What every banker girl needs

Mod note (Andy): Throwback Thursday - this originally went up Aug 2012 while most of you were still playing jv hopscotch. If you haven't read Bankerella's posts, go through each and every one of them now, they're fantastic. fwiw this post also went up on CNBC. Enjoy!

Okay, today's advice comes with a dirty little secret.

One thing a banker girl (or any 20-something single chick working 80+ hours a week in a stressful environment) needs is the ability to occasionally have some fun with with very little advance notice and with no strings attached.

(Sure, the perfect girl is a bastion of sexual morality and never dates anyone casually, but that's just not relevant here.) So as a banker chick, you need to get maximum hedonic return on the few hours you have left to yourself, and let's face it, those hours aren't enough to gently nurture a budding but delicate relationship. You need to be strategic about how you use that time, so you need to find people (or a person) who can do the same.

If you're reasonably hot, you'll have no lack of candidates for the role. It's like a resume screen: you need to apply some sort of quick initial test to focus in on candidates who are more likely to be rock stars.

So here are my rankings, based on my own experiences and the experiences of a few friends.

Bear in mind, this is not exactly a scientific sample. (And guys, if my description doesn't fit your dating style, don't feel like I'm dissing you personally. All that means is that you're probably not a part of the sample.)

So. First, you could go with a fellow banker. I give the banker guy one star out of three. Pros: not clingy, spends money. Cons: Frequently not available. Work is always top-of-mind. Things stall when work gets heavy. Unfortunate tendency to end phone calls with "Thanks. Bye." Also, there's just too much room for comparison. There's just no way to not compare status, deals, money. You have to be okay with that going in.

PE guy: 2 stars. Same pros as the banker guy with fewer cons, more confidence, and more free time.

Consultant guy: 1.5 stars. Pros: Has lots and lots of miles and points. Stays out of your hair Monday through Thursday. Cons: Who cares about miles and points? Frequently not there when needed. Uses a mouse. Has an inflated opinion of the importance of his work. And just as things are hitting a good rhythm, he gets transferred or restaffed to some other city.

PWM guy: One star. Pros: Knows all the good restaurants, expenses everything. Cons: Too fake, too fratty, too status-oriented, seems to put girls into two buckets: marriage material and date rape territory. Talks endlessly. Can't be squeezed into a two-hour time slot.

Hedge fund guy: my sample is weak here; would benchmark him to PE guy with potential upside based on role, experience, and personality.

Trader guy: Three stars. Pros: transactional awareness, speed, bandwidth, value/time ratio, ability to close out the trade and walk away without drama. Typically feel they have something to prove, like to throw money around. Cons: Slightly scruffier than the guys above. Thinks that traders (rather than bankers) are masters of the universe. Keeps comparing his best month's earnings to your average month; sometimes "forgets" to add in your bonus. (It's not discretionary! It's a sure thing!) Most importantly: when he has a bad day, it's a really bad day.

Net-net, I obviously think traders carry the day here. They understand the transaction right out of the gate, they're fun as hell, they don't care about their reputations, they don't work (much) from home, they're usually available, and they're comfortable going 0 to 60 in twenty minutes if that's the order of the day. If they're judgmental about what a girl wants, at least they're smart enough to keep their mouths shut about it.

So, chicas, take Auntie's advice and think about keeping a trader's number on your phone. Oh, and obviously: choose carefully, be discreet, always be a lady in public, and always, always, ALWAYS wrap it up before you ride it.

 
09grad:
Patrick - why does something like this get front page status? Is there any substance here - at all? I'm honestly asking and am very curious as to why drivel like this makes it to the top when there are actually informative threads out there.

It's neither very well written, particularly funny, nor informative. If anything, even as a guy, I think it might be a little insulting to women.

I've got no beef against a fun joke, but seriously, honestly, why is this junk on the front page?

 

You forgot about entrepreneurs.

They're confident, driven, and usually hot. And they know how to transact in a variety of ways, from straight-up to back-side, organic growth to mergers.

Don't you want someone confident calling the shots after dark? You know, someone who's been around the block, seen a lot of things? Or are you more of a mentor?

It comes down to personal preference, but I'll just say that I don't know a lot of traders doing yoga. Entrepreneurs - the hips are loose and battle-ready.

 
Tommy Too-toned:
You forgot about entrepreneurs.

They're confident, driven, and usually hot. And they know how to transact in a variety of ways, from straight-up to back-side, organic growth to mergers.

Don't you want someone confident calling the shots after dark? You know, someone who's been around the block, seen a lot of things? Or are you more of a mentor?

It comes down to personal preference, but I'll just say that I don't know a lot of traders doing yoga. Entrepreneurs - the hips are loose and battle-ready.

Valid point. The major downside I see there is that entrepreneurs are always working, even when they're asleep. The best ones have a vision and a drive that pretty much consumes all available time and mental resources. However, I agree that bring a charming idealism and energy to the table that you can't get anywhere else. So, I should probably consider broadening the sample set a little.

 
bankerella:
Tommy Too-toned:
You forgot about entrepreneurs.

They're confident, driven, and usually hot. And they know how to transact in a variety of ways, from straight-up to back-side, organic growth to mergers.

Don't you want someone confident calling the shots after dark? You know, someone who's been around the block, seen a lot of things? Or are you more of a mentor?

It comes down to personal preference, but I'll just say that I don't know a lot of traders doing yoga. Entrepreneurs - the hips are loose and battle-ready.

Valid point. The major downside I see there is that entrepreneurs are always working, even when they're asleep. The best ones have a vision and a drive that pretty much consumes all available time and mental resources. However, I agree that bring a charming idealism and energy to the table that you can't get anywhere else. So, I should probably consider broadening the sample set a little.

this discussion is pretty stupid. which successful entrepreneurs (and traders for that matter) are trying to fuck banker girls? keep in mind most of you are high-strung, one-dimensional and ugly. even if it's just sex, they would rather target girls in PR, HR, marketing, etc.

if you are looking for a transaction wherein somebody fucks in you in a Starbucks bathroom at 2am while you're waiting to turn pitchbook comments then you should just leave it to craigslist.

 
Tommy Too-toned:
You forgot about entrepreneurs.

They're confident, driven, and usually hot. And they know how to transact in a variety of ways, from straight-up to back-side, organic growth to mergers.

Don't you want someone confident calling the shots after dark? You know, someone who's been around the block, seen a lot of things? Or are you more of a mentor?

It comes down to personal preference, but I'll just say that I don't know a lot of traders doing yoga. Entrepreneurs - the hips are loose and battle-ready.

Oh yeah - total ballers.

I hate victims who respect their executioners
 
BlackHat:
Tommy Too-toned:
You forgot about entrepreneurs.

They're confident, driven, and usually hot. And they know how to transact in a variety of ways, from straight-up to back-side, organic growth to mergers.

Don't you want someone confident calling the shots after dark? You know, someone who's been around the block, seen a lot of things? Or are you more of a mentor?

It comes down to personal preference, but I'll just say that I don't know a lot of traders doing yoga. Entrepreneurs - the hips are loose and battle-ready.

Oh yeah - total ballers. http://mygaming.co.za/news/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Mark-Pincus.jpg

ew.

i think if i were a guy this would be when i say 'i just got soft [when i saw that pic] '

 
BlackHat:
Tommy Too-toned:
You forgot about entrepreneurs.

They're confident, driven, and usually hot. And they know how to transact in a variety of ways, from straight-up to back-side, organic growth to mergers.

Don't you want someone confident calling the shots after dark? You know, someone who's been around the block, seen a lot of things? Or are you more of a mentor?

It comes down to personal preference, but I'll just say that I don't know a lot of traders doing yoga. Entrepreneurs - the hips are loose and battle-ready.

Oh yeah - total ballers.

Or you could have this billion dollar dickie-do -

 
Tommy Too-toned:
You forgot about entrepreneurs.

They're confident, driven, and usually hot. And they know how to transact in a variety of ways, from straight-up to back-side, organic growth to mergers.

Don't you want someone confident calling the shots after dark? You know, someone who's been around the block, seen a lot of things? Or are you more of a mentor?

It comes down to personal preference, but I'll just say that I don't know a lot of traders doing yoga. Entrepreneurs - the hips are loose and battle-ready.

As a heterosexual male, I can honestly say entrepreneurs are way cooler than most Wall Street dudes. They have balls of steel. They don't report to a boss. The successful ones are richer than pretty much any banker. They do whatever the fuck they want because a criminal record means nothing to them (conduct their own background checks.)

Competition is a sin. -John D. Rockefeller
 

This made me chuckle. And it's a pretty good description of most finances types even without the whole hookup thing involved. I'm glad it was on the main page otherwise I wouldn't have seen it. +1 SB for you.

 

Surprisingly, I find this especially helpful for my future screening out finance guys. I saved it. One suggestion: the consulting guys and PWM guys need not be included.

"I already know I'm going to Hell. So, at this point it's go big or go home"
 
Knowledge Kick:
This is the most annoying post I've read since joining this forum. Straight garbage. Just...annoying...ugh.

So, you must have missed the 10 posts on how to score a 760 on the GMAT.

 
peterg:
Knowledge Kick:
This is the most annoying post I've read since joining this forum. Straight garbage. Just...annoying...ugh.

So, you must have missed the 10 posts on how to score a 760 on the GMAT.

lmao

I hate victims who respect their executioners
 

lol at least that has a chance of maybe helping someone, someday, somewhere. I think I saw someone else post, and I believe they said it best, when they referred to Bankerella as a "female douche". I'd say that's a pretty accurate assessment.

http://DollarDrip.com Username: Knowledge Kick
 

Haha, very nice post! Why can't be on the first page?

A always poked me back in college; B sent email to the entire class asking me where I "got laid last night". Now A is a trader and B is an entrepreneur. So I prefer nerdy bankers.

The Auto Show
 
huanleshalemei:
Haha, very nice post! Why can't be on the first page?

A always poked me back in college; B sent email to the entire class asking me where I "got laid last night". Now A is a trader and B is an entrepreneur. So I prefer nerdy bankers.

???
 
SirPoopsaLot:
huanleshalemei:
Haha, very nice post! Why can't be on the first page?

A always poked me back in college; B sent email to the entire class asking me where I "got laid last night". Now A is a trader and B is an entrepreneur. So I prefer nerdy bankers.

???

Thanks SirPoopsaLot, you just quoted something I definitely want to edit or delete later. Ok, it's not "poked", it's "made fun of".

The Auto Show
 

if you're looking for a one night stand, why even go with the finance/consulting types? why not go for an athlete or a homeless hipster??

or corporate FP&A professionals. i hear those guys are GREAT in the sack..

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?
 
sayandarula:
if you're looking for a one night stand, why even go with the finance/consulting types? why not go for an athlete or a homeless hipster??

or corporate FP&A professionals. i hear those guys are GREAT in the sack..

homeless hipsters.. yummmm!

 
13235314:
sayandarula:
if you're looking for a one night stand, why even go with the finance/consulting types? why not go for an athlete or a homeless hipster??

or corporate FP&A professionals. i hear those guys are GREAT in the sack..

homeless hipsters.. yummmm!

but also corporate FP&A. they're yummy too, right?

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?
 

Ugh I just want to facepalm reading this. Separating people by their professions is retarded. If you want a quick fuck, get an escort. Any time, any where.

"You stop being an asshole when it sucks to be you." - IlliniProgrammer
 
bankerella:
Okay, today's advice comes with a dirty little secret.

One thing a banker girl (or any 20-something single chick working 80+ hours a week in a stressful environment) needs is the ability to occasionally have some fun with with very little advance notice and with no strings attached.

(Sure, the perfect girl is a bastion of sexual morality and never dates anyone casually, but that's just not relevant here.) So as a banker chick, you need to get maximum hedonic return on the few hours you have left to yourself, and let's face it, those hours aren't enough to gently nurture a budding but delicate relationship. You need to be strategic about how you use that time, so you need to find people (or a person) who can do the same.

If you're reasonably hot, you'll have no lack of candidates for the role. It's like a resume screen: you need to apply some sort of quick initial test to focus in on candidates who are more likely to be rock stars.

So here are my rankings, based on my own experiences and the experiences of a few friends. Bear in mind, this is not exactly a scientific sample. (And guys, if my description doesn't fit your dating style, don't feel like I'm dissing you personally. All that means is that you're probably not a part of the sample.)

So. First, you could go with a fellow banker. I give the banker guy one star out of three. Pros: not clingy, spends money. Cons: Frequently not available. Work is always top-of-mind. Things stall when work gets heavy. Unfortunate tendency to end phone calls with "Thanks. Bye." Also, there's just too much room for comparison. There's just no way to not compare status, deals, money. You have to be okay with that going in.

PE guy: 2 stars. Same pros as the banker guy with fewer cons, more confidence, and more free time.

Consultant guy: 1.5 stars. Pros: Has lots and lots of miles and points. Stays out of your hair Monday through Thursday. Cons: Who cares about miles and points? Frequently not there when needed. Uses a mouse. Has an inflated opinion of the importance of his work. And just as things are hitting a good rhythm, he gets transferred or restaffed to some other city.

PWM guy: One star. Pros: Knows all the good restaurants, expenses everything. Cons: Too fake, too fratty, too status-oriented, seems to put girls into two buckets: marriage material and date rape territory. Talks endlessly. Can't be squeezed into a two-hour time slot.

Hedge fund guy: my sample is weak here; would benchmark him to PE guy with potential upside based on role, experience, and personality.

Trader guy: Three stars. Pros: transactional awareness, speed, bandwidth, value/time ratio, ability to close out the trade and walk away without drama. Typically feel they have something to prove, like to throw money around. Cons: Slightly scruffier than the guys above. Thinks that traders (rather than bankers) are masters of the universe. Keeps comparing his best month's earnings to your average month; sometimes "forgets" to add in your bonus. (It's not discretionary! It's a sure thing!) Most importantly: when he has a bad day, it's a really bad day.

Net-net, I obviously think traders carry the day here. They understand the transaction right out of the gate, they're fun as hell, they don't care about their reputations, they don't work (much) from home, they're usually available, and they're comfortable going 0 to 60 in twenty minutes if that's the order of the day. If they're judgmental about what a girl wants, at least they're smart enough to keep their mouths shut about it.

So, chicas, take Auntie's advice and think about keeping a trader's number on your phone. Oh, and obviously: choose carefully, be discreet, always be a lady in public, and always, always, ALWAYS wrap it up before you ride it.

You need to expand your dating pool.

Man made money, money never made the man
 
spaceagecowboy:
is this bankerella a yid or an ABC, im still having trouble deciphering.
I'm inclined toward the latter. The occasional grammar mistake typical of first-generation ABC plus the mathematical, rigid approach to every single aspect of life has me convinced.
I am permanently behind on PMs, it's not personal.
 
APAE:
spaceagecowboy:
is this bankerella a yid or an ABC, im still having trouble deciphering.
I'm inclined toward the latter. The occasional grammar mistake typical of first-generation ABC plus the mathematical, rigid approach to every single aspect of life has me convinced.

Gotta say, that's a pretty odd dichotomy. Far be it from me to argue with folks who seem so confident in their pronouncements, but I wonder what's going on in your heads that:

1: My ethnicity is so important to you guys 2: You fixate on those two narrowly-defined backgrounds; no possibility of black, Latina, white, or anything else.

You don't think a code-switching black woman from Detroit could think and speak like me? A plain ole white girl from nicey-nice Minnesota? One of those Ay-rabs from London who's simply read enough American lit to pass? An Irish-American politician's rebellious daughter from DC? Hardscrabble military brat from Puerto Rico via Okinawa and Germany? First-generation Filipina from an American school in Manila? Whoever those people are who live in Hawaii and eat spam musubi?

It's like walking up to a roulette wheel and saying, "It's definitely gonna be either 19 or 5."

If I were you guys (assuming you're relatively new to Wall Street), I wouldn't let prejudice dull my social instincts to this degree. It's a weakness that gets increasingly exploitable as you age

 
bankerella:
Okay, today's advice comes with a dirty little secret.

One thing a banker girl (or any 20-something single chick working 80+ hours a week in a stressful environment) needs is the ability to occasionally have some fun with with very little advance notice and with no strings attached.

(Sure, the perfect girl is a bastion of sexual morality and never dates anyone casually, but that's just not relevant here.) So as a banker chick, you need to get maximum hedonic return on the few hours you have left to yourself, and let's face it, those hours aren't enough to gently nurture a budding but delicate relationship. You need to be strategic about how you use that time, so you need to find people (or a person) who can do the same.

If you're reasonably hot, you'll have no lack of candidates for the role. It's like a resume screen: you need to apply some sort of quick initial test to focus in on candidates who are more likely to be rock stars.

So here are my rankings, based on my own experiences and the experiences of a few friends. Bear in mind, this is not exactly a scientific sample. (And guys, if my description doesn't fit your dating style, don't feel like I'm dissing you personally. All that means is that you're probably not a part of the sample.)

So. First, you could go with a fellow banker. I give the banker guy one star out of three. Pros: not clingy, spends money. Cons: Frequently not available. Work is always top-of-mind. Things stall when work gets heavy. Unfortunate tendency to end phone calls with "Thanks. Bye." Also, there's just too much room for comparison. There's just no way to not compare status, deals, money. You have to be okay with that going in.

PE guy: 2 stars. Same pros as the banker guy with fewer cons, more confidence, and more free time.

Consultant guy: 1.5 stars. Pros: Has lots and lots of miles and points. Stays out of your hair Monday through Thursday. Cons: Who cares about miles and points? Frequently not there when needed. Uses a mouse. Has an inflated opinion of the importance of his work. And just as things are hitting a good rhythm, he gets transferred or restaffed to some other city.

PWM guy: One star. Pros: Knows all the good restaurants, expenses everything. Cons: Too fake, too fratty, too status-oriented, seems to put girls into two buckets: marriage material and date rape territory. Talks endlessly. Can't be squeezed into a two-hour time slot.

Hedge fund guy: my sample is weak here; would benchmark him to PE guy with potential upside based on role, experience, and personality.

Trader guy: Three stars. Pros: transactional awareness, speed, bandwidth, value/time ratio, ability to close out the trade and walk away without drama. Typically feel they have something to prove, like to throw money around. Cons: Slightly scruffier than the guys above. Thinks that traders (rather than bankers) are masters of the universe. Keeps comparing his best month's earnings to your average month; sometimes "forgets" to add in your bonus. (It's not discretionary! It's a sure thing!) Most importantly: when he has a bad day, it's a really bad day.

Net-net, I obviously think traders carry the day here. They understand the transaction right out of the gate, they're fun as hell, they don't care about their reputations, they don't work (much) from home, they're usually available, and they're comfortable going 0 to 60 in twenty minutes if that's the order of the day. If they're judgmental about what a girl wants, at least they're smart enough to keep their mouths shut about it.

So, chicas, take Auntie's advice and think about keeping a trader's number on your phone. Oh, and obviously: choose carefully, be discreet, always be a lady in public, and always, always, ALWAYS wrap it up before you ride it.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/5hfYJsQAhl0

 

So the real question is what is the sample size we are talking about here? It must be statistically significant if ER guys were left out.

We may have the female finance version of Wilt Chamberlin here.

 

"PWM guy: One star. Pros: Knows all the good restaurants, expenses everything. Cons: Too fake, too fratty, too status-oriented, seems to put girls into two buckets: marriage material and date rape territory. Talks endlessly. Can't be squeezed into a two-hour time slot."

But Bankerella, aren't you looking to be in that date rape bucket?

 
NGW:
"PWM guy: One star. Pros: Knows all the good restaurants, expenses everything. Cons: Too fake, too fratty, too status-oriented, seems to put girls into two buckets: marriage material and date rape territory. Talks endlessly. Can't be squeezed into a two-hour time slot."

But Bankerella, aren't you looking to be in that date rape bucket?

I have no way of knowing, because I always end up in "marriage material".

 
bankerella:
NGW:
"PWM guy: One star. Pros: Knows all the good restaurants, expenses everything. Cons: Too fake, too fratty, too status-oriented, seems to put girls into two buckets: marriage material and date rape territory. Talks endlessly. Can't be squeezed into a two-hour time slot."

But Bankerella, aren't you looking to be in that date rape bucket?

I have no way of knowing, because I always end up in "marriage material".

Since you brought up date-rape. Let us be reminded that things go both way.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/y5OdQGbVNa4

Fast forward to 12:07

"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."
 
bankerella:
NGW:
"PWM guy: One star. Pros: Knows all the good restaurants, expenses everything. Cons: Too fake, too fratty, too status-oriented, seems to put girls into two buckets: marriage material and date rape territory. Talks endlessly. Can't be squeezed into a two-hour time slot."

But Bankerella, aren't you looking to be in that date rape bucket?

I have no way of knowing, because I always end up in "marriage material".

But it would be favorable for you to be put in the "date rape" bucket, given that you're only looking for a no-strings-attached fling, right?

And why would you even recommend hooking up with finance guys in the first place? Overall, even the ones with the best hours are probably still going to have conflicting schedules with a busy female banker, and odds are higher that he'll brag about your sex life to co-workers or mutual professional contacts if you share any. Wouldn't it be better for you to hook up with starving artists/musicians/waiters/actors instead of "shitting where you eat"?

 
NGW:

Wouldn't it be better for you to hook up with starving artists/musicians/waiters/actors instead of "shitting where you eat"?

Sure, if you can find any that you can enjoy and respect. (Aw, hell, you got me started. Might want to skip this, readers. If you choose to read on, prepare for lots of f-bombs.)

So yeah, let's talk about the typical scrub, and why I can't handle being around him.

Every week I handle a bunch (call it a round half-dozen) of challenges that I consider to be a basic part of my life. You know: Take a bullet for the team. Be unable to get enough time to eat or use the bathroom for 6-8 hours. Get shit on. Stand up for yourself to the guy who signs your checks. Make a big, career-defining decision on data you know is bad. Meet a big CFO for the first time and be asked to tell him, on the spot, in front of your boss, what you think he's doing wrong. I know there are a bunch of folks on here whose work lives are similar. This is what normal looks like in some industries, at some levels.

But this scrub? He's constantly freaking out about challenges that wouldn't be challenges at all if he weren't such a delicate fucking flower. I do not want to listen to him trying (and failing) to solve life problems that I consider insignificant. Those guys don't survive in the professional world, so if I get a seasoned professional, I'm more likely to get someone who can function as an adult.

Also, my time is fucking valuable. Scrubs don't understand this, because their time is not valuable. If they're half an hour late because they had to console a sad friend or finish that last fascinating fucking episode of Mad Men, what's the big deal, right? Seasoned professionals (especially traders, also lawyers) know that the clock is ticking. They want value for their time. So do I. If you get two hours on my calendar, I need to walk away with two hours' worth of good stuff, and I want a guy who expects the same from me.

Also, the time I've spent with scrubs has just been comedic. The conversations are an especially good example. What the fuck is television? What possible relevance could your new diet or your change in sleep patterns have for me? Really? You're pulling out your phone? You're texting your buddy? You're going to make me watch this awesome video you just saw on YouTube? You're really going to take ten minutes of my time to recount some conversation you had with two of your friends whom I don't know?

Fuck it, I'm out.

This is where the transactional nature I mentioned before comes in. The hookup is not about building a deep and everlasting relationship, it's about finding a strategic partner who understands your need to squeeze every drop of deliciousness out of the few hours you have to yourself, and who wants to do the same. Scrubs don't even understand the deliciousness of those hours or why you need to squeeze anything out of them. I'm not even fully convinced that they know what an hour is.

Scrubs are okay with meandering, in both their work and personal lives. They expect little, are happy with what little they get, and assume they don't need to add (much) value.

Professionals (especially traders) understand that there needs to be a constant give and take of value.

Long story short: if a starving artist, musician, waiter, or actor can earn a girl's respect and deliver the goods like a professional, then he's just as good if not better. But let's be real: banker girls don't typically have time to search for the needle in that haystack.

Oh, and one more thing. Dating a trader isn't shitting where you eat, because bankers and traders don't work together. Obviously, you'd still want to get a trader from a different bank.

 
bankerella:
Also, my time is fucking valuable. Scrubs don't understand this, because their time is not valuable. If they're half an hour late because they had to console a sad friend or finish that last fascinating fucking episode of Mad Men, what's the big deal, right? Seasoned professionals (especially traders, also lawyers) know that the clock is ticking. They want value for their time. So do I. If you get two hours on my calendar, I need to walk away with two hours' worth of good stuff, and I want a guy who expects the same from me.

Also, the time I've spent with scrubs has just been comedic. The conversations are an especially good example. What the fuck is television? What possible relevance could your new diet or your change in sleep patterns have for me? Really? You're pulling out your phone? You're texting your buddy? You're going to make me watch this awesome video you just saw on YouTube? You're really going to take ten minutes of my time to recount some conversation you had with two of your friends whom I don't know?

OP, if you can't deal with small talks, you are going to end up like those old women from "Sex In the City", successful, single and miserable. I am trying to think very hard about what are you trying to accomplish in the two hours? Sex? Wouldn't it be better to hire male escorts? 1) You get to see the goodies before you engage in anything serious, 2) everything is professionally done and 3) no one will waste your time.

I have to disagree. Most relationships are all about having "good conversation". And small talks or things you consider insignificant are really important to most people (even at work). No one really care about which school you go to, which bank you work at, how much you make, or which CEO/CFO/Deal you are working on.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. You are not even a MD/Partner level as yet. Your time is not "more" important than other people's time.

"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."
 
Best Response
bankerella:
So yeah, let's talk about the typical scrub, and why I can't handle being around him. Insert long-ass rant I'm not going to quote because it's a pain to scroll through
Digusting. Please tell me you aren't serious; I'd just like to think you have an unhealthy addiction for fanning the flames. There's being an independent, successful woman... and then there's being a total dickwad.

There's people who wait tables because they partied too hard in college, and then there's people who wait tables because they come from less-than-ideal families who couldn't afford to send them to college in the first place. In terms of the entertainment industry, time IS literally money, just ask those aspiring models who run from shoot to shoot with no time to eat (not that they can, being aspiring models). I don't see why your time is somehow more valuable than that of someone who is pursuing what they believe to be a fulfilling career, however slow the climb. I used to be on the path of a starving artist, and many of the most respectable people I know are "scrubs" who are trying to "make it." Maybe not "respectable" through the lens of the finance world, but what do I know, I'm a consultant.

Your utter disregard for anyone's lifestyle but your own reeks of inflated ego and status-whoring. I usually don't find your posts annoying (on the contrary, the original post was pretty amusing...) but that one single response was just complete shit.

Currently: future neurologist, current psychotherapist Previously: investor relations (top consulting firm), M&A consulting (Big 4), M&A banking (MM)
 
bankerella:
So yeah, let's talk about the typical scrub, and why I can't handle being around him.

Blah, blah, blah

I can't help but think you are just playing a character. It's way too over the top to be real.
 
bankerella:
Also, the time I've spent with scrubs has just been comedic. The conversations are an especially good example. What the fuck is television? What possible relevance could your new diet or your change in sleep patterns have for me?

I feel bad for folks who get into in-depth conversations about TV shows. They don't seem to value their own time very highly.

 
bankerella:
NGW:

Wouldn't it be better for you to hook up with starving artists/musicians/waiters/actors instead of "shitting where you eat"?

Sure, if you can find any that you can enjoy and respect. (Aw, hell, you got me started. Might want to skip this, readers. If you choose to read on, prepare for lots of f-bombs.)

So yeah, let's talk about the typical scrub, and why I can't handle being around him.

Every week I handle a bunch (call it a round half-dozen) of challenges that I consider to be a basic part of my life. You know: Take a bullet for the team. Be unable to get enough time to eat or use the bathroom for 6-8 hours. Get shit on. Stand up for yourself to the guy who signs your checks. Make a big, career-defining decision on data you know is bad. Meet a big CFO for the first time and be asked to tell him, on the spot, in front of your boss, what you think he's doing wrong. I know there are a bunch of folks on here whose work lives are similar. This is what normal looks like in some industries, at some levels.

But this scrub? He's constantly freaking out about challenges that wouldn't be challenges at all if he weren't such a delicate fucking flower. I do not want to listen to him trying (and failing) to solve life problems that I consider insignificant. Those guys don't survive in the professional world, so if I get a seasoned professional, I'm more likely to get someone who can function as an adult.

Also, my time is fucking valuable. Scrubs don't understand this, because their time is not valuable. If they're half an hour late because they had to console a sad friend or finish that last fascinating fucking episode of Mad Men, what's the big deal, right? Seasoned professionals (especially traders, also lawyers) know that the clock is ticking. They want value for their time. So do I. If you get two hours on my calendar, I need to walk away with two hours' worth of good stuff, and I want a guy who expects the same from me.

Also, the time I've spent with scrubs has just been comedic. The conversations are an especially good example. What the fuck is television? What possible relevance could your new diet or your change in sleep patterns have for me? Really? You're pulling out your phone? You're texting your buddy? You're going to make me watch this awesome video you just saw on YouTube? You're really going to take ten minutes of my time to recount some conversation you had with two of your friends whom I don't know?

Fuck it, I'm out.

This is where the transactional nature I mentioned before comes in. The hookup is not about building a deep and everlasting relationship, it's about finding a strategic partner who understands your need to squeeze every drop of deliciousness out of the few hours you have to yourself, and who wants to do the same. Scrubs don't even understand the deliciousness of those hours or why you need to squeeze anything out of them. I'm not even fully convinced that they know what an hour is.

Scrubs are okay with meandering, in both their work and personal lives. They expect little, are happy with what little they get, and assume they don't need to add (much) value.

Professionals (especially traders) understand that there needs to be a constant give and take of value.

Long story short: if a starving artist, musician, waiter, or actor can earn a girl's respect and deliver the goods like a professional, then he's just as good if not better. But let's be real: banker girls don't typically have time to search for the needle in that haystack.

Oh, and one more thing. Dating a trader isn't shitting where you eat, because bankers and traders don't work together. Obviously, you'd still want to get a trader from a different bank.

I think you're missing the point of the "hook-up". It's definitely not to find someone you can "talk to" or "respect".

 
bankerella:
NGW:

Wouldn't it be better for you to hook up with starving artists/musicians/waiters/actors instead of "shitting where you eat"?

Sure, if you can find any that you can enjoy and respect. (Aw, hell, you got me started. Might want to skip this, readers. If you choose to read on, prepare for lots of f-bombs.)

So yeah, let's talk about the typical scrub, and why I can't handle being around him.

Every week I handle a bunch (call it a round half-dozen) of challenges that I consider to be a basic part of my life. You know: Take a bullet for the team. Be unable to get enough time to eat or use the bathroom for 6-8 hours. Get shit on. Stand up for yourself to the guy who signs your checks. Make a big, career-defining decision on data you know is bad. Meet a big CFO for the first time and be asked to tell him, on the spot, in front of your boss, what you think he's doing wrong. I know there are a bunch of folks on here whose work lives are similar. This is what normal looks like in some industries, at some levels.

But this scrub? He's constantly freaking out about challenges that wouldn't be challenges at all if he weren't such a delicate fucking flower. I do not want to listen to him trying (and failing) to solve life problems that I consider insignificant. Those guys don't survive in the professional world, so if I get a seasoned professional, I'm more likely to get someone who can function as an adult.

Also, my time is fucking valuable. Scrubs don't understand this, because their time is not valuable. If they're half an hour late because they had to console a sad friend or finish that last fascinating fucking episode of Mad Men, what's the big deal, right? Seasoned professionals (especially traders, also lawyers) know that the clock is ticking. They want value for their time. So do I. If you get two hours on my calendar, I need to walk away with two hours' worth of good stuff, and I want a guy who expects the same from me.

Also, the time I've spent with scrubs has just been comedic. The conversations are an especially good example. What the fuck is television? What possible relevance could your new diet or your change in sleep patterns have for me? Really? You're pulling out your phone? You're texting your buddy? You're going to make me watch this awesome video you just saw on YouTube? You're really going to take ten minutes of my time to recount some conversation you had with two of your friends whom I don't know?

Fuck it, I'm out.

This is where the transactional nature I mentioned before comes in. The hookup is not about building a deep and everlasting relationship, it's about finding a strategic partner who understands your need to squeeze every drop of deliciousness out of the few hours you have to yourself, and who wants to do the same. Scrubs don't even understand the deliciousness of those hours or why you need to squeeze anything out of them. I'm not even fully convinced that they know what an hour is.

Scrubs are okay with meandering, in both their work and personal lives. They expect little, are happy with what little they get, and assume they don't need to add (much) value.

Professionals (especially traders) understand that there needs to be a constant give and take of value.

Long story short: if a starving artist, musician, waiter, or actor can earn a girl's respect and deliver the goods like a professional, then he's just as good if not better. But let's be real: banker girls don't typically have time to search for the needle in that haystack.

Oh, and one more thing. Dating a trader isn't shitting where you eat, because bankers and traders don't work together. Obviously, you'd still want to get a trader from a different bank.

I would go easy on bankerella. ^^^This post is especially insightful. Rarely can a women articulate how they assess and feel about the men they date, not because they are dumb but because it's difficult for anybody to articulate abstract concepts (like feelings and attractions).

To sum, women (and people in general) constantly assess the value that you bring into their lives. Women are epsecially brutal, not because they are inherently cruel (as most foolishly assume), because they have been hard-wired to through evolution. Bankerella's post reflects this concept.

^^Does that piss you off? It should. Nobody told you about this and the media has conditioned you to believe love is like rainbows and puppies falling from the sky. Not so, life is far more cruel and the emotions we feel are actually a mechanism to cope with the good and bad in our world. Don't be mad, do soemthing about it. Sack up, or step aside and let the real men in this world fuck the women you jagoff to.

Man made money, money never made the man
 
FreezePops:
Consultant guy: Uses a mouse.

Is the mouse a metaphor for something or just another excuse to point out that consultants suck at excel?

I was thinking it was a Richard Gere reference.
 

Bankerella, I have a serious question: I'm sure you knew that when you wrote this it would get a lot of comments, many of them d!ckhead type responses. Why did you write it? Also how different are you in real life, especially at work?

I think it was pretty entertaining, by the way.

 

Well, at least it's not a GMAT post. SB for you. :D

Edit: saw your shallow follow-up post about dating "average" people. Total turnoff to traders.

We take our friends, and our significant others, where we can get them and where there is something genuine. If you can't do that now, you'll be doing it when you have a walker. If you continue with that attitude, in thirty years, I predict that you will be that creepy old lady who strikes up conversations with random 20-somethings on the street.

 
Bondarb:
Your description of people who are more artistic or in less corporate fields is really just a collection of cliches and stereotypes. I am a wall st person but if these are the type of non-fiance people you hang out with then you are just hanging out with the wrong people it doesnt have anything to do with their occupation.

Bondarb speaks truth.

I hate victims who respect their executioners
 

I've had sex with a few Banker girls. Didn't enjoy it at all. Most of them seem a little beaten down , not nearly as sassy as Bankerella here. Maybe because she's older , she can better control her hours.

 
<span class=keyword_link><a href=/company/goldman-sachs><abbr title=Goldman Sachs&#10;>GS</abbr></a></span>:
I've had sex with a few Banker girls. Didn't enjoy it at all. Most of them seem a little beaten down , not nearly as sassy as Bankerella here. Maybe because she's older , she can better control her hours.
SoOooo, shoot for the older banker chicks? I want to marry a banker and stay at home taking care of the kids, reading, and day trading my own account. This chick worked hard to be here so i don't begrudge her standards, I'm just looking for a sugar momma.

Hey, since swagon isn't around, someone had to troll this.

Get busy living
 
UFOinsider:
<span class=keyword_link><a href=/company/goldman-sachs><abbr title=Goldman Sachs&#10;>GS</abbr></a></span>:
I've had sex with a few Banker girls. Didn't enjoy it at all. Most of them seem a little beaten down , not nearly as sassy as Bankerella here. Maybe because she's older , she can better control her hours.
SoOooo, shoot for the older banker chicks? I want to marry a banker and stay at home taking care of the kids, reading, and day trading my own account. This chick worked hard to be here so i don't begrudge her standards, I'm just looking for a sugar momma.

Hey, since swagon isn't around, someone had to troll this.

Well, don't just stand there! Hit on her!

 
UFOinsider:
<span class=keyword_link><a href=/company/goldman-sachs><abbr title=Goldman Sachs&#10;>GS</abbr></a></span>:
I've had sex with a few Banker girls. Didn't enjoy it at all. Most of them seem a little beaten down , not nearly as sassy as Bankerella here. Maybe because she's older , she can better control her hours.
SoOooo, shoot for the older banker chicks? I want to marry a banker and stay at home taking care of the kids, reading, and day trading my own account. This chick worked hard to be here so i don't begrudge her standards, I'm just looking for a sugar momma.

Hey, since swagon isn't around, someone had to troll this.

not to hijack the topic a little UFO but at least 1 female MD on my trading floor is a [lack of better words] suga momma. stay at home hubby and i think she def has a nanny so its not like hes just taking care of the kid all day

 
  1. You're def a female douche, and that's coming from a woman.

  2. I just created an account after being on WSO for a long time just to throw you mokey shit and call this post bs.

  3. Pretty girls with status & 80+ hrs/week do not sleep around. And def not in her very own professional circle/industry.

  4. Guys, any of you want to many bankeralla with her amazing personality except for swagon?

 
fifteen:
1. You're def a female douche, and that's coming from a woman.
  1. I just created an account after being on WSO for a long time just to throw you mokey shit and call this post bs.

  2. Pretty girls with status & 80+ hrs/week do not sleep around. And def not in her very own professional circle/industry.

  3. Guys, any of you want to many bankeralla with her amazing personality except for swagon?

HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA

Of course not . There are no women who sleep around. No reputable girl does so . They're all bastions of virtue and are all looking for nice guys who make them laugh. No girl from an ivy league school has ever had a one night stand.

Sheesh.

 

I agree with OP. Why should she have to waste her energy with someone who doesn't conform to her needs? Being a trader myself, I agree with what she said about us.

 
BlackHat:
I want to be a male escort one day... One can dream.

Somehow there's video clip being followed by a joke told by Joel McHale written all over it that comment BH.

 

Betting that bankerella is a crater-face Asian (Taiwanese/Chinese, Korean, or Indian... take your pick) who's developed a superiority complex to help her navigate Wall Street chauvinism. Her complete refusal to put up a pic makes me think that she's not actually pretty enough to justify her "I'm holier than thou" attitude. Everyone here knows it too - if the pic revealed her to be a complete grenade, nobody here would take her seriously.

Ugly female banker = angry female banker with an attitude.

 
swingingthru:
Betting that bankerella is a crater-face Asian (Taiwanese/Chinese, Korean, or Indian... take your pick) who's developed a superiority complex to help her navigate Wall Street chauvinism. Her complete refusal to put up a pic makes me think that she's not actually pretty enough to justify her "I'm holier than thou" attitude. Everyone here knows it too - if the pic revealed her to be a complete grenade, nobody here would take her seriously.

Ugly female banker = angry female banker with an attitude.

I think someone would be a total dumbass to post a picture of themselves on WSO. Given the large, NYC-based traffic this site gets one could easily have their identity exposed and everything they've written here used against them. I don't fault Bankerella at all for not posting a picture--it would probably be the single most moronic thing a person could do, male or female, good looking or not. The potential negatives (having identity exposed and used against you) far outweights any potential benefit (positive feedback about one's appearance).

Array
 
Virginia Tech 4ever:
swingingthru:
Betting that bankerella is a crater-face Asian (Taiwanese/Chinese, Korean, or Indian... take your pick) who's developed a superiority complex to help her navigate Wall Street chauvinism. Her complete refusal to put up a pic makes me think that she's not actually pretty enough to justify her "I'm holier than thou" attitude. Everyone here knows it too - if the pic revealed her to be a complete grenade, nobody here would take her seriously.

Ugly female banker = angry female banker with an attitude.

I think someone would be a total dumbass to post a picture of themselves on WSO. Given the large, NYC-based traffic this site gets one could easily have their identity exposed and everything they've written here used against them. I don't fault Bankerella at all for not posting a picture--it would probably be the single most moronic thing a person could do, male or female, good looking or not. The potential negatives (having identity exposed and used against you) far outweights any potential benefit (positive feedback about one's appearance).

100% correct. Why is this so difficult to understand? SB for you.
 
swingingthru:
Betting that bankerella is a crater-face Asian (Taiwanese/Chinese, Korean, or Indian... take your pick) who's developed a superiority complex to help her navigate Wall Street chauvinism. Her complete refusal to put up a pic makes me think that she's not actually pretty enough to justify her "I'm holier than thou" attitude. Everyone here knows it too - if the pic revealed her to be a complete grenade, nobody here would take her seriously.

Ugly female banker = angry female banker with an attitude.

i have a separate response to your stereotyping asian girls in finance .. (frankly i dont think there are that many vs. american girls i dont know why this board thinks asian chicks are everywhere)

.. but im willing to bet $$ that bankerellas not asian. or crater faced asian.

 
swingingthru:
Betting that bankerella is a crater-face Asian (Taiwanese/Chinese, Korean, or Indian... take your pick) who's developed a superiority complex to help her navigate Wall Street chauvinism. Her complete refusal to put up a pic makes me think that she's not actually pretty enough to justify her "I'm holier than thou" attitude. Everyone here knows it too - if the pic revealed her to be a complete grenade, nobody here would take her seriously.

Ugly female banker = angry female banker with an attitude.

was thinking the exact same thing

 

Patrick..laughing all the way to the bank while you guys are discussing whether bankerella looks like the bottom side of my foot or not...

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee WSO is not your personal search function.
 
BlackHat][quote=IRRelevent]Wow already on Businessinsider, how much longer til yahoo nabs this? <a href=http://www.businessinsider.com/dating-men-on-wall-street-2012-8[/quote rel=nofollow>http://www.businessinsider.com/dating-men-on-wall-street-2012-8[/quote</a>:
If this is how journalism really works it's fucking shameful
That said, the article does sound a bit tongue-in-cheek and I applaud them for getting the je ne sais quoi of the matter more or less correct.
Currently: future neurologist, current psychotherapist Previously: investor relations (top consulting firm), M&A consulting (Big 4), M&A banking (MM)
 
BlackHat][quote=IRRelevent]Wow already on Businessinsider, how much longer til yahoo nabs this?</p> <p><a href=http://www.businessinsider.com/dating-men-on-wall-street-2012-8[/quote rel=nofollow>http://www.businessinsider.com/dating-men-on-wall-street-2012-8[/quote</a>:

If this is how journalism really works it's fucking shameful

In my reading of this entire thread, this made me laugh the hardest. I think Henry would appreciate it too.

+1

 

Wow lotsa haterade. I personally look for people who prefer a more tight knit association, but I see no problem with the post. The girls taking shots at each other is entertaining.

CAT FIIIIIGHT oh yeah!

Get busy living
 

Hi LIBORtarian here, I bet bankerella is a liberal. Why else would she put a star-ceiling on all the different finance types? Regardless, bankerella should let the market run free by welcoming all WS monkies to her watering hole.

 
LIBORtarian:
Hi LIBORtarian here, I bet bankerella is a liberal.
lol

LOL

BWAHAHAHAHA

She's a liberal for rating her preference in men? Dude, we spend all day rating everything from stocks to companies, groups, schools, and even shoes. I think there's some other value set driving this...

Get busy living
 

From the comments: "This chick sort of sounds like a slut. She likes the trader because he has faster transactional speed? What is that... he humps her at lunch or what?"

Fwiw, I don't hate you Bankerella.... and yes, that is my way to try to get on your strip club mailing list

GBS
 
GoldmanBallSachs:
From the comments: "This chick sort of sounds like a slut. She likes the trader because he has faster transactional speed? What is that... he humps her at lunch or what?"

Fwiw, I don't hate you Bankerella.... and yes, that is my way to try to get on your strip club mailing list

What the fuck is lunch?

 
Pienaar21:
Am I the only one who thinks of Ann Coulter when reading Bankerella's posts?

Nope. I've got a pic of her in a heart-shaped picture frame right next to my monitor (and right over a votive candle which I re-light every time I hit "Add comment"). Now there's a woman who knows how to entertain, inform, and unite.

(And by the way, you're quite perceptive. Coulter is one of the great elder trolls who showed the way for the rest of us.)

 
bankerella:
(And by the way, you're quite perceptive. Coulter is one of the great elder trolls who showed the way for the rest of us.)

No use in complimenting/hitting on me, I don't go for banker chicks ;)

 

I think all the haters are too worked up. Girls (banker or not) like to have sex too...it's natural....which is good for us guys. That doesn't make a girl a slut in the derogatory sense that most people use it. If by slut, one means to say girl who sleeps with guys without being in a relationship with that person....well...send all these "sluts" my way (I and most of you would qualify).

Girls need to screen just like guys do....(my screen starts at 120lbs....and then adds 10lbs for every beer/shot I have after 8). If you are not ranked high on her screen (I'm not) .....move on...it's a numbers game, just like interviewing.

 

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Culpa est at est ratione totam quos ut quo. Perferendis a necessitatibus et velit. Fuga neque eos quae enim excepturi. Exercitationem aspernatur amet ut ut dolorem. Occaecati mollitia aut consequatur nam optio quisquam praesentium.

 

Error laborum totam ducimus blanditiis illum sequi nihil. Tempora delectus quaerat deserunt.

Dolorem sequi optio nemo. Ullam at quibusdam reprehenderit ut laboriosam. Eos eos architecto doloremque sint. Aliquid ut quia fugit nisi alias. Voluptas mollitia eligendi et in ipsam nam reprehenderit iure. Quia quia sit error omnis quasi sed.

Amet odit tempore facilis et. Distinctio esse dolores et voluptatem qui dolores fugiat voluptate. Ut quaerat inventore repellendus labore commodi rerum.

A rem deserunt veniam magnam. Iste alias quae eos ut. Molestiae magnam aspernatur sed mollitia ipsa et doloribus. Dolor esse unde impedit officiis ratione voluptas odit. Sit nostrum voluptatum repudiandae laborum aperiam ut.

Get busy living
 

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Dolorem enim sint minus reiciendis nam. Aliquam cum possimus fugit. Ullam ut ut dolor doloremque molestias quisquam sit. Consequuntur dolorem veritatis enim magnam quidem. Sit cum voluptate repellat eos consequatur dicta.

Placeat beatae ipsa libero vel ea mollitia. Saepe et optio est qui quas. Doloribus eos reprehenderit quis rerum alias ut. Eligendi maiores consequatur expedita blanditiis.

"You stop being an asshole when it sucks to be you." - IlliniProgrammer
 

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Aut eum laudantium nam est provident exercitationem enim. Laboriosam totam consectetur amet ut sunt assumenda perferendis ut.

Metal. Music. Life. www.headofmetal.com
 

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Ab sed vitae vel nam maiores commodi. Laboriosam nulla laudantium qui maxime quia. Ut ex et et quaerat suscipit reprehenderit iusto ipsa.

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Molestias architecto dolorum dolorem sed. Aliquam qui numquam placeat quia.

Earum itaque reprehenderit voluptatibus nam. Corrupti et omnis blanditiis qui quae eos quis. Ut adipisci rerum recusandae neque natus. Voluptates inventore occaecati voluptas dolorem id iure. Rerum ipsum dolores laboriosam similique rerum nihil.

Porro voluptatem excepturi sed totam et maiores eius et. Ut sint molestias qui odio dolores dicta veritatis. Aut tempora sit quo animi velit magni quis. Quo aut rerum et.

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