Where is the Love?

Today in one of my classes we spoke on the story of Layla and Majnun. Now if you don’t know much about the story, it’s basically about a prince, Majnun, who falls madly in love, and I do mean madly, with the princess of another tribe, Layla. The story goes on, the love is forbidden, Majnun obsesses over Layla, and he runs away to the desert to live with animals and remain hopelessly in love with Layla to never be with her. Classic romantic tragedy type story.

I was fascinated to find that in the class discussion I was the only person to admit I liked the story. I was the only one to sympathize with Majnun’s struggle to find love. I was slightly embarrassed by this. I realized that I too, like Majnun, was a lonely and hopeless romantic. My next thought was just, “am I going to find myself living in a desert cave with animals one day?”

So the statistic that gets thrown around a lot is that 50% of marriages end in divorce. Personally, I saw my own mother involved in two divorces before I turned ten. That means I was divorced of a father twice before I had hair in my ass crack. The first was an alcoholic prick. The second was actually pretty cool, but left in the middle of the night for reasons I couldn't understand. I was happy to see the first one go, but if I would have known about suicide when the second one left, I may have ended it all. It hurt like hell and to this day I don’t understand why he left.

Needless to say, I have trust issues and am really self-conscious so, when I started getting super horny in high school I didn't know what the fuck to do. I pretty much just avoided girls, though, because I couldn't let someone in my life again in a meaningful way. I was afraid to let myself love someone. The thought of having them leave terrified me. Also, I didn't want girls talking about my dick.

This changed when I randomly messaged a freshman girl my junior year. I fell for her, I told her about my trust issues, my fears, and my self-consciousness. The crazy thing was that she accepted me and comforted me. I cried as I told her all this, and she just held my head against her chest. She didn't even say anything. She just held me and made me feel loved. I hadn't felt loved for my entire life up to that point I realized.

So she and I loved each other for three amazing years. They were the happiest years of my life. I just got her and she got me. We were best friends and lovers. It was more than I ever thought I would ever had, and I still love her and think she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen— no bullshit.

When I first left for college a year ago she was crushed and I felt like a piece of shit for making her sad. I hated myself for it. I gained an indescribable happiness from making her smile and all I could think about was how she was in another state, by herself, being sad. I had terrible nightmares of her cheating on me—of her giving her love to another.

Fast forward to now and her and I have been broken up for a month. She ended it the weekend I came home to take her to her homecoming dance. Two hours before we were due to go to dinner she sat me down and said, “I can’t date you anymore. I want to find myself.”

At this point I don’t think I need to get into depth about how utterly wrecked I was when I heard this. I tried like hell to get her to stay. At the time, I would have done damn near anything to get her to stay with me. Literally, I would have sucked the dick of an old garbage man after a long day of work to be with her… I don’t know if I would swallow though, but I’d let people watch.

Anyway, I find myself now studying way more than I used to, watching all kinds of random ass documentaries on Netflix, and following the stock market like a religion. Essentially, I do anything that prevents me from thinking about her because I can’t answer this question for myself: is it better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all? I feel validated when I ace an exam, like I don’t need her in my life. Like, if I had a boat I might still love her and need her, but if I had a yacht I’d be a bit more compelled to leave her a nice “fuck you” voice mail and forget about “love.”

I dread that one day I will be the work obsessed, money focused douche that relegates women to nothing more than an item of sex. I want to be happily married, madly in love, living with, making love to, and wasting afternoons with someone I consider my best friend and who I am connected with in a way that would be silly to describe. I couldn't care less whether we lived in a Hampton's estate or a Detroit trailer. (Well maybe not a trailer, and definitely not Detroit, but a small home 20 minutes outside Philadelphia would be just fine!) It may just be easier to work hundred hour weeks and one day feel good about driving a Porsche then being in love. The Porsche won’t ever leave me.

I don’t know shit. Life is tough and there are no easy answers. What do you think? In a society so driven by the dollar, have we lost sight of something (love) that cannot be easily quantified? Has the love of money replaced the need for a partner? Is this an uncomfortable topic?

In this life, what really matters?

 
Best Response

Thanks for sharing your personal story and thoughts -- what I would say to you is not to hold it against her that she moved on. You are still very young and as long as you stay close to your family, friends and grounded, there is not reason why you can't work hard AND have a great relationship. It doesn't have to be either/or.

Take your time and realize that there is no rush. Just try to get yourself out there and meet as many people as you can so you can learn what you like and what you don't like in a partner. She was your first girlfriend, so you fell hard -- nothing wrong with that. Just don't assume that there isn't someone out there that is even better for you.

Good Luck, Patrick

 

Thanks for the comment Patrick! I especially like how you clarify that life is not black or white, this or that. That is sometimes hard for me and i think many of my peers to realize. I appreciate it.

If we blame others for our failure then we should also give them credit for our successes.
 

It takes two to make a relationship work, it is better you figured it out with her now than 10 years from now with alimony & kids. You will find another, don't lose hope.

 
Tychee:

That means I was divorced of a father twice before I had hair in my ass crack.

Literally, I would have sucked the dick of an old garbage man after a long day of work to be with her… I don’t know if I would swallow though, but I’d let people watch.

I couldn't care less whether we lived in a Hampton's estate or a Detroit trailer. (Well maybe not a trailer, and definitely not Detroit, but a small home 20 minutes outside Philadelphia would be just fine!)

Haha, your use of imagery is hilarious. Had to SB the post just for that!

 

I'd glad you enjoyed! Life's too short not to make a joke once in awhile :)

If we blame others for our failure then we should also give them credit for our successes.
 
TwoThrones:
Tychee:

That means I was divorced of a father twice before I had hair in my ass crack.

Literally, I would have sucked the dick of an old garbage man after a long day of work to be with her… I don’t know if I would swallow though, but I’d let people watch.

I couldn't care less whether we lived in a Hampton's estate or a Detroit trailer. (Well maybe not a trailer, and definitely not Detroit, but a small home 20 minutes outside Philadelphia would be just fine!)

Haha, your use of imagery is hilarious. Had to SB the post just for that!

Cheer up OP. What do Bond and Bateman have in common? Hint: see below.

"But it wouldn't be a stretch to imagine. You think of women as disposable pleasures, rather than meaningful pursuits." Vesper Lynd from Casino Royale

 
TwoThrones:
Tychee:

That means I was divorced of a father twice before I had hair in my ass crack.

Literally, I would have sucked the dick of an old garbage man after a long day of work to be with her… I don’t know if I would swallow though, but I’d let people watch.

I couldn't care less whether we lived in a Hampton's estate or a Detroit trailer. (Well maybe not a trailer, and definitely not Detroit, but a small home 20 minutes outside Philadelphia would be just fine!)

Haha, your use of imagery is hilarious. Had to SB the post just for that!

I think if I had that choice, I would just say, "F you" and do it to myself instead.

 

hahaha, I'm not trying to be a troll with this post; it just felt surprisingly good to post this and have some fun with it.

Thanks for the comments, though. This is fun. I appreciate it.

If we blame others for our failure then we should also give them credit for our successes.
 

You sound like James Bond after Vesper betrayed him.

He never loved again, but from then on he was bona fide, bad-ass, cold blooded, double O that banged every 10 in sight.

So I guess this traumatic experience is a blessing in disguise?

I'm bi-winning. I win here, and I win there.
 

Perhaps your right! Thanks for the comment, much appreciated.

If we blame others for our failure then we should also give them credit for our successes.
 

Repudiandae dignissimos tempore odit nulla at porro est. Est nam unde animi laudantium commodi dolorum.

Libero autem non vel ratione beatae assumenda totam dolores. Sapiente laboriosam ut vel voluptas deserunt animi. Neque dolores dolore quo alias est eos in. Quidem veniam qui eius nam doloribus in ullam.

Snootchie Bootchies

Career Advancement Opportunities

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Jefferies & Company 02 99.4%
  • Goldman Sachs 19 98.8%
  • Harris Williams & Co. (++) 98.3%
  • Lazard Freres 02 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 03 97.1%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Harris Williams & Co. 18 99.4%
  • JPMorgan Chase 10 98.8%
  • Lazard Freres 05 98.3%
  • Morgan Stanley 07 97.7%
  • William Blair 03 97.1%

Professional Growth Opportunities

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Lazard Freres 01 99.4%
  • Jefferies & Company 02 98.8%
  • Goldman Sachs 17 98.3%
  • Moelis & Company 07 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 05 97.1%

Total Avg Compensation

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (5) $648
  • Vice President (19) $385
  • Associates (86) $261
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (13) $181
  • Intern/Summer Associate (33) $170
  • 2nd Year Analyst (65) $168
  • 1st Year Analyst (199) $159
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (144) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

1
redever's picture
redever
99.2
2
Betsy Massar's picture
Betsy Massar
99.0
3
BankonBanking's picture
BankonBanking
99.0
4
dosk17's picture
dosk17
98.9
5
Secyh62's picture
Secyh62
98.9
6
GameTheory's picture
GameTheory
98.9
7
CompBanker's picture
CompBanker
98.9
8
kanon's picture
kanon
98.9
9
Kenny_Powers_CFA's picture
Kenny_Powers_CFA
98.8
10
numi's picture
numi
98.8
success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”