MD never sleeps (growing suspicious)

So I've had this hunch for a while and wanted to get others thoughts. Before you think I'm crazy and sleep deprived just look at the evidence I am about to bestow upon you all.

Over the past year I've been growing suspicious that my MD is a vampire... There are several reasons that have begun to bring me to this conclusion, which I have included, below:

(i) I have never seen him sleep and his email correspondence does not leave gaps in which one could conclude that he sleeps (e.g. emails all day with no major gaps in correspondence

(ii) I've noticed a direct correlation that the more well rested the junior bankers are the more his skin has a slightly grey-ish tone to it (e.g. could he be sustaining his immortality on our suffering? Just proposing the question here...)

(iii) I have never seen him walk past a mirror nor do we have any in the office, which seems odd no?

(iv) He was a major banker (think head of IB at elite boutique) and had over 30 yrs of experience and MBA but looks as if he is late 30s. Yet no look of any cosmetic procedures having been completed. Couple with the fact that there are never doctor appointments this portends to an almost ageless effect of the stressful nature of the job which seems dubious at best.

(v) He will consistently wear sunglasses outside even if it is not sunny. Anecdotally, he seems to heavily prefer the indoors.

Now I have no evidence for this, but I believe he could have a blood boy...

In light of these finds, I have bought garlic pills to begin taking, but I'm not sure if I should also keep some in my desk to avoid Friday evening fire drills...

Thoughts?

#1 top discussion of 2018

 
babyygotwacc:
So I've had this hunch for a while and wanted to get others thoughts. Before you think I'm crazy and sleep deprived just look at the evidence I am about to bestow upon you all.

Over the past year I've been growing suspicious that my MD is a vampire... There are several reasons that have begun to bring me to this conclusion, which I have included, below:

(i) I have never seen him sleep and his email correspondence does not leave gaps in which one could conclude that he sleeps (e.g. emails all day with no major gaps in correspondence (ii) I've noticed a direct correlation that the more well rested the junior bankers are the more his skin has a slightly grey-ish tone to it (e.g. could he be sustaining his immortality on our suffering? Just proposing the question here...) (iii) I have never seen him walk past a mirror nor do we have any in the office, which seems odd no? (iv) He was a major banker (think head of IB at elite boutique) and had over 30 yrs of experience and MBA but looks as if he is late 30s. Yet no look of any cosmetic procedures having been completed. Couple with the fact that there are never doctor appointments this portends to an almost ageless effect of the stressful nature of the job which seems dubious at best. (v) He will consistently wear sunglasses outside even if it is not sunny. Anecdotally, he seems to heavily prefer the indoors.

Now I have no evidence for this, but I believe he could have a blood boy...

In light of these finds, I have bought garlic pills to begin taking, but I'm not sure if I should also keep some in my desk to avoid Friday evening fire drills...

Thoughts?

Call Wesley Snipes.

 

They should make a True Blood series about this. HBO would love it.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

Adipisci mollitia est commodi minus voluptatem. Voluptas dolores provident vitae labore. Nisi aut repellendus repellat corporis sequi. Et saepe perspiciatis veritatis aliquam excepturi eligendi. Tempore impedit aut molestiae ducimus ut magni adipisci.

Minus reprehenderit natus ducimus et veritatis ratione. Distinctio dolorem quia aut et.

Vel cumque ut esse. Quidem assumenda nam saepe laudantium. Illum eum exercitationem voluptas. Doloribus quis dolor quod nesciunt libero sapiente.

 

Ipsam eum accusantium eos voluptatum suscipit quis. Modi veniam sit velit iure animi iusto minus dolor.

Doloribus praesentium et dolor unde. Voluptas molestiae illo suscipit pariatur quae unde soluta. Quos ad nihil iure eum voluptatibus. Ipsa inventore nemo error consequatur excepturi enim animi voluptatibus. Unde blanditiis sit quia qui nisi. Nemo rerum est molestias nostrum dolores.

Aspernatur aut odio dolorem et quasi incidunt ut. Rerum quisquam ut quis ut. Rem dolores et eos exercitationem explicabo. Quos animi dicta dolorum sit nisi ut.

Aliquid veniam ipsa sed illo est rerum. Sed qui quis aspernatur molestiae assumenda.

Career Advancement Opportunities

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Jefferies & Company 02 99.4%
  • Goldman Sachs 19 98.8%
  • Harris Williams & Co. (++) 98.3%
  • Lazard Freres 02 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 03 97.1%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Harris Williams & Co. 18 99.4%
  • JPMorgan Chase 10 98.8%
  • Lazard Freres 05 98.3%
  • Morgan Stanley 07 97.7%
  • William Blair 03 97.1%

Professional Growth Opportunities

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Lazard Freres 01 99.4%
  • Jefferies & Company 02 98.8%
  • Goldman Sachs 17 98.3%
  • Moelis & Company 07 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 05 97.1%

Total Avg Compensation

March 2024 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (5) $648
  • Vice President (19) $385
  • Associates (86) $261
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (13) $181
  • Intern/Summer Associate (33) $170
  • 2nd Year Analyst (66) $168
  • 1st Year Analyst (202) $159
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (144) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

1
redever's picture
redever
99.2
2
Secyh62's picture
Secyh62
99.0
3
Betsy Massar's picture
Betsy Massar
99.0
4
BankonBanking's picture
BankonBanking
99.0
5
dosk17's picture
dosk17
98.9
6
DrApeman's picture
DrApeman
98.9
7
kanon's picture
kanon
98.9
8
CompBanker's picture
CompBanker
98.9
9
GameTheory's picture
GameTheory
98.9
10
Jamoldo's picture
Jamoldo
98.8
success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”