Mod note (Andy): Throwback Thursday - this originally went up Aug 2012 while most of you were still playing jv hopscotch. If you haven't read Bankerella's posts, go through each and every one of them now, they're fantastic. fwiw this post also went up on CNBC. Enjoy!
Okay, today's advice comes with a dirty little secret.
One thing a banker girl (or any 20-something single chick working 80+ hours a week in a stressful environment) needs is the ability to occasionally have some fun with with very little advance notice and with no strings attached.
(Sure, the perfect girl is a bastion of sexual morality and never dates anyone casually, but that's just not relevant here.) So as a banker chick, you need to get maximum hedonic return on the few hours you have left to yourself, and let's face it, those hours aren't enough to gently nurture a budding but delicate relationship. You need to be strategic about how you use that time, so you need to find people (or a person) who can do the same.
If you're reasonably hot, you'll have no lack of candidates for the role. It's like a resume screen: you need to apply some sort of quick initial test to focus in on candidates who are more likely to be rock stars.
So here are my rankings, based on my own experiences and the experiences of a few friends.
Bear in mind, this is not exactly a scientific sample. (And guys, if my description doesn't fit your dating style, don't feel like I'm dissing you personally. All that means is that you're probably not a part of the sample.)
So. First, you could go with a fellow banker. I give the banker guy one star out of three. Pros: not clingy, spends money. Cons: Frequently not available. Work is always top-of-mind. Things stall when work gets heavy. Unfortunate tendency to end phone calls with "Thanks. Bye." Also, there's just too much room for comparison. There's just no way to not compare status, deals, money. You have to be okay with that going in.
PE guy: 2 stars. Same pros as the banker guy with fewer cons, more confidence, and more free time.
Consultant guy: 1.5 stars. Pros: Has lots and lots of miles and points. Stays out of your hair Monday through Thursday. Cons: Who cares about miles and points? Frequently not there when needed. Uses a mouse. Has an inflated opinion of the importance of his work. And just as things are hitting a good rhythm, he gets transferred or restaffed to some other city.
PWM guy: One star. Pros: Knows all the good restaurants, expenses everything. Cons: Too fake, too fratty, too status-oriented, seems to put girls into two buckets: marriage material and date rape territory. Talks endlessly. Can't be squeezed into a two-hour time slot.
Hedge fund guy: my sample is weak here; would benchmark him to PE guy with potential upside based on role, experience, and personality.
Trader guy: Three stars. Pros: transactional awareness, speed, bandwidth, value/time ratio, ability to close out the trade and walk away without drama. Typically feel they have something to prove, like to throw money around. Cons: Slightly scruffier than the guys above. Thinks that traders (rather than bankers) are masters of the universe. Keeps comparing his best month's earnings to your average month; sometimes "forgets" to add in your bonus. (It's not discretionary! It's a sure thing!) Most importantly: when he has a bad day, it's a really bad day.
Net-net, I obviously think traders carry the day here. They understand the transaction right out of the gate, they're fun as hell, they don't care about their reputations, they don't work (much) from home, they're usually available, and they're comfortable going 0 to 60 in twenty minutes if that's the order of the day. If they're judgmental about what a girl wants, at least they're smart enough to keep their mouths shut about it.
So, chicas, take Auntie's advice and think about keeping a trader's number on your phone. Oh, and obviously: choose carefully, be discreet, always be a lady in public, and always, always, ALWAYS wrap it up before you ride it.
post ur pic
post it up you yiddishicup.
Curious: what about research and sales?
I enjoyed that.. thanks for sharing bankerella
Thats brilliant. Love the cut straight to it. Big up the traders.
but its provocative (gets the people going)
haha so good lol
Bankerella I love you please marry me, I will switch careers to trading just to have a shot.
I LOVE YOU
Having an extremely hard time believing there's a girl in the world who doesn't like a little scruff.
my wife...
You forgot about entrepreneurs.
They're confident, driven, and usually hot. And they know how to transact in a variety of ways, from straight-up to back-side, organic growth to mergers.
Don't you want someone confident calling the shots after dark? You know, someone who's been around the block, seen a lot of things? Or are you more of a mentor?
It comes down to personal preference, but I'll just say that I don't know a lot of traders doing yoga. Entrepreneurs - the hips are loose and battle-ready.
Valid point. The major downside I see there is that entrepreneurs are always working, even when they're asleep. The best ones have a vision and a drive that pretty much consumes all available time and mental resources. However, I agree that bring a charming idealism and energy to the table that you can't get anywhere else. So, I should probably consider broadening the sample set a little.
if you are looking for a transaction wherein somebody fucks in you in a Starbucks bathroom at 2am while you're waiting to turn pitchbook comments then you should just leave it to craigslist.
Oh yeah - total ballers.
ew.
i think if i were a guy this would be when i say 'i just got soft [when i saw that pic] '
Or you could have this billion dollar dickie-do -
As a heterosexual male, I can honestly say entrepreneurs are way cooler than most Wall Street dudes. They have balls of steel. They don't report to a boss. The successful ones are richer than pretty much any banker. They do whatever the fuck they want because a criminal record means nothing to them (conduct their own background checks.)
You forgot ADCOM guy from MBA program at a top-5 school.
+1, no offense ladies.
This made me chuckle. And it's a pretty good description of most finances types even without the whole hookup thing involved. I'm glad it was on the main page otherwise I wouldn't have seen it. +1 SB for you.
Who was that babe in the skirt that spoke at the WSO conference?
https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/s720x720/551125_10151338313…
or
https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/s720x720/268373_10151338311…
https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/s720x720/551125_10151338313…
or
https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/s720x720/268373_10151338311…]
Second picture... on the right... call me maybe...
This post def made me laugh a little, but what made me laugh even more is that some people actually take this post seriously.
Surprisingly, I find this especially helpful for my future screening out finance guys. I saved it. One suggestion: the consulting guys and PWM guys need not be included.
...and this is why I don't date finance girls
This is the most annoying post I've read since joining this forum. Straight garbage. Just...annoying...ugh.
So, you must have missed the 10 posts on how to score a 760 on the GMAT.
lmao
lol at least that has a chance of maybe helping someone, someday, somewhere. I think I saw someone else post, and I believe they said it best, when they referred to Bankerella as a "female douche". I'd say that's a pretty accurate assessment.
Wait, so to be clear, you're talking about the Brunette in the second picture selling Rosenbaum's book and not the blonde, right?
Haha, very nice post! Why can't be on the first page?
A always poked me back in college; B sent email to the entire class asking me where I "got laid last night". Now A is a trader and B is an entrepreneur. So I prefer nerdy bankers.
Thanks SirPoopsaLot, you just quoted something I definitely want to edit or delete later. Ok, it's not "poked", it's "made fun of".
if you're looking for a one night stand, why even go with the finance/consulting types? why not go for an athlete or a homeless hipster??
or corporate FP&A professionals. i hear those guys are GREAT in the sack..
homeless hipsters.. yummmm!
but also corporate FP&A. they're yummy too, right?
No love for guys in ER?
Sorry man, looks like every time slot is already filled up
The sample is a little light on ER guys. Now that you mention it, there's probably some real upside potential there too.
To the guy who thought this was insulting to women: how so?
A good vibe is the only thing a girl needs. Doesn't talk back, expect food and no scheduling conflicts.
Or a Shake Weight...
Creme Fraiche
Get More: SOUTH
PARKRandy Marsh,Sharon Marsh,more...
The funny thing about this post is that, she grades men out of 4 "stars" where we grade women out of 1-10 scale, she actually listed pwm on here, and the losers who actually "love" her.
ALT+F+X this shiz
Ugh I just want to facepalm reading this. Separating people by their professions is retarded. If you want a quick fuck, get an escort. Any time, any where.
You need to expand your dating pool.
Is this your way of saying the HF guys just aren't that in to you?
:(
is this bankerella a yid or an ABC, im still having trouble deciphering.
Gotta say, that's a pretty odd dichotomy. Far be it from me to argue with folks who seem so confident in their pronouncements, but I wonder what's going on in your heads that:
1: My ethnicity is so important to you guys 2: You fixate on those two narrowly-defined backgrounds; no possibility of black, Latina, white, or anything else.
You don't think a code-switching black woman from Detroit could think and speak like me? A plain ole white girl from nicey-nice Minnesota? One of those Ay-rabs from London who's simply read enough American lit to pass? An Irish-American politician's rebellious daughter from DC? Hardscrabble military brat from Puerto Rico via Okinawa and Germany? First-generation Filipina from an American school in Manila? Whoever those people are who live in Hawaii and eat spam musubi?
It's like walking up to a roulette wheel and saying, "It's definitely gonna be either 19 or 5."
If I were you guys (assuming you're relatively new to Wall Street), I wouldn't let prejudice dull my social instincts to this degree. It's a weakness that gets increasingly exploitable as you age
I just have the opinion that most bankers prefer to be single.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/5hfYJsQAhl0
BOOOO
You're bad and you should feel bad!
So the real question is what is the sample size we are talking about here? It must be statistically significant if ER guys were left out.
We may have the female finance version of Wilt Chamberlin here.
I almost feel bad for bankerella if that's really a picture of her that's been posted. Now she has her face associated with being a fool.
This chick (fake?) makes me sick.
I know the feeling. Whenever she posts about dating or anything related I can't help but cringe at the thought of what she probably looks like.
Awesome post.
Bankerella- I'm a trader at GS/MS/JPM. If you're ever in London, send a picture and do me maybe ;-)
"PWM guy: One star. Pros: Knows all the good restaurants, expenses everything. Cons: Too fake, too fratty, too status-oriented, seems to put girls into two buckets: marriage material and date rape territory. Talks endlessly. Can't be squeezed into a two-hour time slot."
But Bankerella, aren't you looking to be in that date rape bucket?
I have no way of knowing, because I always end up in "marriage material".
Since you brought up date-rape. Let us be reminded that things go both way.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/y5OdQGbVNa4
Fast forward to 12:07
But it would be favorable for you to be put in the "date rape" bucket, given that you're only looking for a no-strings-attached fling, right?
And why would you even recommend hooking up with finance guys in the first place? Overall, even the ones with the best hours are probably still going to have conflicting schedules with a busy female banker, and odds are higher that he'll brag about your sex life to co-workers or mutual professional contacts if you share any. Wouldn't it be better for you to hook up with starving artists/musicians/waiters/actors instead of "shitting where you eat"?
Sure, if you can find any that you can enjoy and respect. (Aw, hell, you got me started. Might want to skip this, readers. If you choose to read on, prepare for lots of f-bombs.)
So yeah, let's talk about the typical scrub, and why I can't handle being around him.
Every week I handle a bunch (call it a round half-dozen) of challenges that I consider to be a basic part of my life. You know: Take a bullet for the team. Be unable to get enough time to eat or use the bathroom for 6-8 hours. Get shit on. Stand up for yourself to the guy who signs your checks. Make a big, career-defining decision on data you know is bad. Meet a big CFO for the first time and be asked to tell him, on the spot, in front of your boss, what you think he's doing wrong. I know there are a bunch of folks on here whose work lives are similar. This is what normal looks like in some industries, at some levels.
But this scrub? He's constantly freaking out about challenges that wouldn't be challenges at all if he weren't such a delicate fucking flower. I do not want to listen to him trying (and failing) to solve life problems that I consider insignificant. Those guys don't survive in the professional world, so if I get a seasoned professional, I'm more likely to get someone who can function as an adult.
Also, my time is fucking valuable. Scrubs don't understand this, because their time is not valuable. If they're half an hour late because they had to console a sad friend or finish that last fascinating fucking episode of Mad Men, what's the big deal, right? Seasoned professionals (especially traders, also lawyers) know that the clock is ticking. They want value for their time. So do I. If you get two hours on my calendar, I need to walk away with two hours' worth of good stuff, and I want a guy who expects the same from me.
Also, the time I've spent with scrubs has just been comedic. The conversations are an especially good example. What the fuck is television? What possible relevance could your new diet or your change in sleep patterns have for me? Really? You're pulling out your phone? You're texting your buddy? You're going to make me watch this awesome video you just saw on YouTube? You're really going to take ten minutes of my time to recount some conversation you had with two of your friends whom I don't know?
Fuck it, I'm out.
This is where the transactional nature I mentioned before comes in. The hookup is not about building a deep and everlasting relationship, it's about finding a strategic partner who understands your need to squeeze every drop of deliciousness out of the few hours you have to yourself, and who wants to do the same. Scrubs don't even understand the deliciousness of those hours or why you need to squeeze anything out of them. I'm not even fully convinced that they know what an hour is.
Scrubs are okay with meandering, in both their work and personal lives. They expect little, are happy with what little they get, and assume they don't need to add (much) value.
Professionals (especially traders) understand that there needs to be a constant give and take of value.
Long story short: if a starving artist, musician, waiter, or actor can earn a girl's respect and deliver the goods like a professional, then he's just as good if not better. But let's be real: banker girls don't typically have time to search for the needle in that haystack.
Oh, and one more thing. Dating a trader isn't shitting where you eat, because bankers and traders don't work together. Obviously, you'd still want to get a trader from a different bank.
OP, if you can't deal with small talks, you are going to end up like those old women from "Sex In the City", successful, single and miserable. I am trying to think very hard about what are you trying to accomplish in the two hours? Sex? Wouldn't it be better to hire male escorts? 1) You get to see the goodies before you engage in anything serious, 2) everything is professionally done and 3) no one will waste your time.
I have to disagree. Most relationships are all about having "good conversation". And small talks or things you consider insignificant are really important to most people (even at work). No one really care about which school you go to, which bank you work at, how much you make, or which CEO/CFO/Deal you are working on.
Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. You are not even a MD/Partner level as yet. Your time is not "more" important than other people's time.
There's people who wait tables because they partied too hard in college, and then there's people who wait tables because they come from less-than-ideal families who couldn't afford to send them to college in the first place. In terms of the entertainment industry, time IS literally money, just ask those aspiring models who run from shoot to shoot with no time to eat (not that they can, being aspiring models). I don't see why your time is somehow more valuable than that of someone who is pursuing what they believe to be a fulfilling career, however slow the climb. I used to be on the path of a starving artist, and many of the most respectable people I know are "scrubs" who are trying to "make it." Maybe not "respectable" through the lens of the finance world, but what do I know, I'm a consultant.
Your utter disregard for anyone's lifestyle but your own reeks of inflated ego and status-whoring. I usually don't find your posts annoying (on the contrary, the original post was pretty amusing...) but that one single response was just complete shit.
I feel bad for folks who get into in-depth conversations about TV shows. They don't seem to value their own time very highly.
I think you're missing the point of the "hook-up". It's definitely not to find someone you can "talk to" or "respect".
I like that you're willing to try different things. That's what I like in a woman.
I would go easy on bankerella. ^^^This post is especially insightful. Rarely can a women articulate how they assess and feel about the men they date, not because they are dumb but because it's difficult for anybody to articulate abstract concepts (like feelings and attractions).
To sum, women (and people in general) constantly assess the value that you bring into their lives. Women are epsecially brutal, not because they are inherently cruel (as most foolishly assume), because they have been hard-wired to through evolution. Bankerella's post reflects this concept.
^^Does that piss you off? It should. Nobody told you about this and the media has conditioned you to believe love is like rainbows and puppies falling from the sky. Not so, life is far more cruel and the emotions we feel are actually a mechanism to cope with the good and bad in our world. Don't be mad, do soemthing about it. Sack up, or step aside and let the real men in this world fuck the women you jagoff to.
Haha, you are not as important as you think you are.
OP, there is a reason why I don't date banker chicks. They calculate too much.
well put! +1
http://www.youtube.com/embed/hpspGHeLOPE
Is the mouse a metaphor for something or just another excuse to point out that consultants suck at excel?
If any example existed of where starting a thread should get you banned from a site, this is it.....
Swagon must be dying to post a comment on here.
Bankerella, don't you take it too bad, they loved your last post.
lol @ you guys getting all bent out of shape over this thread when there are 100 times as equally idiotic threads about _____ girls on this board.
A scrub is a guy who can get no love from me.
Bankerella, I have a serious question: I'm sure you knew that when you wrote this it would get a lot of comments, many of them d!ckhead type responses. Why did you write it? Also how different are you in real life, especially at work?
I think it was pretty entertaining, by the way.
Well, at least it's not a GMAT post. SB for you. :D
Edit: saw your shallow follow-up post about dating "average" people. Total turnoff to traders.
We take our friends, and our significant others, where we can get them and where there is something genuine. If you can't do that now, you'll be doing it when you have a walker. If you continue with that attitude, in thirty years, I predict that you will be that creepy old lady who strikes up conversations with random 20-somethings on the street.
Your description of people who are more artistic or in less corporate fields is really just a collection of cliches and stereotypes. I am a wall st person but if these are the type of non-fiance people you hang out with then you are just hanging out with the wrong people it doesnt have anything to do with their occupation.
Bondarb speaks truth.
Right, as opposed to the other characters the OP describes...
These threads are turning into a delightful sequel to Leveraged Sellout.
I've had sex with a few Banker girls. Didn't enjoy it at all. Most of them seem a little beaten down , not nearly as sassy as Bankerella here. Maybe because she's older , she can better control her hours.
Hey, since swagon isn't around, someone had to troll this.
Well, don't just stand there! Hit on her!
not to hijack the topic a little UFO but at least 1 female MD on my trading floor is a [lack of better words] suga momma. stay at home hubby and i think she def has a nanny so its not like hes just taking care of the kid all day
You're def a female douche, and that's coming from a woman.
I just created an account after being on WSO for a long time just to throw you mokey shit and call this post bs.
Pretty girls with status & 80+ hrs/week do not sleep around. And def not in her very own professional circle/industry.
Guys, any of you want to many bankeralla with her amazing personality except for swagon?
HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA
Of course not . There are no women who sleep around. No reputable girl does so . They're all bastions of virtue and are all looking for nice guys who make them laugh. No girl from an ivy league school has ever had a one night stand.
Sheesh.
get back to the kitchen
This is all very interesting. Personally, I just want someone whose company I enjoy and who is moving in the same direction in life. The rest is all noise.
Bankerella's milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
I agree with OP. Why should she have to waste her energy with someone who doesn't conform to her needs? Being a trader myself, I agree with what she said about us.
I want to be a male escort one day... One can dream.
Somehow there's video clip being followed by a joke told by Joel McHale written all over it that comment BH.
Betting that bankerella is a crater-face Asian (Taiwanese/Chinese, Korean, or Indian... take your pick) who's developed a superiority complex to help her navigate Wall Street chauvinism. Her complete refusal to put up a pic makes me think that she's not actually pretty enough to justify her "I'm holier than thou" attitude. Everyone here knows it too - if the pic revealed her to be a complete grenade, nobody here would take her seriously.
Ugly female banker = angry female banker with an attitude.
I think someone would be a total dumbass to post a picture of themselves on WSO. Given the large, NYC-based traffic this site gets one could easily have their identity exposed and everything they've written here used against them. I don't fault Bankerella at all for not posting a picture--it would probably be the single most moronic thing a person could do, male or female, good looking or not. The potential negatives (having identity exposed and used against you) far outweights any potential benefit (positive feedback about one's appearance).
i have a separate response to your stereotyping asian girls in finance .. (frankly i dont think there are that many vs. american girls i dont know why this board thinks asian chicks are everywhere)
.. but im willing to bet $$ that bankerellas not asian. or crater faced asian.
was thinking the exact same thing
Bankerella trolls so hard lmao it's ridiculous
What about undergrads? I'm at a target!
Patrick..laughing all the way to the bank while you guys are discussing whether bankerella looks like the bottom side of my foot or not...
Wow already on Businessinsider, how much longer til yahoo nabs this?
http://www.businessinsider.com/dating-men-on-wall-street-2012-8
[quote=IRRelevent]Wow already on Businessinsider, how much longer til yahoo nabs this?
http://www.businessinsider.com/dating-men-on-wall-street-2012-8[/quote]
If this is how journalism really works it's fucking shameful
In my reading of this entire thread, this made me laugh the hardest. I think Henry would appreciate it too.
+1
[quote=IRRelevent]Wow already on Businessinsider, how much longer til yahoo nabs this?
http://www.businessinsider.com/dating-men-on-wall-street-2012-8[/quote]
Of all the great stuff on here, it's disappointing to see WSO getting publicity via the worst poster in the community.
Businessinsider isnt the greatest of sources, but it is pretty shity that this f*ing thread is gets the glory on there; But, Blackhat most if their "news" is just ripped off outher sites.
Wow lotsa haterade. I personally look for people who prefer a more tight knit association, but I see no problem with the post. The girls taking shots at each other is entertaining.
CAT FIIIIIGHT oh yeah!
I was aipping a bit of the haterade last week, but for all the great posts that do occur on here and dont get posted to various sites is a shame.
Hi LIBORtarian here, I bet bankerella is a liberal. Why else would she put a star-ceiling on all the different finance types? Regardless, bankerella should let the market run free by welcoming all WS monkies to her watering hole.
LOL
BWAHAHAHAHA
She's a liberal for rating her preference in men? Dude, we spend all day rating everything from stocks to companies, groups, schools, and even shoes. I think there's some other value set driving this...
From the comments: "This chick sort of sounds like a slut. She likes the trader because he has faster transactional speed? What is that... he humps her at lunch or what?"
Fwiw, I don't hate you Bankerella.... and yes, that is my way to try to get on your strip club mailing list
What the fuck is lunch?
I don't know PWM guy sounds pretty slick
Loved the bit about consultants.
Lunch is the part of the day where I give you my credit card and have you get me a turkey sandwhich on wheat, hold the mayo with a side of "please be quiet".
I can only hope the rest of the white population on this website is as insulted as I am
Yeah, after all the insightful commentary that has been part of this thread, it's appalling to see racially insensitive comments like this.
Am I the only one who thinks of Ann Coulter when reading Bankerella's posts?
Yup. And I'd totally do Ann Coulter.
I think it'd be the other way around, Sparky.
Nope. I've got a pic of her in a heart-shaped picture frame right next to my monitor (and right over a votive candle which I re-light every time I hit "Add comment"). Now there's a woman who knows how to entertain, inform, and unite.
(And by the way, you're quite perceptive. Coulter is one of the great elder trolls who showed the way for the rest of us.)
No use in complimenting/hitting on me, I don't go for banker chicks ;)
I think all the haters are too worked up. Girls (banker or not) like to have sex too...it's natural....which is good for us guys. That doesn't make a girl a slut in the derogatory sense that most people use it. If by slut, one means to say girl who sleeps with guys without being in a relationship with that person....well...send all these "sluts" my way (I and most of you would qualify).
Girls need to screen just like guys do....(my screen starts at 120lbs....and then adds 10lbs for every beer/shot I have after 8). If you are not ranked high on her screen (I'm not) .....move on...it's a numbers game, just like interviewing.
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Aut eum laudantium nam est provident exercitationem enim. Laboriosam totam consectetur amet ut sunt assumenda perferendis ut.
Est sed reiciendis fuga facilis asperiores qui. Quos beatae atque est nemo. Eius voluptas ducimus eligendi. Totam tempora necessitatibus alias sed nemo et. Porro aliquam minus accusamus.
Ab sed vitae vel nam maiores commodi. Laboriosam nulla laudantium qui maxime quia. Ut ex et et quaerat suscipit reprehenderit iusto ipsa.
Suscipit et accusantium aut qui commodi aut. Suscipit non numquam dolor iure. Quia alias illum optio non voluptas.
Aliquid ut nemo et sunt voluptas eligendi. Eveniet qui sequi quis cumque deleniti iure excepturi molestiae. Perferendis praesentium tempore provident quae expedita et. Sit soluta atque autem neque aliquam ut velit. Reiciendis maxime praesentium ad accusantium.
Molestias architecto dolorum dolorem sed. Aliquam qui numquam placeat quia.
Earum itaque reprehenderit voluptatibus nam. Corrupti et omnis blanditiis qui quae eos quis. Ut adipisci rerum recusandae neque natus. Voluptates inventore occaecati voluptas dolorem id iure. Rerum ipsum dolores laboriosam similique rerum nihil.
Porro voluptatem excepturi sed totam et maiores eius et. Ut sint molestias qui odio dolores dicta veritatis. Aut tempora sit quo animi velit magni quis. Quo aut rerum et.
Eaque dolore pariatur impedit repudiandae debitis asperiores veniam. Nihil nisi est et perspiciatis. Ea et perspiciatis quae ad harum possimus tempore ut. Alias voluptas aut aut non magni soluta quia repudiandae.