy for the very reason that he wants his girl to remain at peak beauty. 

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  • Associate 1 in IB - Restr
Aug 17, 2021 - 9:28am

So basically, you want to remove yourself entirely from the process of actually having a kid?

Aug 13, 2021 - 1:13pm

Reeses

Not until mid 30's.

This is what I thought when I was in my early 20s.

Now that I am in my late 30s, I'd say early 40s. My dad was 46 when I was born so I can somewhat empathize something before then.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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  • Intern in IB-M&A
Aug 13, 2021 - 10:13am

I definitely want 5+ kids in the future. Might be a minority but I would prefer to have them earlier (age <= 30) rather than later. Don't want to put too much pressure on myself but I guess I should be locking down on finding the future missus soon. This is all predicated on me hitting the grindstone hard i.e. career to support this

Aug 17, 2021 - 11:13pm

Do Amish people work in IB? I feel like the Wall Street lifestyle is probably the pinnacle of wickedness for an Amish person. 

Array

Aug 13, 2021 - 1:14pm

I definitely want 5+ kids in the future. Might be a minority but I would prefer to have them earlier (age <= 30) rather than later. Don't want to put too much pressure on myself but I guess I should be locking down on finding the future missus soon. This is all predicated on me hitting the grindstone hard i.e. career to support this

How long have you and your girl been together? Does she want 5+ kids too?

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Aug 13, 2021 - 1:17pm

Pizz

Only if I like my wife 

Why get married to a wife you don't like?

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • Intern in HF - EquityHedge
Aug 13, 2021 - 10:45am

Late 20s marriage early/mid 30s kids. Or until I find a nice female former D1 athlete who will give my kids superior athletic genes and I can just pay child support then

  • VP in IB-M&A
Aug 13, 2021 - 12:19pm

When you meet someone you'd want to procreate with? I don't think money or logistics are the big barriers for most people here.

You kind of alluded to it in your post, whether intentionally or not - a lot of people who marry young and remain happy may simply be happy with less. People who work their asses off throughout early adulthood might expect more, especially of a partner. And then there are the people who would be single if they hadn't settled but would never admit it. 
 

There is nothing wrong with being #2 imo 

Aug 17, 2021 - 8:18am

To save my second marriage 

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
  • Analyst 2 in RE - Comm
Aug 17, 2021 - 8:53am

Will have a kid when I will be 27. Not something that I expected but my current MD had several kids before 30 and is now leading a great team, so hopefully things will also turn well for me!

  • Associate 2 in PE - LBOs
Aug 18, 2021 - 12:30am

Think I'm probably in the minority here, but currently 26 and not in any rush to get married / have kids. Would probably start thinking about a serious relationship around 33-34 and then kids by late 30's to 40. Just feels like a very limiting factor and there is a lot I'd like to do before taking on that responsibility - not to mention there is no way to be appropriately present for your kids as a mid-level finance professional. Much easier when you're more senior and even if you're still working hard, you are likely to have more control of your schedule 

Oct 11, 2021 - 9:08pm

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  • Consultant in Consulting
Oct 12, 2021 - 8:19am

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