Depressed - Don't want to live anymore

shit sucks right now. But people do care about you man! There’s a saying , “if it’s over, it’s not the end. If it’s the end, it’s not over”. Life has it ups and downs—everyone has them. Keep ur chin up, the sun will keep rising each day, and ull make it out

Randomness is a funny thing. If you look at your life and how things turned out, you would know it for a fact that even if one incident would have turned out differently, you might have led a totally different life. If you hadn't considered trading and listened to your hunch of going for something else, or if you had made a horrendous trade in your first year and would've killed your trader's ambitions instantly - life would've been different, maybe different to an extent you can't even imagine at the moment.

Just like the possibility of losing it all might depend on one random event, the possibility of winning or getting something that brings more value and meaning to you - might also depend on one event which is a result of sheer randomness. If you die, well, we'll never know what could've happened. You would know, based on probabilistic thinking, it makes more sense to sit down and breathe for a while and see if randomness plays out for you.

Even if it doesn't - well, you lived a good one. Dying would never make sense, even if you have been imprisoned for a gazillion lifetimes. You die and you also kill the possibility of randomness playing in your favor.

I am not saying the shit you went through is menial or not painful, heck I can't even imagine what that must've been like. But, pulling the plug would do - nothing. You lived and you died. I cannot imagine of a time when it has become too late to clean the slate. You can spawn up in a new corner of the world, with a new definition and a perception, only if you're alive.

PM me if you want to talk. Although the machines are round the corner, I guess, humans need more humans.

you need to seek medical attention immediately! Having a "passive death wish" IE "I dont wish to live anymore" is what some psychiatrists consider to be a part of the human condition, you however have already started to consider making a plan.

As someone who was at a certain point, more or less in the situation you are:

1) Pills, fortunately, don't work. I have done my extensive research on the topic, there's a reason if I'm here typing and not dead. Killing yourself isn't easy. When it comes to pills, too many people used them, so regulators had healthcare companies tone them down. Having spoken to people who tried it, they mostly ended up in the hospital for a few days, maybe locked up as well, and felt worse than before.

2) For now, avoid trading. It's too emotionally battering by itself and you need a calm, fearless mind to trade well. Given your situation, maybe getting another job in the financial world that's not trading (however difficult it might be to adapt your skills) could help. Even scaling to back office isn't that bad.

3) Dealing with depression: when I was in your situation, I was given two options, take antidepressants or end up in the ward. I opted for the first one, begrudgingly and years later I regret being so stubborn that I rejected them for long. They helped. There are side effects including general numbness, but they help. It's better to feel nothing than to feel like shit all day. I recommend seeing a psychiatrist a few times and getting prescription for antidepressants. Besides that, try to spend time talking to people whose opinion you trust, set a daily routine that includes morning sunlight (seriously it helps brightening the mood), a work out (try jogging outside in the spring/summer sunlight). I assume at this point your sleeping schedule is a mess, that's something you ideally want to fix. The main reason is that stability helps your brain while most depressed people tend to sleep randomly through the day.

Another thing that helped me is, ironically, helping other people. I think the primary psychological effect it has is making yourself feel like you are not a failure, nor worthless and there are people who could benefit from your insight, experience and mess ups. It also showed me that ultimately life is hard for most people, while those who get a free ride are few. Given the hardship, a bit of mutual help isn't that bad after all.

If you want to chat in general, free free to hit me up. I'll respect your privacy.

Never thought I would see this thread on here, but I’m glad I did because I’ve been waiting to share this story.

About a year ago I was at the point you were. Without going into detail, there wasn’t a single thing in my life that wasn’t fucked up. I was going to a therapist, trying different meds, attempting CBT, nothing was working.

My parents came into college one weekend and stayed for the day. I’ve never really had a relationship with them, something that was currently bothering me, so having them come into town was nice. Around 5 that night they left and went home. I was kinda in the dumps so I figured I would go get a haircut to make me feel better. Driving home I felt great, looking at myself in the mirror, everything felt normal. It’s like that haircut cured me.

I get home, sit on my bed, and I what do you know, I get hit by that ton of bricks. I lost it, starting breaking down, crying, couldn’t help myself. I felt pathetic, and I was about to swallow 5 of each pill in my cabinet.

I remembered my therapist mentioning a crisis hotline so I called it. A lady answers, I hear a comforting voice, and I lose it again. I couldn’t gather myself. Knowing someone, somewhere out there was spending their Saturday night to talk to me, made me all the more emotional. She didn’t even have to know my name, and yet she sat there on the phone with me for an hour just talking. It felt normal, and I am confident that on that Saturday night, my life changed.

What I want you to get from this OP is that there are people out there who don’t even know you, that are willing to talk to you, and that care deeply for you. I don’t know you, I probably never will, but I hope that you find that light.

Please PM me. I am here to talk. Suicide and depression have impacted my life in a permanent way. I don’t want you to have to experience that, and especially the ones you love.

I won’t let another soldier go into battle alone.

I really hope this post was made in good faith and not some morbid sick April Fool's joke.
I'll pray for you. Please use a resource or forum member's offer for help.

You should seek professional help immediately. Regardless of how hopeless things might be at the moment, things can always become better. Ending your life is not the solution to your problems.

Hey there.

I'm sorry to hear that you lost your job as a Prop Trader. It's always hard to be in a position where you have no income coming in and plenty of bills piling up--I can relate to this, and it's definitely not fun.

On the flip side, I'm a firm believer that there are no coincidences in life. It's very easy to get down on yourself in difficult situations, but do the hard thing--look at the silver lining. A lot of people will say that this is bullshit and not true, but look at things that you currently have:

• Prop Trading Experience/Capital Markets Experience
• Friends/Family
• Time to Reassess what you want to pursue in life

I'm not a person that believes in accidents/coincidences, and you should look at your situation the same way. It's hard to be positive when you can't see the big picture, but at the same time, when we build a puzzle, do we know in that moment what the bigger picture looks like as we fit the pieces together? You need to trust and believe that everything that happens to you is the best possible thing that can happen to you.

There are no bad or good events in life when you think about it independently; it's your reaction to these events that truly cause you pain. Events are events. If you start thinking about your situation negatively, this just causes a feedback loop that causes you to perceive anything else in a negative way. We all do it, myself included. It's harder to separate the emotion from the actual event, but you have to be able to do this.

Your life is far from over. You have great experience as a Prop Trader, and a job is simply a job. You'll find a new one--I promise. It may not be right now this second, and it will take some effort on your part, but you'll do it. I sincerely believe in you; it's only a matter of time.

I, with everyone on this thread, care about you immensely. Please PM me to talk at anytime. I care about you and your situation.

Remember; everything is temporary. This situation will change and you'll be on to greener pastures with both your life and career before you know it.

I'm very sorry that you got laid off and that you're contending with this downward spiral of feelings. But thank you for opening up and sharing that you are in a dark place... it's not easy to share those less-than-awesome feelings and situations.

Please feel free, if you want to talk/text/whatever with someone, I'm willing to listen.

Regardless of who you might decide to talk to, please reach out to someone and remember even if you feel incredibly alone, there is always someone that is willing to listen if you're willing to speak.

This is probably the least helpful answer, but you were, just now, at the top of the world. It is hard to come down from that; that probably isn't the only thing, but that is something to think about. Obviously, that is a pinnacle most will never reach and most firms eliminated. So you can at least count this as a success until now, regardless of where the rest of your life is.

Right now you need something other than that to think about, though. The other advice is a more important immediate need.

Hey, we just want to tell you that we are here for you and shit happens! yeah! with everyone but we have to survive through this. And you are stronger than this. A day comes in our life when we all feel like dying. But there is that one person on earth that loves you so much and that is worth living for! Wait for that time. And just let go. Storms don't last forever. Remember that always. I hope you read this and you feel okay.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Talk to someone, Emotionless. Feel free to PM.

I'm sorry to hear you lost your job, but at the very end of the day, even though so many comments on this site say otherwise (joking), life isnt all about work. Yeah, fuck trading. Fuck banking. Fuck PE. Fuck VC. Like seriously fuck them all. It's just work. But I don't think that you should think "fuck family and friends". You need to look back on those relationships and cherish them. Nobody on their deathbed is ever going to wish they put in more time at the office. Those people, your friends and your family, care a lot about you, even if you can't tell. They might not say it out loud, but the memories you share with them need to be what drives you. Your relationships are more valuable than any bonus. Three weeks ago, my best friend of ten years died. We're 23... I may not understand your pain, but at least I understand pain. When my crying mother told me, it felt like she shot me in the heart, but instead of dying, I have to live with that wound forever. I would burn the world to the ground if it would bring him back so we could laugh together one more time. Nobody knows how much they can love something until they cannot have it any longer.

You cannot expect meaning in life to happen when you want it to. Talk to people. Go out and meet people. If you're worried that you talk to people here more than anyone else, just strike up a conversation with a family member, an old friend, or a complete stranger. Odds are you'll find someone who wants to listen. You got this. It isn't over. Far from it. You have your life, and you should cherish it. Love it. Shout it at the stars. Fight for it. Every. Single. Moment.

If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.

Please reach out and call someone bud. I lost a good friend that way and how I wished I only knew what he was going through then...

Thank you for taking the courage to post this, to you and anyone else reading this thread who feels down in the dumps please, please, please reach out to someone in this thread who is offering support. I lost a friend this way not too long ago and I wish I could have said this before he passed, from the bottom of my heart - whether or not you believe it there are so many people that care about you. The entire finance community is here for you whether you believe it or not. If you (or anyone struggling with life or work) would like, I would be more than happy to chat, hell, I'll even facetime with you and send some positive vibes your way.

Much love from southern California my friend.

I really hope you are okay. I have attempted myself and I used to feel the same way you do. Things have changed for me now and I am so glad I did not let the darkness eat me completely alive. I am sorry about your job. I have often found when something leaves our lives it's making room for something better to come in. Even if you do not know it yet. Please message me if you need anything! Do not hesitate.

Also, I know no one wants to hear this but I felt this way for years until I started medication for my MDD. I did not realize that medication could work because I thought it was the placebo effect but it does. Try getting some help and remember people DO care about you. You are respected here for a reason. You are knowledgeable and I am sure you have helped many people. Please do reach out. I am here for anything

Hey brother, I feel you. Really do. I have been suicidal most of my life, and it's been a real struggle. It got worse for me once my dad died when I was 12, and that was more than 20 years ago. You can DM me any time, and I'm happy to talk you down from that ledge. Seriously - add me on DM and I'll get you my number and email, and we can talk any time.

I can share this: for me, once I got married and had a kid, life improved a lot. I'm sharing that so that you know that it CAN get better. Also I found that volunteering to help the less fortunate can help a lot too. I always enjoyed working at the local soup kitchen, taking on a role as a care extender at the hospital, etc. The best actually was working at an orphanage where the kids were amazing. What this does is gets you back in touch with that human part about being in touch with others, and making a positive difference in their lives. People smile at you, and thank you. And you see that at the end, we're all human, and form bonds.

The problem with finance is you do work that often disconnects you from the human condition. You jockey phones and spreadsheets, and all your human interactions are sales-y. Getting fired maybe is an opportunity. This will give you a chance to change up, and do something you care about, and to reconnect emotionally and socially with others.

Please do not harm yourself. As someone who has been under extreme stress for years and experienced a major medical event at a young age due to stress, I am beginning to learn about buddishm and it really is the most simple, beautiful thing I have ever studied that helps with mental health. It’s also very clear and easy - not complicated.

For many of us, the voice in our heads is an asshole - it narrates our lives, it is judgemental, it constantly compares ourselves to others, it tries to get us to seek many things that result in emptiness. It makes us think our jobs, status, looks are important - they are not important or why we are on earth.

The UCLA mindfulness center is an excellent resource for very simple meditation exercises that can help you reach a more balanced mental state and happiness. Jobs, money, status, are not making any of us happier. https://www.uclahealth.org/marc/

Per dr’s orders I also began reading “10% happier” the story about a major newscaster who had a panic attack live during a major broadcast as life finally caught up with him from a stressful job, career, drug use and emptiness.

The guy basically had a meltdown while 6 million people were watching and embarked on a journey to taming the asshole voice in his head.

Please get some objective views from a professional and please consider the positive effects of meditation. The asshole in your head can be tamed.

Dear Emotionless,

I don't know the best way to approach this, but I'll try to help.

A lot of times, people who want to commit suicide don't want to die. They just want the pain to stop - and the pain can stop. Not everyone goes through very difficult times, but those that do are able to push through and usually end up with an even better situation.

One way I've been able to ride out some of the emotional rollercoasters in my life is by understanding where my value comes from. Your value and self-worth should not come from your work, your friends, or even your family, for all those things are temporary. Your sense of self-worth should come from knowing that God created everyone with the same value. No matter what we do, say, or act - our value is still the same. We may have different characteristics that make one person faster or smarter or even more moral than another, but when it comes down to it, we are all of equal worth in the eyes of our Creator, despite what society may say.

Alternatively, if you're not Christian, I would still say that our worth should come from something like your character, or the inherent value of being created as a human being. Either way, I think it's important not to ground your sense of identity in anything external and changing.

Losing your job does not make you a loser, or anything negative like that. It just means that you lost your job. That's it. It doesn't change your value and worth. You just can't let your worth or value be defined by if you have a job or not. You need to detach your self-worth and value from such temporal things like jobs or anything earthly, allowing you to weather even the fiercest of storms.

Hope this helped. Please let me know if you want to talk about anything.

Love,

mnfille22

P.S. Many people have found Jordan Peterson's video lectures on the subject to be helpful.

Thank you all helping me get by. I'm still here... for now. As I've been reading your stories, I thought to myself... This issue I'm going through is just noise. It's a part of life and I will get through this, some way or some how. Besides, I have a son counting on me... I truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart for this community. Thank you again everyone and I love you!

We are all here for you man. As we go through life - we learn new things and become stronger from them all. You got this!

Reach out, and feel free to PM. I'll PM you my number if you need an ear.

I understand you. I'm depressed too. But I fight because I don't want to live such a poor and uninteresting life. I want to live a normal life, even if sometimes I want to disappear. There are a lot of cool things that make me live. I hope you also find your cool stuff, just open your mind for them :)

that makes two of us

You look in the damn mirror slap your face twice and ask yourself "Am I really the kind of looser who will kill himself? Am I really such a loser that I can't get over it?" No you're not ... keep your head up have some dignity and don't be a fool. No matter what happened to you it has a solution. Don't be so selfish to kill yourself and make others suffer because you didn't had the balls to live your life further!

You want to take the damn pills then take them ... but think about it :) That's how you want to be remembered? No you don't!

SO KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND GET OVER IT! Be there for your son if you can't be there for yourself :)

Feel free to PM , even if you want to shoot the shit about nothing or share thoughts.

sleep deprivation is a little-known treatment for treatment-resistant depression. it works remarkably well and one accomplishes much

Maybe go seek medical, professional help ?

Maybe go seek medical, professional help ?

my friend, have you fucked with mushrooms? a single high-dose psylocobin experience has had profound impacts on peopke's depressions for several-month-long stretches. if you're near chicago, i can help you out microdosing is also a very interesting option read the book A Really Good Day by Ayelet Waldman if interested

also, this goes without saying, but you have surely exhausted the option of physical exhaustion, yes? you have exercised yourself into a state of utter exhaustion and collapsed to your knees? the body and mind will allocate energy only to drawing breath. it's difficult to be depressed in such a state as well. if not, push sled sprints are an expeditious way to arrive. and of course you have researched the plethora of nutritional options - including selective amino acid supplementation such as ALCAR, l-tyrosine, etc... and you have tried fasting, yes? how long? try going 8 days next time, report back. only water and minerals. you take fish oil and all that shit, you have run your genetics through various reports to figure out your methylation status and have adjusted your supplementation regime accordingly, you have researched your ancestry and adjusted your diet to match your genetic predispositions... man if all that fails, and your wife leaves you but your chronic pain doesn't, you can always just smoke weed all day, get on disability, and become addicted to world of warcraft. that's not a terrible plan. who's to say? tell them to pound sand.

here, i will tell you a secret. it only works for 2 hours though. but sometimes, that's all you need. no pharmacist required. you can get all this shit on amazon. combine and ingest the following: -2 grams Phenylethylamine HCL -2 grams l-tyrosine -3 grams l-glutamine -whatever 1/4tsp of hordine is. call it heaping for good measure -mix all that with a shit ton of strong black coffee that has been cooled you can encapsulate it if you're fucking scared of tasting things but if you have fear in your heart, you're not depressed depression eliminates fear speaking of which, if you believe in horror movies - if they are able to impact you emotionally - just stay up all night watching those. smoke weed too. you'll be alright

look into light therapy boxes as well infrared sauna is also good very good indeed and stop jerking off so much. seriously. get horny and go do something about it in real life and let's not get carried away, but you can spend money to feel better for a bit too. just start buying your family shit if you dont need anything. send them some shit speaking of which, making other people feel happy can make you feel better go for a walk every day, you must walk briskly for at least 40 minutes but if now is a very bad day, put in a podcast in your eears and go walk and do not stop. no end in mind. just walk. for hours and hours.

look into the joov light as well.

First off: hanging is the way to go. Second: keep moving forward. Inch by Inch. Life is a motherfucker at times. I grew up in a poverty situation, single mom with MS and a bad drug habit. I was tested for Gifted and Talented Students all the time and never got to do it because my mom was an uneducated degenerate. I dropped out of high school at 16 and got a GED. I worked in the fitness industry for years and met a great older couple that I trained for years. Think 60-70s when I met them. In their 80s now. They offered to put me through college and eventually adopted me (totally badass story for another time) but I went and got a biomedical science degree, got accepted to medical school and walked away because the husband was a doctor and totally hated medicine. I went to law school instead and graduated in 2011 hitting the worst legal job market to date. I couldn't land a job to save my life. I was married at the time and got divorced because I drank heavily to cope with no career. Lost all my money. Went back to school and got an MBA and still had a difficult time getting hired because I was older with a law degree and an MBA. No one wanted to touch me. It was like I was cursed. Now I have school loans which f'n blow. I applied to over 1,000 jobs after MBA school and got rejection after rejection. The business world is bitch if you don't check certain boxes and now add all the damn personality tests, aptitude tests, etc. I eventually landed in real estate making $60k a year while all my classmates where landing $100k jobs. And mind you, I interned for Related Companies. I thought that would carry weight but fuck no. I have a good job now and things are starting to look up but I am 40 years old and have nothing to my name besides debt. I think about how easy life was and what could have been. I live with so much regret because I walked away from a good career in medicine and would be making good money and have a set career path. Employers see my resume and don't see the work and adversity I had to overcome to get here. It's depressing as fuck. I have thought about taking my life numerous times as well but I always think about the ending of Castaway. You have to keep going because you never what the tide may bring in. Cheesy as fuck but it's the truth. Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes it's years of eating shit. It sucks but pick yourself up and keep moving forward through the shit. You've seen Shawshank Redemption, right? Stop drinking, eat healthier, and start working out. You will be amazed how this will change your mental game. I am definiltey here if you need someone to chat with. Hang in there!

There was this cat that wanted to off himself and decided to go on one last bender in Mexico filled with s3x, drugs, and rock and roll. During said bender, he realized life wasn't all that bad and decided to continue to live.

Point of the story, is get away for awhile to find some perspective outside of work, finance, and the everyday struggle.

Interesting read; https://www.reddit.com/r/casualiama/comments/2lbqym/traveled_to_mexico_…

Back when I suffered from depression, the only treatment that worked was working out.

Physical exertion will save your life if it isn't something you already have implemented in your life. Hit the weights hard, chest arms one day, legs another, shoulders and back the next. Run a couple of miles on your one off day, and right after that go swim a half mile. You don't have to get through your workouts but If you make the effort I'm sure something will change.

Then again this is the advice I implemented when I was 19/20. Back then I was depressed because of who I was, as opposed to what was happening to me if that makes sense. If your depression isn't a consequence of low self-esteem, than this advice may not be as valid as it may be for younger kids suffering from that type of depression.

Either way man I hope you figure it out. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. People have survived far fucking worse just 80 yrs ago, and I hate to be that guy, but if they did back than you damn should be able to do the same now. You aren't getting gassed, aren't being shelled by a foreign army, dying of hunger. In fact I'd argue that people with real do or die problems can't be depressed, since depression is something that manifests itself primarily when basic needs are met. It's a question of self actualization at the end of the day. This is not to say that you should go experience a warzone to recalibrate yourself, but to say that your problems while severe, are not insurmountable.

Hope it all works out. And if anything I'll take a more eastern as opposed to western outlook on suicide. Do you have any enemies? Do you want to give the chance to laugh at your demise? Do you want them to utter obscenities at your life when you're dead and no longer have a way to fight back/prove them otherwise? Don't give them that opportunity. Don't give the opportunity for all the doubters you have ever had to pat themselves on the back knowing they were right about you.

I feel the same way....i have some financial problems and i can not get out of it. Friends and other people wont help and i have this constant feeling i want to kill myself. I dont want to feel like this and killing myself, makes it go away.