Why are so many decent people single nowadays?

Bizkitgto's picture
Rank: Gorilla | 569

What's going on out there? Lot's of people complain about being single, women constantly moan, "where are all the good guys?", and yet there are more single men and women today than ever. Is it social media? Tinder/Instagram weeding out too many (all?) men? Hook up culture? Video games? Work (even though lots of people manage to date, exercise, play golf, etc)?

Comments (144)

Nov 17, 2019

There are a lot of theories on this topic, but I think there are two main reasons.

  1. The first is that people have a serious lack of commitment in today's world, and are way too focused themselves to even think about getting married/being in a committed relationship. Along with this lack of commitment goes selfishness, which leads to people only wanting to hook up, because there is nothing to worry about when you hook up, not commitment, no string tying you up with any responsibility.
  2. The second, but less commonly known and thought about reason, is the fact that many women say that men sexually harass them when the man has done nothing wrong. I'm not saying that all men are innocent by any means, but there are and have been cases where all that a man says is "you look nice" or "you look very pretty today", and the woman then claims that the man sexually harassed her. Although I don't think that this is by any means a huge problem in today's culture, it still is nonetheless a problem, and men don't want to come off wrong, for fear of what the woman will say or do.

Overall, I think that the problem in today's world is that people lack responsibility in the things that really matter, such as relationships and family. I'm all for being responsible to your job, and I don't think you should let anything get in the way of that. But people need to find a balance between work/other stuff and relationships, otherwise relationships will suffer.

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Nov 17, 2019
AMInPhase1:
  1. The second, but less commonly known and thought about reason, is the fact that many women say that men sexually harass them when the man has done nothing wrong. I'm not saying that all men are innocent by any means, but there are and have been cases where all that a man says is "you look nice" or "you look very pretty today", and the woman then claims that the man sexually harassed her.

I will assume that you are talking the work environment. I do not think that women want men to comment on their physical appearance at the office. If you do it multiple times, I can see how the comments might be viewed as harassment. However, it should not be as much of an issue away from the office.

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Nov 17, 2019

I've heard of it happening outside of the office as well. But like I said, I think that the main issue here is not that ( although I still believe that is a reason, albeit a smaller reason), is that people don't want to take a responsibility in relationships nowadays.

Array

Nov 19, 2019
financeabc:
AMInPhase1:
  1. The second, but less commonly known and thought about reason, is the fact that many women say that men sexually harass them when the man has done nothing wrong. I'm not saying that all men are innocent by any means, but there are and have been cases where all that a man says is "you look nice" or "you look very pretty today", and the woman then claims that the man sexually harassed her.

I will assume that you are talking the work environment. I do not think that women want men to comment on their physical appearance at the office. If you do it multiple times, I can see how the comments might be viewed as harassment. However, it should not be as much of an issue away from the office.

OMG. I can't tell you how many times I walk into the breakroom and there are 3 or 4 women together in a circle commenting on how "cute" a co-worker is. We even had a good laugh about this at lunch one day when a woman admitted that a co-worker she was interested in hitting on her was fine, but not when she wasn't interested.

Nov 19, 2019

I totally agree with your first point. The second point, I don't agree with. It depends on where you live but no sane woman ever accuses a man of harassment when he has not done so. Those who do are mentally sick. But the same then could Ben said about men too, they do some horrible things to women. Should that mean all of them are like that? You just do things, you don't have to worry about this and like Bruce Lee said, "your weapons will be used at right time". Don't anticipate the outcome, this is what's wrong with society.

Nov 19, 2019

I agree with you as well. As I said in my original post, there are many men who are guilty. But there are many who are not that some loonies have accused as well. The main point that I was trying to make was that it's a crazy and messy world out there nowadays, and one can never be too careful

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Nov 17, 2019

Have come across some truly amazing women in NYC (Beauty + Brains + Personality) and been shocked that these women are single.

But in a way I get it. I think most guys would be too afraid to approach these women. I mean I can speak for myself and I would in no way have the self confidence to ask these type of women out.

That could explain some of it.

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  • Analyst 2 in IB - Ind
Nov 17, 2019

I still don't think it would be that simple if someone did have the confidence. I've heard some women say they've been approached a lot in public while others say it's very rare. I don't know what the reality is here.

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Nov 17, 2019

Depends on the exact question. If you ask them whether they get approached by men they will say yes. If you ask them whether they get approached by men 'they would consider' they probably say no.

I always find it very strange when guys approach me out of nowhere. When I'm taking a walk, shopping or waiting for the bus. I don't expect to be approached in these settings and therefore will brush it off. There is also the aspect of safety. The guy who asked me whether I was single while I was walking along the river is a complete stranger to me. It was just not a comfortable situation for me. Same thing in the museum where the guy kept following me around.

I think if you want to approach girls the most important aspect is to make them feel comfortable around you. That means she has to know of your existence for longer than 2 seconds before you talk to her. Going out in a mixed group of friends is good. Doing any kind of group activity is great. Taking a language class in the evening and suggesting to practice French together is perfect.

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Nov 17, 2019

But why not? You have a good job. If you are attractive, that's obviously a plus, and if you have a great personality, what's not to like? Additionally, if you have a talent like music or something like that, that should make her even more attracted to you. I can understand why you would be nervous, but you are a perfectly good candidate for those girls. If they can't see that in you, then they aren't worth going out with in the first place.

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Nov 18, 2019

Because I am scared of my GF.

Nov 18, 2019

Then fucking dump her

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Nov 17, 2019

People don't date because of your fucking job

Nov 17, 2019

No idea but I think it is easier than ever to date. You can download a handful of apps and have dates lined up quickly.

Nov 17, 2019

Because decent people prefer SEX DUNGEONS over relationships

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Nov 18, 2019

its all fun and games until you're chained in between JANET YELLEN and ADAM NEUMANN and the MDMA starts kicking in

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Funniest
Nov 17, 2019

The off topic section has gone from a tech bro spewing 2012 end of the world beliefs that smart people in finance are wasting their lives to a vegan who is disgusted to find out that people still eat meat to a curious poster wondering how the rise of social media, dating apps have made more people single/ lacking relationships. W e l i v e i n a s o c i e t y

The hangover

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Nov 17, 2019

A few random thoughts:

  1. Folks under 40 today came up in a world where photos/videos of perfect-looking people are available with a single click. Creates an idealized image of what someone should look like and raises standards to a point where people hold others to higher standards.
  2. Career pressures are higher than ever, especially on younger adults, so dating gets de-prioritized. In fact the right answer to all the girls asking "where are the good guys" is that they're probably in the office late, trying to get ahead, while Mr. Mediocre is the guy they keep meeting at happy hour because he gets out at 5.
  3. OP diagnosed the issue based on people complaining a lot, so we should at least consider that some part of this is an increased tendency to complain rather than an increased proportion of singles. I certainly feel like we're a whinier society than in the past.
  4. Maybe the better question is, what caused prior generations to feel such pressure to find someone by a certain age? These days, a 35 year old single person is a very normal thing. Just one generation ago it was almost unheard of. Maybe some clues lie in understanding what drove those generations to settle down faster. We take for granted now that we'll live to 80+ but I don't think it was too long ago that 60's was unquestionably the golden years and 40's was arguably when someone started feeling like an old person. Probably made people in their 20's feel like it was time to get the family chapter of life started soon
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Nov 19, 2019

Don't be so quick to judge "Mr. Mediocre". I think you'd be surprised with how many men and women really only want a lifestyle that is slightly better than mediocre.

I think our generation's pressures have unfortunately pushed a lot of us to strive to "put in the hours to get ahead" when really we're only appealing to a small subset of people, (and often, not even truly appealing to our own true interests) in doing so.

Nov 19, 2019

So this is major generalizing here but all else equal girls aren't as attracted to guys who are less ambitious and kind of cool with mediocrity. Obviously many other factors at play and everyone is different. But that is a pretty settled preference of girls I think. I'm not judging, just repeating what they say

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Nov 17, 2019

The risk of getting MeTooed is a big consideration. You can't fuk any girl you want anymore or else they'll ruin you professionally

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Nov 18, 2019

This.

A lot of females in my workplace are attractive. I work in the brokerage/financial services industry currently.

I have been approached by a few - do not crap where you eat is my motto.

No pain no game.

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  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Nov 18, 2019

Stay away from office romance is usually a smart move for both men and women so I don't see why someone could whine about it. There are way more women outside than just whithin an office building so the real question here is really why can't these people find each other and commit.

As someone who just started fulltime I'd say 1) career pressure, the nature of my job demands too much of my energy that even if I'm dating Emily Blunt I'd still ignore her for another hour of sleep; 2) me and many of my friends are very conscious about the risk of settling with someone too soon, probably learned it from observing our parents' less than ideal marriages. I guess in the past people were able to just settle and endure a relationship even if it's not going so well, but the younger generation - at least me and many people I know - want the best for both parties in our relationships and we become too careful. I had seen a couple dating from first year in high school to senior year college but decided to break up because their life plans turned out to be drastically different. I would say most people still date in the traditional sense, but it's very hard for them to marry because how seriously they take it.

Nov 18, 2019
H13x:

This.

A lot of females in my workplace are attractive. I work in the brokerage/financial services industry currently.

I have been approached by a few - do not crap where you eat is my motto.

Look at what happened to Steve Easterbrook and Brian Dunn.
"You Can Always Lose Money Chasing Women, But You Will Never Lose Women By Chasing Money"
-Chris Rock

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Nov 18, 2019

man i gotta ask is this really as common to normal people as some make it seem? it's never happened to me or anyone I know

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Nov 18, 2019
Nightman Cometh:

man i gotta ask is this really as common to normal people as some make it seem? it's never happened to me or anyone I know

Absolutely not. It's an alt-right and "men's rights" scare tactic.

Creeps like Louie CK being called out as being creeps and predators like Weinstein being called out as predators is a good thing for society. Dumbasses like to pretend there's a slippery slope at work in all this - "Oh I can't grope women anymore? I bet I can't even talk to them in public now!" - but there isn't. Don't be a weirdo around women and you'll be fine.

Hell, if anyone deserves to be MeToo'd it's Trump - but he got elected President still, and even now, with all the trouble he's in, that isn't a part of it at all.

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Nov 19, 2019
Nightman Cometh:

man i gotta ask is this really as common to normal people as some make it seem? it's never happened to me or anyone I know

I wold think no. Women only care if the male has money.

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Nov 18, 2019

I guess it comes down to a number of factors including, but not limited to:

  • Not seeing the value of pursuing a relationship. Real talk, girls are nice and all that, but you can take them apart into a number of "streams" - namely lust, intimacy and friendship. All three can be acquired independently of a relationship, which means your "girlfriend needs" are already being fulfilled to 90% just by having good friends and the occasional ONS.
  • Game theory. In a lot of situations, as mentioned above, you have a "mexican standoff" game, meaning a first mover disadvantage. Since you don't know what the other is feeling and you have no cojones, you never move first and likewise. A result of a lack in masculinity in modern males, I guess.
  • Society placing no value onto "leaping into love", the good ol' "marrying after a few meetings and staying together come heaven or hell"-thing our grandparents did. Sure, many spouses hated each other, but even many more built up great things with this sort of practical thinking.

Anyways, that's my take on it. Not that I am a holy man, far from it. But one can criticize society while partaking in it, no?

Omnia facit Voluntas - Will alone suceeds

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Nov 18, 2019

While I won't ever state my situation as average or indicative of anything more than a possibility above 0, here's my life:

  • My fiancee is all three. Lust, she's hot. Intimacy, I can open up to her about very deep topics. Friendships, we laugh all the time and love even walking around the block and joking about random things. This isn't really for bragging, just saying girls like this are out there.
  • She talked to me first. No arguments about masculinity. I don't wear skinny jeans and a deep v neck contemplating if eating vegetables is inhumane to plants.
  • Granted we're not even married yet, so time will tell on that last point. But technology has changed a lot of the game. If you count the HOURS people spent in communication then vs now, it's a huge difference. I can talk to her every day and text and communicate. We both see each other have our bad moments, frustrations, disappointments, life shit. It's not like writing a letter and seeing each other once a month, it's easy to not show your true self if you see a person for 2-3 hours once a month/ week.

I think starting from a point of honesty is important. I wasn't ever really on my best behavior. I feel like that leads to disappointment. I figured if she can't accept me by a 2nd or 3rd date she won't be in for the long haul. Thankfully she liked who I am and it worked. Not that I was a dick, I don't think I naturally am. I just don't really bite my tongue.

"The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary." - Nassim Taleb

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Nov 18, 2019

Why is everyone here taking the premise as gospel?

Who says there are "so many" single people? Why says it's different "these days?" Who says they're decent?

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Nov 18, 2019

The divorce rate is above 50% now I believe because when I was was attending high school a decade ago it was 50% and things have gotten much shittier since. There is a ton of empirical evidence that the 18-35 range is a lot more single- those who do get married are getting married much later compared to even just a few years ago, and remember how Americans constantly laugh at countries such as Japan for having negative birthrates, well, America has had a negative birthrate since 2017 spurred largely by the same factors driving down marriage in Asia; the top factors are of course awful work life balance, and I also believe millenials, of which I am technically also one of since I was born in the late 80s, have much higher standards for partners. Every guy I know whose life is in order enough to be a worthy marriage prospect is either already married or because they are making good money, prefer living the single life. Committing to a single person is become less appealing as people have found many ways to live happily without serious relationships. I believe the pet and pet services industry for this reason is currently undervalued, as more people will become single and turn to pets for companionship since a dog will love you even if you are poor and lazy. So women are guilty a bit too because they don't want to settle for a guy who isn't 6 ft plus with abs and also graduated Johns Hopkins Medical School and now works as a real life version of House. Women are also more economically indepedent than ever, meaning they have the power to pick and choose who they spend time with whereas even in the 90s, many women were not viewing dating and relationship dynamics like they do now. And that's another part of it, women want to work and rise up in the corporate world, and a serious relationship is probably going to be a bigger burden for a women than a man in the sense that the concern of pregnancy derailing a career is very much real.

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Nov 18, 2019
LXVE:

The divorce rate is above 50% now I believe because when I was was attending high school a decade ago it was 50% and things have gotten much shittier since.

This is just blatantly wrong. The overall divorce rate fell 29% from 1979 to 2017, reaching its lowest point in 40 years. If you focus on young people and educated people, it's even lower.

Source: https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-divorce-rate-is-a...

LXVE:

There is a ton of empirical evidence that the 18-35 range is a lot more single- those who do get married are getting married much later compared to even just a few years ago,

The first part is true, but it's not inherently negative. It isn't "compared to just a few years ago" though. This has been an ongoing trend for generations.

LXVE:

and remember how Americans constantly laugh at countries such as Japan for having negative birthrates, well, America has had a negative birthrate since 2017 spurred largely by the same factors driving down marriage in Asia; the top factors are of course awful work life balance, and I also believe millenials, of which I am technically also one of since I was born in the late 80s, have much higher standards for partners.

I mean, also, the cost of raising children, the delay in getting married cutting down on the time one has for having children, the fact that most people these days don't want more than 2 whereas my mom was one of 10, etc.

LXVE:

Every guy I know whose life is in order enough to be a worthy marriage prospect is either already married or because they are making good money, prefer living the single life.

Anecdotes =/= data

LXVE:

Committing to a single person is become less appealing as people have found many ways to live happily without serious relationships. I believe the pet and pet services industry for this reason is currently undervalued, as more people will become single and turn to pets for companionship since a dog will love you even if you are poor and lazy. So women are guilty a bit too because they don't want to settle for a guy who isn't 6 ft plus with abs and also graduated Johns Hopkins Medical School and now works as a real life version of House.

This is all opinion

LXVE:

Women are also more economically indepedent than ever, meaning they have the power to pick and choose who they spend time with whereas even in the 90s, many women were not viewing dating and relationship dynamics like they do now. And that's another part of it, women want to work and rise up in the corporate world, and a serious relationship is probably going to be a bigger burden for a women than a man in the sense that the concern of pregnancy derailing a career is very much real.

This is fair. The amount of college educated women also far outpaces college educated men.

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Nov 18, 2019

My comments are gospel.

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Nov 18, 2019
CRE:

Why is everyone here taking the premise as gospel?

Who says there are "so many" single people? Why says it's different "these days?" Who says they're decent?

Wapo had a graph showing sexlessness among 20 somethings is rising a while back. We know millennials are waiting until longer to buy a first house, have a kid, or get married. Divorce rate is up. And we have the anecdotal knowledge from the online communities of single women, incels, etc.

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Nov 18, 2019
Billion with a B:

Wapo had a graph showing sexlessness among 20 somethings is rising a while back. We know millennials are waiting until longer to buy a first house, have a kid, or get married. Divorce rate is up. And we have the anecdotal knowledge from the online communities of single women, incels, etc.

Sexlessness =/= being single.

Divorce rate isn't up. The overall divorce rate fell 29% from 1979 to 2017, reaching its lowest point in 40 years. If you focus on young people and educated people, it's even lower.

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Nov 18, 2019
Billion with a B:
CRE:

Why is everyone here taking the premise as gospel?

Who says there are "so many" single people? Why says it's different "these days?" Who says they're decent?

Wapo had a graph showing sexlessness among 20 somethings is rising a while back. We know millennials are waiting until longer to buy a first house, have a kid, or get married. Divorce rate is up. And we have the anecdotal knowledge from the online communities of single women, incels, etc.

Lol. Just like I am still waiting to buy my first island.

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Nov 18, 2019

Array

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Nov 18, 2019

Just like president Yeezus said, "Nothing's ever promised tomorrow today."

Nov 18, 2019

I heard em say

"The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary." - Nassim Taleb

Nov 18, 2019

Income inequality is ruining capitalism. A distribution model that takes into account job destruction caused by tech would be BIG for all social aspects capitalism used to solve.

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Most Helpful
Nov 18, 2019

this is purely anecdotal but I have noticed a big difference in dating/relationship dynamics since the time I was in college (+/-15y ago) and when I talk to young guys today. instead of preaching I'll only offer things I believe have a solution to them, in which case I'll offer one

  1. porn - it's not good for you, so stop it. when I was in college, it was not as accessible nor as easy to watch, you had to use a laptop since smartphones weren't in existence. I know that porn hurts performance and has all sorts of other negative effects to psyche, so maybe that's hurting men.

solution? stop watching it

  1. instagram - when I was coming up, it was just myspace and facebook and posting pics/videos of your body was taboo. I wonder how helpful for men it is to have the perfectly sculpted (and photoshopped) bodies, asses, and faces of supermodels and instamodels at their fingertips, by the thousands. when I was coming up, the victoria's secret fashion show was our annual sneak peak into this.

solution? unfollow every thot on your list, if you miss someone, check your friends' follower lists to get some material for the spank bank

  1. cell phones/dating apps/hookup culture - I am truly amazed at the convenience of hookups today. couple swipes, and there you go, but I wonder how helpful that is to not really have to put in the work of pursuit. when I was coming up, you saw a cute girl on campus at the library, food hall, sport event, etc., and you had to approach her, ask for her number, hope she accepts, and then call her (texting wasn't ubiquitous). you had so much time to invest in someone that you could not have a lot of lines in the water. even the guys I came up with who were players maybe had 2 girls in the rotation at one time plus a 3rd ex gf who's just a booty call. the fact you can send out IOI's to dozens, if not hundreds of girls in minutes is a recipe for disaster in my opinion. by the law of averages it's inconceivable that at least one of them won't want to hook up, and so that's your standard now. then, when a good woman comes along, you're disappointed if she doesn't put out on the first date and you miss out on possible wife material (not saying you want a virgin, which you don't, but you also don't want every girl who puts out immediately). when I was in college, it was not at all uncommon for a quality girl to not hook up until date #3, sometimes longer, and I went to a party school.

Solution? I can't say stop using the apps, just don't expect to close at the first meeting, don't be a player (it's fine to have a hookup and not want to get serious, but don't mislead women just so you can hook up with multiple ones simultaneously), and stop using dating apps if you're in a relationship. I wish I didn't have to say the last one, but I'm shocked at how many people I know (men and women) who are in exclusive relationships that still have one foot out the door in the form of an active tinder/bumble/hinge profile

  1. #metoo. I've opined on this elsewhere.

the solution is don't try to date someone you work for, someone who works under you, and ideally not even someone in your office you see with any regularity. I'm happily married but I would not be if I had to see my wife all hours of the day while I'm trying to get shit done.

  1. demonization of all things manly/male feminism. I do not think this is an attractive trait for women of quality. supporting womens rights? sure!

the solution here is to be yourself and not latch onto some activism just because you think it'll get you laid. I put this last but I felt it had to be mentioned

honorable mention: recovery from financial crisis not allowing people to be in the best financial shape and therefore postponing major life decisions like marriage, cost of weddings, scared of divorce rate, etc.

TLDR - lots of factors at play, but like anything else worthwhile in life, if you work at it, struggle, and get a little lucky, you'll be fine

EDIT - tagging some women for their perspectives @Ozymandia @chicandtoughness @InfoDominatrix

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Nov 18, 2019

Most high-caliber males don't want to females who want to compete with them in the career space, especially if they are wanting to start a family. Many Females have been led to believe motherhood is unfulfilling and career should be heavily prioritized into your 30's. Then, when they hit 32 and realize they need to get busy fast to make a baby all of the high-caliber males are married or playing the field dating women in their 20's. The conundrum is that all the high-caliber females who want to start a family before 30 get taken quickly by those high-caliber males who aren't chasing hedonism, the high-caliber males left are players who hookup with 80% of the women, the high-caliber females left have unrealistic expectations and an inflated perception of their market value, while the low-caliber males are fucked no matter what.

Pareto principle dominates the dating market because pre-marital sex has been de-stigmatized and the sexes are now actively competing against each other for limited opportunities in the job market.

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Nov 18, 2019

Came here to post something similar to this. This is it.

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Nov 18, 2019

and what I'd argue is your societal worth and net worth are not correlated. I had a feeling I'd get this pushback, but my advice to those men out there who are afraid to approach a girl because of their job title, nut the fuck up. I cannot even count how many clients we have where the woman is the primary breadwinner and the man is still, dare I say, manly. if a woman doesn't accept you because of your job title, then she's not worth keeping, but if you're suggesting it's a self inflicted wound because they don't want to be made to feel lesser to a woman, well then I'd argue that's the dude's fault, and the dude needs to change his mindset.

my mother was financially ahead of my father when they started dating, ditto for my grandparents, and ditto for myself (imagine how alpha I felt with a girlfriend whose starting salary was higher than mine at a bank you'd all salivate over). get the fuck over yourself, while it's true women want a provider and you should always work to better your situation, quality partners don't care about your title at work.

I'm not arguing with you that the mindset exists, I'm arguing that it can be changed and should be changed.

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Nov 18, 2019
InVinoVeritas:

Most high-caliber males don't want to females who want to compete with them in the career space, especially if they are wanting to start a family.

Man, fuck that. My fiancee better stay at 80% of my total comp or better.

Looks may fade but comp and network only improve, baby.

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Nov 19, 2019
InVinoVeritas:

Most high-caliber males don't want to females who want to compete with them in the career space, especially if they are wanting to start a family. Many Females have been led to believe motherhood is unfulfilling and career should be heavily prioritized into your 30's. Then, when they hit 32 and realize they need to get busy fast to make a baby all of the high-caliber males are married or playing the field dating women in their 20's. The conundrum is that all the high-caliber females who want to start a family before 30 get taken quickly by those high-caliber males who aren't chasing hedonism, the high-caliber males left are players who hookup with 80% of the women, the high-caliber females left have unrealistic expectations and an inflated perception of their market value, while the low-caliber males are fucked no matter what.

Pareto principle dominates the dating market because pre-marital sex has been de-stigmatized and the sexes are now actively competing against each other for limited opportunities in the job market.

So many questions:

  • What is a high-caliber male? And a high-caliber female?
  • Do you consider yourself a high-caliber male? Why, if I may ask?
  • What is the evidence that supports that "high-caliber males do not want females who want to compete with them in the career space"?
  • Can one still be deemed a high-caliber male if he does not mind (or worse, encourages) his female partner "competing" (whatever that means) in the career space, or is it an automatic disqualification?

Thank you in advance

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Nov 18, 2019

It's really just one factor: economics. Hell, prostitution on sites like SA or IG is just an old form of profession women use to make money when there are not capable men around to help them.

The tech you mentioned, helped to define what a millennial is, they did not cause millennial social trends.

Nov 18, 2019

good shit here.

Array

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Nov 18, 2019

So in order:

  1. I still find arguments against men watching porn unconvincing at best, especially if you are mature enough to understand you are watching a performance, not a how-to manual. Perhaps that's an argument against children or teens watching porn, but if you're a grown ass man, why not? Masturbation is certainly good for you.
  2. Again, knowing that a lot of girls on instagram are either heavily photoshopped and/or plastic solves this, no? Or are you trying to make the argument that the existence of attractive and scantily clad women somehow negatively impact relationships? Like the porn argument, this sounds far more like a problem of determining fantasy versus reality.
  3. I'm too old for the rise of Tinder, etc. but I swear in college you didn't exactly have to put a lot of effort into hooking up either. Rare was there a college weekend, if I was single, that didn't work out for me and I'm not exactly Ryan Reynolds. Sometimes it just happened to be 2 am and you two looked across the room at each other. Still, when I met my current significant other, I was certainly not upset that she didn't put out on the first date. Just like there's a difference between fantasy and reality, there is a difference between hooking up and dating.
  4. I've opined on this elsewhere too. Don't be a creep to women and you won't get #MeToo'd. "Don't shit where you eat" has been advice for decades too, whether it's been followed or not.
  5. This demonization only exists if you seek it out. No one deals with this unless they seek it out or spend too much time on twitter.
  6. I had no idea @Ozymandia was a woman
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Nov 18, 2019

appreciate your thoughts, interesting to see another's perspective. since mine's just an opinion I don't really have a desire to argue with you, just wanted to share how I view things and maybe some solutions for young bros out there trying to make it work. thanks again bruv

Nov 18, 2019
CRE:

6. I had no idea @Ozymandia was a woman

Neither did I...

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Nov 18, 2019

Good analysis.

Nov 18, 2019

My market value will continue to increase over the next 10-15 years, while hers will steadily decline. Might be one of the few markets that is possible to time and avoid buying high and selling low.

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Nov 18, 2019

I assume you subscribe to what this chart says, and I'd counter by saying if you're always thinking about the poon you've yet to close, you'll never be happy. you might have empty testicles, but you'll also have an empty heart, so I hope you find happiness somewhere, because there's more to life than new vaginas.

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Nov 18, 2019

I find it very interesting that there seems to be correlation between people who zealously defend the second amendment and those who seem hesitant to talk to women at work.

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  • Intern in Other
Nov 18, 2019

Trying to boil love and relationships down to a goddamn SWOT analysis is pure madness

Nov 18, 2019

Workaholism, porn, easy accessibility with no strings (if you get the milk, why buy the cow?), video games, perfectionism (in expectations of a partner), desperation (of females), swiping culture (there's always one better, there's always someone new), laziness, zero pressure to commit until late 30s or later, meal delivery (seriously - you never have to leave your apartment).

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Nov 19, 2019

Porn is the silent unspoken horrible destroyer of men's mental health. It is free, easily accessible, in infinite variety, and just as addictive as heroin. It creates ridiculous unrealistic notions and expectations of sexual experience/body type plus rewires the male brain to be submissive, docile, and impulsive.

Nov 19, 2019
InVinoVeritas:

Porn is the silent unspoken horrible destroyer of men's mental health. It is free, easily accessible, in infinite variety, and just as addictive as heroin. It creates ridiculous unrealistic notions and expectations of sexual experience/body type plus rewires the male brain to be submissive, docile, and impulsive.

laugh

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Nov 19, 2019

The premise of this thread is completely wrong - who would want to get married? We need more marriages like we need a hole in the head.

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Nov 19, 2019

Because people today lack the skill to engage in conversation and don't know how to keep one going. It really all starts with a hello.

Nov 19, 2019

I watch porn probably more than most and I still managed to bag my fair share of women. I was never afraid to approach one and start a conversation. And no I didn't get every girl. But baseball player aren't hitting homers every time they are at bat. You're gonna strike out. But you have the confidence that each time you are at bat you are knocking down a homer.

  • Analyst 1 in Consulting
Nov 19, 2019

Mediocre dude with no discernible unique hobbies/skills/interests who is less than charming and has been gaining weight at exponential rates and lives in the office looks in the mirror one day thinking to himself, "Damn all the good ones are single these days!"

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Nov 19, 2019

where are all these decent people at? i see nothing but treacherous scum

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

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Nov 19, 2019
Bizkitgto:

What's going on out there? Lot's of people complain about being single, women constantly moan, "where are all the good guys?", and yet there are more single men and women today than ever. Is it social media? Tinder/Instagram weeding out too many (all?) men? Hook up culture? Video games? Work (even though lots of people manage to date, exercise, play golf, etc)?

People are bad, myself included. I have a female co-worker who a month ago said she doesn't care much about how good looking a man is, that sense of humor means everything. Then this ridiculously handsome male co-worker of mine, who is a narcissistic bore, was talking to her and she said all she really cares about is a man's appearance as she could barely stand up straight. Basically, women are just as scummy as men and modern society has freed women to behave like men, leaving no one happy or satisfied with their lives.

Nov 19, 2019

Because I can go to 1oak and hit on 19 year old models with fake IDs.

Array

Nov 19, 2019

why are so many people single? I think by "people" you mean dorks that ask dumbass questions like that. there's plenty of women out there folks, and no you don't have to be red pill, alpha male, gender role and all that bullshit, those are blogs mostly written by dorks with biceps who want women to answer their every whim. serious question: you ever been with (yes, sexually) someone who's submissive? it's no fuckin fun at all. sure, the first night or two are fun where you can try shit that 9.5 who works in millenium IR would never try with you, but after that it's so fuckin boring, you're always having to come up with shit for them to do, they're very dependent, and most importantly, if someone is submissive they generally lack personality.

what I'd like to see is my fellow men lose the platitudes (despite the ones I say, they're always true, see what I did there?) about women, stop reading red pill bullshit on twitter, and just get the fuck out there and meet people. you'll never find mrs. right if you're on a blog at 11am on a saturday hungover, go for a run down museum mile, try to find a bulgarian chick on vacation, take her out for coffee and fumble your way through the language barrier while her eyes captivate you and give you one of the hardest chases of your life (but very much worth it). if you're in any major metro area, you will most certainly be turned down numerous times, but by the power of large numbers you will have success, but never if you spend your time convincing others of your misogynistic beliefs or trying to out woke people. news flash - don't go too hard one way or the other. be genuine, be real, don't be a dick, it's not that hard.

also, maybe there's a shitload of single people because there's a shitload of people, millenials are the largest generation now, so DUHHHHH. also marriage sounds like a terrible idea. don't seek out something like that, let it happen organically.

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Nov 19, 2019

TL;DR - feels like less of "where is the good dating pool" and more of "I wanna stay young/act young for as long as possible/delay or stop adulting altogether."

Maybe it's selfishness, maybe it's that overall we are living longer. To a point, I agree, that some of the previously mentioned arguments ala "filtered life" where people [not just women] will edit their selfies, sometimes to the extreme. I have a friend in his 70's who is a widow and went on a date with a woman, and discovered that she'd used a photo that was from 10-15 years ago on her dating profile!

The Uberization/Amazon-ization of our economy is bleeding into our relationships, I suspect. When you can get virtually anything delivered to your door in under 48 hours re: general retail purchases and under a few hours for food deliveries/errands, when you can binge-watch a season of a show in a day, when you can filter your porn to the -nth degree... I'm convinced one's patience/tolerance/willingness to be inconvenienced/willing to go off the beaten path gets shortened and lowered for all things, including your interactions with other humans.

As for those who want to try dating/hooking up without the usage of apps and look to date via geographic logistics/convenience: it's just never a good move to use your job space or your immediate-home-area space as your pool of dating options. If things go poorly, even without #MeToo at work, it often makes things awkward. My brother, for the past few months, had been spending some time with a gal from his co-op complex. He recently came to the realization that they're not a good match, she seems to be playing games with him [they are both over 40 and she's been way too coy], so he's gone back to just being friendly and has stopped offering to make her dinner/hang out. He tells me he doesn't want to be outright mean or dismissive to her, as they weren't exclusively dating and there's no reason to be an asshole, but now he says it's awkward when they bump into each other in the laundry room or at any of their nearby shops.

Another anecdotal item: last Saturday I went to a whiskey tasting at The Tunnel with my husband. With us, one of hubby's oldest friends, who now after divorcing her 2nd husband several years ago [both 1st and 2nd hubbies had been her age], she's now dating a guy who is 20 years younger. At the tasting, we met up with our 3 eldest nieces, who are between 25 and 30. Two were in attendance with their boyfriends, each relationship is around 2 to 3 years old. The youngest niece was stag and had a blast without having a significant other. Feels like there's something of a general shift in that there's nothing wrong with not dating/hooking-up if you're not interested or concentrating on other things where it's work or school or your personal interests/hobbies.

A number of things are creating something of an "arrested development" in a variety of age ranges, not solely with the Millennials or any one particular group/generation. Like the vast majority of films today are trying to reach the broadest audience from ages 8 to 80, versus truly appropriate films for children and other films for grown-ups. There's something of a 'juvenilization' of numerous things including spoken speech taking on the flavor of text-talk - I mean I can hear grown adults on the subway saying things like "OMG... do you hear about Tara's new friend with bennies?" "My man, I am kicking ass in the work football pool! Just call me GOAT!"

Many people of every generation are going the route of inject-ables and plastic surgery to improve their selfie game. You have 60-year-old men wearing Timberlands and sweats and 60-year-old women wearing Juicey and Uggs. The online gaming world, with its massively growing sponsorships and large monetary prize purses is also ushering something of a "man-child" mindset where 'adults' are essentially playing actual literal games for a payday, hell, look at even how poker players are dressing when poker matches are televised. And to think the Olympic Committee is contemplating online gaming as an actual sport?!

As for work pressure and how that impacts dating, I think we all need to remember that is primarily a finance site and that the vast majority of people in the world do not work 100+hour work weeks. Granted, when you keep those sorts of hours, it certainly makes everything trickier, not just dating, but chores, errands, eating, exercising, getting to see family and friends.

But for the majority of folks who work considerably fewer hours, I can not fathom why they'd think that dating is more difficult/high-pressure/less good catches as there are far more options than ever, not just in the massive range of specialized dating apps [apps for people of color, people of faith, gay, 420-friendly, gym rats, Trekkies, Yeezy, etc], but also apps like Meet-Ups where you can hang out in a platonic group setting and can try and see if sparks potentially fly with you and another attendee.

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Nov 19, 2019

So...what do you suggest? Unplug from the apps, reconnect with nature, and be more generous and sociable to our fellow human beings? Or is the right response to be more selfish and guarded if that's where everyone seems to be going?

Nov 19, 2019
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