Wow... being married sucks
One of my frat bros who graduated college 2 years ago is married. He married his high school sweetheart last year, at age 23. I went to his wedding, the girl was pretty hot (she was a solid 8), he told me he was the happiest man on the planet at the moment, etc.
One year later, he is constantly talking about how shitty his life is. He despises marriage now. He told me his wife has 'gold digging instinct'.. saying how his level of income isn't satisfactory for her and she wishes that she married a guy that was rich or had a higher paying job. He also mentions how he gets into so many arguments here and there all the time for really petty reasons. He has no freedom. Now, he's considering divorce.
If being married sucks this much, why the fuck do so many people get married? Also why do people ever marry before age 30? To me, that's really stupid.
No one changes the day they get married, things just get magnified. Guarantee those traits were there all along. 23 is really young but doesn't sound like a guy like that would have taken a different path even if he had waited.
Not something to just jump into cause you like a person and have a free Saturday. Have to make sure you and this person are on the same page about money, careers, kids, etc. Definitely worth spending a day doing pre-marriage counseling shortly after the engagement.
So true...
Jesus Christ... maybe because every marriage isn't the same exact scenario as your friend and his bitch wife?
paging Dr. Ed to turn his bad experiences into laws to live bylol
No. You're wrong. Married before 30 means you weren't thinking clearly. I blame drugs and alcohol.
I too am surprised how some people fail to understand this. Secondly, the two top issues that cause arguments in marriages are $$$ and sex. So, I guess we know why he is unhappy. He picked the wrong woman and she picked the wrong guy. There is always marriage counseling.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh, wait...
Yup.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You are such a tool
You are happy for someone else's sadness? What does that say about your mental health?
you responded to a post from 9 years ago?
Getting marries isn't shit. His wife is shit.
He should divorce her now, before he makes real $$$.
Yeah, what kind of bitch says that she wishes she would have married somebody with more money? I thought we were past that whole "women stay home, men make the money" thing?... Oh nm, that's only when the soulsucking $#@$^%# are satisfied with their income, otherwise it's the guy's fault.
I'm pretty sure I've said that at some point in all three of my marriages.
BTW...this has the makings of an EPIC thread. Just sayin'.
thinking it is one thing, but to actually say that to your significant other? All I'm going to EXPECT from a girl is that she pulls in enough money to keep herself above the poverty line, of course a lot of people are going to wish that their wife/husband made more money, but to say that shit to the point where your husband/wife is thinking about divorce?
A lot of women in large cities (note: NYC) are gold diggers to certain extent.
The older men get, the more women evaluate men based on income/ wealth. However, some women cross the line and become huge bitches.
That's why, imo, if you plan on ever marrying at all, it is really important to see if the girl in question is marriage material, or just good for fucking/ brief entertainment.
Bro. You forgot to include; California, Washington, North Carolina, Massachusetts, Texas to name a few.
How much does your buddy make? Also does she come from loaded parents?
Not sure how much he makes exactly. He works at a small fund. I don't know what he does at that fund. (not sure if he's doing asset management, operations, trading, etc)
However, my guess is he makes at least 55-60k a year.
The girl comes from upper middle class family. Her dad is a dentist. Not rich, but pretty well off.
My frat bro told me that this girl had dated several very rich men before he married her. They dated in high school, but they broke up in college, then got back together after college and got married. When this chick was in college, supposedly she dated some rich guys that come from old money... and she compares other 'rich' men she dated previously to my buddy all the time... making my buddy miserable.
One lesson I learned from my buddy's situation is NEVER marry a girl who had many dating experiences. If the girl fucked a lot of guys and dated a lot of different guys before marriage, chances are she will compare and contrast you to her 'previous lovers'. And, that would suck a lot.
I guess if you are set on marrying someone at some point, it is very important to evaluate if the girl is a marriage material or not. No matter how hot the girl is, if she's not marriage material, never marry that girl.
In the wise, wise words of Jimmy Soul: If you wanna be happy For the rest of your life, Never make a pretty woman your wife, So from my personal point of view, Get an ugly girl to marry you.
Of course, since this is extreme, too, you're just better off being realistic and evaluate closer, non?
Only if you're not rocking her world and making the hundred other guys she's slept with look like lames.
Imagine marrying a girl that had dated 100 men before you, and dated several very rich men who bought her expensive watches, hand bags, and other gifts. Now, you are married to this girl, and this girl is still living in that materialistic fantasy, while you are working your ass off for that 60-70k salary...
Not to mention, if the girl had way too much dating history or fucking before marriage, that implies her inability to settle down with one dude and she keeps searching for something better. This trait can't be ideal for marriage.
You see what I am saying? This is exactly what is happening to my buddy. And, I hope some of us can learn a lesson or two from this.
The lesson is...make more than 70k?
"One lesson I learned from my buddy's situation is NEVER marry a girl who had many dating experiences. If the girl fucked a lot of guys and dated a lot of different guys before marriage, chances are she will compare and contrast you to her 'previous lovers'. And, that would suck a lot."
Spoken like an insecure bitch. Plus why would you want to settle down with a girl with no experience? Who wants to marry a dead fish?
Grabbing popcorn to wait and watch how this thread goes.
The only thing that sucks more than marriage is a divorce. Not the being single part, mind you, (that part kicks ass) its the process of divorce that sucks. Tell him to get out NOW! The less they're married, the less spousal support he will pay. I've gone through divorce and I'm NEVER getting married again.
"If you've never considered the possibility of murder then you've never been divorced!" - Chris Titus
No, your friend just married a whorish bitch.
Well he went from a frat house to monogamy in a year. What did you expect?
During my senior year of college, 4 of my high school friends each got married. Then, I was like WTF. Now, 3 divorces (soon to be 4) later, LOL.
We've really fucked up marriage in this country (not that other countries don't have it bad as well). People rush into it like three year olds who hear the ice cream truck and then they rip open the wrapper to their overpriced Drumstick and realize it's not exactly what they expected.
Divorce is way too fucking easy. The societies that follow an arranged marriage setup have greater success because people don't expect anything out of it, and thus rarely find themselves wanting divorce. Forced love isn't a horrible proposition, because you'll always be in the best marital position (i.e. love will always grow if you know how to grow it). In this country we expect marriage to be easy, and once it gets hard we don't sit around and fight for it.
Also, just to stir the pot a bit, those who oppose homosexual marriage rights have completely lost their argument that it would ruin the "sanctity of marriage" (Rick Santorum for President!!!11!1!). OP, I wish your friend luck in his marriage, or what he has left of it anyway.
I always say if I ever get married before 30, I might as well give up then and there.
This would be posted on Valentine's Day. My first thought when I read the title was, "Paging Dr. Braverman in 3...2...1..."
Did you just say frat bros?
Age/2+7
I'm married and my wife is great. I knew her when I was poor and she has been with me the whole way. She doesn't know much about sports but doesn't bitch when I want to watch a game. She can piss me off at times cause she is a woman, but overall I'm stoked that I happened to marry a good one. So I don't think it's marriage itself that's the problem , I think it's who you marry and what it means to you that's the problem.
I was late 20's when I got married, but the premise still stands in my opinion, regardless of the age.
Thanks, glad to read the opposite opinion, some people are just not mature enough to get married. Just take a look a person's values, some throw it down the drain as soon as it gets tested. Some people get married because they believe that person shall make them happy when instead they are responsible for their own happiness, are partner just adds to already established happiness. So, people just need to grow up and stop falling for snow white stories.
I'm surprised no one asked this yet: what does the wife do for a living?
She's a journalist. Not sure what kind of journalist she is. (sports journalist?)
^ the average income for a grad right out of school is between 30 and 40k. He's doing alright and most people not in IB or consulting will be making, at most, 60-70k at 24. A little bit of perspective goes a long way.
But daddy needs new shoes =(
Also you have to consider COL 60k in the Midwest/South is a lot different then 60k in NYC. Not sure where this guy lives but 60k isn't bad at all in lower COL places.
Some girls, I guess, fantasize about having a luxurious lifestyle I guess... especially for this chick, since she dated some rich guys before marrying this dude, my guess is she wants a husband that can provide a baller lifestyle.
When I saw her, I could tell she was into vanity and luxury. She was carrying brand name hand bags and one time she asked her husband to buy her a brand new luxury sports car.
For marriage, the lesson for us is clear: stay the FUCK away from damaged/ used-up goods: girls who 'gold-digged' before marriage, or fucked a bunch of guys before marriage. Chances are this type of girl will constantly compare you to her previous lovers and if one of her previous men was richer or better than you in some way, she will let you know about it... which would be fucking miserable
Have to sleep in the bed you make. If you marry a girl because she is hot but overlook personality flaws then that's on you. Women will either add / multiply your wealth or drain from it. You should know where she falls in this group before date 5 FFS
There are 3 lessons here: 1. Take time to decide if you really want to get married before doing anything stupid 2. If you do want to get married, wait at least 3-5 years after college 3. Don't marry a b%*#@
It sounds like this guy swung and missed on all three of these.
I have been married almost 2 years now and overall, it has been a great experience. Sure she frustrates me sometimes, but I'm a fairly selfish jerk at times so all in she's basically a saint. So far, the good FAR outweigh the bad.
I've actually had a few opportunities to make more $ where I'd have to travel a lot and my wife actually preferred that I not take them (and I didn't). Ultimately, it was my decision, but the money didn't really matter to her.
Real moral of the story - don't marry a b%*#@
I've been married a year now and am quite happy. We have no kids, and my wife actually likes working (lawyer), and will always work, even if she just does part-time when we finally have kids. Also, another moral to this story is the pre-nup kids!! If you have any type of assets above $200k or a trust fund that you can't touch yet, make sure to protect all that. You don't need some b*tch crying to a judge that she should receive half the trust distributions or the money you earned before her because she would have had access to the money if you were still together.
1. Make sure you know you want to be married to this woman. 2. As few people ever think that divorce will happen to them, make sure you're protected on the downside.
Do not get married (Originally Posted: 08/13/2013)
Why on earth would you get married? Unless the girl is loaded and you want to legally steal half of it.... I notice that there is a lot of societal pressure to get married, but honestly it has a negative expected value.
There are good relationships and bad ones. The disadvantage of a marriage in case of a bad relationship is obvious while the advantage in case of a good relationship is highly dubious.
Thats a terrible situation...but there are always outliers
Just tell us what happened to you
bitter much?
That's a reallyyyyyyyyy good story, tell me another!
@yeahright Sure - It's called the ugly barnacle. Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.
Cool story bro...
If you ain't no punk holla' we want pre-nup
Word! Oh the irony if the royalties from that song ends up in the pockets of Kardashian...
word
Are you making a question or a statement? I have a hard time figuring out the purpose...
good point
Haha lol. Nothing happened. I actually wanted to post a pretty nice essay I found on the interwebz, but since I'm a newbie here I cannot do so.
Both. But I am open to valid arguments. So why should you get married as a man. I seriously don't understand.
Have children, found a family, etc?
So your children won't be called bastards.
I wasn't planning on getting kids. Ever. I mean I do fancy the idea of spreading my genes, but if I see the daily misery of couples that got kids... mehh not so much. Furthermore I think this is a pretty hard time to raise your kids decently. And if you can't do that, you'd better not make them in the first place imho.
It's not required to be married to have kids right? I know there are some tax benefits associated with being married, but it would not weigh up to the female-oriented divorce system I guess.
Nice we all just got trolled - well done.
No one would seriously frame marriage, which is SUCH a sacred institution, purely in terms of tax benefits/ROI.
Wtf. I'm not trolling. And I'm agnostic so the notion of marriage being a sacred institution seems ridiculous to me. In all seriousness: why marry?
Except for like every game blog. And they make pretty valid arguments.
I think you understand why people marry. Maybe it's not for you. Fine. I don't think it's for me either. But do you really not see why marriage exists?
I doubt OP is trolling because people seem to say this stuff a lot on WSO. But something that I'm legitimately wondering is how someone can explain to a girl that they could be together forever but not get married? To me personally that just screams that you don't trust the person enough...because if you did you would get married, because you wouldn't get divorced. Or at the very least you'd sign a good prenup.
If you dive headfirst into a marriage with no prenup and you're looking to be marginally more successful than the average Joe from high school, yeah maybe you're making a mistake. But I don't understand how someone can rationalize being in a very long-term relationship and not getting married with the right precautions.
Unless this is about staying away from long-term relationships?
Am I missing something here?
Um... love?
Here is your love contract, sir and madam. You may now love one another officially in the eyes of the law, of the Church, and Aquaman. Have a splendid life.
I'm not sure if providing personal experiences will improve the discussion, but here I go: I'm in a relationship for 7 years now. I never wanted to be in a relationship, I just happened to really love this girl, and this unfortunately is the only way I can be with her. Typically like most girls she has always dreamed of a fairy tale wedding. And honestly I can see why. But I did ensure her that we would never get married. Because of aforementioned reasons. I do not see what the extra value of such a scary contract would be. We could throw a party anyway right? Furthermore I do not want to risk that the marriage would take away the good things about our being together (studies show women grow fat after marriage, they suddenly grow cold on you and ask for divorce, taking your money with them, etc.). Of course I'm generalizing a bit here, but that is just to show my concerns. What's wrong with happy couples that are not married?
So you explicitly told her? How's that working out? I'm too young to be dealing with marriage talks, but I don't know whether I'd string her along and let her try to convince me or just tell her that it's not gonna happen.
How it's working out? Well, she says she still wants to marry, but it obviously won't happen if it's not with me. She does accept my rational arguments though. And honestly it is utter BS that not marrying would imply a lesser love or something like that. Au contraire, what has love to do with a contract?
Right, I agree. How do you see your relationship having told her vs. saying you're open to it some day but not now and having her try to win your affection with greater vigor?
Love is 2 minutes of squelching noises.
What about marriage do you claim tends to change people? I think it's an interesting point to make that one could keep the relationship stronger by NOT getting married, but I'm skeptical of the underlying reasons there. You made valid points about how partners can change after marriage, but assuming your girlfriend does not change, doesn't that mean 1. She's always secretly hoping for marriage, or 2. She wouldn't have changed after marriage anyway? If that's the case, it seems the rational steps are to get married or to break off the relationship (unless you're cool with stringing them along). Or is there another reason I'm missing?
Judging by your username, your Euler profile pic, and your posts, you are a pretty rational guy. I just want to know how you address these issues because I am also a pretty apathetically rational guy and it's stuff I seriously wonder about too (I'm not one of those screw-as-many-girls-as-possible dudes, find it kind of boring tbh).
You make some good points, Neo. The matrix is all around us, but is it real? Your girlfriend looks like a piece of meat from the outside, but we all know she's just a system created by the Oracle. Nothing is real.
You seem pretty convinced she's agreeing with you rather than hoping she'll change your mind. And what happens once she realizes it won't happen? You think you're so amazing that she'll compromise her own goals in life? Your personal feelings about marriage aren't any more valid than hers. Maybe you should find someone that also doesn't want marriage. You may have no choice once she dumps you.
Leaving someone just because he doesn't want to marry you is pretty pathetic and stupid. What is more important in life: being with someone you love, or being married to someone even if he's not your favorite choice. I really estimate her to be smarter than that.
Furthermore I think that with decisions like these, in case of disagreement you should live by the rule: when in doubt, don't. If one wants kids and the other doesn't, then don't make kids. It's ridiculous. Same for marriage, imho.
Jon Snow still bitter?
Why is it his burden to find someone else given the chance that her feelers will be hurt after she fails to convert him after he tells her his intentions?
In the end its pretty simple. She wants to get married. You don't. Is your disdain for marriage greater than her desire for it? If you're so set against being married then get used to the idea that you're probably going to grow old alone. Most women want to get married. They've been dreaming about it their whole lives. So if keeping this ideal of anti-marriage in your head going is worth losing this girl, or any girl really, then go for it. Have fun. Or don't.
Marriage does change people. Heck even a relationship changes people. Maybe it's hard to admit, but most people tend to slack a little when they're in a relationship, which is almost perfectly natural. You can't be on your best behavior all the time after a year, which is okay, because it leads to a more honest display of who you are.
I love my girlfriend, I do not love my relationship.
A relationship has some serious advantages over being single, among other things it can provide love, caring, support, tranquility of mind etc. etc. But at the same time the urgency to be at top of your game, physically for example decreases a bit (something which empirical studies show explicitly for women).
As for the hoping... I am hoping to have a foursome with 4 pretty models. I do not think my girlfriend will approve, but that sure doesn't make me want to leave her immediately.
Many of the traditional reasons why a man gets married are a myth.
“I won’t die alone” Wrong. The simple fact is that one spouse WILL die alone. Visit the hospital and go to the terminally ill or cardiac departments. Few people have the time to sit with an ill relative all day and all night. Yes, you may get visitors, but they aren’t having the same thoughts as you are. You’re contemplating your mortality, while they’re wondering what food the hospital cafeteria offers. In the end, even with a loving and supportive family, most of us will leave this world alone, unless you both die simultaneously in an accident of some kind. Your spouse may die fifteen years before you, or you may be in the hospital for your last year. Ultimately, we all die alone. Married or not.
“I won’t grow old alone” Not necessarily. A marriage can self-destruct at any time. Your partner may initiate divorce at age 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60, 65 or 70. Many married people end up in the same position (alone) as if they had never married at all. Now they enter their twilight years broke, as a result of being stripped of half or more of their life’s assets, losing half their retirement and pension funds, and being assessed alimony payments. Experiencing financial devastation from one divorce often may preclude a man from ever marrying again. This is a common observation of many middle-aged Western Women. Q: “Where are all the men?”. A: “He is broke from the divorce settlement, alimony and child support payments.” Thus these women don’t find him marriable, and he grows old alone and poor.
Men are led to believe that not marrying implies only one destiny; that of a solitary monk in a cave, a shunned loner. However, life is not so black and white. Not marrying does not mean you cannot continue to date or have meaningful relationships throughout your life. There are plenty of single people in all age brackets. A bad marriage can be the loneliest of institutions, because most of your emotional outlet and companionship is concentrated into one person who gives back nothing in emotion, affection or support. Young men in their 20′s and 30′s should be more aware of the alternatives that exist in life. They should be aware that marriage is a choice, and is not the only path life has to offer. An informed decision is less likely to be one that is later regretted.
(from dontmarry ^dot^ wordpress ^dot^ com)
You sound like you're about 19.
Thanks :) eloquent reply btw.
You would never bet half your net worth on a single trade at work, why do it elsewhere?
I was thinking the same thing until the 7 year relationship comment. Now i'm thinking 22 max.
lower taxes my friend!
May as well marry some Brazilian chick if you just want lower taxes. Greencard for her and you can fuck whoever you want; including her.
You're sounding really silly about this. It's pathetic and stupid to recognize that someone doesn't have the same long term goals as you? So I take it you don't really care about the long term here. Fine. But it seems obvious that she DOES. I'm not even criticizing you for not wanting to get married. That's a personal choice (plus I'm not sure I ever want to get married either). I'm just gathering from the limited information you have posted that both of you believe you will change eachothers values. You may change your mind about marriage, but my experience with women is that they absolutely never budge on that issue. When you are in your early to mid 30s your value will still be increasing, while her value will be decreasing. And she WILL realize that. If she really wants a family she'll see her time is running out. And as far as your last paragraph, so if there's a disagreement in your relationship you want the default choice to be whatever YOU want? You sound like a keeper. I'm done with this. You have the maturity of a 16 year old.
Completely agree with this comment and sentiment. Very infantile perspective.
I love all of the marriage hate on here, when you consider that most of the people on here have a vastly higher view of themselves than what anyone else does. The level of narcissism on this forum makes me smile.
No, having different long term goals is ok. I said it is pathetic to leave the so-called ' love of your life' just based on the fact that he does not want to marry and then marry someone else, almost just for the sake of marrying.
I don't understand marriage and really see the point. If you wanna be with someone then thats cool, but there is no point in getting legally married and signing contracts and all that bullshit. I wouldn't mind living with someone but I'm never getting married.
People that measure marriage in "expected value" terms probably will never get it.
Why not look at it from an expected value point ? I mean, that's how girls look at it. Marriage is an economic pact.
Given the relatively high divorce rate around the world, I'd expect a lot of people at least try...
Marriage, kids etc are all EMOTIONAL decisions, and are very rarely- if ever- logical in the way that you're analyzing them.
Looks at OP's post count.
Successful troll post is successful.
@ChiSquare
Wow, I know somebody paying child support for one of his kids...his baby mother's car and home are bigger than his!
How is it ironic? Song's about golddiggers. I think Kim's doing okay.
And why is every active thread about marriage and depression?
Pretty sure she doesn't need Kanye's money
She probably doesn't. She probably isn't a gold digger either - don't know much about her except that she is pretty, her dad got O.J. off, and she had a really short marriage to an NBA player. I just really like the joke so I reached a bit...
As far as Gold diggers go, he upgrade from Amber Rose to Kim. Not a bad move in terms of that.
OP sounds like he's never had a girlfriend. It's easy to spew out principles on the internet, but when the girl you love wants to get married it's hard to say no to her. Simple as that.
For all the naysayers regarding marriage...research has overwhelmingly shown that a "loving" relationship in a marriage provides a sh*tload of beneficial factors, such as lower chances of heart attacks and even cancer. And even when one may experience such a health scare, married patients survived and recovered substantially faster than unmarrieds, cohabitors, and widowers. So your overall health and life outcome depends on a good marriage (and not just a good shackup with a hot bod).
Marriage provides a safe, supportive, healthy environment for children and their life outcomes in education, career and future marital prospects by a wide margin compared to kids raised in a single family home. Marriage enables and forces one to grow the hell up! Life seems to be saying: "It's not all about you, a**hole!" It focuses not on oneself but the other, and futur family of kids and community, as well as learning the hardest lesson in life: getting along with the in laws.
As for me, marriage is with the person who will still chase after me, hobbling along with the cane when I'm gray haired and wrinkled as I try to outrun him in the motorized wheelchair. Who will you be able to discuss where to purchase the family plot? Oh, I'm sure it's that blond, buxom model all you guys want and will be JUST the person to have such a talk.
He is right there is no solid argument for a man, especially when you are making a lot of money, to marry. It is even stupid to do so. But this changes if you have children, then you should marry because in the case that your girlfriend would leave you there a legal disadvantages for you to see your kids in comparison to a married man.
The lesson is DONT FUCKING GET MARRIED
Seriously. I'm going through a divorce right now and the whole process will turn any woman into a beast from hell! On top of that, you get these lawyers whispering in their ear about how they need to go after this, go after that, etc. The fact that there is no such thing as a "good" divorce story should tell you that being in a marriage is a bad idea. It's not in human nature to be married - it's a MASSIVE mistake.
Scary shit. I think there needs to be vesting schedule for wives, like with your 401k and deferred comp.
If it didn't work out for you, then it won't work out for anybody! amirite?
-_-
This sounds truly awful, man. I am sure I won't get married at least until I am 35 years old. I might want to settle down by then... with a 22 year old fresh college girl
Personally, I'm a bit jaded after I saw a train wreck of a divorce. It revolves around my ex-gf's family. Her dad had one of the nicest, and sunniest dispositions I've ever seen - a genuine nice guy. Super successful (Big Law Partner + Family Money, 8 figs NW). He was also one of those dudes that genuinely loved his wife, always surprising her and doing spontaneous shit that you only see in chick flicks. He was a total anomaly - at least among the guys I know.
One day his long-term wife sits down with him and gives him the news. She said that over the past 10 years she cheated on him with 4 or 5 different guys and that she was leaving him to be with her current boy toy. She destroyed the family and totally took him to the cleaners. I mean fucking ROBBED him of close to 50%. She didn't have a divorce lawyer, she had a divorce legal team. No joke. The dude still had plenty to live on - but has never been the same mentally. Last I heard he's still a train wreck (can't leave the house and whatnot). His divorce was over 2 years ago too.
I know some of you others guys might think this is an extreme outlier, but for someone who saw it happen - it was pretty damn frightening.
You know what's even scarier? This story is VERY common. I'm guessing that with 8 figure NW she didn't work AND it was a long term marriage. So that entitles her to UPFRONT spousal support payments AND legal fees. So that legal team that you mentioned was probably paid by him. Let that sink in a little - YOU pay for the same legal team that is out to get you. That will cause you to lose sleep many, many nights.
The long term marriage sucks too because now she is entitled to spousal support for the rest of her life or until she is married again. Guess which option she's going to choose?
Divorce is the worst fucking thing in the world. I have no doubt your story is true and it happens all over America on a daily basis.
.
I have heard and seen too many scary stories about marriage to ever consider it without getting an ironclad pre-nup. Unfortunately pre-nups aren't enforceable in the UK and hence I will probably never get married. Long term gf knows that, and it causes problems coz she wants to get married eventually and sometimes wonders what the point of the relationship is if I'll never change my mind.
But I refuse to budge. Worked too hard to give someone the cheap option of taking me to the cleaners.
Is this why you left the ex-gf? You knew she will only inherit half of the 8 figs NW. =P
24!!!! =O
Geez, someone mentioned grabbing the popcorn, but I'm reaching for a bottle of pills...
70 grand a year is respectable, I kinda sorta wish that I could look down on people making it, but at the same time I don't.
I'm surprised he didn't know she was that way beforehand. I hear the ideal age for marriage is for men 30. For women, it's 24. Both of them sound too young for it.
Am I hopeless for wanting to be married?
Don't worry, i'm sure i'll end up married to some fat bitch who I don't like who yells at me about the fact that I only make 160k and can't pay for her personal shopper, my stupid kids private school, and a trip to fiji.
Just cause, like I said, 70k is a respectable amount of income and if I was making so much that I got to the point where I thought otherwise, I'd be makin some phat cash. Though I hope money would never do that to me.
Also assuming she isn't absolutely skilless housewife leech, her income with his should AT LEAST be 100k+. Likely more than that, and in 5-10 years of career for him likely way more than that.
There are plenty of women/men that'd be ecstatic with that kind of HH income. Also if you live in a MCOL to LCOL location (literally anywhere midwest or south, and even in major cities like Chicago) then that HH income basically gets you whatever you want. No not brand new luxury cars in a gated community with 10,000 sq foot home. But you will be guaranteed to live in a educated/affluent/safe/clean area, guaranteed to have a sizable place to live, guaranteed to never stress about food, transportation, etc. and guaranteed a nice vacation (going abroad , ski trip, etc.) 1- 2x a year. That is a very nice lifestyle
Find the right girl...mine doesn't want kids (and I don't) and has made my life on the road consulting a hell of a lot easier. I get home, the place is in order, I have food, laundry, and she has her own job, covers her expenses (even though I made a fair bit more). Granted I tend to spend my money on her, 'cause what the hell else is money really for if not to be spent, and it makes her happy (though she never expects it).
Granted even after 3 years there is no ring on that finger 'cause I already have enough expenses, but it's a plan.
I was joking, guys.
Sarcasm fail on my part.
Thanks for clarifying, Eddie. Shoulda known.
Pre-nups do exist in the UK and there are ways to enforce them. I met with lawyers last month to discuss about it (work related, just in case you wanted to ask). So you might still get married :)
I don't get this.
If I get a divorce, I expect to split stuff down the middle (in fact, because I have kids, I'd be looking to give her more than half being that she's the primary caregiver). Also, she gets the house. I find this incredibly reasonable, I fail to understand how guys get petty and try to hold out on those things.
I also believe in a no-fault divorce - infidelity or otherwise, everyone has a right to be happy. If she's not happy with me she should walk (yeah, and take half).
What I may struggle with is if I'm expected to give her from my future earnings, that would suck balls.
I read something not too long ago about renewable marriage contracts which I think makes a ton of sense. Temporary contracts, either towards procreation or say a limited term (2, 5 years renewable), instead of this legacy "till death do us part" ish which no longer works.
I know this is going to sound bad any way I say it, but I don't mean it offensively - you are incredibly naive. Allow me to clue you in.
1 - It's not about splitting stuff down the middle, it's about keeping each other in the lifestyle that you create for yourself. What does that mean? If you have a wife that stays at home with the kids, that means that the divorce has to put her in a place where she can live on her own with the kids and still not work. So that means you would have to pay for her to have the same things she had before - the house would only be the beginning. You would have to pay for her cars, clothes, food, household expenses, etc.
2 - There are "short term" and "long term" marriages. It varies by state, but a long term marriage is usually over ten years. That means that if you are in a long term marriage she will get spousal support from you FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE. Keep in mind that this is just spousal support . . . you'll be writing a second check for the child support. In any case, you are responsible for spousal support for at least half the length of the marriage. So let's say you're married for 8 years - you'll be paying spousal support for a minimum of 4 years, no less than that and it may be more. So you can kiss a good part of your future earnings goodbye.
3 - "But she has money!" you'll say. "She doesn't need spousal support!". That doesn't matter. ANY time there is a disparity in income you will pay spousal support. She could make 200K/year and you could make 250K/year and you'll still owe her money. In fact, if the disparity is large enough, you'll pay her that AND her lawyer fees. As I said before in this thread - let that feeling sink in for a bit . . . YOU will pay HER to hire lawyers to come after YOU. And that's on top of fees for your own lawyer. I had a "cheap" divorce - my lawyer fees are going to be in the 8K range and I'm in a non-metro area. In a long term marriage with kids in the picture, most lawyers wouldn't even consider you for anything less than 10K upfront, total fees are variable - in a metro area, no one would consider taking you on for less than 20K upfront.
So you want to know why divorce sucks? Here's how it all unravels: You're at work one day and the secretary tells you that there's a Sheriff to see you. He hands you a stack of papers, known as a 30-day subpoena, that you sign for. A day later, the same Sheriff shows up with notice of hearing that's next week for what's known as temporary spousal support and lawyer fees hearing. So now you have to scramble to retain a lawyer and he wants cash money upfront. You'll also have to make a first appearance fee with the court of about $500. From there you go to the hearing, the wife's lawyer makes her case for no income and no money for fees. The court will ask for your pay stubs and then the judge hands down an order for temporary support and lawyer fees. Now you're responsible for your lawyer, her lawyer AND you have to give her cash-money every month. Don't comply and they will garnish your very next paycheck. Everything in this paragraph goes down in the span of about 10 days and your world is turned upside down and you're in hell for the next 3 years.
Get the picture?
Who maintains the lifestyle you were used to? i.e. getting food made, getting the house cleaned, having sex. If you don't get to keep those things, why should she get to keep all of her luxuries?
Calm down.
I've actually been separated before (and it's still up in the air whether or not we will get divorced, but we're not there yet). What you refer to is a bad situation, and aggressive and destructive divorce. In my scenario it played out rather differently. But let's have a look at your powerful presentation.
1: Works both ways. You pay her, she pays you if she earns more.
2: In the tri-state area, you pay diddly if she worked and you've been married for less than two years. 10 years? You're in your mid-30s, how have you been through a 10 year long marriage?
3:Again - it flies both ways. If she makes 250 and you make 200, she pays you. And if she makes 250 grand anually, NO judge will make you pay her legal fees, unless you're some sort of multi-millonaire.
I didn't even use a lawyer, we used a mediator. But then, we had both had enough (for that period), so it wasn't one of those abrasive, nasty divorces, it was a trial separation.
In conclusion, no, it's not naivety mate, your counter argument was a classic straw man. You created a worst case situation and then proceeded to knock it down. That was in no way an argument against my point.
I have friends from Uni who got divorced. Some of them had even done quite well. None of them got this disastrous treatment that you've highlighted, not even the one who was caught his missus's bestie in their "matrimonial bedroom".
Here in the tri-state area, legal fees are considered during the divorce settlement - as is debt. Unless you're one of those alpha males who insists that his wife not work, it shouldn't get that bad.
Point of wisdom - do you know the professionals that least uses lawyers for their divorces? Yep. Lawyers. They do all they can to make sure that it doesn't go to court.
1 - you're wasting your time trying to educate the kid. You're absolutely right, he's incredibly naive. I tried to enlighten him to this fact but the kid ain't having it.
2 - the strange part about divorces that you mention is that (1) not every state accounts for a cheating mate and (2) that part of the divorce usually only accounts for the reason for the divorce, not the splitting of assets. IOW just because she cheats doesn't mean that she gets zero. It only means they'll grant the divorce, but you still need to have a split that the court signs off on. In some states you can sue the person your mate cheated with but that's only a few of them and it usually results in a judgement you can't effectively collect on.
Nothing naive here, none at all. Nobody says it's not going to hurt, that's just silliness. Sometimes you need to look at the reality of things:
See, it's all about perception. If she had been sleeping around and I found out, I'd test myself, if I was in the clear, then I'd walk away from the relationship. Yes, it is that simple. What would you do about it otherwise? What can you do? I have no desire to further wreck my finances just to make a point to someone who slept around. My ego is simply not that fragile thank you very much, I do alright on my own. Of course, this seemingly calm, calculated proceeding, is the scenario I currently face. I also understand that other people (Like that kid - Jack,) could face totally different situations. One size doesn't fit all.
Don't take my acceptance of reality to imply that I am not bugged, I simply prefer to choose my battles, and a fight that could result in tricky conditions for my kids is simply not an option. If there were no kids involved, trust me it would be a totally different situation (the marriage would probably never have happened actually), but I digress.
I had a friend who had an amazing divorce, no legal fees, nada. They settled everything between themselves, got a notary to sign it off, and the only court appearance was to get a judge to legalize the divorce. It happened, and nowadays happens a lot more as people wise up to the ruinous effects of using a lawyer. But I trust some kids on here have their heads stuck so far up their backsides that they can tolerate no other opinions but their own, fairplay to them. If my divorce (should be coming up later this year or early next) turns ugly as everyone appears to expect, I'll take a bow. Until then.....
What kind of cuck are you? No, I mean actually, are you the mentally challenged one, or the hippie kind or what?
Sure, I get splitting down the middle if things aren't working out. But if that bitch cheated, you'd still want to give her 50% (actually more, apparently)? You are literally the definition of a beta male (even if I'm not a huge fan of the term). Please do us all a favor and move to Canada or some other country filled with people like you
Prenub.
Ugh my ex GF had that gold digger instinct too, of course was unwilling to work hard to buy herself nice things or support me at a stressfull job to be able to swing the kind of lifestyle she expected.
Worst part is that I have no idea how she got so used to things being "just-so" because she comes from NOTHING and her mom's house is a shithole I could barely enter without feeling sick. Her dad is a stand up guy and makes his money, but he gets it and doesn't pay for shit for his daughter aside from modest gifts on birthdays and christmas.
The worst part is that I was ever even thinking of tying the knot: "Oh she'll change" "I'll be making more money and things will work out"... that kind of bullshit. My dad opened up my eyes and planted the seed out doubt though, thank god he could see through her shit. Hindsight is 20/20 - she was manipulative and greedy from day 1, I don't know how I missed it.
I'm not saying there aren't good ones out there, I'm saying there are enough bad ones that your chances of making a good match are pretty fucking low. People in general run the gammut from good to bad; I have lots of friends who I would never want to marry if I were a girl (as friends I can call them on their bullshit without starting a fight though, so it works out).
After that relationship, I'm being very cautions. Even for casually dating bitches, I'm sifting them with a fine toothed comb, and the minute they sound like they want shit from me, they get pumped and dumped. And fuck giving them gifts or taking them out to nice meals until I know they can handle it without getting spoiled. At this rate, I'll be lucky if I'm married before 35.. but seriously... as Dr. Braverman said... marraige means never seeing another woman naked. And I love naked women.
Spot on, we're in the same boat pal.
$70k and single= a decent life (outside NYC housing) $70k and married= might as well be working at papa johns (at least you get tips and can take home a free pizza)
70k and married assuming she is working full time = at 100-120k HH income.
That's a nice life for anywhere in the US not Cali or NYC
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