NASA Black Hole Actually a photo of Ops Department Sucking in Hopes for a Career

Orangutndm's picture
Rank: Baboon | banana points 107

Breaking news:
In recent tell-all interviews with NASA engineers, experts have deduced that NASA's famous Black Hole Picture--the first clear photograph of a supermassive, sucking force so powerful it forces everything to stay within its eery, massive black abyss--was just blurred photograph of an investment bank's operations office.

"I tried to warn them, 'guys, we need to point the telescope to the stars--that's just a building" --said esteemed Phd. Dr. M Doran. Dr. Doran is furious that her colleagues did not point the camera up, or at least to a stellar object with an actual career opportunity. "We're all guilty of using telescopes for silly things--food gramming, facebook photos, spying on my ex husbands--but we're running a serious project at NASA, get your shit together"
Dr. Doran's version of the fiasco were dictated into NASA's official letter of apology, and published via Social Media and the journal Science, a supremely prestigious periodical.

NASA'as mea culpa has been joined by Corporate Operations Physicist Grinelle Bread, PhD. Dr. Bread, a professor of Aeronautical Paper Pushing at the University of Sutherland, was at first skeptical about NASA's black hole ululations. Dr Bread and her team spent a grant to visit the Black Hole site en person. "We saw a graduate CFA walk in, but we didn't see him walk out! That's when all of us knew...this was a powerful cosmic force that sucked the white light from all things near its center--but it turned out to be an Operations division, is all"

What was brought in by the fiercest thinkers in technology has been met with the greatest minds in superstition. Worried that this chasm of careers in finance might grow and annex IB hotspots, analysts the world over met in Florida to sacrifice a taupe Patagonia vest for the Operations Department. "Our kids grow up to become analysts" cried on attendee by the altar. "We will not let a celestial abyss bring down any of our sons & daughters, whether it's a celestial force of convoluted astrophysics or a growing Back Office Department!"

The sacrifice did nothing. So, analysts from Barclay's and area 51 were flown in to devise a new tactic. The plan is to now abduct 1 BO associate and smother him to death with the world's supply of cap-toed shoes. The plan seems to be working!

Dr. Bread worries about containment. 3 more business analysts have been sucked into the intellectual vaccuum.

Comments (4)

Apr 12, 2019

@The New WSO Intern, take notes. This is what a real post looks like.

Have you ever thought of investing in real estate?

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Apr 14, 2019

way too long, this guy is either going to start shortening his posts, or he will gtfo of dodge since his posts get no replies. only time will tell

excel is my canvas, and data is my paint - new york - brunch conesseiour - atheist - centrist - ENFP - TCU alum

Apr 14, 2019

That's all you had to say....MD-level advice I (female orangutan) can make that happen

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Apr 12, 2019
Comment

Have you ever thought of investing in real estate?