You are mayor of NYC
You are the mayor of NYC starting today and are granted dictatorial powers over NYC and autonomy by the state assembly. What are the first 5 things you're doing?
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Hire the Red Hot Chili Peppers to write songs about New York
1) Turn all of Central Park into a lake and park a megayacht on it
2) Turn the 9/11 memorial into a sanctuary for great white sharks and have feeding frenzies with nontarget students who somehow broke into IB and thought they were hot shit every night
3) Turn the New Yorker building sign into a sign that says New Ligma
4) Degentrify Brooklyn and provide billions in funding to gangs and guns for gang wars. Gluten free cupcake shops turn into Tarantino movies.
5) Release 20,000 crocodiles into the streets and see what happens
get help
no u ;)
Ban straight people and gays with >20% body fat percentage
Waterboard Bill de Balasio
Defund liberalism. Fire teachers, academics, woke departments, judges, prosecutors, lawyers, crack down on ''NGOs'' and journalist who lie and smear, basically that professional parasytical class that's ruining the city. Ban them for a lifetime from taxpayers money. When they start looting, put them in jail. The city would be a paradise in 10 years.
Similar to yours but I’d go with:
1. Rebuild our transportation system - not just trains but also the roads. Too many damn potholes and bumpy roads in NYC. Also, I do not like how car owners are villified in NYC. Not everyone wants to or can take the train or ride a bike. Transit-oriented folks and Cyclists just want to get rid of cars entirely.
2. Assuage the housing crisis - quite frankly, I hate how politicians act like this is a perpetual issue that can’t be fixed. IMO, city council worsens the housing crisus because they don’t want to get rid of byzantine zoning. I believe if they just upzoned most communities in the boroughs and provided tax breaks/cut taxes, then we could alleviate our housing crisis within 5 years.
3. Rebuild our education system by providing more funding & resources - TBH this should be #1 but I think it’s more complicated and harder to effectuate. But seriously, we have too many kids who graduate HS and can’t read or write at an advanced level.
4. Reinvigorate the business community - this includes small businesses and large corporations. Look if you don’t have job growth, then you don’t have the tax base to pay for the general sustenance of our society. It’s time to stop pointing the finger at banks, PE firms, and tech firms. Let’s embrace them by offering incentive packages that would be so compelling, they couldn’t possibly turn it down - similar to what TX & FL are currently doing to attract businesses.
5. Ensure public safety - I guess you can say I have a liberal ideology but I don’t believe in defunding the police like I used too. We need public safety. We should provide more funding & robust training programs. Requirements should be raised for entry level cops as well as implementing mandatory biannual evaluations. I have this as my last point cause it’s very hard to change an institution that’s unionized and has been around for over a century. But I think if you take care of points 1-4 then 5 will fall in line.
SB: Social programs didn’t make the cut because I think we already have copious amount of free programs in NY. There are so many places you can go for free food, activities, etc.
Cyclists are domestic terrorists
1) Ship all 13%ers to Cleveland. NYC crime and homeless rates will plummet and public school achievement will skyrocket overnight.
2) Ban the use of the term “bodega” with threat of immediate execution. It’s not hip, kitschy or authentic, it’s just a PoS corner store that’s 10x worse that 7-eleven.
3) Start a two front war against both Jersey and Long Island. Use Puerto Ricans and Staten Island Italians as NYC’s frontline foot soldiers and force commuter Jews in finance, law and medicine to pick a side and provide interest free financing for the war.
4) Make everyone in the city limits sign an affidavit admitting that NYC pizza is shit.
5) Put all Williamsburg hipsters into stockades in Times Square and continually keep rotten fruit on hand for locals and tourists alike to fling.
NYC pizza is amazing try Florida pizza you will throw up
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