Would you put your parents in a home?

Barring anything serious, like Alzheimer's or other health issues where professional care would be better. Would you put your parents in a home or have them stay with you and take care of them in their old age? 

I make this post because my grandma is getting old (early 80s) and I want her to stay with us (we have the means and space) while my parents and aunts think we should send her to a home.

WSO Elite Modeling Package

  • 6 courses to mastery: Excel, Financial Statement, LBO, M&A, Valuation and DCF
  • Elite instructors from top BB investment banks and private equity megafunds
  • Includes Company DB + Video Library Access (1 year)

Comments (22)

Apr 3, 2021 - 6:30pm

My siblings and I no longer live in the country where our parents are located, we all left for a career/job or married in a different country.
Our parents are still young-ish, but when the time comes the decision was made to put them in a home. They agreed to this as well, we offered to relocate them but they are happy with the countries they have at their disposal (all EU countries).

Apr 4, 2021 - 1:08am

Sometimes the elderly person does not want to be a burden to the family and they feel like an external provider is the best solution. And sometimes the family members are not qualified to care for a family member. It all depends on the situation at hand.

If the family is qualified, if they are in the same location or nearby - then yes, maybe it should be the family if the parent is accepting this solution.

Most Helpful
Apr 3, 2021 - 6:50pm

My Mom is in an Alzheimer's/Dementia facility. My Dad is also at a senior living facility in independent living. They are in their 80s. I see my Mom 5x per week for 1hr per day Mon - Fri. It is the highlight of my day seeing her - we are very close and she lights up when she sees me. I used to have to get Covid tested everytime I visited, but they lifted restrictions so I don't have to get the tests anymore. We mainly listen to music together and I play her favorite song and she claps and dances for an hour. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 8
Learn More

300+ video lessons across 6 modeling courses taught by elite practitioners at the top investment banks and private equity funds -- Excel Modeling -- Financial Statement Modeling -- M&A Modeling -- LBO Modeling -- DCF and Valuation Modeling -- ALL INCLUDED + 2 Huge Bonuses.

Learn more
  • Analyst 3+ in IB - Ind
Apr 5, 2021 - 2:50pm

Isaiah_53_5 💎🙌💎🙌💎

My Mom is in an Alzheimer's/Dementia facility. My Dad is also at a senior living facility in independent living. They are in their 80s. I see my Mom 5x per week for 1hr per day Mon - Fri. It is the highlight of my day seeing her - we are very close and she lights up when she sees me. I used to have to get Covid tested everytime I visited, but they lifted restrictions so I don't have to get the tests anymore. We mainly listen to music together and I play her favorite song and she claps and dances for an hour. 

Wait, I thought you said you were 38 in another thread? How can your parents be in their 80s? Does that mean your mother had you when she was in her 40s? 

Apr 5, 2021 - 2:58pm

Yeah my mom was 44 and dad 46 when I was born.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Apr 3, 2021 - 7:52pm

Not a home, no shot. But I will mention that once my step-grandfather died, my grandma (RIP queen) moved to a community for people 55 and up, and it was one of the best things she ever did. Everyone says her last 15-ish years were some of her happiest. She had her own house, she lived and operated independently, and all they did was take care of grounds/maintenance stuff and operate a clubhouse in the center of their little community. She was friends with everyone there. I think those places definitely have a lot of potential, but again, would never force my parents to go anywhere. She did this because she was by herself in a huge house, and with the exception of my uncle, the closest family was about an hour away. So it made sense.

Dayman?
Apr 8, 2021 - 4:58pm

Agreed, my Grandma still lives in a 55+ community and she's 79. Think of it like condos only for old people. everyone looks out for each other and we don't have to worry about constantly checking up on her since we're in a different state

Apr 5, 2021 - 2:07pm

We tried to keep my Mom living at my Dad's place, but her dementia started getting severe in 2016. By 2019, she was getting up frequently and walking out the door. It became a 24/7 babysitting exercise, one by which my Dad was utterly exhausted. I tried to visit there and help, but I couldn't be there all the time. In the end, we needed to hire caregivers to watch her day and night or take her to an Alzheimer's/dementia home. 

I was definitely against her going into a home for years, but by the end we were completely exhausted and she was also having hygiene issues and needed to be bathed, and my Dad wouldn't do it and I felt it was too psychologically damaging to myself to get involved in that stuff. So in the end the Alzheimer's/dementia facility now does all of the bathing and hygiene for her and it is a really nice facility with upbeat staff. She is happy. For years I was against her going into memory care, but it is for the best.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 3
Apr 5, 2021 - 10:58pm

If my mother got dementia/alzheimers then I'd probably put her in a high-end assisted living facility unless I can hire multiple full-time caregivers and turn the house into a lockbox so she doesn't wander off, otherwise no I'd never consider putting her in a home of any sort. I'd most likely end up building a secondary house on whatever property I own at that point just so she can have her own space and be close to the grandkids. Watch the Netflix movie I Care A Lot, that movie gave me chills and isn't entirely fictional/inaccurate...

Array

  • 1
Apr 5, 2021 - 11:22pm

My thoughts exactly regarding the guest house and the movie. This life can be cruel. The elderly are preyed upon.

Apr 6, 2021 - 10:59am

No, my current plan is to buy them a new condo, where my dad wouldn't have to do any housework, in my hometown (which is generally pretty safe and well off). Outside of them needing specific medical care, the current plan is to keep them close, which is why I'm only looking at NYC for future opportunities.

Apr 7, 2021 - 9:05am

I think people have negative perceptions of homes. I agree that many of them can be sad places to live with occasionally abusive staff, but others are true resorts where people seem to have a blast. In certain cases you can find options that allow people to have their own apartments where they cook, clean and do everything as if they were at home but with the ability to get professional help if they need it. These more "luxurious" ones are often on the more expensive end of things and it may make more financial sense to let them live at home but have someone come around to the house to take care of them. Bottom line is, do your due diligence but some places can be really nice provided people don't need special care (e.g., hospice or aid with mental health).

  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Apr 7, 2021 - 4:22pm

To be honest, OP, it really depends on a number of factors. My maternal grandmother, known to us simply as Nana, went through bad health problems when I was young; I was mostly shielded from everything then, and I don't know much about it today, but I know that she hit her head after falling, causing a number of brain injuries and round-the-clock care from my mother. Of course, my mother had a schedule that was more free than what most of us have, but it still took a considerable toll. After a while, we started to look for hired help to take care of her, and we had a number of people that worked for us on that front. Since I was at home when this was happening -- I was about four years old then -- I could safely say that these people were good to my Nana. Still, I understand if you have fears about the staff; it's a perfectly normal/logical feeling to have.

My advice is this: if you can find the time, or have somebody help out your grandmother while you're at work, I think it would be a lot better for you and your family than to put her in a nursing home. Perhaps, if you found somebody to help her, you could keep tabs on everything by usage of a camera in your home, just to make sure everything is going smoothly. Just an idea, though.

I hope everything works out well. By the sound of your words, your grandmother sounds like a very important part of your life.   : ^ )

Apr 7, 2021 - 6:21pm

These are usually really nuanced matters driven by a number of factors -- how much care would she need, how much space do you have in the home, how much socialization she'd want -- but it especially boils down to who is the financial breadwinner in your household. Unless you're independent and providing for your parents, I don't know if you really have the grounds to dictate to your parents and aunts what to do on such a private matter... unless you want her to stay with you, in your abode, on your dime.

Personally, I wouldn't trust a home and would want my parents close, but this is obviously an incredibly private matter -- I don't know what you're doing asking a message board full of prestige-obsessed highschoolers about it.

Big4 Audit --> TMT L/S

  • 1
Apr 8, 2021 - 5:32pm

Bancroft

I don't know what you're doing asking a message board full of prestige-obsessed highschoolers about it.

Yeah ok both my mom and dad are at separate senior living facilities. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • Associate 1 in IB - Restr
Apr 7, 2021 - 8:06pm

I threaten my father w/ this all of the time, but fuck no.  Fortunately, I have two sisters who would be the ones they'd end up staying w/ if needed.

Start Discussion

Total Avg Compensation

April 2021 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (9) $911
  • Vice President (35) $364
  • Associates (188) $234
  • 2nd Year Analyst (107) $150
  • Intern/Summer Associate (96) $145
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (26) $145
  • 1st Year Analyst (391) $132
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (322) $82