Post Breakup Revenge or Career Pivotal Point
My boyfriend broke up with me recently after being together for 9 years - first love and all that shtz. His rationale is that I don't bring a lot to the table except being hot and tall, and better aesthetics and tastes for things in life. He is a soon-to-be MBB FO guy and will be making twice as what I am making now as an engineer in biomedical field - 3 year WE, engineering degree from non-target state U. All of my friends and family believe that he dumped me because he thinks he can do better given his new socioeconomic status because he could have dumped me when he was at his lows, but he sucked it up to the now the unbearable - me being messy at home etc.
Now, I am not too happy about being an engineer and have been thinking for a while (way before the breakup) to make a career change through grad school and pivot into consulting. I have been actively looking for MS and MS/MBA dual programs that have significant MBB placement and studying for GRE after work - trying to leverage my engineering background here. The problem is, IMO, he outshines me in every aspect of a consultant's quality - way more confident, speaks more eloquently, better Excel/PowperPoint and presentation skills, etc. How am I supposed to distinguish, if I am just trying to become another him or this is what I really wanted to do and can excel in doing this too?
PS: I frequent WSO and read some basic consulting books, *Mckinsey Way, Case in Point,* and have witnessed how he prepped for casing interviews so I have a general idea of consulting, compare to my fellow engineers.
imagine planning your whole life trying to get over on someone because they broke up with you
LOL like I said, I have thought about it 2 years before the breakup.
and you want to use a break up as the final decision maker?
i seriously question so many posts on this forum because most of the time these things sound too batshit insane or out of the ordinary for me to comprehend. I always assume its a troll. Are people really this insecure?
What you take for granted could be in someone else's prayer. Nothing wrong with admitting insecure.
If this serves as your motivation, I say go for it girl!
Wouldn't it give him a huge sense of satisfaction if we did end up becoming co-workers? This chick was so obsessed with me that she decided to become me.
oh buddy can i relate to this..
I feel like you need to hear this from someone: A girl has a name.
It’s a GOT reference man.
It can be a great motivator. Sometimes it's easy to get complacent in a relationship. It will keep you focused and give you direction as you move onto the next chapter. Think it makes a lot of sense. Regardless, find something you are hungry for.
Good that you found a new sense of motivation and courage to make change. However, he is not your competition and so to compare yourself to him like you did in the OP isn't what you should be doing. It sounds like you've noticed some skill sets/areas that you could use improvement with by recognizing his strengths so leave it at that and go get it for YOURSELF!
THIS.
If this is what gives you a kick in the butt to change things and start kicking butt, that's awesome. I am sure you will go through all of the stages and emotions and it will be tough. Hopefully you have some family and friends to tide you through those tough moments (everyone has those moments and its totally human).
Just to reiterate what I quoted from the previous post by StrapYourBoots for the love of god, please do not compare yourself to him or anyone else. In the short and long term incredibly unhealthy mentally and emotionally and just not worth it. In fact it's probably one of the things that really ruins people in industry (finance/corporate/consulting etc) and thus ruins industry for many (ie people act badly, are bad bosses, lost value etc). Focus on YOU to improve and be the best you can. Keep working, keep striving to improve. You will get better. You will plateau, you will face tough times but keep going. Keep going. Keep going. You can do it. Others have done it, and so can you.
Good Luck
This is literally the plot of Legally Blonde but with consulting instead of law school, right?
Good to know consultants have time to watch TV bro. Did they get back together at the end?
She found an even better guy at law school. Come on, you have to have watched this movie. Bend and snap!
Great show
"You got an offer from MBB?"
"What, like it's hard?"
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Really really appreciate what you said.
He is a moron. Hopefully you will be his boss someday.
LOL! she is trolling you fools.
If you want to be a consultant just do MBA, why also MS? Unless the actual goal of school is the MRS in which case sure, longer programs mean more opportunities.
Because MS can be cheaper and I am not so sure if breaking into MBB should be the sole purpose of advancing my education. MS MBA dual degree program is ideal. I don't want the 3 years WE in medical device goes to waste because it is a very lucrative industry. Family suggested looking into PE/VC in this sector but not sure how much of chance I got with zero finance experience.
Ugh - so hard to believe yet so detailed at the same time, I guess I'll keep playing along . .
Shouldn't you be in medical device sales with the combo of technical background and looks? Way more lucrative than MBB and doesn't require any degree at all.
Edit: He offered me a deal - if neither of us is in a serious relationship by 2022 my birthday, he is going to purpose to me. In the meantime, we do whatever we want to live life to the fullest.
As ridiculous as it sounds, part of me finds this kinda exciting in every possible twisted way. And I agreed to it.
I kinda feel in some way, no matter how many women's forums there are, or equal pay chants, or Captain Marvel movies come out, above is the reason we haven't had a female president yet.
The equal pay gripe doesn't make us more likely to have a female president. It just makes women look dumb.
The vast majority of women make terrible leaders because they lack the ability to command and delegate. Women are too easily influenced by emotions, and don't have the natural ability to reprimand and issue ultimatums due to the vast differences in psychology between the sexes.
this post solidifies to me that OP is a troll. That post just gave it away.
wisdom +SB
What does "living life to the fullest" mean? Why would this excite you? Why would you want to get back with a person who dumped you after 9 years of committed relationship so they can shop around and see if they can do better? Do you even want to be a consultant?
It sounds like you've been totally brainwashed by all the feminist propaganda in America that leads women to believe competing with men will lead to a happy life. A career oriented breadwinner who wants a family does not want a wife who will compete with him and neglect support duties like cooking, cleaning, etc...
Your questions really made me ponder. His definition of "not living life to the fullest" - he cannot do what he wanted when he wanted it, for example, Friday night out with guy friends VS. staying in, ordering Uber Eats, Netflix and chill with gf. It was bizarre to me that it took him this long to realize we had "fundamental differences".
Have you seen Marvelous Mrs. Maisel? Supportive duty really is not my niche as a wife candidate but I have been working on it since the breakup. Damn, you asked a lot of hard questions. How would a consultant answer that?
I understand that you were together for 9 years, but why would you be remotely interested in this supposed "deal"? Feels like a weird fucked up mix of you getting gaslighted and him hedging his bets. He posited the thought if neither of you are in a serious relationship in X years, then you two get married. He probably assumes/thinks that you’ll pine away for him and that you’ll avoid getting serious with anyone, that you’ll hold onto the hope that he doesn’t get serious with anyone else as well.
Add to that, if this 2022 offer is truly a suggestion of his after he’d already broken up with you and then he comes up with this possible alternate option, who is to say that even if he doesn’t wind up in a serious relationship that he’ll actually follow through and propose to you?
He’s shown you his true colors and he’s stated what your value is to him, in his eyes. To use another movie line, he’s just not that into you, he just wants his options open. If your OP is legit, I say cut your losses and work on your career/life, find a better reason to grind/push yourself [why have to tip your hat his way if/when you accomplish the consultant route?] and cut any potential connection between what you want as a career and his possible impact/reason/success for it – you wrote yourself that you sometimes wonder if you mistakenly took his accomplishments as if they were your own. So stop being complicit and complacent in your own personal discontent, if you’ve truly been mulling this career change for a couple of years whilst you were together.
You owe it to yourself to grind and push yourself for you and no one else should get any of that credit unless they support you emotionally or financially as you grind.
/thread + SB'd
Cut this dude off and tell him to shove it on his deal. I have a few outstanding, "... get married by 30 if we're both still single at that point", and they've long since gone by the wayside. One of the girls is married w/ kid and the other is still dating, but so much life happens in a year (let alone several) to make that sort of promise even remotely plausible.
Tall, hot, educated and ambitious? Go get yours! Install Tinder/Hinge/Bumble, go on a bunch of fun dates and have a good time.
And you didn't counter?!? Folded like clean clothes huh.
Wtf lol, please tell us about the next episode already
What the hell
What did I just read? Thank you for the early morning humor
An attractive engineer with no self worth? Ya and my name is Jeff Bezos and I am having trouble obtaining remortgaging
He sounds like a tool and I’m sorry you spent that much time with a tool. If you’re a tall hot engineer, you will be fine, it’ll scare off the more insecure guys. Please don’t do MBB unless you actually want to do it for yourself.
sounds like someone watched legally blonde a few too many times
On the off chance that OP is serious only a few things need be said, and I hope she heeds these words:
2. If your life's worth hinges on getting an MBB consulting gig, you're likely going to be disappointed with the outcome.
3. Most importantly, I'm going to focus on the one part of your post that was meaningful as a reader - "How am I supposed to distinguish, if I am just trying to become another him or this is what I really wanted to do and can excel in doing this too?"
It's pretty easy - if you weren't trying to become another him, you wouldn't have written a 3 paragraph post about him, and you wouldn't be wondering primarily whether you'll do better than him at his job.
Hey babe, PM me ;)
You think consulting is sexy? Try private equity. You can brag about my wealth, status, and prestige to all your friends, and their friends' friends. The cherry on top is that my firm hires people like your ex-bf to be our monkeys. Ohh the shit that consultants will do for a taste of the good life!
Personally, I have a penchant for tall, hot, educated girls with self-esteem issues (highly submissive and strong loyalty).
Marriage? Without a pre-nup, forgetaboutit.
So, you needed to pick WSO's brain to run your PE startup? Bro, join your local BDSM club or what not and cut me some slack.
So, you needed to pick WSO's brain about your relationship issues with your loser bf? I gave you a superior alternative, not my fault you suck at making good choices. How low are your standards that it only takes a "MBB FO guy" to get your panties wet?
And don't call me bro...
Never Happened.
Yeah something about this is... hmmm
i only date MBB FO type people, dont @me
If you have been thinking about the pivot for a while, go for it. This sounds like a way more productive way to channel revenge energy than just trying for a revenge body like most people do, however if you're using it as a way to try to get his attention or get him back, don't waste your money and time.
Dis Tew Much
Let’s say you get to this MBB job, what then? Scenario 1: You learn in a few months that you hate the job; you’ll just become even more introverted and more insecure. Your ex will just pity you which you don’t want in the first place.
Scenario 2: Your ex realizes he’s not into all that into the MBB Jazz himself. At that point, he looks at his fellow MBB colleagues with disdain, which again isn’t what you care about.
So just take some time to figure out what you like/are good at and shine. If you’re in the bio medical engineering field and like it, go build something great , pitch it and become even more of the hot shit you think your ex is about to be by joining hundreds of others every single year lol.
Bottom line, determine what you actually value (personally)and go after it
Look, it's time to move on. Don't hold onto a sinking ship. It's time to think for yourself and act accordingly. Any motivation or plan should be based on you, not on your reflection of him. Forget the guy. Also forget his strange offer. Life is too short to be a satellite of somebody or even worse, of your wishful thinking about this relationship. It's over. As hard as it sounds. It's over. You are an engineer, that's very valuable. You have some experience, interests and want to improve your game. Do it. Do it for you. Sometimes one needs a kick or someone to tell you the simple truth. Now go and get back your life!! Good luck, keep us posted!
Some women are really batshit crazy. You seem to not understand something. Being in a healthy couple is not a competition. When he said you don't bring a lot to the table, he didn't mean he wanted you to be a hedge fund trader. Guys don't really pick girls for their career prospects. He just thinks you are lazy and not making much of an effort for the couple like 80% of hot girls that tend to think their mere presence should be rewarded. That was true to the extent that his dick impulse was stronger than his ego. Seems like his ego finally got the upper hand...
You do you....
Are you a guy?
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