Working in finance & depression
Using a burner account for obvious reasons. Last May I graduated college, one week after that I moved ~7 hours away to a new city, and a week after that I started at a F500 in FP&A.
I'm not going to get into the details since it gets dark, but since the move I've had an extremely hard time meeting people, I'm not happy with my work, and I don't know how I feel about this city still. It was there slightly before the move but I'm not happy and feel dead inside almost constantly, and it's just been exacerbated by moving and starting my job. I look back on my life and it's filled entirely with regret, especially when I read through here and LinkedIn. I know I'm way too hard on myself but I can't help be pissed that I was an absolute fuck up in high school, which lead me to a terrible school and a job I'm not happy with. I've tried to make sure it doesn't it impact my work, but honestly I just don't really care anymore. Not about the people my role supports, what my boss thinks, or about the work I'm doing. I'm just done with it all, yet I feel so trapped.
I've tried pretty much all the typical advice: I'm currently seeing a therapist (she's suggested I seek other opinions about meds but I don't really like the idea), I've tried joining sports leagues but I never get put on a team, I exercise but it doesn't bring me happiness anymore (it sounds crazy but I really only exercise to 'punish' myself now), and I tried picking up 1-2 new hobbies but I've honestly just lost the motivation. I don't really have the motivation to do anything anymore, most days are work -> therapy -> home / go to sleep at 8:30 -> repeat.
I've started to consider what I should do. Going back where I came from isn't an option, moving to a new city will just bring the problems with me, I don't have the qualifications for any jobs I do want, and I don't want to work in this role anymore. I have a little bit of money saved up, if I cashed out all accounts I could probably survive for a little over a year. I thought about just doing that and up and leaving. I could then deal with the consequences later, but luckily I'm self aware enough to realize that probably isn't a great idea. I doubt I'll ever get into the finance role I want, so I've thought about going back to school but I don't have the math background for any STEM graduate degrees, so I don't know what I'd even go for.
I know I just need to keep seeking help and unfortunately pushing through. But I wanted to see if anyone else has ever been through something similar and what helped you.
Try adding something novel to your life. What excites you? At the end of the day it just may be your brain, hence the suggestions from your therapist.
If you want to heal your depression, read the bible. Start with Isaiah. If you want to improve your professional situation, prep and take the CFA. Stick it out for a few years and get an MBA.
People have it much worse than you. You have a job and you're independent. There are many that cant say that. But yeah, FPA sucks.
My experience out of college:
months 0-6 - running off adrenaline, new job, new place, new city new people, no sleep, all work and partying, nothing wholesome in my life, didn't mind.
months 7-18 - the hangover... job was repetitive, high pay but got old and worked with assholes, the vain lifestyle i was living caught up with me and I felt empty, not enough experience/connections to make a meaningful career move, my 'friends' were really just drinking buddies, we didn't have any sort of foundation upon which a friendship is based. I was stuck and depressed
months 19-36 - I moved to a more expensive, nicer apartment that actually had room for a couch, after hitting bottom partying one night, I changed the way I drank, used substances, and interacted with women, spent more time talking to family and old friends, invested into my real friendships, after hitting the 2 year mark became determined to receive a promotion and trade that into a new job
month 36+ - found a great new job, better industry, household name, promotion, shed fake friends and invested my time and effort into real friends, together we built a little tribe, got into a normal weekly routine of things that made me happy (work, working out, reading, video games, partying with friends, sports, etc...). After getting the new job it still took me 6 months to settle in.
TL;DR - It took me 4 years to really adjust to adult life in a new city where I didn't know anyone. Moving to a new city, starting out from 0, no friends or professional network, no family, etc.... that's a big undertaking and those changes can produce a shock effect. It takes a while to build all those things from scratch and my best advice to you is keep your head down, focus on what you can control. Do great at your job, accept any invites you get, try to be happy, even fake happy like the 30 minutes of happiness that comes from watching a stand up special or playing video games. Eventually it will work out. Just stay calm in the pocket and know that there are many other people in the same boat as you. Some of my friends took longer than me to adjust, some were quicker, others never ventured far enough to need to adjust.
Deep
Sorry to everyone for the long posts... but wanted to add one more thing.
You may be going through quarter life crisis. I just read your bit about cashing out and leaving. I wanted to do that too. I was close to trying to start a weed business. My other idea was biking through south america. I can't tell you how close i was to buying a dirt bike... I'm glad I stuck with it, there was light at the end of the tunnel (and it wasn't an oncoming train). Instead of quitting, double down. It will pay off in the future and you'll always be able to look back on this time and draw strength from it. It will be a huge source of confidence (if i could do that, i can do anything).
Agree with much of the above, especially everything itsanumbersgame mentioned.
Get a girlfriend, I promise she will keep you happy and busy ;)
I'm going through the same thing... I've lost a lot of friends and family over the years focusing on trading and moving far away. Had a girlfriend and we broke up because all we did was argue and was for the best. I got into trading to make a lot of money but whats the point if you're going to be alone on thanksgiving in a big ass house, no one to share it with? I think that's why I'm on here a lot... I need to find hobby or something.
Man I really feel you. I'm sorry I don't think I have any profound advice here. It's a tough situation. As someone who had some pretty deep battles with depression, I just want you to know that it can and will get better. I was lucky enough to face my demons most prominently during my college time, and I had A) plenty of free time and B) immediate support system (one of my best friends, particularly) to constantly support me. I know your situation is harder. I've also experienced similar thoughts in terms of moving to a new city. In today's time and age, it's really hard to meet new people when you have no connections. You can't just walk into a bar and talk to people and make friends.
Above all, keep fighting. You will win. It takes time.
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